Porn is not an option

Phineas 808

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Staff member
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Congratulations going on 7 months, Blondie! That's huge, and a feat worthy of emulating!

I like your citing Stoicism here, as well, as that philosophy is extremely helpful to guys like us who are learning how to 'master themselves', and live circumspectly in the midst of a world of self-centeredness.

I appreciate your further moves to ever refine your approach here, especially as that will help later with the Mrs. It's incredible where we can find unnatural dopamine spikes, eh?

Onward to further victories!
 
D

Deleted member 22651

Guest
Congrats on 7 months my guy!!

I like your approach to "prune dick" issue, Im going through something very similar.

Keep on keeping on my man!!
 

viking1234

Member
Always so relating to read your Journal, Blondie. I feel so much what you said about wanting to know every woman you see, and how that relates to having a stable partner. Congrats on your seven months and keep up the good work! This digital cocaine really f**KS you up...
 
When on the internet (which is all the time for school) I will try not to replicate my porn behaviors with multiple tabs open or go down informational rabbit holes. Wikipedia anyone? I can do this without even thinking about it! What does porn have compared to spending five hours randomly learning about the intricate details of the Russian Revolution?
I can 100% relate to this
Looking something up legitimately for work often leads to an hour or so lost getting deep on some random topic 🙄
I do agree that it's a kind of replication of porn behaviors too (but much less harmful)
"okay I'm just gonna open one more video in a tab" kinda similar to "okay, one more article then back to work" (oops - turned into 10 videos/articles)

Amazing that you're still working on improvements after 7 months porn-free
Great work showing the community how it's done! 💪
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 211

Thank you guys, ShadeTrenicin, SmokenMirrors, Phineas, Lord Gohan, Viking and Particularly, I really appreciate the support. RN is great place of encouragement.

Yesterday I was thinking and was reminded that it's been four years ago on the 24th of this month that I started my journey of quitting porn. That's four years of improvement and learning about myself and becoming the man I want to be. I've won many battles in this war, and have lost a few as well, but here I stand, still giving the middle finger to porn. But this got me thinking about how many times have I lost a battle in this great war? So I started counting them up to the best of my memory, and realized that my life has been for the most part practically porn-free for four years! And that is the beauty of looking at this in the grand scheme of things. I figured out I've relapsed probably 20 or so times over the last four years, more or less. Usually those relapses were two day marathons, probably at least 4 hours each on average. Or to put it another way, I had 10 or so relapses that generally lasted two days each. So even If I want to be liberal in my estimation and say I fucked up 30 times, or 30 days; that still means I was porn-free 1,430 days! When I figured this out I damn near cried. I couldn't believe it. I get so focused on the times I've slipped that I can't see the forest for the trees. And here I am often telling everyone to focus on their beautiful days of glory and not on their occasional slips! Sorry for my hypocrisy everyone.

I should probably read this post for the next month just to get this idea drilled into my head!

Moral of the story is; yes it's true, it sucks when we fail and fuck up. However, as long as we keep getting up and moving forward, and fixing our lives and not just focusing on NOT looking at porn, your life will get better! Over the last four years my life has improved tremendously, and yesterday I think for the first time I discovered why this is so.

Keep killing it everyone!
 
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Phineas 808

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So even If I want to be liberal in my estimation and say I fucked up 30 times, or 30 days; that still means I was porn-free 1,430 days! When I figured this out I damn near cried. I couldn't believe it. I get so focused on the times I've slipped that I can't see the forest for the trees. And here I am often telling everyone to focus on their beautiful days of glory and not on their occasional slips!

I can relate to this overall view versus being lost in the thick of it, losing the forest for the trees.

When I've been really down from a lapse, I'll step back and take a wider snapshot, and realize that- at my worst- I was still being at least 96% successful at being porn-free!

I broke all this down before in my journal, and even wrote out months in advance, so I can keep that in front of me, but it was too monotonous a post! But, it's important to step back and see the bigger picture and remember, even with the unwanted occassional lapse, we're still killing it overall.

Thank you for the reminder, Blondie!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 212

Thank you Phineas!

Over the last three weeks I have been slowly weaning myself off of caffeine. This is an experiment I have been wanting to do for many years but never got around to it. I am down to 1/2 shot of espresso per day and it is amazing how different I feel. I have been drinking coffee for so long now that it seems a part of me, and whatever the affects it had on me were just a part of my natural existence. I must be very sensitive to this modern drug, because practically all of my anxiety (to some extent) and body tics have gone away! I've had a bad habit for as long as I can remember of picking my nails, sometimes to the point of bleeding - I know disgusting! This urge is almost completely gone now, and I'm in the middle of finals! Over the years I have tried to stop this habit over and over again by sheer willpower alone, but to no avail. And since the urges never stopped throughout the day, the longest streak I ever went was three months. Needless to say, I had concluded that I was an anxious person and that was that. But now, I feel hardly none of those symptoms. Once I wean myself off it completely, I'll probably just regulate coffee only to the weekends and special occasions, because I do absolutely love the taste.

Porn in many ways is just like caffeine. You wake up feeling groggy and you just have to have it. And why not, everyone is doing it these days? And just like caffeine it's practically injected into your system on every corner of America. You can't go or walk anywhere without seeing it. It's just a part of modern life - progress they say. And even though back in the day you only needed one shot to satisfy your curiosity and lust, now, seven shots don't even get you going! And what's even worse, that beautiful Folgers sitting faithfully at the house just doesn't excite you anymore.
 
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Ezel

Well-Known Member
you nailed it blondie. your self-awareness is magnificent.

the fact that everyone is doing it and making it seem not a big deal is tempting in and of itself, but we know as addicts how much porn took from us and won't allow us to live our lives as the men we should and want to be.

that's why porn is no longer an option, it doesn't worth it man.

212 days porn-free is outstanding, I hope one day I will get there.

and for you my friend, one day I will see you on the other side of being porn-free for life, with all the guys that made it happen and quit this thing.

do not ask me how I know, I just know one day you will be free from this filth, I can feel it.

keep moving forward, one day it will all make sense.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
Killing it Blondie! Thanks so much for sharing all your insights, strategies, and successes; please keep doing so, we all have lots we can learn from you!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Thank you @Ezel and @Not a Rabbi for your support. It's great to know we are all in this together!

"212 days porn-free is outstanding, I hope one day I will get there and for you my friend, one day I will see you on the other side of being porn-free for life, with all the guys that made it happen and quit this thing."

You can do it Ezel if you believe it, just one day at a time man. And yes, we will both get to those pearly gates of Porn-Freedom.

"Thanks so much for sharing all your insights, strategies, and successes; please keep doing so, we all have lots we can learn from you!"

Thanks Not a Rabbi. I don't feel I have much advice to give sometimes, but whatever I have I do try to give it. Doing this keeps me in the game and focused on what I want - total freedom from porn.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Day 213

Yesterday was stressful - very stressful. All the deadlines and everything else just added up to a high crescendo of stress last night. I needed a glass of wine just to relax my nerves, and I definitely ate more food than should have. Oh well, It is what it is. I didn't sleep very well either - just twisted and turned about thinking over it all.

However, cooking my breakfast this morning I had a realization; I would rather get a D on my research paper than look at porn again. And just like that my stress stopped and I could think clearly about my values.

Do I want a D on my paper? Hell no! But I would rather receive one than look at porn ever again.

What would you rather do, or have happen to you, than look at porn again?

It's a good exercise to think about, because it really puts your values into perspective.

Give it a try!

I would rather (fill in the blank) than look at porn again.

Examples...

I would rather have that hard conversation with my wife/girlfriend than look at porn again.

I would rather get a D on my research paper than look at porn again.

I would rather breakup with my girlfriend/boyfriend than look at porn again.

I would rather approach that beautiful girl in the coffee shop and ask for her number than ever look at porn again.

I would rather be rejected by that beautiful girl than ever ever look at porn again.

I would rather feel depressed than look at porn again.

I would rather punch a wall out of my anger and frustrations about life than look at porn again.

I would rather have no friends and feel eternal loneliness than ever look at porn again.

I would rather have no sex than look at porn again.

I would rather have no job than look at porn again.

I would rather feel stressed like hell than look at porn again.



We can sit here all day and say we don't want to look at porn anymore, but at the end of the day it's our values and preferences that will get us through to the other side.

Do we really mean what we say, or are we only pretending to? And if so how far are we willing to go to stick with our values? I ask this more for myself than anyone else.

I will be thinking more about this...

Well back to school, I definitely don't want a D on that paper. :cool:
 
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D

Deleted member 22651

Guest
Thats the right mindset to have, I did the same a few weeks ago with weed. I was stressed and sexually frustrated, I decided that smoking weed and vaping was the better alternatives to porn and I'm happy I made that choice.

You're not getting a D on that paper and you're not going back to porn either, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
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And yes, we will both get to those pearly gates of Porn-Freedom.

This made me laugh, and so true! The 'pearly gates of Porn-Freedom'! In abstaining, we're certainly walking through those gates each and every day, accomplishing what we think might be so far away. If you abstain from porn, you're already in heaven...!

I like your "I'd rather ____ than look at porn!"

Some things came to mind, but not sure they're appropriate for public consumption, lol...!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
"If you abstain from porn, you're already in heaven...!"

That is the truth!

"I like your "I'd rather ____ than look at porn!"

Some things came to mind, but not sure they're appropriate for public consumption, lol...!"


;)
 
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