Part 3
- Can easily discern the emotions of others and is not bothered by their emotions
Although I would say I'm not terrible at discerning the emotions of others, compared to some INTPs who are probably on the spectrum, however, I am most definitely bothered by other people's emotions, including my own. Run, is generally the verb that comes to my mind, when a room gets too emotional, especially if it's my Lady. I think many guys like myself want to blame women on being "too emotional" or "too irrational", but what I've found in my own experience, is that often when I've thought that, it's really a defence mechanism to protect myself from my own uncomfortableness of feeling hot emotions or relational conflicts. What is looking at porn, but running from the uncomfortable feelings inside?
- Feels their emotions in a thousand different ways and seeks to understand them
I've been looking into feeling out my emotions recently, and trying to express them, but I definitely need more work in this department. I've always been amazed by people, and let's be honest, mostly women, who can share every nuance of their emotional palate, like painting with a thousand and one colors. How do they do it? I don't know, but I'm in awe watching it. Of course, it often annoys the hell out of me too, because it's all so utterly illogical, however, it is still pretty amazing to behold and I secretly envy them. This must be the main factor on my eternal crush with the feminine, and just women in general. As they say, opposites attract and boy this cowboy is VERY attracted. Of course, this "love" of women, is often emotionally immature and naïve, and something I've struggled with time and time again in my life. For a man who despises fantasies and delusions of this or that, and only wants the truth when it comes to realities like politics, history etc., for some reason or other, my ideas about relationships and women, is often hovering at a childlike level innocence. How quickly I can fall for someone, or have a full on crush, is completely irrational and different than the "rational" man I present in my day to day life. On one hand, this "innocence" can appear charming to some ladies, but it's also gets me into trouble, especially if I'm in a relationship! Fortunately, I've never cheated, but I've had my chances, and often I got there by being enthralled by yet another woman. Of course, porn is nothing but a continuation of this "fantasy" of women, while riding those immature emotional highs to the desert of nowhere. Furthermore, because of my emotional immaturity when it becomes to relationships, women and feelings in general, I've often been on the receiving end of bad woman taking advantage of my "goodwill", read, utter innocence of what some women are capable of. Also, although I give off the impression of a stoic cowboy, the outside world would never know the romantic side of me, or how I can listen to romantic songs on repeat for hours on end, or watch romantic movies etc. Now none of this is bad in of itself, but it can be dangerous and has tripped me up many a time. There is no such thing as a "perfect" relationship, and even if there was someone out there "better" than the lady I currently have, the relationship would still have its ups and downs, and that's a reality that has taken me years to understand. The fact of the matter is, and I'm still learning this hard cold fact at 41, women won't fix your problems (most definitely digital ones!) and it's only a childish illusion to think otherwise.
- Is not afraid of emotional conflict
This is the one I've worked on the most in the last ten years, but yet, have still fallen short of my aims. I tell you what, emotional conflict scares the living daylights out me. I've seen some shit in my life, you could say I've done a few things, and have worked plenty of "manly" jobs etc., but opening up and expressing my truth in an emotional moment, or, listening to my partner's, can be equally if not more scary than any of those experiences. When emotions start flying around, especially negative ones, I shut off and don't want to deal with it. Period. I often choose "peace" before real growth in my relationships, afraid of what the truth might bring out. Afraid of the emotions I will have to deal with, if I continue on with my present course. It's a pussy thing to do, but I'm guilty of it, and still do it from time to time. However, it's not all bad. What I did with my parents last fall was an emotional intelligence on another whole level for me, I just need to keep on working in that direction and bear the fruits of my hard labor.
Conclusion
In Jungian psychology, the whole point is to integrate the whole person, and all the cognitive functions, both the strong and weak, into one healthy individuated human. Usually, there's always a battle between your higher function and your lower one. In some cases, this battle can almost look bipolar, because for an unhealthy individual, it's easy to go from one extreme to another, without knowing why. For example, as an Introverted Thinker, I can go days, months (years?) going about my business or school, being obsessed with new knowledge, schoolwork, books, my passion projects etc., i.e. living utterly in my head and using my strengths while completely ignoring my feelings. Then all of sudden, out of nowhere, because it's not healthy to deny your feelings and because I'm only human, I can swing a hard right and compulsively act out, feeling I need to come out of my intellectual tower and join the real world of "human" emotions. However, since I don't spend much time working on "human things" I will often feel inadequate and not up for the task (making friends, opening up etc.), thus, porn and other "emotional" stimulates are often shity substitutes for the real thing of human connection. Furthermore, and even more powerful, because porn does nothing for me these days, a new crush will pull me out of my tower into the real world of emotions, and suddenly I will feel alive like I haven't for a very long time, making me question my current relationship status and the longevity of it all. And since I'm always open to new ideas and possibilities, picking one woman for the rest of my life, or knowing the "truth" about our relationship, is about as hard for me as knowing the truth of the universe or God. Everything IS a possibility for me, and thus, every woman is also. How anyone actually walks down an aisle knowing they're with the "right" one is something I've yet to figure out.
The trick for myself, and what I need to aim for in my future, is to accept my emotions on a daily basis, and not leave them behind for months at a time. This emotional dissonance causes me to act out when I get the "feelings" once more, and do things I often very quickly regret. I also need to realize that my emotions for the most part, will be there to guide me, but should probably never be completely trusted to guide me in ways that a true Extroverted Feeler could rely on. I'm an Introverted Thinker, and there's nothing wrong with that, however, to find a sense of real balance and personal growth, I need to incorporate my feelings on a daily basis, and be okay with my uncomfortableness with them. Naturally, some of these shortcomings have made me an easy target for porn abuse, because it's such an easy "escape" from my overtly intellectual activity, and instead of fixing things (emotional things) in life, I can go on autopilot and forget about my life for a moment or two and "feel" emotion again, and then return back to my intellectual pursuits and not have to worry about those pesky all too human feelings.
), thus, just short of my 90 day goal.
