Up and down ED

I'm on day 65 in my reboot. Today i feel better. Yes i'm still little sick but i'm not tired, so perhaps fatigue was due to covid instead of reboot.

I miss my libido. Where is it? :/ i know it will return at some point but not knowing it for sure leaves some room for doubt. This really calls for patience. I've seen some signs that it might be returning but within few hours or so it falls into deep slumber again. Stays hidden for few days and then it might give a little sign of waking up and then go away again. It's almost impossible to believe that before day 90 it will come back. Perhaps it might return before 150 days have passed, but i don't know. This sucks monkey balls :D

Definitely COVID has impacted your entire body and hence your libido. So right now a combo of flatline and COVID induced stress might be at work here.

I would suggest taking care of your health. Do try protein supplements and some good trusted multi-vitamin preparations. Eat healthy food and avoid all junk food.

Getting plenty of sleep is important.

Another thing that might help is mild exercise, staring with maybe just 2 sets of 10 squats each ( and nothing else!)
Kegels are wonderful for getting back erections and I have personal experience of this (from past relapses)

Stay strong bro! Congrats on crossing 60 days!
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
So we're quickly closing in on 5 months since my reboot started. I've peaked at porn once since (see above posts) and MO'd a handful of times. I've discovered things that trigger me. I've learned things about myself. I've managed to start having sex again. I've experienced flatlines. Taken up a meditation practice. I'm eating healthier than I ever have and have been exercising more than I have in a very long time. Things are many times better than they were 5 months ago when I thought I'd never have sex again.

Still, I'm not where I need to be. I still obsess over sex (or lack thereof). I'm still afraid of failure when having sex. I still eye that bottle of viagra in my drawer when I know she wants sex. I still am nowhere close to the caliber of lover I once was. And we're currently only intimate with each other about once a month (or one weekend a month depending).

My next goal is to practice initiating with her. This is going to be tricky. If she's not into it, she gets easily offended or weirded out which makes it a "thing" that becomes a prevalent weight on our relationship.

Cheers gentlemen
 

LionHeart

Member
You mentioned that your libido is better these days. So how's your erection then? Is it solid and reliable? You mentioned blue pills but are those more of an boost to your mental "insecurity" or something?

I don't actually know about my situation. It's a mess. It seems that my dick is working just fine some day and other day it isn't. Just two days ago it was very sensitive to anything and dick was standing just for the heck of it. We had sex and it still stayed up and hard afterwards... But today it was reluctant to stay 100% hard and went away rather quickly. I got MW back around day 50 but then it went away around day 60.

Flatline is not so deep anymore. Last time we had sex didn't push me back into flatline so hard like it did earlier. I don't know if i have have libido or not. This is pretty confusing. Two days ago when we had sex i was pretty horny before boning but i really don't know if i have libido or not.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
I'm not really sure where my "normal" libido is. I know I feel like I'm back to normal as far as how much I want sex. But we're not having sex regularly, so i'm not sure if that's making me THINK my drive is higher than it actually is. But right now, sex is about all I think about lol.

As far as the pills go. 1000% just for mental security. An insurance policy if you will. I'm certain they provide nothing more than a mental security blanket at this point
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Well 5 months is officially in the rear view mirror. I have MO'd a handful of times and I DID peak at porn one time, but did not masturbate. Wife's libido seems to be in sync with her cycle. For a couple of days per month she wants to get lucky. Then sexual energy is fairly non-existent. This is a problem for me because what I need is a good rewire. The cycle that we're in right now is more "fuck like rabbits for a weekend" followed by "ew sex is stupid, get away from me for 28 days". I need some time to just be with her and I've made my desire plainly obvious. This is the same type of cycle that started me down the PMO road in the fist place and it's beyond frustrating. By the time she's ready to have sex again, it's been so long since we've done it that I'm afraid it won't work again. It's just prolonging the entire process. Even still, I get the feeling that since we've had successful sex a handful of times, she's going to expect me to be able to perform. The problem is that I spend most of my time knowing that she'll reject me, and possibly be offended by my advances. What's happened is I've connected the idea of sex with rejection and getting in trouble with my spouse....not something that's fun to be shared together. Stupid. There's my rant fellas. I hope you're all doing well
 

LionHeart

Member
Sorry that i write my stuff in your thread. I don't want to start a new one just for this.

I stopped counting the days. I believe i'm doing day 80 or something and yesterday i just realized that everything is just fine in my life and sex. Libido is not 100% normal and erections are like 99% the way they are supposed to be but i can already call this a succes. There's no point countig the days anymore since i'm not aiming to some spesific number, like 90 or 150. This a lifestyle for the rest of my life.

I see very much similarity between nofap and loosing weight. They say "if you want to loose weight don't start the weight loss, start a new lifestyle. When you reach your goals then what? You gonna fall back into your old habbits and start gaining weight again but if you have made a life style change it stays". Same goes with nofap, one has to make it a lifestyle and just stop counting the days and also stop thinking about it and let the mind focus on something else. No point in daily dose of nofap/reboot/counting days thinking.

I will move on. I will not close this door behind me forever but i will not be visiting here so often just to remind myself what i was and what was hurting my relationship. I will now focus on what's ahead, and not just think about the past.

Stay strong fellas. And for every man from Ukraine reading this: show that fucking terrorist Putin what you are made of!
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Sorry that i write my stuff in your thread. I don't want to start a new one just for this.

I stopped counting the days. I believe i'm doing day 80 or something and yesterday i just realized that everything is just fine in my life and sex. Libido is not 100% normal and erections are like 99% the way they are supposed to be but i can already call this a succes. There's no point countig the days anymore since i'm not aiming to some spesific number, like 90 or 150. This a lifestyle for the rest of my life.

I see very much similarity between nofap and loosing weight. They say "if you want to loose weight don't start the weight loss, start a new lifestyle. When you reach your goals then what? You gonna fall back into your old habbits and start gaining weight again but if you have made a life style change it stays". Same goes with nofap, one has to make it a lifestyle and just stop counting the days and also stop thinking about it and let the mind focus on something else. No point in daily dose of nofap/reboot/counting days thinking.

I will move on. I will not close this door behind me forever but i will not be visiting here so often just to remind myself what i was and what was hurting my relationship. I will now focus on what's ahead, and not just think about the past.

Stay strong fellas. And for every man from Ukraine reading this: show that fucking terrorist Putin what you are made of!
Good luck dude. I wish you nothing but success.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
So I suppose it's time for an update. I'll be six month into my reboot in another week or so. I've managed to essentially cure myself of PIED I think. We aren't having a whole lot of sex these days. Years of unhealthy sexual habits have put a strain on natural, organic love making with my spouse. That said, my libido is back in full effect. I find myself craving sex often. I easily get hard to the touch. I usually can get hard on thoughts alone. If she were to tell me to leave the office right now and go fuck her, I'd be afraid. Performance anxiety is very real. I'm certain the solution to that is to block out some time over the course of a week or so and just force ourselves to be together.

Anyways, this brings me to my question. As mentioned, my libido is back and I seem to have no problems getting an erection. I've reintroduced masturbation into my life. I've been feeling sexually frustrated. I want sex a lot. My spouse, for various legitimate reasons, does not. I've found that I can't fuck her for a weekend, then just shut it off and not have the desire to do it again for 3 weeks. I end up trying to initiate when she's not into it and then we're both aggravated. Hence the masturbation. So far, I've done it a handful of times. I try to keep it to sensation alone, or think about previous experiences I've had. Occasionally, the dreaded "pornafide" thought comes into my head which is worrisome. I'm avoiding deathgrip and using lube. I've not experienced any signs of flatline or chaser effect urges to use porn afterwards.

My main worry is that although I'm not using pornography, I'm still releasing sexual energy. I don't want my occasional release to get in the way of any rewiring that needs done. The thing is that there isn't much rewiring happening right now and I end up walking around feeling like a caveman about to explode. Literally caveman style. Feels like I could lose my shit at any moment. How can I balance my returning libido with my lack of sexual options right now?
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
6 months. 6 mother fucking months.
Successful sex. Close with wife. Life is good.

last night she tried to sleep with me and I failed to get an erection. Devastating. I went to bed somehwere emotionally between numb, distraught, and still hopeful. Woke up at 4 am with a raging hard on and pissed off. In a state of “fuck it what’s it even matter”, I relapsed.

what choice do I have but to continue on. I’m not resetting any fictional counter. My reboot continues. Fuck everything
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
6 months. 6 mother fucking months.
Successful sex. Close with wife. Life is good.

last night she tried to sleep with me and I failed to get an erection. Devastating. I went to bed somehwere emotionally between numb, distraught, and still hopeful. Woke up at 4 am with a raging hard on and pissed off. In a state of “fuck it what’s it even matter”, I relapsed.

what choice do I have but to continue on. I’m not resetting any fictional counter. My reboot continues. Fuck everything
Man, that's a tough fall. I know it's easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up. This doesn't erase the work you've done. You've been and still are somebody I admire here. We're human and fuck ups are inevitable. Be honest with yourself and learn from it. This battle doesn't have a timeline.. 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years, they're just numbers. Though they're good markers for progress, you know in your heart what you've accomplished and can continue to accomplish. It's a lifelong change and you have a lot of life left. Get up, dust yourself off and continue to learn and grow.
 

Rcgarcia

Member
So, I'm not sure the etiquette here. I posted something similar in the 40 years old and up section but haven't gotten any responses. I'm desperate for some advice. Has anyone had any issues with PIED coming and going during rewiring? Sometimes my dick works....sometimes it doesn't

Backstory:

I'm 40. Married with children. My wife is aware of the situation with me and we're working together in getting things "up" and running again.
NO PMO for going on 80 days or so. I HAVE MO'd approximately 5-7 times to sensation during that period. After a month or so on hard mode though, my wife and I had successful sex (or successful oral) for 5 days in a row. No viagra, no nothing. Just me and her. My libido was returning and I was feeling strong. After that, I had a set back caused by a miscommunication between us and ended up MO'ing to sensation about 3 times that week. Since then, I feel like I've hit a massive flatline. Dick shrivelled and dead (feels hot though, not cold). Very nervous about sex in general now. I did receive oral without viagra once, and have had sex 3 times with viagra. This time, even with the viagra, my erections were slow to come.

3 weeks ago it seemed like we were on the right track. Now, I'm afraid and worried again. This PIED has caused awful performance anxiety. I've read the forums and fixing this has been my main priority for the past 80 days. I realize I can give pleasure without my dick. But sometimes, she needs penetrative sex....not oral, not hands, not toys. Viagra has been a great help, but it's not something I want to use all the time.

We're doing all the standard rewiring stuff. Kareeza sex is kind of out of the question as once I enter her, when she cums....I can't stop myself and I end up O'ing. But I do rub her back nightly, we cuddle, we're always loving and affectionate. We kiss. We're playful...we'll be watching TV and she'll just reach her hand down my pants and mess with me for a little bit...just teasing and things like that. I typically get a good response erection-wise to things like that. It's the actual penetration where things go south. That and the completely schrivelled and rubbery dick anyways.

As strange as this sounds, the porn made me broken, but the porn wasn't the problem. The problem was I was using porn to fill a void and my wife and I have filled that void. Point is, I have no urges or desires whatsoever to look at porn. I'm well on my way through the reboot. I'm interested in rewiring with partner.

I understand this isn't a straight line to victory and there will be ups and downs, but does anyone have any advice (that I haven't already read) to help speed up rewiring and get us back to normal? Any tips from you guys on how to speed up the rewiring process?
Oh my friend, I going through It right now. I am married too. My wife doesn't know about It. I'm 40 days in easy mode, some times I hard to MO. Although I don't have libido, I use Viagra, but for me doesn't work Very MUCH. I manage to have sex with my several times, since I Quick the habit because I force myself into It. The most of time I GOT It but with a Lot of pressure, the desire does come naturally. But the Last ten days my libido droped even more. Sometimes, I really don't understand because the opposite should happen. I would like to have an advice about How to Speed It up.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Oh my friend, I going through It right now. I am married too. My wife doesn't know about It. I'm 40 days in easy mode, some times I hard to MO. Although I don't have libido, I use Viagra, but for me doesn't work Very MUCH. I manage to have sex with my several times, since I Quick the habit because I force myself into It. The most of time I GOT It but with a Lot of pressure, the desire does come naturally. But the Last ten days my libido droped even more. Sometimes, I really don't understand because the opposite should happen. I would like to have an advice about How to Speed It up.
I’m pushing 7 months now. It does get better. Best advice I have to speed it up is the same advice I’m sure you’ve read on here before.
Live healthy, eat healthy, exercise,

I found great benefits to doing hard mode for a month or so.
Meditation. Cold showers.
Good luck sir
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
How you doing now mate?
Doing good man thanks for checking in! I’ll hit 7 months on 4/20. Lol. I’m excited for that. Slipped up once in that span. The wife and I are great. We’ve actually had some pretty good sex over the past few weeks. I’ve also failed to get it up a time or two. Performance anxiety is a pain in the ass. But aside from that I don’t have a complaint in the world.
How are you?
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Oh my friend, I going through It right now. I am married too. My wife doesn't know about It. I'm 40 days in easy mode, some times I hard to MO. Although I don't have libido, I use Viagra, but for me doesn't work Very MUCH. I manage to have sex with my several times, since I Quick the habit because I force myself into It. The most of time I GOT It but with a Lot of pressure, the desire does come naturally. But the Last ten days my libido droped even more. Sometimes, I really don't understand because the opposite should happen. I would like to have an advice about How to Speed It up.
Also, i would highly recommend having a talk with your wife. If you’ve got her to work with you and help along the way….well that’s probably your fastest route to victory sir. Good luck to you! If there’s anything you need, just let me know. You’ve made amazing progress. 40 days is something to be proud of.
 

Gavalar09

Member
Doing good man thanks for checking in! I’ll hit 7 months on 4/20. Lol. I’m excited for that. Slipped up once in that span. The wife and I are great. We’ve actually had some pretty good sex over the past few weeks. I’ve also failed to get it up a time or two. Performance anxiety is a pain in the ass. But aside from that I don’t have a complaint in the world.
How are you?

Glad to hear you're doing well!
Been using 5mg cialis still, had a couple of times without but only like 75% hard. Good enough for penetration but not great. The missus has been extremely understanding about it all. Orgasming most of the time but it either sets me back or something else is causing my ED.
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Glad to hear you're doing well!
Been using 5mg cialis still, had a couple of times without but only like 75% hard. Good enough for penetration but not great. The missus has been extremely understanding about it all. Orgasming most of the time but it either sets me back or something else is causing my ED.
I'm doing great man. Healthier than I've ever been. We've been eating right and working out. Currently lighter than I was in the 90's lol. Sex has been good. I've been using viagra. I'm certain it's only in my head that I "need" it. I easily get hard.....all the time. There have been a couple occassions though where I'd be hard right up until actual sex became a possibility then I freak out, panic and lose it. So the viagra helps with that. Otherwise, not a complaint in the world. I'm glad to hear you're doing great too!
 

Tryinghere

Active Member
Alright fellas,
I’ve got a situation and I’m not sure the best way to proceed. Although I take viagra if I know sex is coming, I’m otherwise healed from PIED. My libido is back to where it was when I was 18. Here we are though, back to square one. My spouse’s libido isn’t matching up to mine. If you've read my entire journal then you're familiar. Apparently just her removing her meds hasn't put her on the same level as me desire-wise. I’ve been dropping both subtle hints and blatant statements. It hasn't been terribly long since we've been intimate....only 10 days or so, which for a married couple in their 40's isn't too shabby. So far, she hasn't gotten irritated or pissed off at my hornyness, but I'm afraid it's just a matter of time. Before, I killed my libido and desire with porn. If I bring up anything sexual she typically just doesn't respond to it. I blatantly told her (via text) how I was feeling today, left very little to the imagination.....told her that I wanted her. Her response = "oh", followed by 40 mins of silence before I joked "you loved reading that so much you've been rendered speechless"

So, I need some advice. It's 100% hormonal as I can sync up her desire with her cycle pretty accurately. My issue is that in the past I would have just went to porn and taken care of myself. Clearly that's not an option these days. I have been MO'ing either fantasizing about her or just focusing on sensation alone. I'm beginning to get irritated with her over it though. Irritation with her will most definitely start a fight at some point and I'll end up being the one to take the blame.

I need some coping strategies here or some type of way to tame the "animal" lol. My libido is back, I'm crazy turned on by my wife, my advances are more often than not unwelcomed. I've been rebooting for so long. I'm ready for a normal, regular sex life. I just don't know how to bring it up in a way that will get any results. It's time for sex when SHE wants sex. But when she doesn't, I'm an asshole for wanting it.

Thanks guys.
 
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