theendoftheline
New Member
A few months into my relationship I found that my now fiancé had been watching disgusting porn on his iPad the worse thing about it was that he has left it on the sofa so my child could of grabbed it and seen it as he also uses the iPad and it was on as soon as I opened the iPad 
my heart was broken and I cried for months on end in a bad depression and I ended up taking an overdose. I didn’t pass obviously and I know it was incredibly stupid of me but if you knew my life I’m sure you would understand. This all happened in June the week of my birthday and I found it 3 more times after this as well.
Yesterday I was just have a nosy on his phone as he has a Samsung and I have an iPhone so I’m toying with the idea of having a Samsung as they seem Louder sound wise and I just couldn’t resist a visit to the history section where I didn’t expect to find yet again more PORN. Not only has he lied to me about this I recently found out after moving in with him he is in almost £7000 in debt for not paying council tax and other bills before he met me so imagine my face when a letter dropped into my hallway and it was a red bill letter talking about baylifts and court action and then I found out he also has 4 CCJS which means we probably will never be able to buy a home. Everybody around me at the moment is causing me grief and giving me a hard time that includes family and work. I’ve had to cut a lot of people out of my life.
So anyway after I found the porn it was like I had been stabbed right in the back and I laughed hysterically for ages and all I could do was plug myself in to the pc and play my game to drown out the sounds inside my head that I’ve been struggling with my whole life that I’m not good enough and I’m too fat and then to cut me deeper and wider he has recently said I had a nice big arse which obviously really offended me and he’s been looking at videos called white chicks with fat arses and chubby porn. He watches everything to be fair as I know he would just go with anybody. He also constantly stares at other women in in front of me and he never stops lying about anything there is no honesty or trust. Last time I had screamed and cried my heart out that he has done this to me because to me it is cheating and is very disrespectful and I made this very clear when I got with him that this was the case and I also asked him if he had any debt in the beginning which he also lied about see above.
I don’t believe anything he says now and this is all giving me chest pains and I’m pregnant :,( I am having his child and he has still done this to me. We have had sex every day for the last 5 months so I just cannot understand this and he thinks it’s because we argue but he is doing it while I am at work every time and he lies to me and I can see his stupid face when the lies pour out and I just dont want to live my life anymore and I have to for my children. I am not good enough for anybody and I felt this anyway. I struggle with eating disorders and body dysmorphia and I also have CPTSD, Depression and anxiety and I think I need to go back on my medication he made me come off because we were meant to be having a family. I don’t know if I should cancel my wedding in April but if I do I won’t have my babies last name
I feel like I’m a joke and this is making me feel ill and I had a miscarriage 2 months ago and he doesn’t even care how I feel.
Everybody just lies and I’m sick of it
Why can’t anybody just be honest. All he seems to care about is his stupid game and I have to give him a lift to work every day and pick him up even when I have work that day myself but if he uses the money for bus fair I cannot get to work myself I’m sick of my life and I really don’t want to be here anymore....
When he’s not busy he comes and sits with me or tries to talk to me and I just scream at him that he’s a liar and I can’t even look at his face. I’m sick with my pregnancy but this just tops it off :,( I scream and cry until he leaves me alone again. I can’t stop crying and don’t feel like I want to do anything and I’m struggling to eat because yes I’m pregnant but I also feel like I need to lose weight to suit his ideal.
my heart was broken and I cried for months on end in a bad depression and I ended up taking an overdose. I didn’t pass obviously and I know it was incredibly stupid of me but if you knew my life I’m sure you would understand. This all happened in June the week of my birthday and I found it 3 more times after this as well.Yesterday I was just have a nosy on his phone as he has a Samsung and I have an iPhone so I’m toying with the idea of having a Samsung as they seem Louder sound wise and I just couldn’t resist a visit to the history section where I didn’t expect to find yet again more PORN. Not only has he lied to me about this I recently found out after moving in with him he is in almost £7000 in debt for not paying council tax and other bills before he met me so imagine my face when a letter dropped into my hallway and it was a red bill letter talking about baylifts and court action and then I found out he also has 4 CCJS which means we probably will never be able to buy a home
. Everybody around me at the moment is causing me grief and giving me a hard time that includes family and work. I’ve had to cut a lot of people out of my life.So anyway after I found the porn it was like I had been stabbed right in the back and I laughed hysterically for ages and all I could do was plug myself in to the pc and play my game to drown out the sounds inside my head that I’ve been struggling with my whole life that I’m not good enough and I’m too fat and then to cut me deeper and wider he has recently said I had a nice big arse which obviously really offended me and he’s been looking at videos called white chicks with fat arses and chubby porn. He watches everything to be fair as I know he would just go with anybody. He also constantly stares at other women in in front of me and he never stops lying about anything there is no honesty or trust. Last time I had screamed and cried my heart out that he has done this to me because to me it is cheating and is very disrespectful and I made this very clear when I got with him that this was the case and I also asked him if he had any debt in the beginning which he also lied about see above.
I don’t believe anything he says now and this is all giving me chest pains and I’m pregnant :,( I am having his child and he has still done this to me. We have had sex every day for the last 5 months so I just cannot understand this and he thinks it’s because we argue but he is doing it while I am at work every time and he lies to me and I can see his stupid face when the lies pour out and I just dont want to live my life anymore and I have to for my children. I am not good enough for anybody and I felt this anyway. I struggle with eating disorders and body dysmorphia and I also have CPTSD, Depression and anxiety and I think I need to go back on my medication he made me come off because we were meant to be having a family. I don’t know if I should cancel my wedding in April but if I do I won’t have my babies last name
I feel like I’m a joke and this is making me feel ill and I had a miscarriage 2 months ago and he doesn’t even care how I feel.Everybody just lies and I’m sick of it
Why can’t anybody just be honest. All he seems to care about is his stupid game and I have to give him a lift to work every day and pick him up even when I have work that day myself but if he uses the money for bus fair I cannot get to work myself I’m sick of my life and I really don’t want to be here anymore....When he’s not busy he comes and sits with me or tries to talk to me and I just scream at him that he’s a liar and I can’t even look at his face. I’m sick with my pregnancy but this just tops it off :,( I scream and cry until he leaves me alone again. I can’t stop crying and don’t feel like I want to do anything and I’m struggling to eat because yes I’m pregnant but I also feel like I need to lose weight to suit his ideal.
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