Road to freedom
- Thread starter cookiemonster
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cookiemonster
Active Member
Today is proving to be a really tough day.
Mood is low. I feel lethargic. It feels like one of those lose-lose days. Maybe I'm going through withdrawals.
I'm getting out of the house with family. Going to spend time outside. Shake things up.
Mood is low. I feel lethargic. It feels like one of those lose-lose days. Maybe I'm going through withdrawals.
I'm getting out of the house with family. Going to spend time outside. Shake things up.
Sorry to heat that.
But it is great you are going out, even at a moment like this.
It will pass, and you'll feel better afterwards!
Best whishes, cheers!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Thanks for the support guys. I went out with family and started feeling better.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 16 clean.
Killer gym session done this morning. I'm getting stronger.
Feeling great today, ready to conquer the world. Funny how this happens after yesterday when it just felt like a lose-lose day.
Yesterday I uninstalled twitter, Instagram and Facebook from my phone. I was trying to find a way to keep the messaging functionality of the apps but not the newsfeed and it was taking forever. Then something in me snapped. I've had enough. I just uninstalled them. I don't give a flying fuck anymore, this is war. War against the social media and porn industry. Day by day we're going to grow from someone fighting against these industries to someone who's got complete control of themselves and got the world by the balls, ready to live a fulfilled life and achieve what they want.
It's over. I am giving myself 100% to this reboot and improving my life. If I fail, the failure will be absolute. I will have given 100% of myself and not managed to pull it off.
I don't watch porn anymore. It's not a part of my life anymore. It's just not who I am anymore.
If there ever is a relapse I will not give up. But every day is me giving 100%. It's over. Open warfare. No turning back.
Fuuuuuckkkkk I better make it through this.
The stakes are just as high as ever. I'm worried.
Let's bring myself back to earth. Today is another day. It's just about having another porn-free day.
See you tomorrow morning to keep my accountable.
Killer gym session done this morning. I'm getting stronger.
Feeling great today, ready to conquer the world. Funny how this happens after yesterday when it just felt like a lose-lose day.
Yesterday I uninstalled twitter, Instagram and Facebook from my phone. I was trying to find a way to keep the messaging functionality of the apps but not the newsfeed and it was taking forever. Then something in me snapped. I've had enough. I just uninstalled them. I don't give a flying fuck anymore, this is war. War against the social media and porn industry. Day by day we're going to grow from someone fighting against these industries to someone who's got complete control of themselves and got the world by the balls, ready to live a fulfilled life and achieve what they want.
It's over. I am giving myself 100% to this reboot and improving my life. If I fail, the failure will be absolute. I will have given 100% of myself and not managed to pull it off.
I don't watch porn anymore. It's not a part of my life anymore. It's just not who I am anymore.
If there ever is a relapse I will not give up. But every day is me giving 100%. It's over. Open warfare. No turning back.
Fuuuuuckkkkk I better make it through this.
The stakes are just as high as ever. I'm worried.
Let's bring myself back to earth. Today is another day. It's just about having another porn-free day.
See you tomorrow morning to keep my accountable.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Big day. Tired now this evening.
I know a lot of people talk about flatlining in the reboot but I just feel horny. I see a lot of attractive girls at uni. When I'm jerking myself off into oblivion I'm too neutered to care. When I'm rebooting they're very distracting.
The problem for men is we tend to only get intimacy when we're having sex or have a girlfriend. You see girls hugging each other, cuddling, walking hand in hand. We tend to not have that.
I want some intimacy in my life. I also want to get laid.
Fuck porn. We've done well so far today. Let's now wind down this evening. Have a nice night's rest. Then wake again tomorrow ready to grab life by the balls and squeeze.
I know a lot of people talk about flatlining in the reboot but I just feel horny. I see a lot of attractive girls at uni. When I'm jerking myself off into oblivion I'm too neutered to care. When I'm rebooting they're very distracting.
The problem for men is we tend to only get intimacy when we're having sex or have a girlfriend. You see girls hugging each other, cuddling, walking hand in hand. We tend to not have that.
I want some intimacy in my life. I also want to get laid.
Fuck porn. We've done well so far today. Let's now wind down this evening. Have a nice night's rest. Then wake again tomorrow ready to grab life by the balls and squeeze.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 16 clean.
Gym again this morning which was good. I am feeling a lot of restless sexual energy at the moment and I think it comes down to just being attracted to girls on my university campus honestly. Today I'll test run trying to ignore them a lot more. Hopefully that will make me a little less "horny".
I realised that there have been like 5 or 6 occasions in my life when I've literally had a girl in my bed and chickened out of doing anything. The main culprit for that is simply porn. Pretty mind-blowing. Anyway, those days are over, or at least we're fighting to make them over, every single day.
Overall doing okay but very sexually restless. In a reboot you have some days where there's an acute risk of a relapse, maybe you're stressed or having a bad day for example. Then there's your background level of sexual restlessness which can be low or high and contribute to you seeking release. At the moment I don't have any acute risks but my background sexual restlessness is quite high.
As always, let's simplify things and just think about the current day. Here I am again, in the morning, committing to another day porn free. The goal of the day is keep porn out of my life. I'm committing.
See you tomorrow morning for another update to keep me accountable.
Gym again this morning which was good. I am feeling a lot of restless sexual energy at the moment and I think it comes down to just being attracted to girls on my university campus honestly. Today I'll test run trying to ignore them a lot more. Hopefully that will make me a little less "horny".
I realised that there have been like 5 or 6 occasions in my life when I've literally had a girl in my bed and chickened out of doing anything. The main culprit for that is simply porn. Pretty mind-blowing. Anyway, those days are over, or at least we're fighting to make them over, every single day.
Overall doing okay but very sexually restless. In a reboot you have some days where there's an acute risk of a relapse, maybe you're stressed or having a bad day for example. Then there's your background level of sexual restlessness which can be low or high and contribute to you seeking release. At the moment I don't have any acute risks but my background sexual restlessness is quite high.
As always, let's simplify things and just think about the current day. Here I am again, in the morning, committing to another day porn free. The goal of the day is keep porn out of my life. I'm committing.
See you tomorrow morning for another update to keep me accountable.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Haha why not.
Ignoring them didn't really work today anyway. There's a non-negligible amount of girls who walk around where you can see cleavage or their panties. Or they don't wear a bra and you can see their breasts outlined really prominently.
As I'm writing a mild erection is starting. That's fucking insane hahah.
But yeah, I'll try to keep my eyes focused on faces and I'll shift to the eye contact and smile strategy, why not.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Tonight I had dinner with a girl I've had lunch and dinner with a couple of times now. It was nice. I'm not sure whether I want it to go anywhere but I'm just happy to be back in the dating game, even if we haven't really defined what we're doing, just hanging out.
There's also a super cute girl in my uni class.
Nice just have innocent attraction like this. I feel good about myself when I'm porn-free, it doesn't poison things. Things can feel innocent like a highschool crush.
So yeah, I'm horny as ever. Now we need to transition to getting off the phone, charging it way away from my bedroom and not thinking any sexual thoughts nor touching my dick before sleep.
Finish the day strong.
See you tomorrow morning to keep me accountable.
There's also a super cute girl in my uni class.
Nice just have innocent attraction like this. I feel good about myself when I'm porn-free, it doesn't poison things. Things can feel innocent like a highschool crush.
So yeah, I'm horny as ever. Now we need to transition to getting off the phone, charging it way away from my bedroom and not thinking any sexual thoughts nor touching my dick before sleep.
Finish the day strong.
See you tomorrow morning to keep me accountable.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 17 clean.
I had intense sexual dreams all night. I woke up feeling restless, unfocused and in a pretty bad mood.
I didn't go to the gym and instead spent an hour on my phone. The longer I spend on social media, the more there's this build up of "want-to-jerk-off" energy. Not a good start to the day.
We've reigned things back in, planned the day, taken back control of the mind.
We're setting the intention for the day right here, right now. We're committing to another day porn-free. To look at porn or any porn substitute or even to let porn-like fantasies enter the head is to not fulfil this commitment.
One day at a time. The current day is the only thing we have to "win". The goal is to win the day.
I really don't want to relapse. I can't relapse, it takes too much from my life. Any restlessness, withdrawals, urges or side effects are better than having to put up with porn-addiction for the rest of my life.
FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK PORNNNNNNNN. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK. FUCKKKK OFFFF.
See you tomorrow morning for another update to keep me accountable.
I had intense sexual dreams all night. I woke up feeling restless, unfocused and in a pretty bad mood.
I didn't go to the gym and instead spent an hour on my phone. The longer I spend on social media, the more there's this build up of "want-to-jerk-off" energy. Not a good start to the day.
We've reigned things back in, planned the day, taken back control of the mind.
We're setting the intention for the day right here, right now. We're committing to another day porn-free. To look at porn or any porn substitute or even to let porn-like fantasies enter the head is to not fulfil this commitment.
One day at a time. The current day is the only thing we have to "win". The goal is to win the day.
I really don't want to relapse. I can't relapse, it takes too much from my life. Any restlessness, withdrawals, urges or side effects are better than having to put up with porn-addiction for the rest of my life.
FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK PORNNNNNNNN. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK. FUCKKKK OFFFF.
See you tomorrow morning for another update to keep me accountable.
Blondie
Respected Member
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 18 clean.
Who ever thought "not doing something" could be so hard? Normally it's hard to make yourself DO something. It's normally easy to NOT do things haha.
Not sure where I'm at today honestly. I'm doing well but also only ever seconds away from relapse, the stakes are always high. It feels great to be fighting against porn’s grip on my life but I have a lot of recovery left to do. I'm very easily triggered, sometimes the smallest things can flash a porn scene into my mind. I guess that's the addicted brain lashing out, not wanting to let go. Any day I could relapse.
When in the chaos of rebooting and while I can't see the end of the tunnel I will just focus on the day at hand. The brain will play tricks on you. "Just once is okay. Just one little sexual thought is okay. What's the point of it all? When will I recover? When will I have sexual intimacy with a girl again?" I will hold the line and keep faith in the fact that if I just win one day at a time I'm going to come out the end glad that I did. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet so I will just put one foot in front of the other.
I'm committing here again this morning to a porn-free day. This is the commitment. To indulge in sexual thoughts or look at any porn or porn-substitute or anything which reactivates porn neural pathways is to fail. The goal is simply to be porn-free today.
See you tomorrow morning to keep me accountable.
FUCK it's hard. FUCK PORN. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFF.
Who ever thought "not doing something" could be so hard? Normally it's hard to make yourself DO something. It's normally easy to NOT do things haha.
Not sure where I'm at today honestly. I'm doing well but also only ever seconds away from relapse, the stakes are always high. It feels great to be fighting against porn’s grip on my life but I have a lot of recovery left to do. I'm very easily triggered, sometimes the smallest things can flash a porn scene into my mind. I guess that's the addicted brain lashing out, not wanting to let go. Any day I could relapse.
When in the chaos of rebooting and while I can't see the end of the tunnel I will just focus on the day at hand. The brain will play tricks on you. "Just once is okay. Just one little sexual thought is okay. What's the point of it all? When will I recover? When will I have sexual intimacy with a girl again?" I will hold the line and keep faith in the fact that if I just win one day at a time I'm going to come out the end glad that I did. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet so I will just put one foot in front of the other.
I'm committing here again this morning to a porn-free day. This is the commitment. To indulge in sexual thoughts or look at any porn or porn-substitute or anything which reactivates porn neural pathways is to fail. The goal is simply to be porn-free today.
See you tomorrow morning to keep me accountable.
FUCK it's hard. FUCK PORN. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFF.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 19 clean.
Stakes are as high as ever. Had some moderate sexual dreams last night as far as I can remember and woke up with sexual thoughts on the mind and some semi morning wood.
Faffed around on my phone a little longer than I should have but then got up and had a good session in the gym.
I was speaking to a cute girl yesterday at a uni club event for the second week in a row.
Fuck porn. It's so empty. I remember relapsing after building up several week long streaks. It didn't even feel good to go back. There is no real pleasure or happiness there, just addiction.
I'm here again in the morning to commit to a porn-free day. All that exists is the current day. My goal for today is to not look at porn, think about porn, look at anything which could be considered a porn substitute or activate the porn pathways in my brain through any thoughts which tickle the addiction pathways.
All we have to do is win today. To give in to porn in any form is to fail the commitment I have made this morning. The criteria for success today is clear, there is no doubt.
See you tomorrow morning for another update to keep me accountable.
FUCK PORN!
Stakes are as high as ever. Had some moderate sexual dreams last night as far as I can remember and woke up with sexual thoughts on the mind and some semi morning wood.
Faffed around on my phone a little longer than I should have but then got up and had a good session in the gym.
I was speaking to a cute girl yesterday at a uni club event for the second week in a row.
Fuck porn. It's so empty. I remember relapsing after building up several week long streaks. It didn't even feel good to go back. There is no real pleasure or happiness there, just addiction.
I'm here again in the morning to commit to a porn-free day. All that exists is the current day. My goal for today is to not look at porn, think about porn, look at anything which could be considered a porn substitute or activate the porn pathways in my brain through any thoughts which tickle the addiction pathways.
All we have to do is win today. To give in to porn in any form is to fail the commitment I have made this morning. The criteria for success today is clear, there is no doubt.
See you tomorrow morning for another update to keep me accountable.
FUCK PORN!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Just logged in at the end of the day to say: FUCK PORN!
Almost finished the day porn free. Time to go to bed. Just got to be careful to not play with my dick in bed when going to sleep and waking up.
Almost finished the day porn free. Time to go to bed. Just got to be careful to not play with my dick in bed when going to sleep and waking up.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 20 clean.
Feeling very inspired today. I'm here again to commit to a porn-free day. To touch my dick other than in the shower or peeing is a no-no. To indulge in porn in any form (i.e. anything which activates the porn pathways in my brain, including my own thoughts) is to fail. I've made the commitment here this morning. The criteria for success today is clear.
The stakes are as high as ever. Only ever one weak moment away from relapse.
Fuck you porn. Get fucked.
See you tomorrow morning for another update.
Feeling very inspired today. I'm here again to commit to a porn-free day. To touch my dick other than in the shower or peeing is a no-no. To indulge in porn in any form (i.e. anything which activates the porn pathways in my brain, including my own thoughts) is to fail. I've made the commitment here this morning. The criteria for success today is clear.
The stakes are as high as ever. Only ever one weak moment away from relapse.
Fuck you porn. Get fucked.
See you tomorrow morning for another update.