Amor Fati (Recovery Journal)

Jswizzle

Active Member
Congratulations, Jswizzle, on 100+ days free from porn! You're now in 'tripple-digit' territory!

You're doing an awesome job in changing your life! Your self-knowledge is key, and it sounds like in this area, your self-awareness is getting sharper and sharper, and you'll start seeing fundamental change on a deeper (emotional) level. You'll be that man your wife and family needs, just be patient with yourself.

Have you ever seen a sign that says, "Don't touch, Wet Paint!" and after that, you wanted to touch it? Same here with MO. It's easy for someone to say, "Don't do that!" But, don't sweat it, brother. You know what you want and why you're here. It's always impressive to see you nailing it in this area, too, even if sometimes it's a struggle.

There's a difference between someone 'white-knuckling' it, always on the verge, and someone who's relaxing into their abstinence. By 'relaxing' I don't mean complacency, but knowing what you want and going for it, without constantly looking over your shoulder.

You got it, brother! Wishing you the best.
Thank you so much for the kind words. Wishing you well also.
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Wednesday, March 30th 2021
Day 102 no porn
Day 5 no MO

Feeling grateful today. Phineas 808 giving encouragement. Also, satisfying day at work today. Got a good pay raise. Come home and had good emotional connection with my wife without contention.
Proud of my daughter as she is doing well in preschool and developing a personality.
Hope to keep momentum going. Going to commit to expressing myself more in the forum. Truly helpful in bettering my attitudes.
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Friday, April 1st 2022
Day 104 no porn
Day 0 no MO

Slipped again this morning with MO. However, not getting down about it. Tomorrow is a new day.
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
Saturday, April 9th 2022
Day 112 no porn
Day 0 no MO

MO this morning after waking. Tomorrow is a new day. I would like to increase more days between my lapses with MO. Most of the time I do well to be able to resist urges. My downfall comes in the early morning most of the time.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You're doing great Jswizzle. I'm really proud of you man! 115 days is a big achievement. Is this your longest streak so far?

Being this far out, have you noticed any major improvements in your daily sexual thoughts, fantasies etc.? I know the further I get away from porn, I've noticed my mind is much calmer in regards to my passing thoughts etc. I still have random moments, flashbacks if you will, but in general, my thoughts are much more relaxed and even-keeled throughout the day. And speaking for myself, that is a great thing.

I hope you and your family are doing well. Keep killing it!
 

Jswizzle

Active Member
You're doing great Jswizzle. I'm really proud of you man! 115 days is a big achievement. Is this your longest streak so far?

Being this far out, have you noticed any major improvements in your daily sexual thoughts, fantasies etc.? I know the further I get away from porn, I've noticed my mind is much calmer in regards to my passing thoughts etc. I still have random moments, flashbacks if you will, but in general, my thoughts are much more relaxed and even-keeled throughout the day. And speaking for myself, that is a great thing.

I hope you and your family are doing well. Keep killing it!
Thank you for the kind words. Blondie, I have noticed the impulse to watch porn has decreased in general. However, I have struggled at times with pretty strong urges for MO which I have caved and engaged in the behavior. With that being said the frequency of MO has drastically declined since I haven't used porn and finding RN.

Dude, thank you for checking in! I need to get back to reading others journey as well and supporting others. I value your support more than you know.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Hi man, regarding MO I don't see it as something negative per se. Ideally it is avoided but sometimes it is helpful.

What I am curios is with abstinence from P (which I think we all agree is very negative and damaging) but not abstinence from MO (I see it as neutral, it can be helpful if used wisely but can also very unhelpful). With 100+ days of abstinence are you finding your wife more attractive? Can relate more to your wife? Feel more connected?

I think this might be a good criteria to also evaluate P reboot/rewire process. Less objective that day counting.

EW
 
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