chapter 2
Still no PMO since start of reboot and no MO since earlier this week, but more importantly...
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Without realising it, this reboot might be the best thing I've done for myself in years.
Just a warning, I'm going to be describing a sexual encounter so it might be triggering.
I had an amazing time with a girl last night and I'm super into her. She stayed the night at mine after our date. I told her straight out that I've never had sex before, don't know if sex is the sort of thing I'd do on a first date and I didn't have any condoms. She was respectful of this. However, we made out and one thing led to the next and she started giving me head.
I've never received head before and honestly I was super into it. She was super confident, and honestly I loved seeing her like that and loved seeing her doing it.
Even though I was super into it, everything was a little overwhelming for me so I told her I needed a break.
What's great though is I feel super comfortable with her. She's confident and it puts me at ease even though I'm inexperienced. That being said, I'm not someone who generally lacks confidence anyway, it's just that sexual encounters like this are new ground for me so I do feel vulnerable and a little anxious I guess. But she made the experience great.
The night continued with cuddling, kissing and a second round of head. She's a little kinky too which I'm into.
And now here is the reboot angle of the whole experience... I think I managed to stay hard throughout both bouts of head? I don't know why but it's a little hard to tell when you're not the one playing with your own dick hahah. But I think I was pretty solid even if maybe not 100% solid all the time. Although I feel like I loose my erection pretty quick afterwards. But overall I'd call it a working penis! Sure there's improvements to be made but I'm just thankful PIED has fucked off to a large extent. There's no way I should have issues like that being a 20 year old male, in good health with a strong sex drive.
I think this marks the beginning of the next chapter in my reboot: rewiring.
I have multiple things to say on the topic of rewiring
- As much as I was super into the head. It didn't feel as great as I would have imagined. I liked it a lot but it was almost as if I couldn't feel it properly? And in part it felt like I was getting sensory overload? I think I'm too conditioned to my own touch, rhythm and energy when masturbating so when I get this new sensation, with a new rhythm and everything to it, I'm not conditioned to fully appreciate it. I think it's that death grip syndrome from masturbation. I'm just so used to such a tight grip when being stimulated. I kind of despise the fact that years of porn and masturbation has made this the case because I think otherwise from a psychological and physiological standpoint I would fucking love it. Like I didn't even get close to finishing. Hopefully I can get used to it and find what works best by exploring and communicating.
- I understand the reboot process more now. I am largely past urges to look at porn. However having had this experience it genuinely feels like I need to rewire my pleasure circuitry to real sexual encounters.
So no way am I ever going anywhere near PMO again in my life and I'm not going to MO either anytime soon because hopefully I'm going to see this girl again.
And the whole rebooting and rewiring conversation aside, that's only one aspect of why I'm trying to meet people. I genuinely want to see this girl regardless and see where things go. She's great.
All of this a mere two months after stopping PMO.