achilles heel
Well-Known Member
This is just incredible, but you’re the proof it can be done. Thanks for always being supportive and sharing useful insights and to the next 17 months!
Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 518
You all have a great porn-free Thursday.
Thank you, @achilles heel. If this cowboy can do it, anyone can!
You all have a great porn-free Thursday.
Blondie
Respected Member
Things to Do To Get Over a Relapse
Get the Hell Back Up!
Is there anything worse than sitting in your cum drenched bed while wailing in your crusty sheets, crying that you've "Gone and done it again!"? I can't think of anything more unmanly and just unhelpful on this holy journey we're all decided to be on. Sure, cry if you must, I know I did (check out my gut wrenching post from September 2023!), however, once you get it out of your system, put that shit away (and your limp noodle) and get back up and move on with your life. Of course, I mention this as a guy who's had some big relapses in my past, where I was almost two years clean once, and at another time, a few days short of seventeen months. Obviously, when you blow it after such a long time, it's going to bitch slap you on the face. Ouch! Furthermore, it matters not the days, because that's all relative to where you are on this journey. If you blow it on your eighty-ninth day, that's going to hurt. Hell, if you blow it on the twenty-third hour of your first day, that can hurt equally bad if that was a long time for you (I've been there). Thus, no matter how long you have gone, the point is, cry if you must, but don't become your worst enemy. We alreadly know our worst enemy, and it's NOT you, it's porn. Yes, fuck porn.
Stop Feeling and Start Thinking
So once you've got it out of your system, it's time to start thinking, and I mean really thinking. Why did you fuck up? Do you know the reasons why? because if you don't, and all you've done is cry then gone on with your shit day with cum stuck in your hair, then your relapse was absolutely worthless. You might be thinking, of course it was worthless, I just fucked up! But that's not what I mean by absolutely worthless. Do you know what's worse than actually fucking up and relapsing? It's not doing your homework afterwards and learning WHY you went down that path to hell again. The Why is the all important factor in this battle, and you need to know your why or whys if you want to succeed in the long run. I know my whys, but do you? Thus, sit long and hard and figure this out, it might just save you when the levees are starting to fail.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
This is so important that I could write an entire book about the subject. This one can kill me sometimes, especially after my last relapse. I was so close to my glory. My heart was in the right place. I meant every word I wrote down, and I wrote down a lot! But yet, some how, at the end of the day, I still came short and fell off the wagon. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Goddamn it killed me inside. Killed my soul. Afterward I felt like everything I wrote must have been shit, or worse, I was shit and had nothing to contribute to this community, seeing I still wasn't "free" from this nonsense. Then the comparing started, and I compared myself to everyone. Gabe and all those who had been looking "up to me" (there's the ego) but now, THEY were beyond me and god I hated that fact. Not their success, no not at all, but that I was "behind" them and I would never "catch" up.
Comparing. Comparing. Comparing
Then the inner dialogue started... Why did I allow myself to fuck up? How could I have let this happen. I'm worthless. I'm shit. And on and on it goes... the comparing, the shit talk to yourself. Hell, I can hear it right now.
But we have to stop this. All of us. Why? Because it doesn't do us one goddamn favor or help us in our recoveries. Every one of us is on our own journey. Yes, we're all special snowflakes. Not one of us is alike. Yes were all here for the same reason, but the REASONS that brought us to that reason are different and unique. That doesn't mean my story is "harder" than yours, and thus, you all had it "easy" and my recovery is harder so fuck you! No, that's not what I mean at all. However, what I do mean is that all of us have different "whys" that brought us to this problem in our lives. Which brings me back to point two above. Do you know your Whys? because if you don't, you're going to be lost on that road over and over again.
Here's some of my WHYS
1. Childhood trauma.
2. A delayed start to life, thus, hating everything in life and seeking constant fun and distractions to hide the pain
3. A lack of true purpose in my life
4. Having a hard time sharing my feelings with my partner
5. Often not understanding what my feelings even are in the moment. Porn was a great contributor to this problem
All of these have contributed greatly to every big relapse I've had since I started this journey in 2018. "I hate my life and job!" and I relapsed in the fall 2019. "My family situation" went to shit in fall 2023, and I relapsed after almost two years clean. "I have trouble expressing my feelings until I explode" and I relapsed in January 2024. Of course, after you relapse, the brain gets stuck on it again and it's tough to pull yourself out of the gutter once more. Thus, my usual couple of months of small relapses here and there.
However, over the last 518 days I've been working and addressing each and every problem to the best of my ability. It's been a hell of a year to put it bluntly, I've dealt with every problem on the list, but I haven't had one close call so far, and I'm hoping to keep it that way.
We all have something to work on, so please, I beg of you, stop comparing yourself with me or anyone else. Your journey will be different than mine. That's perfectly okay too. My number isn't "magical" nor is anyone else's. Our numbers are important, but they do not define us, ESPECIALLY if you're comparing your number to someone else's. Just don't do it.
However,
Do your homework
Fix your life
And be done with this shit once and for all
I'm going to dust off my boots and call it a night.
Love,
Blondie
Get the Hell Back Up!
Is there anything worse than sitting in your cum drenched bed while wailing in your crusty sheets, crying that you've "Gone and done it again!"? I can't think of anything more unmanly and just unhelpful on this holy journey we're all decided to be on. Sure, cry if you must, I know I did (check out my gut wrenching post from September 2023!), however, once you get it out of your system, put that shit away (and your limp noodle) and get back up and move on with your life. Of course, I mention this as a guy who's had some big relapses in my past, where I was almost two years clean once, and at another time, a few days short of seventeen months. Obviously, when you blow it after such a long time, it's going to bitch slap you on the face. Ouch! Furthermore, it matters not the days, because that's all relative to where you are on this journey. If you blow it on your eighty-ninth day, that's going to hurt. Hell, if you blow it on the twenty-third hour of your first day, that can hurt equally bad if that was a long time for you (I've been there). Thus, no matter how long you have gone, the point is, cry if you must, but don't become your worst enemy. We alreadly know our worst enemy, and it's NOT you, it's porn. Yes, fuck porn.
Stop Feeling and Start Thinking
So once you've got it out of your system, it's time to start thinking, and I mean really thinking. Why did you fuck up? Do you know the reasons why? because if you don't, and all you've done is cry then gone on with your shit day with cum stuck in your hair, then your relapse was absolutely worthless. You might be thinking, of course it was worthless, I just fucked up! But that's not what I mean by absolutely worthless. Do you know what's worse than actually fucking up and relapsing? It's not doing your homework afterwards and learning WHY you went down that path to hell again. The Why is the all important factor in this battle, and you need to know your why or whys if you want to succeed in the long run. I know my whys, but do you? Thus, sit long and hard and figure this out, it might just save you when the levees are starting to fail.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
This is so important that I could write an entire book about the subject. This one can kill me sometimes, especially after my last relapse. I was so close to my glory. My heart was in the right place. I meant every word I wrote down, and I wrote down a lot! But yet, some how, at the end of the day, I still came short and fell off the wagon. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Goddamn it killed me inside. Killed my soul. Afterward I felt like everything I wrote must have been shit, or worse, I was shit and had nothing to contribute to this community, seeing I still wasn't "free" from this nonsense. Then the comparing started, and I compared myself to everyone. Gabe and all those who had been looking "up to me" (there's the ego) but now, THEY were beyond me and god I hated that fact. Not their success, no not at all, but that I was "behind" them and I would never "catch" up.
Comparing. Comparing. Comparing
Then the inner dialogue started... Why did I allow myself to fuck up? How could I have let this happen. I'm worthless. I'm shit. And on and on it goes... the comparing, the shit talk to yourself. Hell, I can hear it right now.
But we have to stop this. All of us. Why? Because it doesn't do us one goddamn favor or help us in our recoveries. Every one of us is on our own journey. Yes, we're all special snowflakes. Not one of us is alike. Yes were all here for the same reason, but the REASONS that brought us to that reason are different and unique. That doesn't mean my story is "harder" than yours, and thus, you all had it "easy" and my recovery is harder so fuck you! No, that's not what I mean at all. However, what I do mean is that all of us have different "whys" that brought us to this problem in our lives. Which brings me back to point two above. Do you know your Whys? because if you don't, you're going to be lost on that road over and over again.
Here's some of my WHYS
1. Childhood trauma.
2. A delayed start to life, thus, hating everything in life and seeking constant fun and distractions to hide the pain
3. A lack of true purpose in my life
4. Having a hard time sharing my feelings with my partner
5. Often not understanding what my feelings even are in the moment. Porn was a great contributor to this problem
All of these have contributed greatly to every big relapse I've had since I started this journey in 2018. "I hate my life and job!" and I relapsed in the fall 2019. "My family situation" went to shit in fall 2023, and I relapsed after almost two years clean. "I have trouble expressing my feelings until I explode" and I relapsed in January 2024. Of course, after you relapse, the brain gets stuck on it again and it's tough to pull yourself out of the gutter once more. Thus, my usual couple of months of small relapses here and there.
However, over the last 518 days I've been working and addressing each and every problem to the best of my ability. It's been a hell of a year to put it bluntly, I've dealt with every problem on the list, but I haven't had one close call so far, and I'm hoping to keep it that way.
We all have something to work on, so please, I beg of you, stop comparing yourself with me or anyone else. Your journey will be different than mine. That's perfectly okay too. My number isn't "magical" nor is anyone else's. Our numbers are important, but they do not define us, ESPECIALLY if you're comparing your number to someone else's. Just don't do it.
However,
Do your homework
Fix your life
And be done with this shit once and for all
I'm going to dust off my boots and call it a night.
Love,
Blondie
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Ezel
Respected Member
Hell yeah you can.
Congrats Blondie on 17 months. You are a bright light to all of us. Keep shining champ.
Stay blessed.
Impression
Member
Phenomenal achievement, man. Well done! How do you feel? How did you celebrate?
Shodan
Member
Yes, here once more. BUT, you will never have to be here again. Everyday, like for me, is somewhere you’ve never been before and that in itself it is incredible. You’re inspiring me, make no mistake my brother 🫡
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 522
I feel fantastic at the moment. Free and very clean. I was walking around town yesterday and saw many beautiful women, but by thoughts were good and clean. There was nothing intrusive or inappropriate, just beauty as it should be, without the porn perversion. I celebrated my 517 by going out that night for my favorite dinner.
Keep killing it man.
I CAN do this.
We all CAN do this!
Fuck porn
Embrace your life
Thank you, @Impression, I appreciate it.
I feel fantastic at the moment. Free and very clean. I was walking around town yesterday and saw many beautiful women, but by thoughts were good and clean. There was nothing intrusive or inappropriate, just beauty as it should be, without the porn perversion. I celebrated my 517 by going out that night for my favorite dinner.
Keep killing it man.
Thank you, @Shodan. It feels great to be sure. I still have half a year to get to "new territory," however, I've only been past 517 one time in my life, thus, it practically feels "new" to me. I'm starting to feel real excited again. Thank you for your support and encouragement, it's been a real help these last few weeks.
I CAN do this.
We all CAN do this!
Fuck porn
Embrace your life
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Blondie
Respected Member
Shame Is a Real Bitch: Don't Let It Get You Down
This post shouldn't make one tempted, but just a heads up.
I've been thinking recently about my relationship to porn in my past, and what that means for me today. I write this especially as a man and my perspective on both men and women and the wonder I have for the opposite sex. It's very easy to be here and "hate" porn and everything it stands for. I understand that and have written many pieces exactly with that attitude in mind. However, today I want to go in the opposite direction and explore the reasons why we even like porn, and what exactly does that say about us? No, this isn't a "let's all hold hands and relapse together post," however, I do wish to explore this because I think it's important to understand. I've always held the view that us men (and women too) shouldn't feel shame about our sexuality, and in fact, speaking as a man, having shame about my sexuality, even my porn use, has never helped me once in my recovery. I would even say shame has been one of the prime motivators of my continued porn use. To put it bluntly, shame kills
So what kinds of shame am I talking about?
Shame about loving porn in general
Shame about loving the kinds of porn we watch
Shame about loving women
Shame about loving younger women
Shame about our fetishes
Shame about our fantasies
Shame about you fill in the blank...
Needless to say, it's very very easy to feel shame about these things, but should we? Should we really feel shame about any of this? I'll get right to the point, NO, WE SHOULD NOT!
Shame about loving porn in general
Ladies and gentlemen, I love porn! Yes, you read that right. Porn. It's fucking amazing! And do you know why? It's because women are fucking amazing! Can we just say that together. Women are fucking amazing! Their bodies. Their souls. Their beauty. Their love. I remember the first time I saw my first porn pic. It was utterly exhilarating for my thirteen year old boner. I'm sitting here smiling as I write this. It was Pamala Anderson from Baywatch (fuck yeah the 90s) and I'm here to tell you, she rocked my socks off. Her hair, her boobs, her everything. Perfection. I inspected her body as thoroughly as a surgeon in his last year of med school. It was glorious and it rocked my world. Now I'll admit, I've moved on in my taste of women and preferences, but I'll still remember Pamala for the rest of my days. Thank you, Pamala, wherever you are. I'll never forget you. I hope things work out with you and Tommy for the fifth time. I think he's still an asshole though.
Can we just own this? Can we stop feeling shame about these experiences? It does us no good I can tell you that. It wasn't a "sin" and it wasn't "wrong" or anything like that. It was utterly and completely natural, beautiful in fact. Innocent. Can we own this and not run from it?
Shame about loving the kinds of porn we watch
Now I admit that porn can influence the kinds of things we start to like after a while, and the addiction element of this is not to be trifled with. However, there are many porn categories that are not too far down the rabbit hole that can still bring us shame. Do these really reflect a "bad" part of our character, or do they reflect or say something about us that is interesting and that we should explore in our sex lives? And if not in our sex lives, maybe just explore on a psychological level. Obviously, if you really think that fetish comes from porn, then you probably should leave it behind, and in fact, the further you go from porn, it will probably vanish anyway. However, it still might be helpful to ask yourself why do you like this or that? Why do you like porn where you are dominated by a woman? Why are you obsessed with butts or boobs, or a hot step mom? Most of this shit is pretty funny when you stop to think about it. Can you laugh about this stuff and not feel shame? I think laughing about it is a great part of the healing process. So don't judge yourself. Don't hate yourself. Just laugh about it all and say, yep, that's me. Take me or leave me. Shame doesn't help us here, and quite frankly, it can often lead us back to the pit of despair. This leads me to...
Shame about loving younger women
This one is a big one, and shame comes from all directions. Society in general shames us men on a constant basis about our love for younger women. You hear it constantly in the media, in daily conversations, everywhere in fact. Do you feel shame as an older man liking younger women? You shouldn't feel shame. Liking younger women is as natural as a woman liking a rich or successful man. In of itself there's nothing wrong with it, that is, the natural attraction all men have for younger women. Now this doesn't excuse us men from staring, cheating, being dishonest, or anything else, but that's not what I'm talking about. Nor does this mean you should break up with your "old" wife either. However, the natural attraction we all have for youth and beauty should never be shamed. Do you feel that? Do you know that? Is this a category you liked in porn? Well stop feeling shame about it if you are an older man. It will do you no good. If you can stop feeling like this is a "sin" or that it's "wrong" or "creepy" you might start getting some success on this journey of bettering yourself.
When we're trying to quit something, it's very easy to go on the offense, and fight fight fight. However, the problem with this is that quitting porn is not like fighting other addictions, because, it involves our sexuality, which is a beautiful thing. In our efforts to quit porn, we can't attack our sexuality during the process, otherwise, we're trying to do something that is unnatural. Stop fighting your vitality. Stop fighting your love of women. Stop fighting the exuberance of young women. Just accept it and love it. Breathe it in. Laugh about it. Enjoy your childishness. Own your manhood. It's not a sin. It's not unholy. In fact it's quite the opposite, it's utterly HOLY. Fighting it will only make it worse. You don't stop a forest fire by blowing on it, but that's what we do when we try to stop our natural desires.
Shame is to our recoveries like wind is to a forest fire.
So please stop shaming yourselves, it does you no good.
Things you should feel shame about
Lying to your woman
Hiding shit from your woman
Lying to yourself
Living two different lives
Not being the man you know you could be
These actions are worthy of feeling shame. But feeling shame about being a man or your sexuality?
Fuck no.
This post shouldn't make one tempted, but just a heads up.
I've been thinking recently about my relationship to porn in my past, and what that means for me today. I write this especially as a man and my perspective on both men and women and the wonder I have for the opposite sex. It's very easy to be here and "hate" porn and everything it stands for. I understand that and have written many pieces exactly with that attitude in mind. However, today I want to go in the opposite direction and explore the reasons why we even like porn, and what exactly does that say about us? No, this isn't a "let's all hold hands and relapse together post," however, I do wish to explore this because I think it's important to understand. I've always held the view that us men (and women too) shouldn't feel shame about our sexuality, and in fact, speaking as a man, having shame about my sexuality, even my porn use, has never helped me once in my recovery. I would even say shame has been one of the prime motivators of my continued porn use. To put it bluntly, shame kills
So what kinds of shame am I talking about?
Shame about loving porn in general
Shame about loving the kinds of porn we watch
Shame about loving women
Shame about loving younger women
Shame about our fetishes
Shame about our fantasies
Shame about you fill in the blank...
Needless to say, it's very very easy to feel shame about these things, but should we? Should we really feel shame about any of this? I'll get right to the point, NO, WE SHOULD NOT!
Shame about loving porn in general
Ladies and gentlemen, I love porn! Yes, you read that right. Porn. It's fucking amazing! And do you know why? It's because women are fucking amazing! Can we just say that together. Women are fucking amazing! Their bodies. Their souls. Their beauty. Their love. I remember the first time I saw my first porn pic. It was utterly exhilarating for my thirteen year old boner. I'm sitting here smiling as I write this. It was Pamala Anderson from Baywatch (fuck yeah the 90s) and I'm here to tell you, she rocked my socks off. Her hair, her boobs, her everything. Perfection. I inspected her body as thoroughly as a surgeon in his last year of med school. It was glorious and it rocked my world. Now I'll admit, I've moved on in my taste of women and preferences, but I'll still remember Pamala for the rest of my days. Thank you, Pamala, wherever you are. I'll never forget you. I hope things work out with you and Tommy for the fifth time. I think he's still an asshole though.
Can we just own this? Can we stop feeling shame about these experiences? It does us no good I can tell you that. It wasn't a "sin" and it wasn't "wrong" or anything like that. It was utterly and completely natural, beautiful in fact. Innocent. Can we own this and not run from it?
Shame about loving the kinds of porn we watch
Now I admit that porn can influence the kinds of things we start to like after a while, and the addiction element of this is not to be trifled with. However, there are many porn categories that are not too far down the rabbit hole that can still bring us shame. Do these really reflect a "bad" part of our character, or do they reflect or say something about us that is interesting and that we should explore in our sex lives? And if not in our sex lives, maybe just explore on a psychological level. Obviously, if you really think that fetish comes from porn, then you probably should leave it behind, and in fact, the further you go from porn, it will probably vanish anyway. However, it still might be helpful to ask yourself why do you like this or that? Why do you like porn where you are dominated by a woman? Why are you obsessed with butts or boobs, or a hot step mom? Most of this shit is pretty funny when you stop to think about it. Can you laugh about this stuff and not feel shame? I think laughing about it is a great part of the healing process. So don't judge yourself. Don't hate yourself. Just laugh about it all and say, yep, that's me. Take me or leave me. Shame doesn't help us here, and quite frankly, it can often lead us back to the pit of despair. This leads me to...
Shame about loving younger women
This one is a big one, and shame comes from all directions. Society in general shames us men on a constant basis about our love for younger women. You hear it constantly in the media, in daily conversations, everywhere in fact. Do you feel shame as an older man liking younger women? You shouldn't feel shame. Liking younger women is as natural as a woman liking a rich or successful man. In of itself there's nothing wrong with it, that is, the natural attraction all men have for younger women. Now this doesn't excuse us men from staring, cheating, being dishonest, or anything else, but that's not what I'm talking about. Nor does this mean you should break up with your "old" wife either. However, the natural attraction we all have for youth and beauty should never be shamed. Do you feel that? Do you know that? Is this a category you liked in porn? Well stop feeling shame about it if you are an older man. It will do you no good. If you can stop feeling like this is a "sin" or that it's "wrong" or "creepy" you might start getting some success on this journey of bettering yourself.
When we're trying to quit something, it's very easy to go on the offense, and fight fight fight. However, the problem with this is that quitting porn is not like fighting other addictions, because, it involves our sexuality, which is a beautiful thing. In our efforts to quit porn, we can't attack our sexuality during the process, otherwise, we're trying to do something that is unnatural. Stop fighting your vitality. Stop fighting your love of women. Stop fighting the exuberance of young women. Just accept it and love it. Breathe it in. Laugh about it. Enjoy your childishness. Own your manhood. It's not a sin. It's not unholy. In fact it's quite the opposite, it's utterly HOLY. Fighting it will only make it worse. You don't stop a forest fire by blowing on it, but that's what we do when we try to stop our natural desires.
Shame is to our recoveries like wind is to a forest fire.
So please stop shaming yourselves, it does you no good.
Things you should feel shame about
Lying to your woman
Hiding shit from your woman
Lying to yourself
Living two different lives
Not being the man you know you could be
These actions are worthy of feeling shame. But feeling shame about being a man or your sexuality?
Fuck no.
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You just keep on killing it, not only in your own journey, but you are super active helping others on here with valuable advice and input! I wanted to say a BIG thank you, good karma your way!
jonazo91
Active Member
Brilliant! Thank you