Road to freedom

cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Still clean.

Didn't have a very good sleep last night which means willpower might be a little harder to muster up today and today's "risk rating" is a little higher.

I'll try to take it easy on myself today, maintain positive self talk, and in the evening if I feel very tired, I won't try to push through to get things done, I'll just go to bed early.

Here again this morning to commit to one more day clean, just focusing on today.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Still clean.

Woke up feeling tired and agitated which is the exact kind of mood which would normally cause me to look at porn. Some morning wood too.

I need some more sleep. Noted.

I wanted to go for a run this morning but struggled to get out of bed. In the future, if I want to go for a run, I will have to either work from home or make sure that I'm in bed early the night before.

Today is another "high-risk" day because of my baseline of being tired and agitated. I'll be busy all day but the high-risk will be this evening when I get home late and go to bed.

The key will be to leave all of my devices upstairs away from my bedroom.

Coming here to commit to another day porn-free, just focussing on today.

Some moderate cravings are starting to appear.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
End of a busy day. I'm tired. I've got to get up early again tomorrow.

This is the moment to charge the devices away from my bedroom, go to sleep and log another clean day.

Tough few days fatigue-wise but almost at the weekend.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Extremely tired this morning and was triggered by something this morning which is giving me urges.

I think that if I get through today then things will get easier. Being tired makes it hard to have the willpower. But I also know that being able to rest and sleep in is a big risk too. I often PMO on days off.

Another "high-risk" day ahead. I've decided to work from home which might mean I can take a powernap and rest my eyes to recover some energy.

Anyway, here this morning to commit to one more day porn-free. Urges are up. Just need to get through today for now.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Still clean.

Got a good amount of sleep and had a nap yesterday afternoon. Went for a run this morning.

Feeling like I had a healthy, restful weekend.

Here today to commit to a porn-free day.

Just focussing on today for now.

Today the risk is urges that will come once I'm no longer staying with my partner.

So the risk is this evening. It will be important to charge my devices well away from my bedroom.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Still clean.

Feeling good but home alone tonight so it would be very easy to PMO.

Here this evening to commit to finishing off the day clean.

The key will be to charge devices well away from the bedroom and not look at devices if I wake up during the night.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Still clean.

Had a couple of long and stressful days at work.

Had a very strong urge to look at porn this morning.

I almost did but being busy meant I simply didn't have the time 😂.

I MO'd a couple of nights ago thinking about pornography which is a big no-no because I'm keeping the addiction neural pathways alive.

This evening I'll need to keep my devices upstairs away from my bedroom.

I'm going to go for a walk now to try to unwind and relieve some stress. Replace bad habits with good ones but get a similar effect.

I'm proud of how I'm doing so far and hope to keep going. I can feel that my brain wants to PMO even though I don't.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
I relapsed this morning.

I MO'd immediately upon waking up and then later in the morning PMO'd.

Reverse engineering what occurred, I think I had a stressful day yesterday, and this morning had some spare time.

So obviously porn use is triggered first by stress but then also an environment/context where I can finally relax a little after the stress.

All is not lost. I was clean for a streak there and it was a step in the right direction. Coming back to this forum was also a step in the right direction.

The focus will be to come back here tomorrow morning and make a post and to be clean for the remainder of the day. A hiccup is better than a binge.
 
cookiemonster

cookiemonster

Well-Known Member
Had three clean days and then relapsed today.

The goal is to not relapse again today, and then to come back here tomorrow morning and set my intention for the day.

I will get there. Better to own up to it and stay in touch with my goals and this forum than slip away for months with no accountability. One step at a time. I can do this and I will do this. I need to get my heart fully in this and be prepared for the cravings when they come.
 
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