New here, ashamed.

male41

Member
I'm a married man who has always watched porn from early teens. My wife has caught me numerous times and I always say I stop. The time has come that I really need to stop as I'm going to loose my wife and family. I also have issues with alcohol which I don't think helps at all. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. My first step now is putting a porn blocker on my phone. Also I have started walking to clear my mind etc. Any advice/support would be great as I love my wife dearly and she deserves so much more.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
My advice would be keep the line of communication open. So that you can talk about it. Get the book Love You, Hate the Porn. It is the best book for both of you to read and talk about. Mark Chamberlain has a blog:
markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com. You can copy and paste. All the info there is very useful for couples. Above all continue to love each other!
 

male41

Member
My advice would be keep the line of communication open. So that you can talk about it. Get the book Love You, Hate the Porn. It is the best book for both of you to read and talk about. Mark Chamberlain has a blog:
markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com. You can copy and paste. All the info there is very useful for couples. Above all continue to love each other!
Thanks for the info, I really appreciate it
 

Sphinx017

New Member
I'm a married man who has always watched porn from early teens. My wife has caught me numerous times and I always say I stop. The time has come that I really need to stop as I'm going to loose my wife and family. I also have issues with alcohol which I don't think helps at all. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. My first step now is putting a porn blocker on my phone. Also I have started walking to clear my mind etc. Any advice/support would be great as I love my wife dearly and she deserves so much more.
I know your scenario very well because I’m there myself. My addiction started during my single Army days (2001-2009). I’ve been married for 11 years and would sneak off to get a few seconds of skin for a fap. It made me behave and speak like someone I wasn’t. Social media made me feel like I was one of the guys again and spreading pics and gifs was okay. I was caught again and now facing the real possibility that she’ll leave me for good. Our actions and dedication towards mental and physical health start with places like this. Let’s help each other get better for our families and lastly our own sakes.
 

male41

Member
I know your scenario very well because I’m there myself. My addiction started during my single Army days (2001-2009). I’ve been married for 11 years and would sneak off to get a few seconds of skin for a fap. It made me behave and speak like someone I wasn’t. Social media made me feel like I was one of the guys again and spreading pics and gifs was okay. I was caught again and now facing the real possibility that she’ll leave me for good. Our actions and dedication towards mental and physical health start with places like this. Let’s help each other get better for our families and lastly our own sakes.
Thanks for the support, I will do it, I need to! Like you said the support on here is a great comfort. It's early days but I'm positive
 

Sphinx017

New Member
Thanks for the support, I will do it, I need to! Like you said the support on here is a great comfort. It's early days but I'm positive
I need to also. I’ve come to grips that like many other addictions and illnesses, you must seek help in some way to help you to the road to sobriety and clean living. There are no shortcuts. I will be positive for you too.
 

male41

Member
I need to also. I’ve come to grips that like many other addictions and illnesses, you must seek help in some way to help you to the road to sobriety and clean living. There are no shortcuts. I will be positive for you too.
Cheers mate, today has been really hard, emotionally. My wife and I have talked alot. I've started reading the book that has been recommended and it is a real eye opener. I can relate to so many things in it. This gives me hope. I've also rang a place and i am going on a zoom call later tonight, with people that have these type of addictions. I will keep you updated lol
 

male41

Member
My advice would be keep the line of communication open. So that you can talk about it. Get the book Love You, Hate the Porn. It is the best book for both of you to read and talk about. Mark Chamberlain has a blog:
markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com. You can copy and paste. All the info there is very useful for couples. Above all continue to love each other!
The book is a real eye opener, thank you thank you the recommendation.
 

Sphinx017

New Member
Cheers mate, today has been really hard, emotionally. My wife and I have talked alot. I've started reading the book that has been recommended and it is a real eye opener. I can relate to so many things in it. This gives me hope. I've also rang a place and i am going on a zoom call later tonight, with people that have these type of addictions. I will keep you updated lol
Outstanding. I’ll upload that book. Is your group local only? Can others Zoom in? I don’t have anything in place for me until next week. Just curious.
 

Richard44

Member
@male41 @Sphinx017

Guys please do not make the same mistake as i DID and wait to LONG. I also thought i could keep on going with the PMO until it was to late. Unfortunately for me my wife left me and sadly as it sounds that was when i finally realised this is real and ive done it. I lost her to fucking pixels.

You can read my thread if you like but in short. It made me feel so disgusted with myself, i felt so angry with myself since that day i have not watched porn nor masturbated. I stopped it all because this shit took it all from me. I cant even watch PORN anymore it hurts to much.

DO NOT BE LIKE ME, you will regret it.
 

male41

Member
Outstanding. I’ll upload that book. Is your group local only? Can others Zoom in? I don’t have anything in place for me until next week. Just curious.
Hi, I've just done my first zoom meeting, felt ill building upto it. Listened for 90 percent but introduced myself and admitting my addiction. I know it's only the first step but I kind of feel relieved. Maybe because I'm not alone? The website is saa-recovery.org.uk. they do nightly meetings all over the country, can go if local or join via zoom. I was in the Thursday Bristol one.
 

male41

Member
@male41 @Sphinx017

Guys please do not make the same mistake as i DID and wait to LONG. I also thought i could keep on going with the PMO until it was to late. Unfortunately for me my wife left me and sadly as it sounds that was when i finally realised this is real and ive done it. I lost her to fucking pixels.

You can read my thread if you like but in short. It made me feel so disgusted with myself, i felt so angry with myself since that day i have not watched porn nor masturbated. I stopped it all because this shit took it all from me. I cant even watch PORN anymore it hurts to much.

DO NOT BE LIKE ME, you will regret it.
I'm so sorry to hear this, I will read your thread for sure. Today has been a rollercoaster. I am glad to have jumped straight in to help me sort this mess out. Tha ks for sharing and good luck with everything.
 

male41

Member
Just a quick update, alot of talking has been done at home, communication of feelings is definitely the key I feel. Although some things have been embarrassing to get of my chest the outcome has always been positive. Although it's early days my wife and I are talking another more and it seems to be helping. I've haven't done any negative things and also haven't had any alcohol which is always a good thing for me. I'm just concentrating on doing positive things, even small things, and in turn thus will me happier in myself and also my wife.
 
Last edited:

male41

Member
Just a quick update, had another zoom Saa meeting, that's two I've done now. Even though a hour before the meeting I feel physically sick with nerves, I'm finding the actually meetings to be a great help, very inspiring 🙏 also I haven't even thought of acting out or drank any alcohol. I've been reading other people's stories on here too which is helping me, keep going guys we can do it!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice job, keep it up! Porn, no matter how hard your day, is never worth it! Living in truth is the best life one can have.
 

male41

Member
It's been 48 days since I've looked at porn. Feeling positive most of the time. Saa meetings are really helping me too. I like listening to other people, knowing that I'm not alone in this. My wife is feeling down today though which kills me knowing I'm the cause of her pain.
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
My husband would say that a lot when I was having trouble. Something he would say is exactly that. It hurts me knowing I am the cause of your pain. It helped to hear that.
 

male41

Member
I still haven't acted out which I'm really proud of. And still no alcohol. I've been doing alot of DIY etc to keep me busy which has helped. My wife has been struggling a bit due to me not sharing my day to day feelings with her. Wish I could do this more often. I won't give up, just hope she doesn't give up on me.
 
Top