my dad's a fucking asshole
I thought I could fix it, but I was wrong
does this make me an asshole?
my childhood was an utter disaster
there's not a day when I don't think about it
this isn't a fucking poem, but it looks as such
my dad's an asshole
my last relapse was because of them
my parents
here I am, once more, thinking of them
I've tried my best to not think of it
it being my childhood
but "it" is always there
always present
my dad's a fucking asshole
am I asshole?
families are a total joke
why would I want one when this is the result?
pride, there's so much pride
yet he wonders why I'm not a follower of Christ
gee dad, I wonder why
It seems Christ hasn't done shit for you sir
why would I care about any of this religion?
It's a disaster you are a disaster, fuck, am I disaster
my childhood is a disaster
I lived my life acting like it wasn't
does that mean I'm an asshole?
I could look at porn but I won't
but I want to
but then I don't
porn has never fixed "this"
and the saddest realization is that nothing will
my parents are a joke
and the joke is on them
are they even good people?
I'm tired of defending them
tired of saying they "cocked it up once more"
how many cock ups can a dad make?
I'm tired of thinking about this
about them
about me
I'm tired of being a victim
I never wanted this badge they gave me
Jesus doesn't do shit for people
people don't change
I haven't changed
I'm more a Christian now than when I was a follower
why am I saying this
no clue
I'm pissed
I'm tired of being a "good" son
when will he be a good father
is he even good?
don't read this anyone
this is just my mind at peace
Blondie is having a bad day
fuck I'm tired of bad days
Blondie is the perfect avatar
I am an anti-hero neither good nor bad
I'm tired of thinking about this shit
my life is a battle
not against good and evil
but better or worse
my dad is a fucking asshole
prideful as the sun
I'm tired of thinking about this shit
it's a shit stain on my boot
I want a new pair of boots
with spurs of vengeance
dad I will never understand you or your god
your god gives you excuses for your bullshit
and I'm walking in shit up to my neck
fuck porn though
fuck porn though
not an option
or even an option
I'll be off into the sunset without my father
the Last Crusade was just a movie
actually Connery was a shit father too
we're all shit fathers
maybe that's my relief
dad like Connery did the best he could
I just noticed I capitalized Connery and not dad
fuck I am a bad son
he was knighted though
that's why I capitalized
can you be knighted for being an asshole?
that's a real question
not joking
I wanted that sunset with my dad
fuck, even my mom
I realize now fuck and mom should never be in the same
sentence
fuck you too Freud
back to Connery
maybe we're assholes
and that's my ticket to
peace
paternal peace
he hated his dad, and here I am
full of hate and despair
I hate that I wrote "despair" like I care
but I do
fuck I still care
he's my Dad
just like Connery
you love them and hate them
I also capitalized that shit
did you see that dad
I do care, but I've cared too much you see
"dad," is said many times in the Last Crusade
maybe 300 times I don't know
it's almost like a curse word or something
the F word
Spielberg hated his dad too
Jesus, we all hate our dads
Jews and Christians
none of us are original
just dad haters
maybe this can bring us together
not about dads but Jews and Christians
in our fellow hatred of dads
what am I saying
I'm no Christian though
but I wish them the best
Jews that is
back to Connery
if he was my dad would I still hate him?
probably
and that's sad
this means nothing but everything
and I actually feel better
dad I wanted the sunset ride into the sun
just like in the movie
was the Last Crusade Spielberg's meditation on his dad?
he didn't get that sunset either
thus he filmed the sunset and ruined America
maybe the world
with false expectations of
dadhood
Is that a fucking word?
dadhood
probably not
fuck it
I can't believe Spielberg would do that to me
but that's the power of dads
they get under your skin
call you Junior
did Spielberg's dad call him Junior?
it all makes sense now
Spielberg IS Junior
I'm done
Connery is dead
rest his soul
my dad is alive though
none of this means anything
but everything
that's life
it's picking up the pieces from your
childhood
why is that a word but not
dadhood?
this language makes no sense
just like Spielberg's ending
it's a lie
told beautifully though
fuck it's beautiful
my dad and I watched it together
wait
fatherhood but not dadhood?
I blame Spielberg
he ruined my childhood
and Englishhood
yep not a word either
fuck
I'm done, don't read this
well
you probably did
sorry but not sorry
Is Spielberg sorry?
no
at least us
Christians and Jews are getting along better
but not me
not a Christian
but dads and sons
not so much
fuck you Spielberg you lied to me and my dad
with your poison of sunsets
and horses
and Elsa
jesus she was beautiful
did she get me on porn?
nope
dad did
see, I'll blame everything on dad
just like he probably dad on his dad
yep it's a verb
the circle of life
no I'm not transitioning to the Lion King now
yes I am
another dad story
shit he was a good dad
Mufasa
oh my god
there ARE good dads!
but animated and a fucking lion
did Spielberg make the Lion King too?
no he did not
lions are better dads than humans
ha!
they have better voices too
I wish James Earl Jones would have been my dad
damn
that would have been scary
I'm done
Spielberg is done
The Last Crusade was a lie
and my dad is alive and kicking but
WE feel done
I still feel though
which is something I've never done before
FEEL
damn it hurts
I feel better
after this
don't you dare read this
P.S. don't you ride off into the sunset
it breaks my heart
though I hope you'll have yours
not for me though
and not for my dad's dad either
and not dad
I love you dad
I still can't say I don't
what is this that binds you to your dad?
it's almost transcendent
like god
I still believe in God father
just not yours
yes off subject
I love you dad
I'm sorry you didn't get your sunset
with your dad
I'm sorry I didn't get mine
with you
maybe we can just look at the sunset together
like that scene in Benjamin Button
fuck that was a sad movie
why?
because of you dad
Fincher hated his dad too
or had problems
my theory has been proven again
dadhood theory
goddamnit it's a real word spellcheck!
let us watch that sunset together
like dad and son
with that sad music too
fuck that was sad music
we won't approach the sun
or on horses
that would be a lie
a Spielbergian lie
fuck that's actually a word!
you have to be shitting me
Spielbergian
my life has been a Spielbergian lie
I love you dad
sorry you saw that movie
too
did you cry?
I did
now I know why
You are a dad
I am your son
we're human
all too human
even Spielberg
I feel sorry for him too
I wanted you to save me like Connery did Ford
remember the cup scene
damn that's a great scene
but you're not Connery
I'm not Ford
Clint Eastwood actually
that was a great scene dad
we watched it together
I didn't hate you then
didn't understand the movie
I was too young
I was Junior
fuck she was hot
I love you dad
and I still kind of hate you too
did Indy hate Connery as they were riding out into the sunset?
damn I've never thought about this
my life just changed
we actually don't know
dads fuck up
Connery likely fucked up
Connery fucked Elsa too
Indy was probably pissed about that
Connery is Bond of course that bastard did
I love you Dad
maybe that sunset is possible
maybe I'll be angry though
maybe that's okay
maybe that's life
I just don't know
I know about Elsa though
I don't know right now
I don't know
I don't know
damn I wanted that sunset
I really
really
wanted that sunset
now I understand Spielberg
he wanted that sunset too
