Road to freedom

[Blondie]

I'm also frustrated about this whole dating business. I'll just be candid as ridiculous as things may sound because this is the simplified version of things. There are many attractive girls out there, why am I not having sex with them? Why am I stuck in this limbo between being too conservative for pure transactional sex and too progressive to be content with settling down into a monogamous relationship?

Hey @cookiemonster, I think it's real easy to overthink this stuff, especially coming from where you are (Maybe from where all of us are?) There's nothing wrong with getting out there and having some "fun", nor anything wrong with a good ol relationship. However, the reality is, porn has blinded us to the true realities of interacting with "real" people, thus, this reality takes a while to get use to. In this new reality, you'll have to negotiate with someone (a real person), if it's going to be casual or monogamous, or somewhere in between, say if one of you starts to feel something, or worse, have to break it off, if you lose that feeling. These things are realities that porn users never have to deal with, and this is one of the greatest dangers of porn use, because this reality is entirely missing from it. For example, if you wish to keep it casual and "have" 30 girls per day, no problem, just a click of a mouse and you can have your way. Or, If you're feeling more "conservative" and "monogamous" on another day, you can just pick your favorite girl and break up with the other 29 with just click of a mouse, no nasty feelings or uncomfortable explanations necessary. This is the great problem with all this bullshit, because it actually makes us think the real world should be this way.

My advice to you is this, try not to overthink this stuff, and if you want a woman you see in front of you, go for it. Maybe you'll find one night was enough, or maybe you'll want something more, or maybe you'll want to take it slow with no sex at first. None of these options are bad. Of course, that's just you, you'll have another human to think about on the other side. She might lose interest after the first night, or she might be more interested, while you're unsure, thus, you'll have to talk about it. Welcome to being human again!

These are all realities of reality. The only rules are:

1. Never misrepresent, always tell a woman where you're at.
2. If casual, safe sex IS the only way to go.
3. Learn how to communicate, not only to someone else, but to yourself as well. What do you actually want and feel?
4. It's okay to change your mind.
5. Fuck porn. Porn is Not an Option.

Best brother!

 

[Androg]

This is thorny question. Just don’t use it as an excuse for relapse!

 

[cookiemonster]

Hey @cookiemonster, I think it's real easy to overthink this stuff, especially coming from where you are (Maybe from where all of us are?) There's nothing wrong with getting out there and having some "fun", nor anything wrong with a good ol relationship. However, the reality is, porn has blinded us to the true realities of interacting with "real" people, thus, this reality takes a while to get use to. In this new reality, you'll have to negotiate with someone (a real person), if it's going to be casual or monogamous, or somewhere in between, say if one of you starts to feel something, or worse, have to break it off, if you lose that feeling. These things are realities that porn users never have to deal with, and this is one of the greatest dangers of porn use, because this reality is entirely missing from it. For example, if you wish to keep it casual and "have" 30 girls per day, no problem, just a click of a mouse and you can have your way. Or, If you're feeling more "conservative" and "monogamous" on another day, you can just pick your favorite girl and break up with the other 29 with just click of a mouse, no nasty feelings or uncomfortable explanations necessary. This is the great problem with all this bullshit, because it actually makes us think the real world should be this way.

My advice to you is this, try not to overthink this stuff, and if you want a woman you see in front of you, go for it. Maybe you'll find one night was enough, or maybe you'll want something more, or maybe you'll want to take it slow with no sex at first. None of these options are bad. Of course, that's just you, you'll have another human to think about on the other side. She might lose interest after the first night, or she might be more interested, while you're unsure, thus, you'll have to talk about it. Welcome to being human again!

These are all realities of reality. The only rules are:

1. Never misrepresent, always tell a woman where you're at.
2. If casual, safe sex IS the only way to go.
3. Learn how to communicate, not only to someone else, but to yourself as well. What do you actually want and feel?
4. It's okay to change your mind.
5. Fuck porn. Porn is Not an Option.

Best brother!

This is thorny question. Just don’t use it as an excuse for relapse!

Thanks guys.

You're spot on Blondie.

One thing I've been thinking is that I actually don't know what I want, so I've been avoiding communicating exactly what's up with the girls I've been interacting with because I don't know what's up. But I've just realised uncertainty is an equally valid thing to communicate with someone if that makes sense. That is, I can say: I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time, I'm just getting back into dating and I'm not sure what I want. If you're comfortable with starting off without pressure, trying to have fun, enjoying getting to know each other and then seeing what happens naturally, then let's give that a go.

It's perfectly acceptable and understandable for me to be a little confused right now, as long as I let people know that then they can choose whether they want to get involved or not haha.

I'm going through a tough few days because I haven't been handling the underlying stress of assignments well. It's late again because I stayed up late playing games on my phone instead of going to sleep. I won't be too hard on myself because I recognise patterns and know that I'll naturally start looking out for myself better in a day or so once I get past this external workload. The trick is that while I'm in it, and certainly next time, I want to cultivate good habits.

Oh well, I messed up a little tonight but I will live to fight another day.

Still no porn and no MO thankfully. Today was a bit of a tougher one.

Going to try to be my own best friend going to bed tonight. I'm proud of how many days I've managed to put between myself and PMO/MO and the overall trend in my life is positive.

Fuck porn. As you say Blondie, porn is not an option. No choice but to be "human again" haha.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 72 clean.

The goal for today is to not look at porn or porn substitutes. I won't touch my dick unless peeing.

All of the stuff I'm figuring with regards to dating is not the stuff I have to get through in order to finally get to "the dating". Me figuring all of this out is part of "the dating" and part of the development I was hoping to get out of this reboot.

The goal is to not look at social media today, not even once. My inability to manage social media is starting to really piss me off. The only thing I won't mind doing is messaging people via text. The rest is bullshit. At least for today.

See you tomorrow or tonight so that I stay accountable.

 

[cookiemonster]

Pretty good day until this evening when I played games on my phone. The thing is that in the evening I feel like relaxing so I also relax the "rules" too. The problem is that I lack self control so it impacts how much sleep I get, I don't just do a little, I do too much. I need to recognise that as much as I might feel like I want to use social media or play games in the evening, it's ultimately not worth it and doesn't give me the type of rest and break which I need.

If I'm being honest, I'm not feeling good recently. My sleep schedule is a bit out of whack, I've missed gym and a few other daily habits a couple of days in a row, I'm frustrated with dating and I'm fed up with succumbing to social media and games on my phone. And because of all of this I just feel bad I guess.

I recognise that these things all eventually pass and I'm only one good day away from not feeling bad anymore and then a couple of good days in a row away from feeling really good.

It's not too late in the evening, I managed to pull myself away from digital vices before it has too much of an impact tomorrow. I will go to bed, journal, read my book and then get up for my gym tomorrow morning.

Porn is not an option. Fuck porn. I am fully aware that porn would only make this 1000x worse haha. Hell no. As for MO, that's a no go for me too unfortunately. If that goes then I fear PMO wouldn't be far behind. So fuck them both for the time being.

I don't have to beat this forever, only tonight. And this is true, not just a trick of the mind, I won't be feeling this way forever, the battles I will have to fight in the future will be easier.

Fuck porn. Fuck the industries which prey on our attention and time. I'm not going to be hard on myself, I'm coming off a few days of added pressure from assignments and I'm now cleaning up the wake.

I already feel a little better just writing this.

To a certain extent these kind of entries are just journaling about my life, but the point is that if aspects of my life fall out of balance, then the reboot will too.

I can do this. Nothing I haven't been through before. I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 73 clean.

I feel like shit this morning and have a super short fuse . I got to gym though and didn't get sucked into my phone, big wins!

I'm meant to study for the next hour before going to uni according to my own schedule but I think I'm just going to say fuck it and go back to bed for half an hour.

Today is one of those days where there is this goblin running around in my head making me want to blow stuff up.

Phone use in general needs to stop. Basically got to be a 15 min check-in once a day. That would be so liberating. Let's do it.

At this point I'm like, if I feel like shit, then I might as well feel like shit positively. I can feel like shit while cultivating good habits and feel like shit (arguably much more shit) cultivating bad ones. Pretty obvious and easy choice.

Fuck porn! Fuck fuck fuck fuck porn! Not today, not ever. Today my goal is a porn-free day, porn substitute free day and a day where I only touch my dick when using the bathroom.

Fuck the phone! Today my goal is to only use my phone to listen to educational podcasts I enjoy.

My life is mine again.

And I choose to go have a little nap hahaha.

 

[Androg]

“A goblin running around in my head, making me want to blow up stuff.“

 

[cookiemonster]

I open Snapchat for like the first time in two years (literally) and I get softcore pornography immediately shoved in my face from every angle on their explore page or whatever it's called.

What the fuck.

So now I'm triggered and Snapchat is uninstalled from my phone.

Going to go for a walk and listen to a podcast.

Today I took the day off from uni and have been off my phone until now and I'm feeling much better.

But seriously what the fuck is going on with everything hijacking our sexuality, including apps with like a primary user base of 12 year olds?

 

[Trisquel]

Hey!
You are right, sometimes I see adds on youtube that are just one step away from P. It's insane.

I know thta goblin as well, good luck it will pass!
What helps me is to connect with my friends, even if I´m beeing grumpy or not very social, beeing aroun' them helps. I also explain to them that I´m tired or feeling not so social and they understand.

Maybe look for ways of relaxing yourself without a phone? Idk, gardering, playing sudokus, origami, reading, streching, listening to an LP, having a drink and a cigarette.... whatever helps you relax and put your mind somewhere else. It shouldn´t be difficult, it should be relaxing. This kind of activities are very helpfull for those moments on the evening.
I understand the struggle, though, I'm still trying to find a way of not using my phone just to relax, or out of boredom/tiredness. is not easy.

Good luck with it, I hope you find a way.

As for the goblin... Yeah, it's there, but I think is already great you can be aware of it and still commit to your reboot. I guess that´s the only way to go, and i'll go away eventually.

At this point I'm like, if I feel like shit, then I might as well feel like shit positively. I can feel like shit while cultivating good habits and feel like shit (arguably much more shit) cultivating bad ones. Pretty obvious and easy choice.

You are completly right, good insight. Just accept things and keep moving in the right direction! That will make things a lot better.

Good luck in your reboot.

 

[cookiemonster]

I took a day off from uni study and just spent time reading a good book and spending time with family.

A good day.

Maybe look for ways of relaxing yourself without a phone? Idk, gardering, playing sudokus, origami, reading, streching, listening to an LP, having a drink and a cigarette.... whatever helps you relax and put your mind somewhere else. It shouldn´t be difficult, it should be relaxing. This kind of activities are very helpfull for those moments on the evening.
I understand the struggle, though, I'm still trying to find a way of not using my phone just to relax, or out of boredom/tiredness. is not easy.

Walks, exercise, naps, chatting with family, reading. These are all good for me personally. Stretching I need to do more of!

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 74 clean.

The goal for today is a porn-free day. No porn, no porn substitutes and no fantasy. I will not touch my dick unless using the bathroom. That is my commitment this morning and the thinking has been done.

No point in using social media either. The more you use it, the more you lose.

Fuck porn.

See you tomorrow or tonight so that I stay accountable.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 75 clean.

Day was good except for wasting like 4 hours on my phone playing games. I'm a video game addict too . Fucking hell haha.

Need to get that sorted out.

See you in the morning.

 

[Blondie]

I'm a video game addict too . Fucking hell haha.

This shit is hard to control. For myself, just being on the computer can be an addiction.

You got this!

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 76 clean.

The goal is no porn and no p-subs today. I will not touch my dick unless using the bathroom.

Today I will find a moment to journal about the sources of cheap dopamine in my life and supernormal stimuli as I saw Brutus put it on his journal.

Day 85 no PMO

I realized today that I have been cutting almost all supernormal stimuli out of my life. PMO is the most obvious and dangerous example. I've also cut my time spent on the internet to less than an hour. I avoid all social media and video games. I've also cut fast food to about once or twice a month, choosing to make natural foods instead.

Unrestricted gratification leads us to slavery and eventually addiction. This is a 21st century problem that really matters because we'll end up as unfulfilled, addicted zombies if we aren't careful.

I see almost every young person around me living these half lives, addicted mainly to their phones and social media. I also quietly think most young men are probably porn addicts too, we just don't see that or talk about it.

Because we're actively trying to overcome porn addiction, we become much more aware about other "supernormal stimuli" in our lives. And once we start to feel the positive effects of beating the porn industry, we naturally realise that beating other addictions will also improve our lives.

For me, I've got to stop playing video games on my phone, stop using social media, stop consuming so much sugar.

My ideal life with regards to these addictions might look something like this:

When I wake up, instead of instantly going on my phone and social media, I would instead drink some water, stretch and self-massage briefly. Then I could do a 1 minute check of my phone looking at my calendar, emails and messages for anything urgent that I may have forgotten about. Then I would immediately put my phone away and go through the rest of my morning routine.

I would not use my phone throughout the day at all except to use apps like my calendar and consuming educational content when commuting.

In the evening I might allow myself a much more sane and controlled 30 minutes doing the thing on my phone which I actually want to do in a way with much more self-control. I would get off technology an hour before bed and read instead of whatever I might do on my phone.

I will figure this out bit by bit. This is just imagining what the promised land might look like.

See you tonight or tomorrow morning so that I stay accountable, the main thing is still this reboot and beating porn.

 

[Trisquel]

Maybe reading when commuting can be a good subtitute to using the phone!

 

[cookiemonster]

Maybe reading when commuting can be a good subtitute to using the phone!

Good idea. But not really a goer for me unfortunately. Podcasts are definitely what I want to do, I just need to not go near social media.

 

[cookiemonster]

Solid day. Phone use was good until the evening when I spent longer on it than I should have playing stupid games. It was fun though. Just went on for too long.

Ultimately it's holding me back.

Tomorrow is another day. In the morning when I wake up I will have some water, eat a bit of food, stretch and foam roll, take a dump and then go to the gym. Only then will I use my phone.

Going to get my life together one addiction at a time haha.

Fuck porn. Cannot go back. One day soon I'll be in bed with a beautiful woman and quietly thanking myself for giving my brain the opportunity to heal. Ohhhhh yeahhh, can't wait.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 77 clean. 11 weeks clean.

Sexual dreams last night.

Not much I want to say here today other than no porn and no mo is the goal. I have my daily strategy which is to commit to no porn, no p-subs and no touching of my dick other than when peeing. That's the goal for today.

I want to keep this short because I want to go and do stuff! I'm excited and determined to feel like I've got my "mojo" back. I've made good progress but the next dragon's to slay are phone use and productivity.

The key I think is to not focus on phone use but instead focus on what I want to achieve and get fired up about that.

Let's fucking go. Fuck porn. Fuck the industries which steal my attention. I'm going to kick their fucking ass. LET'S FUCKING GO.

P.S. If shit goes downhill at any point today I'll come back here as many times as I need.

 

[cookiemonster]

I need to get laid man. Going to bed and reading instead of playing on my phone, big win!

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 78 clean.

Had a dream that I relapsed last night. On the bus so quick one this morning.

Fuck porn!