A new start

Oldnewguy

Member
33 days done. No urges recently but have seen the times I would have acted out before. Stress and worry are my triggers which used to lead me looking for an escape or relief. All it actually did was add to my stress so a negative loop.
I'm now just noticing the times and triggers so I'm better prepared in the future. Facing stresses head on. Feeling so much better about myself
Awesome job Hannibal. Very happy for you. Recognizing the compounding of problems with a temporary solution as opposed to just dealing with life’s problems is wisdom that will help many people.
 

Hannibal

Member
34, 35, 36 days done.
Really difficult time for with lots of stress and issues. In the past I would have definitely acted out as an avoidance or relief. I haven't. I faced the issues. Saw them for what the are and acted to resolve them
 

Hannibal

Member
37, 38, 39, 40 days done.
Learning so far:
1. Importance of an accountability partner
2. Remove porn blockers from internet so porn doesn't become something taboo to crave after
3. Understand the porn addiction process and then get mad that companies are making money from the addiction.
4. Importance of just saying no. Simple as that. There's no such thing as "just once". Note the urges, feel the feeling. They pass. Just say no, and feel the pride afterwards.
5. I still use a day counter but I don't check it religiously like I did before.
6. Be kind to myself.
 

Hannibal

Member
51 days completed. Feeling great. Interesting how I set daily goals and journalled daily in the earlier days of this streak,, whereas now I just choose not to act out. Seems remarkably easy at the moment, but still on my guard
 

Hannibal

Member
Nearly slipped today. No idea where that came from. Even opened the website but shut it down before I watched anything. A warning to keep on my guard, especially when stressed, bored or tired
 

jberg

Active Member
Nearly slipped today. No idea where that came from.
Hannibal, I know what you're talking about! It seems to come out of nowhere. I sometimes wonder if men have hormonal cycles, too. But no matter the cause, by now I KNOW it's coming sooner or later, so I have to make sure my mind is right so that when it does come, I don't go spinning off the rails. For me, that means keeping a strong connection to the people in this program, to my wife and children, and to my Higher Power. And that connection may go through my mind, but it is anchored in my heart. So maybe I should have said I have to keep my heart right. Nevertheless, this requires DAILY work. I've noticed in the past that when I'm just floating around out there without a strong connection, then I'm susceptible to falling for the false connection. As the sa.org literature puts it:
We began practicing a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others. We were learning how to give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real Connection. We were home.
From https://www.sa.org/solution/
 

Hannibal

Member
60 days complete. Generally easy. A couple of days of real challenge. Biggest lessons so far are the way the urge can sneak up on me, and the importance of understanding and avoiding "just once".
 

Hannibal

Member
Completely out of nowhere I slipped. Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I devastated? No.
It's a bump in the road that I will learn from. Previous attempts would have seen me feeling awful, low, depressed, then resetting the counter and vowing never again. Not this time. The counter continues and I move forward on exactly the same path - I don't start it again. I've seen so many posts on here of people vowing they will never do it again. They post regularly in the early days, share their successes, how hard it is, how they get through temptations.... Then they go silent. My guess is they have slipped, feel ashamed and try to avoid the thing they joined this amazing forum for in the first place - support.
I'm human. I'm addicted. I slipped. The addicted part if my brain wants me to feel low about that so it can crush me and then offer the solution.
I won't.i will do the opposite. I will do what my enemy doesn't want me to: To feel pride, self respect, inner calm and, most importantly, to carry on from where I am. Not start again
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear about your relapse Hannibal. I like that you are loving yourself, and seeing it as a bump on the road, and not a complete setback. This is true. 70 something days porn free is a great thing indeed. Focus on those glorious 70 days porn free instead of one day of relapsing. That is your new life, not the one day of slipping.

Keep it up!

It's where you're going that matters.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I'm 100% with you on the enemy and not indulging in feeling bad.
Things happen, but thats not gonna stop you.
The correct way, as you have shown, is to pick ourselves up and continue on.
 

Hannibal

Member
83 days ago I committed to ending this addiction. Yes, I slipped once but that isn't a failure. A failure would have been to start the process again, admonish myself and repeat the process as it has happened so many times before.
83 days stronger and better. So proud of myself
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@Hannibal, like a kind father to his child, we only use kind encouraging words when they (we) should slip and fall.

There is no failure when a path has been determined and the journey ongoing. Failure only happens when we stop and give up.

Your journey continues from when you first started, 83 and counting. Onward my friend to greater good and glory!
 

Hannibal

Member
89 days. Doing well. I've noted the times where I have been tempted. I've seen how things can creep on me when I don't expect it. I'm doing well and building a new life for myself
 
Impressive effort you're making, congratulations. My history is similar to yours. I'm trying something different this time, I'm going away from the "counting the days" thing I've done in the past, which hasn't worked for me. I'm viewing my change as a moment-by-moment decision process where I'm continuously deciding to be a different person. I'm backing this all up with dealing with my deep-rooted problems, too, and eliminating triggers and the whatnot. But I'm not going to count the days, because at least for me, passing certain milestones is almost like giving me permission to relapse to who I was. Will it work? Who knows, but it's what I'm going to try. Should I fail, I'll acknowledge it to myself and post about it here, but it won't stop me from changing.
 
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