36, PIED, new plan

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logicprox

Well-Known Member
21 days.

Went out dancing. There were a lot of beautiful women. I woke up in the middle of the night horny and with that on my mind. I started to M to fantasy. However, before M turned to MO, I stopped. Although porn is my primary enemy and I do believe MO can be a healthy part of some men's lives, it's not for me right now. I need to get my brain reset first. Plus, in my one other long streak, when I started letting myself MO it was the beginning of the end for me. I started MOing regularly and that eventually started to include making excuses like looking up images and videos (initially stuff like insta, but eventually porn), putting my phone down, and finishing the deed to fantasy, which obviously fires up the same brain pathways and sent me back down the waterslide.

Not this time.

Interestingly, there was surprisingly very little urge to go get my phone from the kitchen and use porn to MO. I assume that is some sort of progress, that my brain was seeking the O more than the P. Also woke up with some morning wood again, which is encouraging.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
22 days. Felt a little dirty from the almost MO the night before but I'm feeling back on track mentally this morning. I did consider whether I should reset my counter, but I decided it made sense not to since I stopped before O and didn't use P at all. Interested if anyone else has a different perspective on that, though.

The biggest thing for me is just making sure I don't do that again. I don't use porn anymore, but I need to just as clearly define for myself that I don't MO. Much like porn, M also doesn't actually give me anything. None of those women from the club are actually there with me. It's nonsense.

I do think the root cause was going out dancing + alcohol messing up my sleep (I have been sleeping so much better since I cut out TV/movies and alcohol). I wouldn't have gone down that road if I hadn't woken up in the middle of the night horny from the club. I think I am going to go back to no alcohol and not go out to clubs for a few more weeks. I need to get a little further down the recovery road before allowing myself those things.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
23 days.

Had more urges yesterday. Starting to get really comfortable, though, with the idea that I am not bound to do what my brain urges me to do. Not just PMO, that sort of idea is starting to permeate everything. I get urges to go buy junk food, or watch TV, or just walk away from my work because something is stressing me out instead of dealing with the issue. I don't have to follow those urges. I realize now that at some point I started letting all kinds of urges control my life. I think I even sort of felt like I didn't have a choice. I absolutely do, though. It's actually sort of fascinating.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Keep killing it! And yes, it's great to realize we have complete control over ourselves in every thought or action. Leaning into our stress, is often the best remedy to relieve it.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
25 days.

I've been keeping away from fantasy to fall asleep for the past 3 weeks or so (most of my current clean run) but the last few days my brain has tried to return to the habit. What I mean by that is that as soon as I set aside my book and the light goes off, it's been starting up a scene automatically.

When I fantasize, it never dives directly into porn, it starts at a perfectly reasonable normal life scenario with some attractive woman I know or encountered and then has some short, absurd storyline to get to the porn lol. Similar to a lot of those really tacky pizza delivery scenes but with more believable (if improbable) stories.

So the last few nights when I laid down my brain started some of these up without my permission. I turned them off almost immediately but I find it interesting that after 3 weeks this is happening. It's almost like a separate and additional addiction and my brain is desperately trying to get its before bed fantasy fix.

I wear a fitbit and it's also said the last few days my REM sleep has been way below what it should be. Given the timing correlation, I wonder if my brain is starting to struggle from not getting the before bed fantasy fix. If so, I see that as a positive. I'm starving that element of the addiction out. My sleep will recover when it's dead. I can wait.

Pure speculation. All that actually matters is that I don't use porn, and I don't fantasize. Because it's all fantasy and it does nothing for me.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
You're killing Logic! The mind is a crazy thing when getting over its addictions! Keep staying strong and showing it who's boss.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
logicprox said:
25 days.

I've been keeping away from fantasy to fall asleep for the past 3 weeks or so (most of my current clean run) but the last few days my brain has tried to return to the habit. What I mean by that is that as soon as I set aside my book and the light goes off, it's been starting up a scene automatically.

When I fantasize, it never dives directly into porn, it starts at a perfectly reasonable normal life scenario with some attractive woman I know or encountered and then has some short, absurd storyline to get to the porn lol. Similar to a lot of those really tacky pizza delivery scenes but with more believable (if improbable) stories.

So the last few nights when I laid down my brain started some of these up without my permission. I turned them off almost immediately but I find it interesting that after 3 weeks this is happening. It's almost like a separate and additional addiction and my brain is desperately trying to get its before bed fantasy fix.

I wear a fitbit and it's also said the last few days my REM sleep has been way below what it should be. Given the timing correlation, I wonder if my brain is starting to struggle from not getting the before bed fantasy fix. If so, I see that as a positive. I'm starving that element of the addiction out. My sleep will recover when it's dead. I can wait.

Pure speculation. All that actually matters is that I don't use porn, and I don't fantasize. Because it's all fantasy and it does nothing for me.
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I feel you, man. Fantasies where my downfall too. But disengaging from them has been exactly the thing that has helped me get the momentum back. Keeping the porn dopamine to the minimum is one of the "secrets" of this rebooting business, it's a must in any plan, even if one doesn't have a plan, practicing this could help a lot. And if you think about it, it is not actually a "secret", it's just common sense, it's about understanding the simple way this addiction works at the core. You got this, man!
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
26 days. Started re-reading Easy Peasy again this morning because it helps me not lose sight of why I stopped using PMO. Yes, stopped, past tense. I am not in the process of stopping. I have stopped and there's no good reason to start again.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
I haven't read Easy Peasy, maybe I should? I like your resolve and your putting porn use in the past tense. That is very logical logicprox!
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
It could have used an editor to catch missing/extra words and I don't follow all of his analogies lol. But the content is good and motivates me.

EasyPeasy Method.

A completely free and open source method for quitting pornography easily and without willpower.
easypeasymethod.org easypeasymethod.org

I realized the other day that my username sounds like I am arrogantly stating I am really good at logic lol. Logic Pro X is actually a music making software I use. Couldn't think of a name when I signed up and the app was open so I went with it.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
logicprox said:
It could have used an editor to catch missing/extra words and I don't follow all of his analogies lol. But the content is good and motivates me.

EasyPeasy Method.

A completely free and open source method for quitting pornography easily and without willpower.
easypeasymethod.org easypeasymethod.org

I realized the other day that my username sounds like I am arrogantly stating I am really good at logic lol. Logic Pro X is actually a music making software I use. Couldn't think of a name when I signed up and the app was open so I went with it.
Click to expand...
I knew that.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
logicprox said:
It could have used an editor to catch missing/extra words and I don't follow all of his analogies lol. But the content is good and motivates me.

EasyPeasy Method.

A completely free and open source method for quitting pornography easily and without willpower.
easypeasymethod.org easypeasymethod.org

I realized the other day that my username sounds like I am arrogantly stating I am really good at logic lol. Logic Pro X is actually a music making software I use. Couldn't think of a name when I signed up and the app was open so I went with it.
Click to expand...
lol I figured as much. I was just having fun. Maybe I'll check it out.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
27 days.

I like not using PMO. A lot.

Finished Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins last night. Feeling very inspired to push myself further in my fitness goals, and a few of my other hobbies. There's no space for PMO in that. It sucks too much time and energy. Time to get hyper focused on what i ACTUALLY want out of life, and that definitely isn't fake women on the screen or fake women in my fantasies.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
logicprox said:
27 days.

I like not using PMO. A lot.

Finished Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins last night. Feeling very inspired to push myself further in my fitness goals, and a few of my other hobbies. There's no space for PMO in that. It sucks too much time and energy. Time to get hyper focused on what i ACTUALLY want out of life, and that definitely isn't fake women on the screen or fake women in my fantasies.
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Yes, great find. David Goggins is one of the reasons why I've exceeded my streak limits. I like to listen to this guy. I could relate to him a little bit because I had a difficult childhood too, not exactly like his but going through bullying, loneliness, that sort of stuff, I know about that.

There is no space for PMO, absolutely. PMO consumes energy and nutrients. It takes time and nutrients to create sperm and throwing it away for no reason is not actually a good idea. Abstinence actually does wonders to the mind and body. I've created a new motto for myself: "Don't throw away your sexual energy for no reason. If it's not for sex and/or reproduction, it's not worth it." Masturbation, for me, it's such a selfish, lonely self-pressuring activity that gives me nothing. Peace ✌️
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
28 days.

Had another dream about relapsing. Brain is missing PMO. Unfortunately for my brain, I don't. And I make the decisions around here.
 
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