Road to freedom

cookiemonster

Active Member
I got a couple of multiday streaks going followed by relapses but I'm back on track now and have been PMO free for over a week.

It's funny, I've started going out for lunch with a girl I kind of like and the moment that started happening it was easy to stop.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
4 weeks PMO free.

Around this time last time I made the mistake of testing my erections and I thought it was fine but ultimately it led to edging, MO and then eventually PMO. The trick is to just not touch my dick other than when peeing and washing in the shower. When urges hit, remind myself 'I don't do that anymore', 'that's not me anymore'.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
My experience during this reboot has been kind of different to the first one I did.

In my first reboot everything was new territory. I reached 4 weeks no PMO and was amazed because it was the first time I'd done it in several years.

Now I've reached 4 weeks and it's no big deal. That's fine. I don't want it to be a big deal, I want this to be no pmo forever.

Right now was the key moment when things started to go wrong in my first reboot. I started erection testing and was ecstatic by how much everything had improved. This time around, I'm finally experiencing what I think people call the flatline (but only sort of).

I've had some sexual dreams. In fact I think most nights recently have had a sexual dream. The same thing happened last streak. I think it's a positive thing, it feels like my brain is healing and moving through things.

I hope I've learned from last time. Last time I trace my relapse all the way back to week 4/week 5 where I started touching my dick again. I have to keep going not touching my dick, other than in the shower and urinating. I have to not let any stimulation awaken the beast haha. I have to trust that everything is healing (last time at this point my erections were mostly recovered) without checking.
 

ladysudan

Active Member
My experience during this reboot has been kind of different to the first one I did.

In my first reboot everything was new territory. I reached 4 weeks no PMO and was amazed because it was the first time I'd done it in several years.

Now I've reached 4 weeks and it's no big deal. That's fine. I don't want it to be a big deal, I want this to be no pmo forever.

Right now was the key moment when things started to go wrong in my first reboot. I started erection testing and was ecstatic by how much everything had improved. This time around, I'm finally experiencing what I think people call the flatline (but only sort of).

I've had some sexual dreams. In fact I think most nights recently have had a sexual dream. The same thing happened last streak. I think it's a positive thing, it feels like my brain is healing and moving through things.

I hope I've learned from last time. Last time I trace my relapse all the way back to week 4/week 5 where I started touching my dick again. I have to keep going not touching my dick, other than in the shower and urinating. I have to not let any stimulation awaken the beast haha. I have to trust that everything is healing (last time at this point my erections were mostly recovered) without checking.
You can beat it!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
5 weeks no pmo, no mo no o.

Today I went to shave my pubes (I genuinely like the feeling better) and normally I get myself semi-erect so that I can do it properly. I decided not to because the whole idea for a while was to deprive myself of stimulation as it was erection testing which ballsed me up last time I reckon. I started going through the motions in the shower and I was like: fuck it, actually probably best if I don't do this.

Then I went to change the song on spotify and the background of the music was video of a girl in lingerie, honestly could have been a porno and it gave my addict brain a bit of a jolt, can't control that. I clicked off that quick smart and decided there was no way I was going to stimulate my dick at all after that, even if it's just to shave.

Then I noticed the grumpiness and complaints of my brain as I shut all this down and was saying "not today". From that I note that the addict in me is still lingering around, even if subdued and progress is being made.

Unfortunately I think the beast has been awakened a little bit as I noticed afterwards a few more pictures caught my eye on social media than they have been during my reboot.

I also note that even writing about that provocative background video on spotify my dick started getting semi-hard. I wasn't even visualising anything consciously just writing about it.

I think I want to try and put the beast to sleep again and continue with the no-stimulation-for-my-dick policy and keep fighting off thoughts with "I don't do that anymore", "I don't think about things like that anymore".

I'm feeling good. Exercising more, outlook on life is lifting up. Seems that after 4-5 weeks of no pmo life starts to get more vivid. I also have a girl that basically asked me out. Not sure if platonic or what but it's funny how these things happen when porn is removed from your life.

Anyway, in a precarious spot right now since the beast is awake and I need to subdue him through monk mind and monk-like lack of stimulation.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
5+ weeks no pmo, no mo, no o

I feel like I'm going pretty strong.

Last night I erection tested a little bit. I don't really remember what was going on because I was extremely tired and it was very late at night. I didn't do it for long either. I started and soon after stopped because I remembered I've decided it's a bad idea.

It's a lot easier for me to win these little battles. It's much more manageable for me to have a rule 'don't touch your dick' than it is to say 'no pmo' but 'mo' is allowed for example.

I was meant to have dinner with a girl tonight which is why I erection tested because I was curious to see whether my member was working. Dick was only semi responsive to touch but honestly I didn't try to get turned on at all or do it for long. I can tell I'm recovering a lot and my dick will likely work when the time comes.

Dinner got postponed in the end anyway.

At this point in my last streak I was 'erection testing' which really became very close to masturbation without orgasm and without getting close to orgasm. I then had so much built up sexual tension that I needed to MO to let it out. Then I kept the streak going for several weeks afterwards but I think that first MO was the beginning of the downfall.

A challenge going forward for me is going to be the desire to erection test before seeing girls to check whether my dick will work should the opportunity arise to use it. I think the best thing I can do is avoid erection testing entirely and if I end up with a girl, go in blind and see what happens. The worst that can happen is my dick doesn't work and that's really not that bad. Much better than a relapse.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Tough day today.

Spent all day playing games on my phone instead of dealing with my uni assignments coming up.

Feel really shit and it's days like this where I'm closer to relapse. Not because I'm tempted or anything but because I think the porn-use habit is associated with feelings of stress and overwhelm (i.e. PMO to release tension).

I need to reframe doing my uni assignments not as an activity for uni and instead as an activity to avoid relapsing and maybe I'll actually do them hahah.

Found myself 'erection testing' in the shower today so I'm slipping a little. This is what led to relapse in my last streak. On a positive note my dick can get pretty hard to touch alone (no surprises after the last reboot). On a negative note, I need to cut this out.

Coming up on 6 weeks no PMO soon.
 

Ezel

Respected Member
Tough day today.

Spent all day playing games on my phone instead of dealing with my uni assignments coming up.

Feel really shit and it's days like this where I'm closer to relapse. Not because I'm tempted or anything but because I think the porn-use habit is associated with feelings of stress and overwhelm (i.e. PMO to release tension).

I need to reframe doing my uni assignments not as an activity for uni and instead as an activity to avoid relapsing and maybe I'll actually do them hahah.

Found myself 'erection testing' in the shower today so I'm slipping a little. This is what led to relapse in my last streak. On a positive note my dick can get pretty hard to touch alone (no surprises after the last reboot). On a negative note, I need to cut this out.

Coming up on 6 weeks no PMO soon.
good for you @cookiemonster.
i get the same feelings (stress, boredom).
my brain is making me feel that way to get me back to pmo, but instead I do anything (that doesn't include porn) to relieve the stress, it's not always something that's useful, sometimes I go binge-watching youtube videos to kind of relieve that stress (which can get risky sometimes).
man our brains are magnificent and stupid at the same time, as long as the thing and the habit you are doing is giving your brain dopamine, it doesn't care that much if it is healthy and meaningful or not.
i can see that you like Goggins, me too. he always says that on the other side of suffering you can find freedom and happiness.
same with the struggle of leaving porn, on the other side of it you will find freedom, we just have to trust the process and never give in.
you are doing great my man, keep on pushing...
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
good for you @cookiemonster.
i get the same feelings (stress, boredom).
my brain is making me feel that way to get me back to pmo, but instead I do anything (that doesn't include porn) to relieve the stress, it's not always something that's useful, sometimes I go binge-watching youtube videos to kind of relieve that stress (which can get risky sometimes).
man our brains are magnificent and stupid at the same time, as long as the thing and the habit you are doing is giving your brain dopamine, it doesn't care that much if it is healthy and meaningful or not.
i can see that you like Goggins, me too. he always says that on the other side of suffering you can find freedom and happiness.
same with the struggle of leaving porn, on the other side of it you will find freedom, we just have to trust the process and never give in.
you are doing great my man, keep on pushing...
Thanks Ezel
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
6 weeks no pmo, no mo, no o

I feel like I'm on track. I felt like I might have been slipping for a moment there but I haven't been "erection testing" and I must admit I didn't think about porn or rebooting even once today. Was busy at work and then running.

I assume my dick is mostly working again now based on where I was during my last reboot at this stage.

I hope things will get easier from here and it's just about keeping my strict no touch dick, don't think about anything sexual policy. As I write this I note I shouldn't grow complacent because that's when things will start to go wrong.

Stay the course from here on out and take rewiring opportunities which arise.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Came across a very attractive picture of a girl I used to go to school with on social media which has given me some mild urges today, more so than other points in this reboot, but we've made it through and I'm signing off for the night. We live to fight another day.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Had a very sexual dream last night and woke up with morning wood and a little bit of "precum".

Waking up had my mind locked on sexual release. Maybe it's time to find someone to rewire with.

Will be arriving at 7 weeks no pmo no mo soon.

Got to remind myself, don't touch your dick for anything but showering and using the bathroom and avoid sexual thoughts.
 
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