Journal

Saiba-Kun

Member
Just relapsing and feel so bad. Everything is good until i cannot sleep tonight. Now is 1:50 AM, and i decide to watching porn as i always do to force myself to sleep. And goddamn, i regret it
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Day 1

It's 1:31 PM. Since wake from my bed, i don't working to a particular thing but gaming and lay on my bad. My heart is sometimes beat faster that usual. I don't even take breakfast
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Relapse again. It occur since last night, and this morning i do it again because some shit of the internet
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Damn. To see many people strugling on this journey makes me think that i don't even serious about my own journey. So many articles i've read until now but i not take a real action yet to completely change myself
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Just saw in someone post, but actually it had written in top. I want to try

  • Did I use porn today? Yes
  • What were my triggers? Stay awake at night
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Playing games, watching streamer or open social media
  • What am I grateful for today? I don't know
  • Day counter! 0
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did I use porn today? No
What were my triggers? Today is a calm day
How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Playing games, watching streamer or open social media
What am I grateful for today? I don't know
Day counter! 1
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did I use porn today?
Yes

What were my triggers?
I don't know if this called triggers, but i've come to the point that i do it automatically. Like masturbation is just another tuesday for me

How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
I playing games, or open Instagram and watching youtube. Don't have any friends in real life

What am I grateful for today?
I don't have anything that i think i can grateful for

Day counter!
0
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Hey Saiba-Kun. Sorry you don't have friends and nothing to feel grateful for. Do you have meaning and purpose in your life? What are your goals?
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Hey Saiba-Kun. Sorry you don't have friends and nothing to feel grateful for. Do you have meaning and purpose in your life? What are your goals?
Hi Carl, thanks for your reply. For now, my purpose is to escape from my addiction. And beside i want to be a better person from me right me. But recently i feel this addiction become stronger than before. Thanks again for your attention, i really appreciate it
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Sure. I think the most important thing is to understand that 1) you have a chemical addiction, 2) that addiction brings you no advantages.

The key is to make your mind understand first, then you will stop naturally. Don't try to force yourself to stop porn using willpower. You must understand that there are zero advantages, so there's nothing to lose.

I know you said English is hard for you, but could you try reading this guide I wrote, and tell me what you think? I can explain any section you don't understand. There are 35 short words (sections).
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
You mentioned sleep.

A non-user can go to sleep just fine.

They actually feel like a normal person, and aren’t trying to get disgusting thoughts out of their head. They can stick to a consistent bedtime schedule. They go to bed feeling relaxed, not drained, and have motivation and focus to plan what they want to do the next day (and then subconsciously sleep on those thoughts).

Porn does not help you sleep. That is a ridiculous lie.
 
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Saiba-Kun

Member
Sure. I think the most important thing is to understand that 1) you have a chemical addiction, 2) that addiction brings you no advantages.

The key is to make your mind understand first, then you will stop naturally. Don't try to force yourself to stop porn using willpower. You must understand that there are zero advantages, so there's nothing to lose.

I know you said English is hard for you, but could you try reading this guide I wrote, and tell me what you think? I can explain any section you don't understand. There are 35 short words (sections).
I'll definitely check it out. And yeah, you are right about fap didn't help us to sleep. But for me it is happen automatically. Whenever i cannot sleep, i fapping. It had become an habit
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
You mentioned sleep.

A non-user can go to sleep just fine.

They actually feel like a normal person, and aren’t trying to get disgusting thoughts out of their head. They can stick to a consistent bedtime schedule. They go to bed feeling relaxed, not drained, and have motivation and focus to plan what they want to do the next day (and then subconsciously sleep on those thoughts).

Porn does not help you sleep. That is a ridiculous lie.
I have problems sleeping too and I've noticed recently that it could happen when I overstimulate my brain. It makes my brain hyperactive and then I don't sleep well, many times at all or 2 hours. And porn is a source of overstimulation for the brain. Actually just recently this happened, I only slept for 2 hours from 10 PM to midnight and then I spent the next 4 hours in agitation, turning in bed. What I had done earlier that day? 4 PMO. Alcohol has a similar effect to my brain too. Some time ago after being away from alcohol and porn for a while, I would go to sleep at 10 and wake up at 6 without moving.
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did I use porn today?
No

What were my triggers?
Some random person post a film. And some scenes in the film makes me a bit turn on but still fine

How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
Playing games. But i trying some exercise, so maybe it can fix my stress too

What am I grateful for today?
Stil got another chance to fix my life

Day counter!
1
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did I use porn today?
No

What were my triggers?
Nothing actually. I feel motivated today

How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
Work my paper, exercise a bit, and gaming. Praying too

What am I grateful for today?
God still gave me a chance to change

Day counter!
2
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did I use porn today?
Yes. Last night exactly

What were my triggers?
I don't know. When i wake up at night, i suddenly want to watching porn. Plus i can't sleep after that

How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Exercise, Playing Pokemon, run at park

What am I grateful for today?
I finally know a healthy way to dealing with my anxiety or lack of energy. The problem i face now is am i want to do it or not

Day counter! 0

I was run at park around 4-5 PM. And i sleep earlier as always. But suddenly i waking up at 3 AM and was alone in my room. And yeah, my brain tell me that i need to watching porn. I keep distract myself from this though but i can't. And yeah, i keep binge until 11 AM
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did i use porn today?
No

What were my triggers?
Stay awake at night

How did i soothe my anxiety or stress?
Playing games, but i feel my games makes me more stress

What am i grateful for today?
I can reach 2 days, when i almost relapse last night

Day Counter
2
 

Saiba-Kun

Member
Did I use porn today?
Yes

What were my triggers?
Stay awake at night

How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Playing games, watching streamer or open social media
What am I grateful for today? I don't know

Day counter!
0

I feel like i'am not face this problem seriously. I have been an addict since 2 years ago and i have an several attempt to stop but it always ended like this.
 
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