Amor Fati (Recovery Journal)

Jswizzle

Active Member
How you doing Jswizzle? It's been a while since you checked in. I hope all is well.
Blondie,
Oh, man! I didn't realize it's been a while since I checked in. I have been crazy busy with work and getting engulfed in gaming, yard work, etc. At the end of the day I just haven't been accountable in checking in. However, I'm still porn free! No MO either.
Had some minor triggers from FB (pretty females) but able to to avoid the pull and rumination of allowing the triggers to persist.

Hope you are doing well too, brother! Thank you for reaching out. Good reminder to keep engaged. Appreciate you very much and grateful to be a part of the forum.
 

grantis

Member
Blondie,
Oh, man! I didn't realize it's been a while since I checked in. I have been crazy busy with work and getting engulfed in gaming, yard work, etc. At the end of the day I just haven't been accountable in checking in. However, I'm still porn free! No MO either.
Had some minor triggers from FB (pretty females) but able to to avoid the pull and rumination of allowing the triggers to persist.

Hope you are doing well too, brother! Thank you for reaching out. Good reminder to keep engaged. Appreciate you very much and grateful to be a part of the forum.
Congrats on 150 brotha.
I use social media quite often and my feed is currently filled with the images of pretty women. Is there any way to customize my preferences so that content does not appear?
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Saturday, May 28th 2022
Day 158 no porn

Temptation for MO this morning, but didn't. Able to catch myself.

Been lacking motivation to keep posting, reading others journey, and commenting/supporting others. Been depressed. The things going on in the world have really put me in a negative mindset.
I don't feel safe. I feel compelled to follow the news as I want to know what's happening around me. Yet, this is the source of distress.
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Congrats on 150 brotha.
I use social media quite often and my feed is currently filled with the images of pretty women. Is there any way to customize my preferences so that content does not appear?
I know there is on Facebook, not sure if it's the case with other platforms. One of the things I have done is change ad preferences in my story feed and it's helped.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I feel compelled to follow the news as I want to know what's happening around me. Yet, this is the source of distress.

I know the feeling. I make it a point to not get caught in the news cycle, as I call it. At the same time, I want to be informed (outside of the MSM).

One thing I do is to not look at news first thing in the morning, and to recognize if the news has a sensationalistic spin to it, like the intent is to hype us up. Yes, I want to know what's going on in the world- but don't manipulate me, don't tell me how to think about things...

Good job on keeping it real, Jswizzle!
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Tuesday, May 31 2022
Day 161 no porn
3 days no MO

Doing well with keeping vigilant with not using porn. This is the first time in my life since I was 13 years old I have made it this far. So grateful to find this community and dig in on getting this shit out of my life. So tired of living in shame and secrecy. However, I know that the "allergy" is still there and one slip can send me into a spiral.

Yeah, I have been porn free but working a program of recovery is what will lead to lasting change. Which, I have faltered on for the last three months.

I do things that help replace the dopamine rush.... videogames, online gaming, projects around the house, reading etc. They're all good distraction. Plus my work acts as a buffer to keep me busy.

As I reflect on my history of porn use, I want to be vulnerable and confront my shame. On my honeymoon, as a twenty year old kid, my wife and I went to Hawaii. Our first day in Waikiki, after our plane had landed we settled into our hotel room. While my wife was asleep in the afternoon (we landed early in the morning and she was taking a nap) I went to explore areas around the hotel. I found an adult novelty shop and found myself using porn in a booth. This was before the expansion of the smart phone and internet boom within the first decade of the late 2000's.

Wanted to share that. Leave it here. Not carry it anymore. Glad for utilizing the blog as I can utilize posts to find motivation when temptation strikes.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Congrats Jswizzle on the length of this streak. It feels great to get that far away from porn and be at a place you haven't been since your childhood. You should definitely be proud about this!

Thanks for sharing that about your honeymoon activities, that's a bold thing to do. We're all here because we've fucked up in one way or the other, but that doesn't mean we're fuck ups. We've all made mistakes (that's only human) but we're here today fixing them.

Keep going Jswizzle, you're doing great and you're making lifelong changes that will help you and your family out.

That is what a good man does.

Best

Blondie.
 
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