Up and down ED

[Gavalar09]

Alright fellas,
I’ve got a situation and I’m not sure the best way to proceed. Although I take viagra if I know sex is coming, I’m otherwise healed from PIED. My libido is back to where it was when I was 18. Here we are though, back to square one. My spouse’s libido isn’t matching up to mine. If you've read my entire journal then you're familiar. Apparently just her removing her meds hasn't put her on the same level as me desire-wise. I’ve been dropping both subtle hints and blatant statements. It hasn't been terribly long since we've been intimate....only 10 days or so, which for a married couple in their 40's isn't too shabby. So far, she hasn't gotten irritated or pissed off at my hornyness, but I'm afraid it's just a matter of time. Before, I killed my libido and desire with porn. If I bring up anything sexual she typically just doesn't respond to it. I blatantly told her (via text) how I was feeling today, left very little to the imagination.....told her that I wanted her. Her response = "oh", followed by 40 mins of silence before I joked "you loved reading that so much you've been rendered speechless"

So, I need some advice. It's 100% hormonal as I can sync up her desire with her cycle pretty accurately. My issue is that in the past I would have just went to porn and taken care of myself. Clearly that's not an option these days. I have been MO'ing either fantasizing about her or just focusing on sensation alone. I'm beginning to get irritated with her over it though. Irritation with her will most definitely start a fight at some point and I'll end up being the one to take the blame.

I need some coping strategies here or some type of way to tame the "animal" lol. My libido is back, I'm crazy turned on by my wife, my advances are more often than not unwelcomed. I've been rebooting for so long. I'm ready for a normal, regular sex life. I just don't know how to bring it up in a way that will get any results. It's time for sex when SHE wants sex. But when she doesn't, I'm an asshole for wanting it.

Thanks guys.

Man I'm so jealous of how well your libido has recovered. Mine is still fucked and all over the place..

I'd make sure you distract yourself. Try to find things to do instead of thinking about sex. Otherwise you will revert back to porn.

Hope you're doing well mate.

 

[Tryinghere]

I'm got the desire that's for sure. Confidence is still shot. I'll not be going back to porn. Appreciate the support dude! You'll get there

 

[Tryinghere]

Hey friends. Today is a day. If you’ve followed my thread you know I don’t actually have a real “start date”, but it s right around Sept. 20. It’s been a year.

I’ve not been perfect in my reboot but I have stayed on track for the most part. During that time I’ve accomplished so much, not the least of which was remembering who I actually am as a person. I’ve reconnected with my spouse. I weigh less than I have at any point since high school in the 90’s, I feel again. I feel connected to the world around me. I’ve eliminated social media from my life. And yes, I can have sex again. I’ve discovered I’m not the “stallion” Used to be. I also don’t always get an erection. But more often than not I do and more often than not she climaxes at least once. I fully anticipate this getting better as time goes on. The reboot was one of the single best decisions I could have ever made.

if anyone out there is wondering if rebooting works, or if porn is really the problem…..it does, and it is.

 

[Onmyway19]

Hey friends. Today is a day. If you’ve followed my thread you know I don’t actually have a real “start date”, but it s right around Sept. 20. It’s been a year.

I’ve not been perfect in my reboot but I have stayed on track for the most part. During that time I’ve accomplished so much, not the least of which was remembering who I actually am as a person. I’ve reconnected with my spouse. I weigh less than I have at any point since high school in the 90’s, I feel again. I feel connected to the world around me. I’ve eliminated social media from my life. And yes, I can have sex again. I’ve discovered I’m not the “stallion” Used to be. I also don’t always get an erection. But more often than not I do and more often than not she climaxes at least once. I fully anticipate this getting better as time goes on. The reboot was one of the single best decisions I could have ever made.

if anyone out there is wondering if rebooting works, or if porn is really the problem…..it does, and it is.

Proud of you man. Keep that shit up!

 

[Tryinghere]

Proud of you man. Keep that shit up!

Thanks my friend. You too! You’ve been a great help to me over the past severs months. I can’t thank you enough

 

[LionHeart]

Glad to see you're doing fine. But it seems you are not completely healed? Some erection problems still? I'm in a same situation i think. Everything seems to be ok but my GOD DAMN sexual arrousal is mostly sooooo weak! Sometimes it's ok. I wonder what causes it? Is it because my free testo is slightly below reference values? My total testo is within values but at the low end. Is it because of dopamine production problems or dopamine receptors? Is my testo low(ish) because of the bidirectional relationship between dopa and testo? What is this "not horny at all"- bullshit?! I do every imaginable thing out there to raise my dopa and testo -levels but still nothing happens. Should i give it more time?

Only remedy (for mainly libido) i have found working is alphaviril + dhea supplementation. Those give me boost in libido but it feels like it's still so fragile. If i ride it, it will last for some time and i can have good sex but if i disregard it and continue doing something else it disappears so quickly and doesn't come back. If it does come back later that day for some miraculous reason, it's even more weaker.

I truly hope time will solve this huge problem for good because this is shit. Shit that we don't deserve.

 

[MrZerox99]

Your story resonates with my @Tryinghere. Im an older guy too (well mid 40's) Been watching porn (mags in the early years) since i was 20. somehow it didn't interest me before that!! Fully addicted for most of that time but only realised it in the last 10 maybe. Difficult to put a number on it really i guess. Trying to do something about it sporadically but always failing. With finding this site, now it feels different. Surrounded by fellow sufferers on a similar journey.
I'm currently masking my problems with Viagra with my new girlfriend but small amounts so as to avoid flushing and thus her finding out. Im only two weeks into this journey and feel that this could be a mixture of performance anxiety and PIED as spontaneous morning sex is more often than not very possible. Its very clearly mainly PIED though so as the erection quality is very different.

Anyway congrats on your year of recovery Tryinghere. I really appreciate people like you sharing your story. Its very inspiring. Thanks!!

 

[Tryinghere]

Good luck man. If there’s anything I can do to help along the way let me know. It takes longer than you’ll want it to. Nothing magical happens after 90 days. You won’t wake up one morning and be like you were when you were 25 magically. But slowly, over time you’ll get better. Spontaneous sex still scared me to be honest and I’ve been at it awhile lol.
Most importantly avoid porn. The rest will work itself into place. Good luck

 

[MrZerox99]

Thank @Tryinghere. I just looking to get back to a stage where spontaneous sex is normal. Its a confidence thing too I guess. Belief in your own ability....which is hard when you know after a couple of decades of porn use has had a adverse effect. Im two weeks without porn now so feel good. Ive done a month on a couple of occasions but always relapse. I tend to relapse hard too so I know i'm in for a bumpy ride over the next few weeks!!