Porn is not an option

Ezel

Active Member
you are absolutely right blondie, in quitting porn there is do or don't there isn't try, it's either to be or not to be.
there isn't a middle answer. it's either you want to get clean or you are lying to yourself...
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Day 224

"All emotions have something to offer us. That is why we have them in the first place. The gifts of comfortable emotions such as joy, love, and passion are easy to receive. However, the gifts of our uncomfortable emotions such as anger, sadness, and fear are equally important. Anger gives us assertiveness, strength, and energy. Sadness gives us healing, growth, and awareness. Fear gives us preservation, wisdom, and protection. When we avoid or push our uncomfortable emotions away, we deny ourselves their gifts."

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 140).
 

fa84

Member
I think you are a sort of marathon man! meter after meter... i am reading part of your story (not finished yet) and you are surely an inspiration for me
An example to follow
 

downhillfromhere

Active Member
Day 224

"All emotions have something to offer us. That is why we have them in the first place. The gifts of comfortable emotions such as joy, love, and passion are easy to receive. However, the gifts of our uncomfortable emotions such as anger, sadness, and fear are equally important. Anger gives us assertiveness, strength, and energy. Sadness gives us healing, growth, and awareness. Fear gives us preservation, wisdom, and protection. When we avoid or push our uncomfortable emotions away, we deny ourselves their gifts."

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 140).
Great quote. The past days I have been thinking a lot about what's called "willingness" - a sort of mindset where you would focus on and welcome any feeling that might arise, good or bad. Not fighting the feeling you are experiencing actually makes it so much easier. Sort of like in mindfulness when you notice a thought, it automatically subsides and you are able to move on.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Great quote. The past days I have been thinking a lot about what's called "willingness" - a sort of mindset where you would focus on and welcome any feeling that might arise, good or bad. Not fighting the feeling you are experiencing actually makes it so much easier. Sort of like in mindfulness when you notice a thought, it automatically subsides and you are able to move on.
Hi downhillfromhere, that's a really good point. It's so easy to try to fight "bad thoughts" or "bad feelings" that it can wear you out at the end of the day and often lead you to do things you don't wish to do. For myself, learning how to deal with my emotions has been the biggest help in my battle against porn. I still have a long ways to go.

My motto is just breathe and except it, whatever IT is, and watch it go by. Ironically enough, I've alreadly had to do this several times this morning. One of those days :)
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Day 225

Today I've decided no more alcohol until I get to 240 days (8 months). I haven't been abusing it per se, but I just want to be on my A game so as not to screw this up. This all comes down to that exercise I did last week.

I would rather (fill in the blank) than look at porn again.

The last couple of days I've been thinking a lot about this question, and last night in particular, about alcohol in regards to this question.

Would I rather never have a drip of wine or beer again than look at porn again?

Now I'm not swearing off drinking at this moment, but the question still remains, how much do I hate porn and want freedom from it? It definitely made me pause last night when I thought about it, and my fingers paused just now when I typed it!

Oh how I love my wine or a good cold beer after a long hot summer day! But do I love these things better than absolute freedom from the shit show that is porn? No, I believe I do not. But it does make me pause for a moment. :cool:

Last night I was looking at the success stories on RN, which are a great find and very inspiring to read. I remember thinking "Damn, when should I write my success story?" I have to be honest, I didn't have a truthful answer, but the first thought that came to my mind was, "If only I knew the last day before my death, I would write it then".
 
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Ezel

Active Member
keep pushing blondie, you are an inspiration to all of us.

for me, you are already a success story. 225-day porn-free, I bet there are a lot of guys who wish for just a half of those days (including me).

just take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

and you will get there, trust me, you shall get what you wish for.

and eventually, you will be one of those success stories on RN that people read to get inspired by and battle the addiction with.

you got this my man...
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
That's a good question, Blondie! It's all about how we define success. Is it a specific number of days abstinent? Is it that we hit this or that goal? Is it that we improved physiologically or psychologically? Is it that we feel in ourselves that, no matter what, we will never- ever- under any circumstances- return to porn?

I've written in the success section a few times ( 🤷‍♂️ ), both under this user name, and under my original one (2014-16), typically after hitting a particular goal. But I think for me at least, my success will be when this thing is fundamentally changed at the 'heart-level'.

Regardless, I think for the rest of my life, while I hope to not identify as an 'addict'- which I don't even now- I'll always have to be careful to not put myself in compromising situations.

You are a success, even now, as Ezel said.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Thank you Phineas and Ezel. You're right, there are many ways to define success, and one of them would be reaching my next goal of 8 months porn free. That will be a beautiful day indeed! This is an actionable goal and it's in the foreseeable future, and something I can't wait to get to. For someone else, getting to a week porn free when they've been watching porn once a day for ten years is a major accomplishment and is truly a success story. Success is all relative to where each of us are on this journey.

Personally for me (minus my morbid humor above :)), I think my biggest success would be getting past my last streak of 500 something days and on to a 2 years porn free. This is what I'm aiming for and this is my goal, my Mt. Everest if you will. I can see it there in my sights, I just have to stay the course and the keep to the habits I've built for myself.

It's crazy, I'm almost 8 months out and yet feel sometimes Porn is right behind me, lurking, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. I can honestly say I have not been tempted once over these last 7 months. Literally, porn disgusts me that much, there is no beauty to be found in any of it. Yet, I've been here before, and I know how quickly the winds can change if I let my guard down. Thus, I work on myself with as much energy as I can muster, to work on dealing with my emotions when it wishes to strike again.

Funny enough, I was smiling while writing that last paragraph, not even six months ago I would have been depressed just thinking about that. I would have thought "You mean to tell me I have to constantly fight this battle every day for the rest of my life? How sad is that! Come on, porn is not that big of a deal! It's depressing you have to always keep your guard up!"

It's good to see I've matured over the last while, and can now see the truth. Keeping my guard daily is no burden at all and brings nothing but peace and happiness to my life. The only true burden I know of is the yoke of Porn, whose massive weight not even a beast of burden could handle.

Keep fighting the fight brothers!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Day 227

The last few days have been quite emotionally tumultuous for me. The emotions I feel when not looking at porn are so much more powerful than before, that it still catches me by surprise sometimes. But this is a good thing and I need to embrace it.

I did think last night about something though that I said here a few days ago and that I wanted to clarify. I mentioned reading the success stories and how I wouldn't write a success story until maybe the day before my death. It was a morbid comment, half a joke, but in truth how I felt at the time; I have a driven personality and sometimes get extreme in my rhetoric. Either way, I just want to make sure that it's clear that I didn't mean anyone who has written in there after 90 days, 10 days, etc. shouldn't feel like they or their goal wasn't a success story. It was.

We are all success stories no matter how many days porn-free we've accomplished. We are all in different parts of this journey and have different goals that we are aiming at. For myself, I've done 90 days enough times that it doesn't really make me think twice anymore. This is good, this is growth for me. Thus, setting my sights to a year, or even, breaking my record of 530 something days and going to 2 full years seems practically impossible for me, hence why I must do it.

Wherever you are at on this journey, you must do whatever seems impossible for you. If that's setting your sights at 3 days, 10 days or 90 day, then go for it with your heart and soul. Push yourself beyond what you think you are capable of, because that is the only way to grow. However, never forget, that in the end, any day without porn is alreadly a success story.

Keeping rocking it everyone.

Blondie
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 227

The last few days have been quite emotionally tumultuous for me. The emotions I feel when not looking at porn are so much more powerful than before, that it still catches me by surprise sometimes. But this is a good thing and I need to embrace it.

I did think last night about something though that I said here a few days ago and that I wanted to clarify. I mentioned reading the success stories and how I wouldn't write a success story until maybe the day before my death. It was a morbid comment, half a joke, but in truth how I felt at the time; I have a driven personality and sometimes get extreme in my rhetoric. Either way, I just want to make sure that it's clear that I didn't mean anyone who has written in there after 90 days, 10 days, etc. shouldn't feel like they or their goal wasn't a success story. It was.

We are all success stories no matter how many days porn-free we've accomplished. We are all in different parts of this journey and have different goals that we are aiming at. For myself, I've done 90 days enough times that it doesn't really make me think twice anymore. This is good, this is growth for me. Thus, setting my sights to a year, or even, breaking my record of 530 something days and going to 2 full years seems practically impossible for me, hence why I must do it.

Wherever you are at on this journey, you must do whatever seems impossible for you. If that's setting your sights at 3 days, 10 days or 90 day, then go for it with your heart and soul. Push yourself beyond what you think you are capable of, because that is the only way to grow. However, never forget, that in the end, any day without porn is alreadly a success story.

Keeping rocking it everyone.

Blondie
I understand what you mean. I guess people have different opinions about what a success story should be. Maybe for a hardcore relapser like myself, who relapses over and over with streaks under 10 days, 90 days would be a success story in the eyes of some people. But I don't think it really matters, what matters is to keep going and if writing in the success stories section after 30 days helps you, then great. But, we must be careful about getting cocky with this thing cause that's when porn strikes.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
But, we must be careful about getting cocky with this thing cause that's when porn strikes.

This is true, which is why I haven't wrote a success story yet! After 2 years, I hope I'll be there, and porn will be far enough away that I won't have to be constantly worrying about me screwing up again.

To each their own.

Stay strong Escape!
 

SmokenMirrors

Active Member
I've updated the success story section with my own 'success story' but that is only because I reached the 90 day blanket 'success'. I do not consider myself fully healed yet (I don't even get morning wood!) but I guess it was more to try and help others. This battle is a marathon for sure, keep fighting the good fight!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
I saw that Smoken, I'm truly proud of you man!

"I do not consider myself fully healed yet (I don't even get morning wood!) but I guess it was more to try and help others"


That's what is great about this journey, the farther you get alone, the better improvements you find in your new life!

"but I guess it was more to try and help others"

This is a good point. Thanks

Best to you man.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Day 228

This process of weaning myself off caffeine is a crazy experience and I'm still working on it. I'm down to one decaf per day, but it's been hell on wheels to get there. All week long I feel like I'm walking through a coma and I get down and moody very quickly. I've been reading a little about this and it seems a small proportion of the populace is just super sensitive to caffeine and I guess I must fit in that category. It will be interesting to see once I get off of it, how I feel in general. Originally, I was planning on having one coffee a week, but now, I'm not sure if my body would be able to handle that. For example, I tried that last weekend (just a small cup of regular) and it wasn't nearly the great experience I was hoping for, and probably set me back for this week! It seems the farther I get away from caffeine, the more I'm sensitive to it.

I realize this has nothing to do with porn, and I'm too much in a decaf coma to be creative enough to tie the two threads together, but whatever. However, I will say this, be careful what you put into your body, either through your eyes, or mouth, because it can effect you in ways you might not fully realize, that is, until you try to stop.

Have a good porn-free day everyone!
 
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2 full years seems practically impossible for me, hence why I must do it.
I like this attitude - very inspirational
Taking on a challenge because it seems impossible

Interesting about your experience cutting down caffeine too
Why do you want to do it?
I am definitely addicted to caffeine too and have thought about weaning myself off it... but i just love coffee too much and don't find it harmful
There is decent decaf coffee these days now, so maybe that is an option?

Anyway stay strong Blondie and keep inspiring the community! 💪
 
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