New year, new beginning

50in22

Member
This is the time of year where we reset certain aspects of our lives and setup resolutions to change for the better. Obviously one of those resolutions is to quit porn and PMO. While I go through this every year and probably a hundred times each year, 2022 is a little bit different for me and as per my username (I know not very original but what can you expect its 5am on Jan 1st), I will be turning 50 years old in 2022. I really feel and want to give myself this gift of quitting this addiction once and for all and becoming the best version of myself I can offer to the world.

Quick high level background, my story is the same pretty much from a lot of the men on this forum, I can probably copy/paste from any of the journals and it would be my story as well - it is my generation. I might expand a little bit more on later posts. I am married to a wonderful wife, 3 childrens - 2 in their early 20s and 1 almost grown up. Probably a couple of years away to be a grandfather. My wife and I have started to have a lot of time back together since the 2/3 of the kids have moved out and the remaining one has a busy life with school, work, friends/girlfriend, etc.... This is really interesting as it really feels we are back to our beginnings just as a "couple". Our sex life was always great and I never had real issues with performance although in the last year or so I have noticed on occasions some DE. I think this was also a reason I have never really quit so far as I didn't really have an urgency or performance reason to quit.

For the last 4 years I have gone through all the documented resources, being reading on this forum, YBOP, easypeasy method, etc.... I feel I have a good handle on all the theory and the education of this addiction. As mentioned initially I have tried countless times with very little success however if I am completely honest on numerous occasions I didn't have the right mindset or didn't put in the right amount of effort. As stated also before, the "physicals" reason to stop was not there. I also questioned how seriously I really wanted to quit sometimes.....

Now I feel different and really want to get to work on this in 2022. In my day job I work for a big corporate company and I manage a team, I am very good at helping employees and coach them to bring them where they want or should be. My approach has always been that you are a "business" and in order to succeed you need to think and act like an owner to develop yourself. When you have a business you need to work really hard in order to offer a top quality product or service that will be offered to clients. If you want to change and be successful and offer the best version of yourself, the same approach can be done.

I am not a big fan of counting days as I feel it puts too much focus on the wrong area of the process, however I strongly believe about going at this one day at a time. In the morning when I wake up I am grateful that I am giving another day to try and make a difference in this life, and at night when I go to bed I want to be grateful that I did my best to be the best me possible.

Cheers and Happy New Year everyone!
 

50in22

Member
Couple days completed with no real efforts so far, not really surprise. Usually the first 4-7 days are the easiest ones for me. The real challenge starts after that. I have been spending a lot of time rearranging a few things in my organization and home office in preparation for the next few days/weeks to make sure I keep the focus. Also starting a couple of personal projects that I have been putting aside for way too long now, time to move on and forward without thinking too much. As an example I started learning to play guitar last year, always wanted to but for the last 25 years I kept telling myself it was ridiculous and I was too old. Well let me tell you I am enjoying this very much and I actually realized I am pretty good at it so far. It's not because usually folks starts in their teens that you cannot start learning when you are older. There are so many other things I want to try out that would surely fill the time I waste online watching porn. Will be back in a few days.
 

Hannibal

Member
Yes, the 4-7 days issue is the same for me. It's almost like the subconscious takes over, panics that it's missing something and I end up sleepwalking back into it. Once I get through that, I have a relatively easy time until about 20 days at which point my brain tells me "hey bud - you got this. No need to keep your guard up anymore. Just a little of this is fine...."

Good luck on your journey
 
Great work 50in22! Love what Hannibal said. I have found different days to be a challenge...day three and four are tough and then I do OK for a while until some stress comes along. My downfall is always...oh one little peak can't hurt. Even looking at Instagram with fully clothed girls starts to awaken the little monster. It is like a monster sleeping.... I look at Instagram, then I start checking it daily then a few times...oh what about this one and what about that one. Next thing I know my mind has left the station and is on the train. Long story to say that whatever it is ...Social Media, Youtube or just checking out girls repeatedly all of it leads to the same place. The simple solution to beating the addiction is NEVER taking that first peek. Literally if you don't do that, then you cannot fail. Best of luck and happy New Year!
 

50in22

Member
Thank you Hannibal and Flattofine.
Yes it is a simple solution yet a difficult one sometimes. Today will be my very first test, going back to work (I work from home) and alone all day in the house. However I have prepared for this the last few days and believe I have a good plan and mindset to go through it. Once I can get a day in and then another one I think the "compound effect" will reinforce the last 5 days in a really positive way.
 

50in22

Member
Hello fellow rebooters, I can proudly say that I managed to complete the last 3 days of work from home (alone) without any deviation from my plan or any temptations. This is a great accomplishment for me. Now the weekend, I feel a boost of confidence that that I have a full perfect week. Need to continue and keep the focus.
 

50in22

Member
Weekend went well, was busy for the most part. I experience one trigger that I was able to shutdown pretty quickly, first time in 10 days that I had that feeling. Essentially my wife went out to run a couple of errands Sunday afternoon. As soon as she said I will be back in an hour I felt something take over me for a minute. Usually this would've been my Cue to fire up the computer and..... Like I said I was able turn that around before it even reached the stage of urges. Put on my airpods, turn on some music and went for a walk. It made me realize (even scared me a little bit) even though everything is going well on this journey - PMO is lurking around the corner in a matter of seconds everything can change. Have to keep the focus and control. I feel that I am a little bit stronger to face week #2.
 

50in22

Member
Still going well - no real urges and very little triggers. I do keep a tight focus on everything that could potentially be a trigger - I know for me this is where the danger lies and could escalate. At this point I have better control at managing triggers than urges - need to keep it that way.
It's not easy but a lot has to do with the mindset and adjust how you see things. One day at a time and keep it up guys!
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Yeah good approach, keep eliminating those triggers! They can come from anywhere at anytime, too.
 

50in22

Member
Something has been weird over the last 36 hours. It's almost as if I am missing it (PMO). Don't get me wrong I have not interest or inclination of doing it. No urges and have been successful managing triggers. However there is almost this sense of nostalgia taking over, similar to a friend you haven't talked in a while or when you end an unhealthy relationship and after a couple of weeks you have that feeling sometimes. Anyways nothing to worry at this point but writing this down helps me keeping the focus, I can easily see how this could become a problem, just another trick of the mind. Not sure if I am making sense but I think I am in my head.. :)
 

Blondie

Active Member
No it totally makes sense. You rightly got rid of your harem (or the illusion of one!) and the brain is waxing nostalgia. You're on the right track for sure! Keep it up.

Beauty is only found in truth.
 
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