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forestwater

Member
Day 64: The MO temptation is still strong. It was especially strong last night; I was having a rough time, and I knew that a big boost of dopamine from orgasm would help me feel better. However, I refrained, which I'm thankful for. If I get into the habit of using MO as an emotional boost, then I think it would be a slippery slope back into PMO.

I could today, too, but I think I won't due to the possibility of sex with my partner. I don't know if it will happen, but if it does, I will be grateful that I didn't MO earlier and that I saved my sexual energy for my beloved. If we don't have sex, then that's okay! I can save that energy for another day.

As stated before, I don't think MO is completely detrimental to my progress. However, I've read plenty of stories on here about how hard mode is the most helpful way to reboot. A total lack of orgasm is not really sustainable for me, but at the same time, if I can avoid it, I might as well, right? It can only help.
 

Honey98$

Member
Day 64: The MO temptation is still strong. It was especially strong last night; I was having a rough time, and I knew that a big boost of dopamine from orgasm would help me feel better. However, I refrained, which I'm thankful for. If I get into the habit of using MO as an emotional boost, then I think it would be a slippery slope back into PMO.

I could today, too, but I think I won't due to the possibility of sex with my partner. I don't know if it will happen, but if it does, I will be grateful that I didn't MO earlier and that I saved my sexual energy for my beloved. If we don't have sex, then that's okay! I can save that energy for another day.

As stated before, I don't think MO is completely detrimental to my progress. However, I've read plenty of stories on here about how hard mode is the most helpful way to reboot. A total lack of orgasm is not really sustainable for me, but at the same time, if I can avoid it, I might as well, right? It can only help.

More power to you!! Your dopamine baseline levels are healthy. You don't need to worry that much
 
Hey my apologies on calling you a man in my response the other day. I was not aware that you were a woman until I just read your post.

Good luck in your reboot as well. I actually used to talk/date a women some years back who had the same issue. She had never O'd during sex until she met me and that was only 1 time while having to help herself. We had a transparent friendship so we often talked about porn and how much she watched and liked it.

This was all before I was educated on the damage that porn can due to someone through years of consuming it. Hindsight 20/20 I now know that she her issue was due to the effects of being desensitized from all of the porn use. I say that to say I know women are just as affected as men when it comes to this bs porn. Continue to fight and congrats on your 65 days!!
 

forestwater

Member
More power to you!! Your dopamine baseline levels are healthy. You don't need to worry that much
Thanks!

Hey my apologies on calling you a man in my response the other day. I was not aware that you were a woman until I just read your post.

Good luck in your reboot as well. I actually used to talk/date a women some years back who had the same issue. She had never O'd during sex until she met me and that was only 1 time while having to help herself. We had a transparent friendship so we often talked about porn and how much she watched and liked it.

This was all before I was educated on the damage that porn can due to someone through years of consuming it. Hindsight 20/20 I now know that she her issue was due to the effects of being desensitized from all of the porn use. I say that to say I know women are just as affected as men when it comes to this bs porn. Continue to fight and congrats on your 65 days!!
Thanks! Yeah, there have got to be so many women out there who have trouble O'ing during sex and have no idea that it's due to porn use. I was in that boat for years before I stumbled across this site! I think there needs to be a lot more awareness of what porn actually does to the brain.

Day 65: Well, I ended up MO'ing. I still agree with what I said yesterday, but when I said it, there was a factor that I wasn't considering: namely, that my libido is higher than my partner's. I've been building up sexual energy for days and days, and I kept telling myself, "I won't MO because we might have sex tonight." But sex kept not happening, and it was starting to get frustrating. Eventually I realized that, reboot or no, it's not fair to put this much pressure on my partner. Due to my higher libido, there will be times where I will simply need to take matters into my own hands, as it were. I just need to stay responsible so it doesn't interfere too much with my reboot.

Here's a metaphor: food is better when you cook it with someone you love. Whenever possible, you want to eat food that you and your loved one have cooked together. But your loved one's metabolism is lower and they don't always have the energy or the desire to cook. Do you demand that your loved one cook with you even if they don't feel like it, just because you are hungry? No, that would be inconsiderate. If you are hungry but your loved one is not, then you should just cook for yourself that day. That way, the next time you cook together, you can slow down and enjoy the delicious food you made, instead of wolfing it down out of hunger.

The metaphor isn't perfect, since food is a requirement for life whereas orgasm is not. However, I think it generally applies in my situation. I will still make sure to keep to previous rules I have set for myself wrt MO, including avoiding it whenever I can, and hopefully it will remain sustainable for me.
 

Honey98$

Member
Thanks!


Thanks! Yeah, there have got to be so many women out there who have trouble O'ing during sex and have no idea that it's due to porn use. I was in that boat for years before I stumbled across this site! I think there needs to be a lot more awareness of what porn actually does to the brain.

Day 65: Well, I ended up MO'ing. I still agree with what I said yesterday, but when I said it, there was a factor that I wasn't considering: namely, that my libido is higher than my partner's. I've been building up sexual energy for days and days, and I kept telling myself, "I won't MO because we might have sex tonight." But sex kept not happening, and it was starting to get frustrating. Eventually I realized that, reboot or no, it's not fair to put this much pressure on my partner. Due to my higher libido, there will be times where I will simply need to take matters into my own hands, as it were. I just need to stay responsible so it doesn't interfere too much with my reboot.

Here's a metaphor: food is better when you cook it with someone you love. Whenever possible, you want to eat food that you and your loved one have cooked together. But your loved one's metabolism is lower and they don't always have the energy or the desire to cook. Do you demand that your loved one cook with you even if they don't feel like it, just because you are hungry? No, that would be inconsiderate. If you are hungry but your loved one is not, then you should just cook for yourself that day. That way, the next time you cook together, you can slow down and enjoy the delicious food you made, instead of wolfing it down out of hunger.

The metaphor isn't perfect, since food is a requirement for life whereas orgasm is not. However, I think it generally applies in my situation. I will still make sure to keep to previous rules I have set for myself wrt MO, including avoiding it whenever I can, and hopefully it will remain sustainable for me.
Orgasm seems not a setback in your case. Just stay away from porn and thats it. I'm keeping an eye on your thread since you begun journaling, i don't see if it has caused you any problem. It's absolutely fine to have an orgasm in your case. Good luck!!
 

forestwater

Member
Day 72: A few days ago my partner and I were talking about how we don't have sex as often as we want to. It's not just because of our slightly mismatched libidos (although that's part of it), but also because whenever we make love, we can't seem to stop, so it turns into an hours-long affair. That's of course very fun, but it is also tiring, and it's not every day (or even every week) that we can muster up both the time and energy for a sex marathon.

So, we decided to do a challenge I've read about, where you commit to having sex every day for a week. We've set a time limit for how long we can go at it every day, to ensure that we don't wear ourselves out, and so far it's been going pretty well. It's easier to go into it knowing it will only last a short while, and also knowing that you're going to do it again tomorrow (which alleviates the pressure of "I don't know when this is going to happen next so we'd better fit as much in as possible!") Anyway, frequent sex with less frequent orgasms seems to be a good recipe for rewire, and I'm excited to see how it goes.

In other news, I still occasionally get porn flashbacks that show up randomly without warning. I know that if I were to give in and think about them, it would send a burst of arousal throughout my body, and that is tempting at times. But I'm staying committed to the principle: if it ain't real, no deal. Whenever a porn scene comes to mind, I shut it down as soon as I can and redirect my mind to something better, healthier.

Good luck to everyone!
 

forestwater

Member
Day 79: Well, I can see one way in which this forum has tangibly helped me on my reboot. The other night I was really tempted to relapse, but then I thought, "If I do that, then I'll have to admit it to everyone on Reboot Nation." That was enough to snap me out of it, and I was clean of this horror for another day.

I really enjoyed the 7 day sex challenge. My partner and I didn't actually manage to do it every day due to health setbacks, so we've tacked on extra days, but the essentials remain the same: we've been making love more nights than not, without exhausting ourselves in the process. I think it's helped make me more sexually responsive to my partner, but I also haven't O'd in a week, so it's hard to tell which is actually responsible for my increased desire. At any rate, I hope this leads to us doing it more, even after the challenge ends.

My daily meditation practice has been going well. I get easily distracted, but I think the more I meditate, the easier that will be to manage. I want to be able to bring that mindful focus (once I get it, haha) to other aspects of my life.
 

forestwater

Member
Day 83: Still going strong. I haven't MO'd in awhile, not out of any strong willpower, just because I haven't felt the need. (Having regular sex is nice that way.)

Initially I didn't understand why everyone on this forum was recommending meditation so much. What does meditation have to do with avoiding PMO? But now that I've been meditating daily for nearly a month, I'm starting to understand. Meditation trains your mind to be more 1) focused, 2) more self-aware, and 3) less driven by mindless urges. Those skills can help you 1) focus on your goal of a life free of porn, 2) notice your thoughts, habits, and emotions, and if any might lead you to relapse, you can catch them early, and 3) be less likely to give into impulses that won't serve you in the long run.

For those reasons I would highly recommend meditation. I'm no expert, but here's what's helped me get into it:
  • Joining online communities centered around meditation, such as subreddits, Discord servers, Facebook groups, etc. Seeing other people partake in, and benefit from, meditation is inspirational and helps keep me accountable
  • Signing up for newsletters from a Buddhist journal that talks about meditation techniques and ways of thinking
  • Downloading an app (this is the one I use) that allows me to maintain a daily streak
Wishing good luck to everyone!
 

forestwater

Member
Day 86: Still struggling with maintaining arousal during sex. I think one aspect of it is that I'm easily distractible, which is not a good recipe for building that kind of sustained arousal that can only come from solid focus. I'm not sure what to do - meditation will help with my focus in the long run, but I still wish there were some magical pill that would remove all distractions from my mind when it's time to make love.
 

forestwater

Member
Thank you for having such a well-written, thorough, and interesting journal, and congrats on your progress so far!
Thank you! I'm glad you like what I have to say.

Day 91: Well, I've made it past the 90 day mark! I'll give a recent progress report and then reflect on my journey overall.

Recent progress: The other night as we were beginning sex, my partner reached for the lube automatically. I stopped them, saying, "You haven't even checked whether I'm wet yet." To both of our delight, I was! Granted, I wasn't very wet, and we did end up needing lube soon afterwards, but to me, any amount of wetness after foreplay is a good sign. Between that, and the fact that my partner's skills have been improving, it wasn't long before I O'd. (In fact, I think that was the shortest amount of time it's ever taken me to O with a partner.) Progress!

Overall journey: Let's compare and contrast, shall we?

Before: Imagining P scenes in my mind to get/stay aroused during sex, incapable of O'ing from my partner's touch, dissatisfied with my sex life, wondering what was wrong with me
Now: Meditating daily, P flashbacks getting rarer and rarer as I continue to deprive them of my attention, feeling closer with my partner, MO'ing to nothing but sensation on the rare occasions that I do so, and (my favorite) regularly O'ing from the sweet touch of my beloved

I am really proud of myself for how far I've come. That said, there is still a lot further that I want to go. My goals for the next phase of my reboot/rewire are as follows:
  • Improve arousal response. I want to be able to get wet quickly & easily during foreplay, and maintain that throughout sex
  • Learn to O from more sex acts. So far there are plenty that feel good, but only 1 that has been able to take me over the edge. I want more!
  • Become a healthier person in other aspects of my life (exercise, work towards my goals, continue daily meditation, etc.)
Good luck to everyone reading this!
 

forestwater

Member
Day 104: Yesterday during sex, I satisfied my partner, and then when they went to touch me, I was very wet. Not just a little bit, but enough that we didn't need to use lube once. Part of it was that touching my partner gave me more time to get turned on, but I'm pretty sure part of it was that I'm making progress in my rewire goals. Yay!

It did take me awhile to O, and in the meantime my desperate mind searched for a P fantasy to "make things easier" before I could stop it. However, 2 things happened: 1. I stopped it quickly and refocused my attention on what was happening in the present moment, and 2. The P fantasy didn't even help. Not that I gave it that much chance to, but it wasn't the instant jolt of arousal that it has been in the past. When I rerouted my attention back to the present moment, I found my real partner hotter than any image in my mind. Yay again!

I definitely don't want to make a habit of bringing P images to mind during sex, as that could lead me easily down a slippery slope back to PMO or related behaviors & mindsets. But the little accidental test was encouraging: I am, slowly but surely, rewiring my brain to find real-life sex more appealing than anything on a screen.
 

forestwater

Member
Day 115: I haven't been able to replicate the wetness I mentioned in my last entry since then, but everything else is still going pretty well. My partner can now reliably make me O, even if just from one particular act. I've also still been meditating daily and exercising more regularly. I haven't MO'd in like a month (if not longer) because my partner and I have been pretty well-matched in terms of libido recently. Not ruling it out in case that changes, but I like the way things have been going.

The other night something notable happened. We'd been having sex for at least an hour, and I hadn't O'd yet but was feeling generally satisfied. Suddenly I was struck with a curiosity: what if I had my partner use a vibrator on me? Before my reboot, that used to be the only way that someone else could bring me to climax, but I hadn't used one since the start of my reboot, and I wanted to see if things would go differently now.

Well, they did. It was very apparent to me that both of us had learned from this reboot. My partner had learned more about how to make me feel good, as evidenced by the way they were wielding the vibrator. I had learned something very similar from the flip side: how to allow someone else to make me feel good. Before, given that my first several years of orgasms had all been from M, I had accidentally built a very strong neural link between "pleasure" and "control." If I didn't have control, the O simply wasn't happening. However, during my reboot I relinquished most control of my pleasure into the hands of my partner, forcing me to let go and learn to experience good sensation from a new source. It wasn't a quick or easy lesson to learn, nor am I perfect at it now, but it's been coming along.

Before my reboot, I had taken a "backseat driver" approach when my partner used a vibrator on me. It may not have been in my hands, but I still ran the experience as much as I could. The other night, however, I used my new skills to lie back and trust that my partner knew what they were doing. And it was great! I never would have been able to do that if I hadn't invested time & energy into this reboot.

I learned one new thing from the experience. The O was powerful (vibrators will do that 🥴 men, take note for when it comes time to please your lady) but I could still feel the phantom buzzing in my clit for minutes afterwards. That wasn't new for me, I mean I've been using vibrators for years, but having gone so long without it, I realized for the first time that I don't really like that sensation. I think I truly do prefer the "acoustic" version! Again, I never would have noticed that if it hadn't been for the reboot.

Stay strong everyone! Results are on their way!
 

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
Day 115: I haven't been able to replicate the wetness I mentioned in my last entry since then, but everything else is still going pretty well. My partner can now reliably make me O, even if just from one particular act. I've also still been meditating daily and exercising more regularly. I haven't MO'd in like a month (if not longer) because my partner and I have been pretty well-matched in terms of libido recently. Not ruling it out in case that changes, but I like the way things have been going.

The other night something notable happened. We'd been having sex for at least an hour, and I hadn't O'd yet but was feeling generally satisfied. Suddenly I was struck with a curiosity: what if I had my partner use a vibrator on me? Before my reboot, that used to be the only way that someone else could bring me to climax, but I hadn't used one since the start of my reboot, and I wanted to see if things would go differently now.

Well, they did. It was very apparent to me that both of us had learned from this reboot. My partner had learned more about how to make me feel good, as evidenced by the way they were wielding the vibrator. I had learned something very similar from the flip side: how to allow someone else to make me feel good. Before, given that my first several years of orgasms had all been from M, I had accidentally built a very strong neural link between "pleasure" and "control." If I didn't have control, the O simply wasn't happening. However, during my reboot I relinquished most control of my pleasure into the hands of my partner, forcing me to let go and learn to experience good sensation from a new source. It wasn't a quick or easy lesson to learn, nor am I perfect at it now, but it's been coming along.

Before my reboot, I had taken a "backseat driver" approach when my partner used a vibrator on me. It may not have been in my hands, but I still ran the experience as much as I could. The other night, however, I used my new skills to lie back and trust that my partner knew what they were doing. And it was great! I never would have been able to do that if I hadn't invested time & energy into this reboot.

I learned one new thing from the experience. The O was powerful (vibrators will do that 🥴 men, take note for when it comes time to please your lady) but I could still feel the phantom buzzing in my clit for minutes afterwards. That wasn't new for me, I mean I've been using vibrators for years, but having gone so long without it, I realized for the first time that I don't really like that sensation. I think I truly do prefer the "acoustic" version! Again, I never would have noticed that if it hadn't been for the reboot.

Stay strong everyone! Results are on their way!
Great to hear you can O with your partner consistently! Sign of a healthy brain with healthy connections. Catch me putting a vibrator on my Amazon wishlist for any future partners. hope my mum doesn't see it :ROFLMAO:
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Porn wants you to see women as objects for you to use & degrade. You've given up porn, but have you given up the mindset about women that it gave you?

Late to the conversation, but this is a great point, @forestwater. In my addicted mind, there is a dichotomy: I know that Playboy girls are fetishized, Photoshopped, and totally unrealistic representations of women. In real life, I'm not attracted to that type of woman. I consider myself a male feminist and hate sexism and patriarchy. I'm thankful that my porn addiction hasn't warped my thinking about women.

And yet "when night falls" (so to speak) I would leave all that behind, enter my online harem, and fall into the trap of porn. It's a seductive place, where there are so many gorgeous women, they all want you, and there's no rejection. And after a time, you develop a weird relationship with your favourite porn stars and adult models - you collect their photos and videos and they seem sweet and sexy, and oh! They are your girlfriends.

However, that's all bullshit. They're not your friends, they're not real, and I'm just a disturbed guy fapping in front of his computer. Sadly, these women are all cogs in a giant, evil machine: the porn industry. Like you say, the industry wants us to see them as objects to use and degrade.

Hopefully you're still on this forum and find it a bit more welcoming to women.
 
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