Day 93 clean.
I haven't been at this level of performance and energy in years. Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling like superman or anything, but I just don't feel exhausted moving from task to task throughout the day. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm actually giving my mind a small rest in between activities instead of stimulating it by playing around on my phone.
I'm sexual limbo where I'm fairly certain I have no PIED problems anymore and feel ready to be intimate with the right girl when she comes along but yet nothing is happening. I'll come back and quote this post in a month or two when the "sexual awakening" occurs hahaha. It will come. And boy oh boy am I going to be happy with myself when I find myself in an intimate moment with a girl and I know I have MONTHS of being clean under my belt. It will feel great to learn what real intimacy is like without porn colouring my thoughts, and also without any performance anxiety!
The goal for today is the same as always. The goal is to have a porn-free day and a porn substitute free day. I won't touch my dick unless peeing.
Yesterday was a success, I spent very little time on social media and didn't play any games on my phone. Although, it blew my mind that the innocuous 5 minutes or so I spent on social media was full of triggering content. For example, I was trying to find a specific video on YouTube to share with a friend and an interview clip of an adult performer I once watched was right there, completely unrelated to my search. On my instagram news feed there's softcore pornographic material coming from girls I know in real life, like wtf. It's everywhere!
Definitely. Social media is porn in disguise, right in front of us. I'm glad I don't use it almost at all however this is where I go sometimes to "warm up" for a porn session, because I let my porn addicted brain to convince me that "I'm not there yet, this is not bad enough yet." Yeah sure...
I used to do the exact same thing.
Man it's crazy. I noticed lately that our relapses always start with social media. Sometimes if you were in a low mental state as you scroll through social media and you see some triggering content without intentionally looking for it, it's like fire meeting gazoline that shyt could blow up at any second.
Moderation is key, and trying to not use your phone while not in the mood.
Congratulations on 3 months of freedom Monster. Outstanding performance.
Keep it up champ.
Yep. Or you're in a low mood so you just go to social media to pacify yourself and deep-down know there will eventually be a trigger - there always is. Then you just fly past all of your mental fortifications fast, before you have time to think. Sorry to hear about your recent relapse but as everyone has been saying, you've been healing significantly and as long as you don't binge it will just become a small blip on a much larger trend of healing. Thanks for the encouragement.
Fuuuuucccckkkk porn man. Seriously, the more time I spend away from it the more I hate it. Now that I'm starting to heal and not constantly feeling urges to use it, I'm like, when was the last time I was a free man? When I was fucking 13? I don't want to go back. I mean, if anything it's probably just saved me an extra hour each day, like a month of work days each year!
Alright. No porn. No p-subs. No social media until after the work day and then keep it to only a few minutes. No phone games at all, they are to be excommunicated.
Let's fucking go!
