Amor Fati (Recovery Journal)

Jswizzle

Active Member
Wow man, it's an inspiration to read your journal. Can't help to be a little envious :) and hopefully I can be on the same road soon!
Thank you for the kind words. I want to support you in your journey too. I have battled porn for a long time and have not had a clean 90 days since I started using porn in my early teens. You can beat the porn. Keep checking in.
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Fucking A my man! You're killing it. I hope you're doing well.
Thank you, brother. Doing okay. No receipt urges to view porn. Just working on trying to be a better husband and father. Finding difficulty with keeping my attitudes in check. Finding myself short/irritable with my spouse and kid, but I believe it's work related stress. Hope you are doing well as well.
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Tuesday, March 29th 2022
Day 101 no porn
Day 4 no MO

Reflections on my journey so far:

No recent temptation to view porn. Have mild temptation (2 or 3 out of 10) when I see an attractive female. Usually able to exercise willpower alone to resist the urge. However, the urge to act out sexually usually manifests later through fantasization which leads to MO. Most of the time I can distract myself through gaming or engaging sexually with my wife.

Finding myself more irritable or less patient with my spouse and daughter. However, I feel this is due to work related stress. Definitely feel like my inner " nice guy" needs work. I find myself lacking in the emotional intimacy department. I have difficulty being patient and empathetic.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Congratulations, Jswizzle, on 100+ days free from porn! You're now in 'tripple-digit' territory!

You're doing an awesome job in changing your life! Your self-knowledge is key, and it sounds like in this area, your self-awareness is getting sharper and sharper, and you'll start seeing fundamental change on a deeper (emotional) level. You'll be that man your wife and family needs, just be patient with yourself.

Have you ever seen a sign that says, "Don't touch, Wet Paint!" and after that, you wanted to touch it? Same here with MO. It's easy for someone to say, "Don't do that!" But, don't sweat it, brother. You know what you want and why you're here. It's always impressive to see you nailing it in this area, too, even if sometimes it's a struggle.

There's a difference between someone 'white-knuckling' it, always on the verge, and someone who's relaxing into their abstinence. By 'relaxing' I don't mean complacency, but knowing what you want and going for it, without constantly looking over your shoulder.

You got it, brother! Wishing you the best.
 
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