Day 403
Man
@Blondie you just keep killing it! Congrats on another huge milestone!
Thanks
@DIMA-NBA. I appreciate it.
Hey
@Escapeandnevercomeback, I'll get to your questions now. Thanks for your patience.
So you asked,
How much control do you think you have now? Are you still tempted?
The answer is I'm still tempted here and there, though it's not nearly as strong as it was in the first few months. In fact, last week I was probably tempted the most than I've been in over four months. I have some big life decisions coming up, and the stress of thinking about it put me in the mood to want to run away and forget about it all for an hour or so. I would say it was a 4/10 on the temptation level. I wasn't really thinking about "doing it" per se, but more, thinking this is what I would have done not too long ago. Furthermore, it wasn't really porn necessarily, or "women" that I was wanting last week, it was more the thoughtless, mindless ecstasy that porn brings is what I was craving. I still haven't found anything that compares to that method of forgetting everything that porn brings, which was for me always its greatest draw. So yes, I'm still tempted, but it's nothing like it used to be, and I can generally move on with my day and don't get caught up in it all. So to answer your question, I have a good bit control but the choice is always there, and I guess it always will be.
And what life changes do you think it facilitates success in abstinence?
Several things come to mind when reading this.
1. I don't think of myself as an addict, and I never have. I know I mentioned this to you a couple of weeks ago, but it's true. It might sound silly reading that, and it is a mental mind game to be sure, but the facts bear it out. When I say "facts" I don't mean the fact of me being 403 days clean bears this truth, no, what I mean is, how we think about ourselves and the man we are, reflects greatly in our actions. If we think we are weak and addicted, it's easy for us to make excuses and act "weak" and "addicted" when the temptation comes. My motto is, think and ponder on the man you want to be in the future, and you will slowly yet surely become him.
Blondie is a man who does not look at porn
Blondie is a man who tells his woman the truth
Blondie is a man who is strong and courageous
Blondie is a man who loves and respects women
You get the idea. It doesn't matter if tomorrow I blow it, I'm still that man inside. That's still who I really am, minus some of my faults. I like how the
Atomic Habits book mentioned this mindset. It said that everyday we put in a vote for ourselves on the person we want to be in the future. A "vote" being our daily actions, either good or bad. If you have an idea about what kind of man you want to be (and you should), then just focus on "voting" for that man everyday and eventually you will become that man. Don't get caught up on a few bad votes, it's only human after all.
2. Over the last six years I haven't had time to look at porn. Why? Because I'm too busy doing things that I love and that I'm passionate about. I simply do not have time to screw up most of the time. I have my hobbies. I have working out. I have my job, almost two jobs at the moment. Last time I blew it, I was on vacation, thus, I had extra time on my hands. These hobbies/passions/my work that I do everyday are special to me on many levels, and if I don't do them for even a day, I feel empty inside. Do you have hobbies? Things you've always wanted to do? If so, don't wait to start them before "you're free from porn" start them now and you might not have much time for porn. Don't live for some "perfect" day out there in the ether. It doesn't exist. Live for today. If I didn't have all these things I want to do in life, then yes, I would not be clean today. Fact. Fact. Fact. There is simply no way I would be. It's not about quitting porn. We should ask ourselves, why do we have so little passion and drive for the things in life, that we even have time for porn? The things I do on a daily basis bring be me happiness and satisfaction. Porn has never done that once. Find something today that makes you happy.
How do you think a guy like me can reach 400 days like you?
I would answer this by what I said above. Stop focusing on quitting porn, focus on other things. If a technique hasn't worked for you in the past, stop using it, it probably won't work for you in the future. Try something new. Think outside the box. Start voting for the man you want to be, and don't worry about the "bad" votes here and there. WE ALL HAVE THEM.
Best brother
Love,
Blondie
However, I'm always curious to hear how people can get streaks like yours, how one gets to 400 days, what's the "routine" or the plan.
