Up and down ED

[Tryinghere]

So, I'm not sure the etiquette here. I posted something similar in the 40 years old and up section but haven't gotten any responses. I'm desperate for some advice. Has anyone had any issues with PIED coming and going during rewiring? Sometimes my dick works....sometimes it doesn't

Backstory:

I'm 40. Married with children. My wife is aware of the situation with me and we're working together in getting things "up" and running again.
NO PMO for going on 80 days or so. I HAVE MO'd approximately 5-7 times to sensation during that period. After a month or so on hard mode though, my wife and I had successful sex (or successful oral) for 5 days in a row. No viagra, no nothing. Just me and her. My libido was returning and I was feeling strong. After that, I had a set back caused by a miscommunication between us and ended up MO'ing to sensation about 3 times that week. Since then, I feel like I've hit a massive flatline. Dick shrivelled and dead (feels hot though, not cold). Very nervous about sex in general now. I did receive oral without viagra once, and have had sex 3 times with viagra. This time, even with the viagra, my erections were slow to come.

3 weeks ago it seemed like we were on the right track. Now, I'm afraid and worried again. This PIED has caused awful performance anxiety. I've read the forums and fixing this has been my main priority for the past 80 days. I realize I can give pleasure without my dick. But sometimes, she needs penetrative sex....not oral, not hands, not toys. Viagra has been a great help, but it's not something I want to use all the time.

We're doing all the standard rewiring stuff. Kareeza sex is kind of out of the question as once I enter her, when she cums....I can't stop myself and I end up O'ing. But I do rub her back nightly, we cuddle, we're always loving and affectionate. We kiss. We're playful...we'll be watching TV and she'll just reach her hand down my pants and mess with me for a little bit...just teasing and things like that. I typically get a good response erection-wise to things like that. It's the actual penetration where things go south. That and the completely schrivelled and rubbery dick anyways.

As strange as this sounds, the porn made me broken, but the porn wasn't the problem. The problem was I was using porn to fill a void and my wife and I have filled that void. Point is, I have no urges or desires whatsoever to look at porn. I'm well on my way through the reboot. I'm interested in rewiring with partner.

I understand this isn't a straight line to victory and there will be ups and downs, but does anyone have any advice (that I haven't already read) to help speed up rewiring and get us back to normal? Any tips from you guys on how to speed up the rewiring process?

 

[forestwater]

Nice job on the progress you've made!

One thing I want to point out is that Karezza does not have to involve penetration at any point. You don't even have to involve genitals at all; I've found that one of the best parts of it is that it encourages you to focus on all the oft-neglected non-genital erogenous zones. So my advice would be to try Karezza in a way where everyone keeps their underwear on, and just focus on slowly kissing & touching each other's entire bodies. I know you said you two are always loving and affectionate, but so are my partner and I, and we still found Karezza to be helpful.

Good luck!

 

[Tryinghere]

Thanks man! I appreciate it. I had no idea this shit would break me. It took us 10 months to even figure out what was wrong. I spent the first 5 months just thinking I was getting old. I don’t know how I stumbled upon reboot nation but I’m glad I did

 

[Tryinghere]

@forestwater I will take your advice and we'll try it. That said, there have been more than one occasion when she's just....well....for lack of a better term, she's just wanted dick and isn't interested in other things. On those occasion I've used viagra and it USUALLY works. I've seen different views on using pills. I think in my situation it'll be a good transitionary tool. But I don't want to get to a point where I use it long term. Any opinions on using drugs to help temporarily? In my mind I'm waiting for that magical 90 day mark and everything will magically be corrected lol....but I'm pretty much there already. There was so much noticeable progress the first 40 days of this....it's been stagnant pretty much since. It's frustrating. I just want to be with my wife without worrying and without pills and all the stupid crap. I have two 14 year olds with high speed internet access. I'm terrified for them. This is the worst.

 

[Fappy]

It could be just that you need a little more time, as you said it isnt linear. For me, i had a similar experience in that i would have no problems getting an erection then the next time I’d get hit with the floppies. I beleive its all just a process and that these things happen on the way to recovery, our brains have been very damaged by this and its hard to say how it handled such things now.
The best thing to do i think is not to worry so much i over it, or even worse to actually force it by using pills. This could set you back if you become dependent on them for getting erections. The rewiring process works naturally, it has to be allowed to take its course. Trust me, you will get better if you stick with the reboot!

 

[Tryinghere]

Appreciate it guys. Dependence on the pill does worry me. But I also want to make sure I can perform on the occasion she needs to be taken care of. Honestly though I haven’t been able to fuck her how she likes in a very long time so maybe it doesn’t matter. We used to have the kind of sex that would make porn stars jealous.

I’ve also noticed that my emotions are incredibly intense. Especially when it comes to my feelings towards her. That’s been the biggest surprise to me through this, how much I feel feelings now. I was driving down the road yesterday and an image of her popped in my head. Next thing I know I’m crying like a 3 year old cruising down the highway. Absolutely no reason except for I was overwhelmed with how much I felt for her. You don’t know our whole backstory or how we ended up here today, but her and I both carry a portion fault. I made a conscious decision to eliminate my libido. Out of anger, spite, to avoid conflict…whatever. I made a terrible decision. But she’s closer to me now then ever.

It could be just that you need a little more time, as you said it isnt linear. For me, i had a similar experience in that i would have no problems getting an erection then the next time I’d get hit with the floppies. I beleive its all just a process and that these things happen on the way to recovery, our brains have been very damaged by this and its hard to say how it handled such things now.
The best thing to do i think is not to worry so much i over it, or even worse to actually force it by using pills. This could set you back if you become dependent on them for getting erections. The rewiring process works naturally, it has to be allowed to take its course. Trust me, you will get better if you stick with the reboot!

you said you went through something similar. If I may ask, what did recovery from that look like? Did the times it didn’t work just lessen and lessen or was it more like a flip of the switch when one day, it just started working?

 

[Fappy]

Appreciate it guys. Dependence on the pill does worry me. But I also want to make sure I can perform on the occasion she needs to be taken care of. Honestly though I haven’t been able to fuck her how she likes in a very long time so maybe it doesn’t matter. We used to have the kind of sex that would make porn stars jealous.

I’ve also noticed that my emotions are incredibly intense. Especially when it comes to my feelings towards her. That’s been the biggest surprise to me through this, how much I feel feelings now. I was driving down the road yesterday and an image of her popped in my head. Next thing I know I’m crying like a 3 year old cruising down the highway. Absolutely no reason except for I was overwhelmed with how much I felt for her. You don’t know our whole backstory or how we ended up here today, but her and I both carry a portion fault. I made a conscious decision to eliminate my libido. Out of anger, spite, to avoid conflict…whatever. I made a terrible decision. But she’s closer to me now then ever.

you said you went through something similar. If I may ask, what did recovery from that look like? Did the times it didn’t work just lessen and lessen or was it more like a flip of the switch when one day, it just started working?

to be honest its actually hard to pinpoint exactly when it got better for me, its hard to imagine that it just happend overnight. i think the reason for that is i got to a point where i didnt worry about it anymore, all those anxieties about getting an erection just faded away and it didnt even cross my mind. i got to a point where i never thought "oh shit am i going to be able to get it up?", or "damn it i better be able to get hard enough!" those things just didnt bother me anymore and it was like an instrinsic "knowing" that it wouldnt be a problem anymore. when you start to feel like that, when it doesnt even cross your mind, its a good sign youre on your way to recovery.

 

[Tryinghere]

Right now I’m at the point where she’ll show even the slightest sexual interest and I spend the rest of the day trying to stop thinking about whether or not it’ll work should the opportunity arise. I 1000% get much more “response” in my junk now when she kisses me or touches me. I mean, I know we’re on the right track. I’m just ready for it to end already. Been scrolling the forums here for months. Just finally posted. Thanks for the help. I appreciate it.

 

[Anthony1987]

Bro,

I went trough similar stuff...But I think withen 90 days you're at the first start. Really.
At the beginer of my reboot ( 3 year ago or more) It seemed works pretty good, even at the first 2 or 3 months, i was able to performe with ed pills, what i couldn't a few months before.
But then i start to relapse with MO and eventually with porn, and the things went down again.
To be honest i spent the last 3 years strugling with PMO ( more M0 then P) and taking ED Pills to support me in order to having sex, even when i noticed a good improvent, being able to mantain an erection to MO, without pills.
So in the last four month a decided to take it serious on hard mode ( or so) and I'm in the best "shape" since then....In the last 3 months a had sex with my GF 15 times with no pills at all, my erections are really good, even better then when i used to take pills.
Another point i'd like to share, withen theses 3 months a had MO 4 or 5 times, and aways noticed a slightly setbacks in the next days. So i'm tryng at all cost avoid any kind of interactions between my hand e my dick...kkkk

Don't worry bro, the UPs and Downs are literally part of the process that take time, unfortunatelly. My expieriece suggests the best way to going on is avoid MO cause even without pornt it links your brain to old habbits and prevent you to heal faster. I'had been trapped at this ilusion thats it's ok to MO with no porn, for me it is not.

 

[Tryinghere]

That’s one thing I’ve noticed too. The days after orgasm. We went a little too hard in the paint on last Sunday. Woke up to oral. Then we had sex before bed. At some point at like 3am we essentially started fucking in our sleep. About 10/15 mins in I lost my erection and it didn’t come back until yesterday morning. Great job the last 4 months. I’m happy you’re going without the pill. That’s awesome.

 

[Anthony1987]

That’s one thing I’ve noticed too. The days after orgasm. We went a little too hard in the paint on last Sunday. Woke up to oral. Then we had sex before bed. At some point at like 3am we essentially started fucking in our sleep. About 10/15 mins in I lost my erection and it didn’t come back until yesterday morning. Great job the last 4 months. I’m happy you’re going without the pill. That’s awesome.

I was reading you topic again, and realized that happened to u exactaly what hapened to me at the beginer. In my first month i was doing pretty good, and then after had some sex and MO I faced a tought FLATLINE, penis shrinked for several days straight , like i had 10 orgasms in a roll, is was like my testicles want get inside my body, brain fog, constipation, lack of memory, anxieaty , no libido at all, i even started to put my sexuality in doubt , what is totaly unthinkable. Dont get me wrong BUT I was at age 30 and tottaly heterosexual... crazy stuff!

 

[BigM]

You are having too much sex. People normally have sex once every 15 days. That is the reason why he is tired. You are already too old a man to be having so much sex with your exposa, or to be masturbating so much.

I don't think he is having too much sex. Honest at 40 you should still be able to have sex at least 3 times a week.

 

[Tryinghere]

No sex since last week. No mo since idk when. This morning we start fucking around. She was using her hand on me. Raging erection. Foreplay type stuff for a bit. Raging erection. The literal moment the head of my dick touched her vagina I deflated. What. The. Fuck. I took care of her and she’s satisfied but damn that’s frustrating.

 

[Anthony1987]

No sex since last week. No mo since idk when. This morning we start fucking around. She was using her hand on me. Raging erection. Foreplay type stuff for a bit. Raging erection. The literal moment the head of my dick touched her vagina I deflated. What. The. Fuck. I took care of her and she’s satisfied but damn that’s frustrating.

Dude, You need to slowdown, really. Take more time to your body and brain...dont push to hard, cause it could be pretty harmfull. Make an
self-compromise to achieve at least more 1 month hard mode , before try to have sex again... These fizzeled attempts just make you insecure ....

 

[Tryinghere]

Dude, You need to slowdown, really. Take more time to your body and brain...dont push to hard, cause it could be pretty harmfull. Make an
self-compromise to achieve at least more 1 month hard mode , before try to have sex again... These fizzeled attempts just make you insecure ....

Honestly sex was not my intention this morning. We were just there with each other and things started happening. And things seemed to be working just fine. I was just kind of rolling with it.

 

[Tryinghere]

Haven’t attempted any sexual contact since our last failure a little more then a week ago. I get morning wood sometimes. It’s been a little over two weeks since my last O. Absolutely zero masturbation in weeks. No porn in 3 months. I’ve vowed to not cum again until it’s with my wife.
Right now my overwhelming emotion is frustration. Im angry. Aside from raging erections in the morning (a few times a week) and the occasional “movement” when I touch her, my dick is dead and rubbery. This is a stupid problem to have. I want to return to normal. I want to be able to be spontaneous. I want to be good at sex again. Our kids are older. We don’t have to worry about them as much. It’s time for husband and wife to reconnect. Im so fucking over this.

 

[LionHeart]

U know what might help? Penis massage and kegel + reverse kegel exercises.
By penis massage i mean massaging the whole area, not just ur dick. Area around your penis, penis itself and area between your anus and testicles (perineum). I warm up my dick with rice sock 10 mins and then i take coconut oil and continuosly massage for 30mins. At the same time i force blood into my dick with doing kegels. Yes, i get rock hard erection and it stays there for the whole session.

I do this without porn ofcourse. I just massage and kegel 30mins. Sometimes i might do little edging but never cum! Just yesterday i massaged myself at the morning and when kids went to sleep at the evening i boned my lady with rock hard dick and yes, i do suffer from pied. I have low libido and getting 100% hard is a challenge with my gal but i now have massaged couple of times and boners were harder. I also have stopped porn and masturbation like week ago so it might also be the reason for harder dick.
Massage is natural way to take care of your body. It relaxes your body and mind.

Try it? I believe it won't do any harm, but the opposite.

Sorry if my english is bad. Is not my language.

 

[Tryinghere]

U know what might help? Penis massage and kegel + reverse kegel exercises.
By penis massage i mean massaging the whole area, not just ur dick. Area around your penis, penis itself and area between your anus and testicles (perineum). I warm up my dick with rice sock 10 mins and then i take coconut oil and continuosly massage for 30mins. At the same time i force blood into my dick with doing kegels. Yes, i get rock hard erection and it stays there for the whole session.

I do this without porn ofcourse. I just massage and kegel 30mins. Sometimes i might do little edging but never cum! Just yesterday i massaged myself at the morning and when kids went to sleep at the evening i boned my lady with rock hard dick and yes, i do suffer from pied. I have low libido and getting 100% hard is a challenge with my gal but i now have massaged couple of times and boners were harder. I also have stopped porn and masturbation like week ago so it might also be the reason for harder dick.
Massage is natural way to take care of your body. It relaxes your body and mind.

Try it? I believe it won't do any harm, but the opposite.

Sorry if my english is bad. Is not my language.

Thanks! Will definitely try. I appreciate the help.

 

[Tryinghere]

Day 90 is today. Somewhere around today anyways. Not exactly sure when I started. I feel pretty good. I feel like I’ve been bouncing somewhere between flatline and wanting to try. Most of the time I could care less about anything sexual. But every now and again my dick kind of wakes up and I feel like I’m ready to go. Yesterday I felt especially….”capable”. MW this morning but it went away quickly. My lovely wife is pretty irritated with me right now so I don’t think I’ve got to worry about performing anytime soon.

 

[BigM]

Thing are going to get better. Brace yourself, and don't give up.