Up and down PIED

Tryinghere

Active Member
Hey fellow old guys. I figure it's time to tell my story and ask if any of you have had any similar experiences. Looking for tips/advice.

I haven’t been keeping exact track of my days but I’m somewhere around 75-80 days no PMO. I’ve MO’d maybe 5-7 times to sensation during that period. Looooonnng story short I lost the ability to have sex with my wife. It took nearly 10 months to even discover what the problem even was. Viagra worked usually but not always. Once we targeted the problem we got to work on fixing it and regaining our once amazing sex life (and yes, not too long ago it was amazing).

Anyways, I went on hard mode. After about a month there were clear and noticeable changes. My dick was wider, longer, more normal looking. Monring wood came back. I began experiencing a sex drive again. Surprisingly to me, I became very emotional about my feelings towards my wife.....all of the feelings I feel towards her get overwhelmingly strong now. At some point in time between around day 30-40 we had sex, or she gave me oral every morning for 5 days. No viagra, no forcing an erection, no nothing.....just me and my wife. I was cured!!!! I felt my libido beginning to come to life and it began to feel natural to initiate again. After that, we had a bit of an unspoken miscommunication. She was unsure how to react to my newfound sex drive and a bit unsure what to do (she has had plenty of "let downs" in attempting to initiate only to get a limp dick in return). I took her confusion as a rejection of my desire and let it blackslide me a bit. No PMO, but I did MO probably 3 times that week. We had a long talk....our first REAL talk since this all started and got on the same page. She's a rock star. Completely supportive. Angry at the situation, but she understands how we got to this point and isn't angry with me. But, she does need me to be her man again..

Since then, I've been incredible nervous about sex in general. My dick has generally been dead and shrivelled, and it's been on my mind constantly. On Sunday we woke up and she gave me head in the morning to completion....no problem (morning time is easy for me because in my PMO days, I would wake up before the wife and kids and take care of my business). I assumed we may have sex later that night, so I took a viagra just to be safe. We did and it was no problem. We went to bed and somehow around 3-4am we found ourselves fucking again. We went for awhile and after 20 mins or so, my erection just vanished. I'm not too concerned about the fact I lost my hard on.....I had already went to completion twice that day. It made sense that I was just worn out. She wasn't too bothered by it either.

That said, I'm afraid my backslide sent me into a flatline as my dick just hasn't felt the same since. But I also felt it in my head too. My wife has needs that I've been unable to fill for almost a year now. I completely understand that there are other things I can do to please her that don't involve penetrative sex....however right now, she needs penetrative sex. She's not interested in oral, or toys or my hands. She's been incredibly supportive throughout this and I want to take care of her.

I'm interested to hear your stories about rewiring with your partner. We haven't had a normal sex life in a very long time and we both want to get that back. I can't wait until this is all just a memory. I'm not too concerned about rebooting anymore. I could care less if I see porn ever again. My wife is hot and we are completely sexually compatible. There's nothing I would want, that she wouldn't let me do. There's nothing she would want, that I wouldn't do. We enjoy the same things sexually. Losing the ability to be with her was enough motivation to never view pornography again.

What we're doing to rewire:
I generally sleep naked and I rub her back every single night. Since no PMO, I usually experience some level of erection here.
We're always very affectionate with each other and loving.
We get playful. We'll be watching television or something and she'll slide her hand down my pants and just mess with me for a little bit.
If given the time, I'll spend the morning before getting out of bed, holding her, kissing her, rubbing her, etc.

I've read a bunch of stories on here where guys have successful sex and then it seems they no longer have issues PIED. I've had successful sex a half dozen times (not by best performances mind you) and I'm not AT ALL confident I could get it up if she wanted to have sex right now. I'm pretty sure she wants to have sex tonight....it's 9:30 in the morning and I'll be spending the rest of the day worried about it....only to tell myself "stop worrying or you'll make it worse"....only to keep worrying about again immediately after trying to clear my mind.

Any tips on speeding up the rewiring process would be amazing. I'd love to see some similar stories of married guys who maybe thought they were on the right track only to suffer a set-back. And what you did to overcome it. I'm pretty sure at this point it's all performance anxiety mixed with flatline....no actual PIED involved.
 

Honey98$

Member
Hey fellow old guys. I figure it's time to tell my story and ask if any of you have had any similar experiences. Looking for tips/advice.

I haven’t been keeping exact track of my days but I’m somewhere around 75-80 days no PMO. I’ve MO’d maybe 5-7 times to sensation during that period. Looooonnng story short I lost the ability to have sex with my wife. It took nearly 10 months to even discover what the problem even was. Viagra worked usually but not always. Once we targeted the problem we got to work on fixing it and regaining our once amazing sex life (and yes, not too long ago it was amazing).

Anyways, I went on hard mode. After about a month there were clear and noticeable changes. My dick was wider, longer, more normal looking. Monring wood came back. I began experiencing a sex drive again. Surprisingly to me, I became very emotional about my feelings towards my wife.....all of the feelings I feel towards her get overwhelmingly strong now. At some point in time between around day 30-40 we had sex, or she gave me oral every morning for 5 days. No viagra, no forcing an erection, no nothing.....just me and my wife. I was cured!!!! I felt my libido beginning to come to life and it began to feel natural to initiate again. After that, we had a bit of an unspoken miscommunication. She was unsure how to react to my newfound sex drive and a bit unsure what to do (she has had plenty of "let downs" in attempting to initiate only to get a limp dick in return). I took her confusion as a rejection of my desire and let it blackslide me a bit. No PMO, but I did MO probably 3 times that week. We had a long talk....our first REAL talk since this all started and got on the same page. She's a rock star. Completely supportive. Angry at the situation, but she understands how we got to this point and isn't angry with me. But, she does need me to be her man again..

Since then, I've been incredible nervous about sex in general. My dick has generally been dead and shrivelled, and it's been on my mind constantly. On Sunday we woke up and she gave me head in the morning to completion....no problem (morning time is easy for me because in my PMO days, I would wake up before the wife and kids and take care of my business). I assumed we may have sex later that night, so I took a viagra just to be safe. We did and it was no problem. We went to bed and somehow around 3-4am we found ourselves fucking again. We went for awhile and after 20 mins or so, my erection just vanished. I'm not too concerned about the fact I lost my hard on.....I had already went to completion twice that day. It made sense that I was just worn out. She wasn't too bothered by it either.

That said, I'm afraid my backslide sent me into a flatline as my dick just hasn't felt the same since. But I also felt it in my head too. My wife has needs that I've been unable to fill for almost a year now. I completely understand that there are other things I can do to please her that don't involve penetrative sex....however right now, she needs penetrative sex. She's not interested in oral, or toys or my hands. She's been incredibly supportive throughout this and I want to take care of her.

I'm interested to hear your stories about rewiring with your partner. We haven't had a normal sex life in a very long time and we both want to get that back. I can't wait until this is all just a memory. I'm not too concerned about rebooting anymore. I could care less if I see porn ever again. My wife is hot and we are completely sexually compatible. There's nothing I would want, that she wouldn't let me do. There's nothing she would want, that I wouldn't do. We enjoy the same things sexually. Losing the ability to be with her was enough motivation to never view pornography again.

What we're doing to rewire:
I generally sleep naked and I rub her back every single night. Since no PMO, I usually experience some level of erection here.
We're always very affectionate with each other and loving.
We get playful. We'll be watching television or something and she'll slide her hand down my pants and just mess with me for a little bit.
If given the time, I'll spend the morning before getting out of bed, holding her, kissing her, rubbing her, etc.

I've read a bunch of stories on here where guys have successful sex and then it seems they no longer have issues PIED. I've had successful sex a half dozen times (not by best performances mind you) and I'm not AT ALL confident I could get it up if she wanted to have sex right now. I'm pretty sure she wants to have sex tonight....it's 9:30 in the morning and I'll be spending the rest of the day worried about it....only to tell myself "stop worrying or you'll make it worse"....only to keep worrying about again immediately after trying to clear my mind.

Any tips on speeding up the rewiring process would be amazing. I'd love to see some similar stories of married guys who maybe thought they were on the right track only to suffer a set-back. And what you did to overcome it. I'm pretty sure at this point it's all performance anxiety mixed with flatline....no actual PIED involved.
See casenova's thread here...
 

Honey98$

Member
I'm checking your thread and noticed one guy telling you to massage you genitals. Never do that!!! Never ever do that!!! It's a big setback because not only pleasure, but the pursuit of pleasure also results in giving you a dopamine hit.
Let me tell you, this PIED has occured due to us giving the high dopamine spikes to our brain. We're feeling lousy and have zero libido and nearly no sensation in our genital area.. why?? Because of the dopamine depletion for years. Now it takes alot of effort to get aroused because our brain is accustomed to the big-big dopamine spikes we provided it throughout the years of PMO with novelty. Now it has become habitual to seeing the novelty. That's why not finding the real sex interesting. Now all we have to do is deprive our brain of the dopamine hits its been getting with porn. Zero interaction with the substance/behaviour for one month (remember it can take a little more so don't be uneasy if not getting results in the mentioned period of time) and the results gonna be visible. This reduced or zero interaction will bring the dopamine baseline to its normal levels. As a result, your brain will start to respond to light stimulation (touch etcetera) and you will be aroused easily. It is suggested to have no orgasms during the reboot/rewiring because release of dopamine (which is our pleasure hormone) is associated with it. With every orgasm we release this brain chemical dopamine, as a result, this chemical which is coming back to it's normal levels, once again gets manipulated which results in bringing flatline. Now you understand why you were noticing improvements after a month of abstinence?
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
I'm 120something days in right now. I HAVE MO'd but very infrequently. The one thing that put my wife and I over the top was an evening where we decided to be sexual, but there would be no expectation of penetrative sex. I wrote about it earlier in this thread. That was the biggest help to me. I believe myself to be basically through the reboot and we've focused most of our efforts on rewiring. Avoiding orgasm has been a big help. But I also think some light masturbation....to touch only.....no fantasy or visuals played a role in helping as well. For about a week, in the morning as we were waking up, I would put one hand on my wife and one hand on myself. The hand on her would usually be on her waist, "bush" area, or ass. I would just touch her and myself in the morning for 10 mins or so, then get up and move along with my day. I found this incredibly helpful for building up sexual tension and cultivating an environment of courting and "the thrill of the chase".


I learned the hard way that I need to avoid checking "to make sure it works". Flatline is a scary fucking thing. A mental state in which I don't hope to revisit again anytime soon.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Theres So much to learn from his story... Pure source of motivation for the rebooters
His story helped immensely. Even just to give hope. This forum, in general, has been on of the most used tools I've had during my reboot. This is the first time I've ever tried to quit using pornography. I didn't even think porn was a bad thing until my dick broke. I've made it to 4 months on my first try thanks in large part to some guys on here offering the perfect advice at the most needed time.
 

Honey98$

Member
Even i didn't know that it could be harmful until the time i was not able to get it up. I tried here and there to find the cause of my ED. I met doctors, psychiatrists etc nothing worked. I got to know about This term pied from youtube.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Even i didn't know that it could be harmful until the time i was not able to get it up. I tried here and there to find the cause of my ED. I met doctors, psychiatrists etc nothing worked. I got to know about This term pied from youtube.
Sounds about right. It took us about 10 months or more to even figure out the cause of the problem. Porn didn't even enter my head. My wife knew I would watch....she would watch with me sometimes. I would even tell her about good videos I found. One day my dick didn't work.....ok, it happens. Then it didn't work again......and again.....and again. Went to the dr. Blamed my age, my blood pressure medication, my everything. Then, one day I found Gabe Deem and it all started to make sense. I know for sure now that the problem was pornography (with some other relationship baggage I won't get into on here) because after I stopped watching it, my dick started working again. My biggest fear right now is that I won't regain the control over it that I once had.
 

Honey98$

Member
I'm 120something days in right now. I HAVE MO'd but very infrequently. The one thing that put my wife and I over the top was an evening where we decided to be sexual, but there would be no expectation of penetrative sex. I wrote about it earlier in this thread. That was the biggest help to me. I believe myself to be basically through the reboot and we've focused most of our efforts on rewiring. Avoiding orgasm has been a big help. But I also think some light masturbation....to touch only.....no fantasy or visuals played a role in helping as well. For about a week, in the morning as we were waking up, I would put one hand on my wife and one hand on myself. The hand on her would usually be on her waist, "bush" area, or ass. I would just touch her and myself in the morning for 10 mins or so, then get up and move along with my day. I found this incredibly helpful for building up sexual tension and cultivating an environment of courting and "the thrill of the chase".


I learned the hard way that I need to avoid checking "to make sure it works". Flatline is a scary fucking thing. A mental state in which I don't hope to revisit again anytime soon.
Yes doing it with partner can prove extremely helpful.. the more sexual tension you build up, the more hornier you feel
 
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Honey98$

Member
Sounds about right. It took us about 10 months or more to even figure out the cause of the problem. Porn didn't even enter my head. My wife knew I would watch....she would watch with me sometimes. I would even tell her about good videos I found. One day my dick didn't work.....ok, it happens. Then it didn't work again......and again.....and again. Went to the dr. Blamed my age, my blood pressure medication, my everything. Then, one day I found Gabe Deem and it all started to make sense. I know for sure now that the problem was pornography (with some other relationship baggage I won't get into on here) because after I stopped watching it, my dick started working again. My biggest fear right now is that I won't regain the control over it that I once had.
You will definitely regain control over it. One who can abstain clean for one month can go years without porn because the first month is the hardest peroid to abstain because our brain wants it badly that time. Temptations are higher that time
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
You will definitely regain control over it. One who can abstain clean for one month can go years without porn because the first month is the hardest peroid to abstain because our brain wants it badly that time. Temptations are higher that time
I didn't find quitting all that difficult. I had the motivation of a broken dick to help lol. It's slowly piecing together sexual normalcy that i've had a hard time with.
 

Honey98$

Member
I didn't find quitting all that difficult. I had the motivation of a broken dick to help lol. It's slowly piecing together sexual normalcy that i've had a hard time with.
Yes buddy this procces is not linear. Sometimes it is up and sometime its dead. But one thing that is sure, is that after the 6 months period of abstinence, the results are inevitable. You are very much near to the success. You will regain the teens like sexual energy, that you once had before getting in contact with pornography
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Yes buddy this procces is not linear. Sometimes it is up and sometime its dead. But one thing that is sure, is that after the 6 months period of abstinence, the results are inevitable. You are very much near to the success. You will regain the teens like sexual energy, that you once had before getting in contact with pornography
I hope so. I'm 4 months in. I HAVE masturbated without porn during the process. Probably 4 or 5 times in my first 45 days and then twice last week. I hope it doesn't set me back too far. I'm back on hard mode now. I enjoy the way it feels when 100% of what little sexual energy I have is directed at my wife. I'd love to get even half of what I had when I was a teen lol
 
I had a full recovery last year, similar to yours. Sex was back to normal and everything. We were very happy. Now, my libido at times is a lot higher than my wife’s so there were times I was in the mood and she wasn’t, just the nature of our relationship (also one reason why we are ENM, but that is another topic all together) what I did notice was that I would go through short flatlines but recovered pretty quickly. While I didn’t fall back into full blown PMO, I did get cocky and felt more comfortable with other triggering activities. Fast forward to s couple weeks ago I noticed the flatline again, no morning wood and a few other symptoms from when I originally started the journey, so I am in full reboot mode again. What I did last time, and what I am doing again is s combination of the following: the gym… cardio and weights 3-4 times a week. I was slacking on this for the past couple months and I totally felt the difference in the PIED area. morning cold showers..helped speed up my initial flatline timeline. I was flatlined for just s couple weeks before I was getting natural elections and having sex again. Meditation… take a few minutes working on breathing and relaxing to stay focused. Track your progress. I use an app on my phone that helps me stay focused and my progress. And lastly, continue to be intimate with your wife!! This is probably the most important. I’m not saying sex, but cuddling, making out, some foreplay, with her as the focus. That helped me a lot and it sounds like your wife is as understanding as mine. I’m working on my second hard reboot this year because I slipped up a bit, but this plan helped me and I’m following it again. And I should be back in full force again soon enough!!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
.it's 9:30 in the morning and I'll be spending the rest of the day worried about it....only to tell myself "stop worrying or you'll make it worse"....only to keep worrying about again immediately after trying to clear my mind.
Just reading your story now and this line is so me. I want sex so bad, when I think it might happen, I worry the entire time until we start and of course, I can't get hard. I have to read this whole thread, but besides the way porn has messed with my head, I think performance anxiety is probably just as bad or maybe worse. I usually get an erection just kissing my wife. So I know the attraction is there, but when it's time to get naked and start, I panic. I'm going to be working more on this as I try to kick the porn habit.

Good luck to you. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread for sure.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Just reading your story now and this line is so me. I want sex so bad, when I think it might happen, I worry the entire time until we start and of course, I can't get hard. I have to read this whole thread, but besides the way porn has messed with my head, I think performance anxiety is probably just as bad or maybe worse. I usually get an erection just kissing my wife. So I know the attraction is there, but when it's time to get naked and start, I panic. I'm going to be working more on this as I try to kick the porn habit.

Good luck to you. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread for sure.
Dude....you're preaching to the choir. So, since I posted that we've made some progress. If you've read the entire thread I talk about it. But I took some advice from a guy on here. He and his wife practiced this for 2 months. My wife and I practiced this 1 single time. His way is probably better to be honest. So, basically what you've got right now is when you enter into a "sexy-time" situation your head goes into Fight or Flight mode. If Caveman Guitar1968 in prehistoric times was about to get lucky and all of a sudden a lion came by he'd enter fight or flight mode as well. You've got two options when in Fight or Flight while trying to get lucky....cum quickly and run from the lion, or dick goes limp and run from the lion. So you're either going to cum immediately or can't get it up. I've experienced the terrible feeling of cumming with a soft dick. lol

Anyways, what helped was removing all expectations of an erection. She and I had a very long conversation about how to reintegrate sex into our lives. Decided that I would sexually touch her and she would NOT expect an erection or sex. She could sexually touch me as well. The two hard rules were #1: An erection was not expected and #2: If I did get hard, I was not allowed to cum. The guy that gave me the advice's wife would ride him without penetration. I used my hands and mouth and kind of jerked off a little while I did. When I got hard I would penetrate her and take it back out. Never more than a thrust or two. Eventually she came and we went to bed. Literally the next morning I woke up and I felt horny for the first time in for-fucking-ever. That night we had sex and I came.....the next morning before we got out of bed we had sex again and I came again.

I think there are two important things to note here:
- The single most important thing was the conversation with my spouse. We came up with a plan together and we both knew what to expect going into it. Removing the feeling of inevitable disappointment was HUGE.

- By the time we had gotten to that point, I had not had an orgasm in over a month. For me, not allowing myself to cum for that long really helped. Idk why but it did. Probably something to do with building sexual tension or something idk but it worked.

Lastly - I think we made a mistake by only doing that one time. I'm not confident my dick will just automatically work the next time we try for sex. The problem is that we just had successful sex twice in a row, so how to do remove expectations retroactively? If I could do it again I would show more restraint and I would have avoided cumming a little while longer. That way the next time we're intimate, she wouldn't be let down if it didn't work.

I hope this helps man!! Good luck to you
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
I had a full recovery last year, similar to yours. Sex was back to normal and everything. We were very happy. Now, my libido at times is a lot higher than my wife’s so there were times I was in the mood and she wasn’t, just the nature of our relationship (also one reason why we are ENM, but that is another topic all together) what I did notice was that I would go through short flatlines but recovered pretty quickly. While I didn’t fall back into full blown PMO, I did get cocky and felt more comfortable with other triggering activities. Fast forward to s couple weeks ago I noticed the flatline again, no morning wood and a few other symptoms from when I originally started the journey, so I am in full reboot mode again. What I did last time, and what I am doing again is s combination of the following: the gym… cardio and weights 3-4 times a week. I was slacking on this for the past couple months and I totally felt the difference in the PIED area. morning cold showers..helped speed up my initial flatline timeline. I was flatlined for just s couple weeks before I was getting natural elections and having sex again. Meditation… take a few minutes working on breathing and relaxing to stay focused. Track your progress. I use an app on my phone that helps me stay focused and my progress. And lastly, continue to be intimate with your wife!! This is probably the most important. I’m not saying sex, but cuddling, making out, some foreplay, with her as the focus. That helped me a lot and it sounds like your wife is as understanding as mine. I’m working on my second hard reboot this year because I slipped up a bit, but this plan helped me and I’m following it again. And I should be back in full force again soon enough!!
Thanks dude! First off I love your name and I love tattoos.
I'm already a fan of the cold shower. Sucks in the moment but literally as soon as I'm done I feel great. I meditate every morning. My wife and I are very good at being affectionate and intimate with one another. She's literally my person. The gym is where I fall. This is definitely and excuse but: we have 3 kids and run two businesses. I figure the only time I can consistently work out is from 5am-6:15am.....and damn it I haven't been able to kick into gear at those hours.

The differing libido thing is a natural part of a relationship, but can be a huge kick in the teeth. Actually the beginning of my PIED journey started with some medication my spouse was on that destroyed her libido (we didn't know it at the time). I would want sex and she wanted nothing to do with it. It caused tension in our relationship. To stop it from being an issue, I stopped trying for sex and just started fucking a screen instead. There were times I would PURPOSELY and HABITUALLY jerk off multiple times a day fueled by spite to intentionally kill my sex drive. I didn't think it was possible (pro-tip....it is). I remember having dinner with her a year ago having the conversation to let her know that I no longer looked to her for sexual gratification. I had succeeded. Coincidentally, she was weening herself off the meds and her natural libido was coming back. About 2 days later we discovered my dick was broken. UGH.

I'm not familiar with ENM. What is that?
 
Yup! I know the feeling with the killing it lol after my wife’s hysterectomy I ran into the same issues. While we are synched in every way possible, her libido isn’t as high as it used to be, so I substituted with PMO as did you. Just takes time to fix and rewrite yourself, I know all about the kids, we have 6 so I feel ya there, ours are just older. Just give it time and it’ll come back, just don’t fret about the occasional flatlines, they happen.

oh! And ENM…Ethical non-monogamy…. Open marriage. Like I said that’s a different conversation lol
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Yup! I know the feeling with the killing it lol after my wife’s hysterectomy I ran into the same issues. While we are synched in every way possible, her libido isn’t as high as it used to be, so I substituted with PMO as did you. Just takes time to fix and rewrite yourself, I know all about the kids, we have 6 so I feel ya there, ours are just older. Just give it time and it’ll come back, just don’t fret about the occasional flatlines, they happen.

oh! And ENM…Ethical non-monogamy…. Open marriage. Like I said that’s a different conversation lol
Thanks my friend! That's another conversation indeed. Although one I would welcome having. I find it incredibly stupid that this is a problem we have to deal with. Like you, my wife and I are completely in sync and we compliment each other well. We're strong and in love. Literally the only real issue we face at this point is our problem in the bedroom. Luckily we're both on the same page to fix it so I'm hopeful this is almost over. I understand it will never REALLY be over. I can never look at porn again even casually. We'll forever carry the baggage that this has given us. But Hopefully one day soon I'll be able to be with her without a worry about whether or not we will fail. Its that nagging "what if it doesn't work" that slowly grinds away at my will to live.
 
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