Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
You got this, man. I knew you could do it despise the little step backs you'd had with 90 days etc. I never doubted that you had control over this shit. That's all they were, small step backs. But now nothing can stop you.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 312
Today I saw 190lbs. on the scale, I don't believe I've ever seen that in my entire life. I feel pretty excited about this number and it feels good to have lost 22 lbs. since I started this journey. What is more, I've been more balanced in this part of my life than I've been previously, still having fun at times and losing weight slower, but having the goal of eating heathy as a lifestyle and NOT for a few months only to get to some crazy goal. This seems to have worked for me. Creating systems in my life instead of "goals."
Balance. Balance. Balance.
Over the week I started to read a book many of you here have read or mentioned before, @First_step_thousand_miles, being one them. I started reading Atomic Habits at the bookstore and really liked it. I lot of self-help books are generally just regurgitations of the same shit I've read before, but this one was different. I haven't bought it yet, but even returned to the bookstore yesterday to read two more chapters. The biggest thing I've got out of reading so far is that it's better to create systems of a new habit, instead of focusing so much on the end goal. This hit me hard because in some ways, I've been seeing this in my own life, especially since the summer, and it really got me thinking about all of this.
When it comes to goal making, I often get so uptight about getting to some number, be it a particular weight on a scale, a certain grade at school, or yes, two years porn-free, that I focus on the end goal which seems forever away and practically impossible, instead of asking myself, what systems can I implement day by day that can get me there safe and sure. It's not that the goal isn't important, it is, but rather, one way of thinking is outward based (goals) and the other inward based (values). To put it another way, instead of trying to quit porn, perhaps we should ask ourselves, what kind of man do I wish to be day by day? What is the best version of myself that I can imagine? And whatever that might be, ask yourself, what systems can I implement day be day to be that man? What would I do daily that is ideal instated of looking at porn, or eating shit food etc. and slowly but surely move in that direction. Which is what that quote above is talking about. As long as we have more votes for the new man rather than the old man, we're alreadly making progress, though, yes, the end goal is still important.
I think I came upon this my accident or maybe more by necessity last year after I blew it around this time. What was I to do with myself day by day, when I had been porn-free for two almost two years? I was severely depressed because I had been so focused on the end goal (porn free for two years) that now I didn't know what to do with myself because it would be another two years before I got back to that number! Eventually I was forced to admit that life happens day by day, and that it can't wait to "begin" after a certain goal has been accomplished, even if it's a beautiful and worthy goal. Thus, I asked myself what kind of man do I want to be at the end of the day? What do I need to do to be that man? Well, I put my systems back in order that I had alreadly implemented over the last two years (with a few modifications) and went about my way porn free. This has worked, and by chance, I have started to do the same with other things in my life; weight loss, career goals, etc.
The book mentions being focused on 1% improvements everyday instead of thinking about the "perfect end goal." That is, trace your steps backwards from where you want to be to the man you are now, and ask yourself "What little steps can I do right now, today, to eventually get there? Compound interest is a real thing folks, and so is this idea. A 1% improvement everyday for a year is a completely different man in a year than the man you are now.
What kind of man do you want to be?
What would you be doing instead of looking at porn?
What can you do RIGHT NOW to be that man?
Baby steps folks, baby steps.
No matter if your goal is to accomplish for the first time in your life two years porn-free, 90 days porn-free, or a week porn-free, you should ask yourself this question, "What can I do TODAY to cast a vote for the new man in the future?"
Even if you look at porn every 90 days for the rest of your life, this is a 100% improvement over the man you used to be. Don't lose sight of this glorious fact.
Well, back to work. It's time to make a 1% improvement today!
Love you all
Today I saw 190lbs. on the scale, I don't believe I've ever seen that in my entire life. I feel pretty excited about this number and it feels good to have lost 22 lbs. since I started this journey. What is more, I've been more balanced in this part of my life than I've been previously, still having fun at times and losing weight slower, but having the goal of eating heathy as a lifestyle and NOT for a few months only to get to some crazy goal. This seems to have worked for me. Creating systems in my life instead of "goals."
Balance. Balance. Balance.
Over the week I started to read a book many of you here have read or mentioned before, @First_step_thousand_miles, being one them. I started reading Atomic Habits at the bookstore and really liked it. I lot of self-help books are generally just regurgitations of the same shit I've read before, but this one was different. I haven't bought it yet, but even returned to the bookstore yesterday to read two more chapters. The biggest thing I've got out of reading so far is that it's better to create systems of a new habit, instead of focusing so much on the end goal. This hit me hard because in some ways, I've been seeing this in my own life, especially since the summer, and it really got me thinking about all of this.
When it comes to goal making, I often get so uptight about getting to some number, be it a particular weight on a scale, a certain grade at school, or yes, two years porn-free, that I focus on the end goal which seems forever away and practically impossible, instead of asking myself, what systems can I implement day by day that can get me there safe and sure. It's not that the goal isn't important, it is, but rather, one way of thinking is outward based (goals) and the other inward based (values). To put it another way, instead of trying to quit porn, perhaps we should ask ourselves, what kind of man do I wish to be day by day? What is the best version of myself that I can imagine? And whatever that might be, ask yourself, what systems can I implement day be day to be that man? What would I do daily that is ideal instated of looking at porn, or eating shit food etc. and slowly but surely move in that direction. Which is what that quote above is talking about. As long as we have more votes for the new man rather than the old man, we're alreadly making progress, though, yes, the end goal is still important.
I think I came upon this my accident or maybe more by necessity last year after I blew it around this time. What was I to do with myself day by day, when I had been porn-free for two almost two years? I was severely depressed because I had been so focused on the end goal (porn free for two years) that now I didn't know what to do with myself because it would be another two years before I got back to that number! Eventually I was forced to admit that life happens day by day, and that it can't wait to "begin" after a certain goal has been accomplished, even if it's a beautiful and worthy goal. Thus, I asked myself what kind of man do I want to be at the end of the day? What do I need to do to be that man? Well, I put my systems back in order that I had alreadly implemented over the last two years (with a few modifications) and went about my way porn free. This has worked, and by chance, I have started to do the same with other things in my life; weight loss, career goals, etc.
The book mentions being focused on 1% improvements everyday instead of thinking about the "perfect end goal." That is, trace your steps backwards from where you want to be to the man you are now, and ask yourself "What little steps can I do right now, today, to eventually get there? Compound interest is a real thing folks, and so is this idea. A 1% improvement everyday for a year is a completely different man in a year than the man you are now.
What kind of man do you want to be?
What would you be doing instead of looking at porn?
What can you do RIGHT NOW to be that man?
Baby steps folks, baby steps.
No matter if your goal is to accomplish for the first time in your life two years porn-free, 90 days porn-free, or a week porn-free, you should ask yourself this question, "What can I do TODAY to cast a vote for the new man in the future?"
Even if you look at porn every 90 days for the rest of your life, this is a 100% improvement over the man you used to be. Don't lose sight of this glorious fact.
Well, back to work. It's time to make a 1% improvement today!
Love you all
Last edited:
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Lookin good bro
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 313
Thanks man!
Blondie
Respected Member
"When scientists analyze people who appear to have tremendous self-control, it turns out those individuals aren’t all that different from those who are struggling. Instead, ‘disciplined' people are better at structuring their lives in a way that does not require heroic willpower and self-control."
- James Clear
- James Clear
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 314
I got 1% better on my goals yesterday.
"The implicit assumption behind any goal is this: “Once I reach my goal, then I’ll be happy.” The problem with a goals-first mentality is that you’re continually putting happiness off until the next milestone."
- James Clear
I got 1% better on my goals yesterday.
"The implicit assumption behind any goal is this: “Once I reach my goal, then I’ll be happy.” The problem with a goals-first mentality is that you’re continually putting happiness off until the next milestone."
- James Clear
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 315
"Making a choice that is 1 percent better or 1 percent worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be. Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations."
- James Clear
"Making a choice that is 1 percent better or 1 percent worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be. Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations."
- James Clear
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Congrats brother!!!! That's HUGE progress on the weight. Keep it upDay 312
Today I saw 190lbs. on the scale, I don't believe I've ever seen that in my entire life. I feel pretty excited about this number and it feels good to have lost 22 lbs. since I started this journey. What is more, I've been more balanced in this part of my life than I've been previously, still having fun at times and losing weight slower, but having the goal of eating heathy as a lifestyle and NOT for a few months only to get to some crazy goal. This seems to have worked for me. Creating systems in my life instead of "goals."
Balance. Balance. Balance.
Over the week I started to read a book many of you here have read or mentioned before, @First_step_thousand_miles, being one them. I started reading Atomic Habits at the bookstore and really liked it. I lot of self-help books are generally just regurgitations of the same shit I've read before, but this one was different. I haven't bought it yet, but even returned to the bookstore yesterday to read two more chapters. The biggest thing I've got out of reading so far is that it's better to create systems of a new habit, instead of focusing so much on the end goal. This hit me hard because in some ways, I've been seeing this in my own life, especially since the summer, and it really got me thinking about all of this.
When it comes to goal making, I often get so uptight about getting to some number, be it a particular weight on a scale, a certain grade at school, or yes, two years porn-free, that I focus on the end goal which seems forever away and practically impossible, instead of asking myself, what systems can I implement day by day that can get me there safe and sure. It's not that the goal isn't important, it is, but rather, one way of thinking is outward based (goals) and the other inward based (values). To put it another way, instead of trying to quit porn, perhaps we should ask ourselves, what kind of man do I wish to be day by day? What is the best version of myself that I can imagine? And whatever that might be, ask yourself, what systems can I implement day be day to be that man? What would I do daily that is ideal instated of looking at porn, or eating shit food etc. and slowly but surely move in that direction. Which is what that quote above is talking about. As long as we have more votes for the new man rather than the old man, we're alreadly making progress, though, yes, the end goal is still important.
I think I came upon this my accident or maybe more by necessity last year after I blew it around this time. What was I to do with myself day by day, when I had been porn-free for two almost two years? I was severely depressed because I had been so focused on the end goal (porn free for two years) that now I didn't know what to do with myself because it would be another two years before I got back to that number! Eventually I was forced to admit that life happens day by day, and that it can't wait to "begin" after a certain goal has been accomplished, even if it's a beautiful and worthy goal. Thus, I asked myself what kind of man do I want to be at the end of the day? What do I need to do to be that man? Well, I put my systems back in order that I had alreadly implemented over the last two years (with a few modifications) and went about my way porn free. This has worked, and by chance, I have started to do the same with other things in my life; weight loss, career goals, etc.
The book mentions being focused on 1% improvements everyday instead of thinking about the "perfect end goal." That is, trace your steps backwards from where you want to be to the man you are now, and ask yourself "What little steps can I do right now, today, to eventually get there? Compound interest is a real thing folks, and so is this idea. A 1% improvement everyday for a year is a completely different man in a year than the man you are now.
What kind of man do you want to be?
What would you be doing instead of looking at porn?
What can you do RIGHT NOW to be that man?
Baby steps folks, baby steps.
No matter if your goal is to accomplish for the first time in your life two years porn-free, 90 days porn-free, or a week porn-free, you should ask yourself this question, "What can I do TODAY to cast a vote for the new man in the future?"
Even if you look at porn every 90 days for the rest of your life, this is a 100% improvement over the man you used to be. Don't lose sight of this glorious fact.
Well, back to work. It's time to make a 1% improvement today!
Love you all
Love atomic habits, it's a great book. Glad it's helping you man!
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
that is insane. GZ on this big weight loss!
I think this shows in a way and i fully agree with you that the journey about P that we all have together also has a positive thing. We all train our Willpower.
And that willpower helps in all aspects of life also when it comes to loosing weight. Not eating junk is somewhat similiar to not watching P.
So i personally think that the one thing made you a much stronger fighter when it come too your weight journey as well.
Keep killing it and btw GJ on 312 days, almost 1 year again. thats crazy
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 317
Keep killing it.
Great to hear from you.
Thank you, brother! I'll be reading more of it this weekend.
Keep killing it.
Hi @swimmer97, it's great to hear from you. I do think so many of our habits are tied together and are a reflection of our lives and how we see ourselves. I know for myself that definitely rings true. Balance is truly the key area of growth for me, and it's what I'm aiming for.
Great to hear from you.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 319
I read more of Atomic Habits yesterday and loved it. I really liked this quote.
True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you'll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. Anyone can convince themselves to visit a gym or eat healthy once or twice, but if you don't shift the belief behind the behavior, then it is hard to stick with long-term changes. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.
I loved the section about becoming something instead of a particular goal in mind. For us here it would be
You all have a great porn-free Monday.
I read more of Atomic Habits yesterday and loved it. I really liked this quote.
True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you'll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. Anyone can convince themselves to visit a gym or eat healthy once or twice, but if you don't shift the belief behind the behavior, then it is hard to stick with long-term changes. Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are.
- The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.
- The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.
- The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician
I loved the section about becoming something instead of a particular goal in mind. For us here it would be
- The goal is not to NOT look at porn, the goal is to become a man of integrity.
You all have a great porn-free Monday.
GBS
Respected Member
Love all this. Love it. I read it twice because it needs reading slowly (and I am inveterate skim reader). Identity change. New habits make us who we are. They won’t leave if they are who we are. And let me just say that’s not easy, but it’s bang right.
Keep killing it, mate.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
This is exactly why identifying as a porn 'addict' makes no sense. It's not that you're (not you specifically, just using the word to make a point!) a porn addict, you're someone who used porn before and now just doesn't. That's all it is, once it becomes part of your identify that's who you really are. I loved that concept, rings so true
Keep killing it my man
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 320
Best
I love what you said here @First_step_thousand_miles. Yes, the whole addict thing for life is not something I'd ever want to claim for myself. I think that's more counterproductive that anything else. We need to think and aim at the men we want to be in our daily thoughts and actions, and day by day, we will become that man.
Keep killing it.
From Atomic Habits
"Once you have a handle on the type of person you want to be, you can begin taking small steps to reinforce your desired identity. I have a friend who lost over 100 pounds by asking herself, "What would a healthy person do?" All day long she would use this question as a guide. Would a healthy person walk or take a cab? Would a healthy person order a burrito or a salad? She figured if she acted like a healthy person long enough, eventually she would become that person. She was right."
Thank you, friend. Yes, true identity change is where it's at. It's really hard though isn't? Or put it this way, it's not a one day conversion experience. But I do think it's the only way forward if you really want real significant change for the long term. One day at a time.
Best
I love what you said here @First_step_thousand_miles. Yes, the whole addict thing for life is not something I'd ever want to claim for myself. I think that's more counterproductive that anything else. We need to think and aim at the men we want to be in our daily thoughts and actions, and day by day, we will become that man.
Keep killing it.
From Atomic Habits
"Once you have a handle on the type of person you want to be, you can begin taking small steps to reinforce your desired identity. I have a friend who lost over 100 pounds by asking herself, "What would a healthy person do?" All day long she would use this question as a guide. Would a healthy person walk or take a cab? Would a healthy person order a burrito or a salad? She figured if she acted like a healthy person long enough, eventually she would become that person. She was right."