Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
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Blondie
Respected Member
I'm reading an interesting book today, called, The Sober Truth: Debunking the Bad Science Behind Twelve-Step Programs and the Rehab Industry by Lance Dodes.
I hold nothing against anyone who is a part of these organizations, either for alcohol or sexual additions, in fact, I know next to nothing about them. However, one thing I do know and disagree with mightily, is their idea that addiction is a "disease." I've disliked this idea from day one, as I've said many times before. We are NOT addicts, we do NOT have a disease.
"E.M. Jellinek, an important figure in his own right, is considered the primary author of the “disease theory” of alcoholism, which holds that heavy drinking is in some substantive way different from other behaviors—that rather than being a behavior, it is in fact a gradually progressive disease analogous to other chronic medical illnesses. His model of inevitable deterioration was soon disproven (Jellinek ultimately distanced himself from it), but AA embraced it. Even today, AA members regularly repeat the mantra that continued drinking leads inevitably to insanity and death. It was perhaps unexpected that AA would fasten onto Jellinek’s view, given that the physician’s model of alcoholism as a medical disease did not precisely comport with the organization’s own model of alcoholism as a spiritual illness. But throughout AA’s history, its members have often embraced any literature that references disease, whether degenerative, genetic, or biochemical. AA favors the term disease because it fits with the description of alcoholism as a disease in its own literature. It also supports the foundational notion that an addict’s behavior is uncontrollable (“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol”). Ultimately the mechanism of the disease (and whether it is strictly logical to embrace it, given AA’s own views) has been less important than the word itself."
Bolding mine.
I hold nothing against anyone who is a part of these organizations, either for alcohol or sexual additions, in fact, I know next to nothing about them. However, one thing I do know and disagree with mightily, is their idea that addiction is a "disease." I've disliked this idea from day one, as I've said many times before. We are NOT addicts, we do NOT have a disease.
"E.M. Jellinek, an important figure in his own right, is considered the primary author of the “disease theory” of alcoholism, which holds that heavy drinking is in some substantive way different from other behaviors—that rather than being a behavior, it is in fact a gradually progressive disease analogous to other chronic medical illnesses. His model of inevitable deterioration was soon disproven (Jellinek ultimately distanced himself from it), but AA embraced it. Even today, AA members regularly repeat the mantra that continued drinking leads inevitably to insanity and death. It was perhaps unexpected that AA would fasten onto Jellinek’s view, given that the physician’s model of alcoholism as a medical disease did not precisely comport with the organization’s own model of alcoholism as a spiritual illness. But throughout AA’s history, its members have often embraced any literature that references disease, whether degenerative, genetic, or biochemical. AA favors the term disease because it fits with the description of alcoholism as a disease in its own literature. It also supports the foundational notion that an addict’s behavior is uncontrollable (“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol”). Ultimately the mechanism of the disease (and whether it is strictly logical to embrace it, given AA’s own views) has been less important than the word itself."
Bolding mine.
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GBS
Respected Member
Morning dear chap, may I join the debate. I think in joining it I feel a need slightly to defend SAA which I attend regularl. But I don’t need to defend it as it is a programme that works for some people, and just a great place to seek solace from the brain funk that can be the rest of the members’ lives. Anything and everything is said in the “shares” and you know many are suffering and can’t find a way out. But, and here I honestly agree with you wholeheartedly, finding a way out of what? They do say it’s a disease. Yes it is a mantra, and like you I simply don’t agree with it. Nor do I think it helps to label it is such. The 12 step programme focuses on handing the problem over to God/higher power, but also that we’re afflicted with something (a disease some call it) and we can’t manage our lives because we have this affliction. It isn’t a disease. I agree. It is a state of mind. Those of us who have any ability to lose our tempers quickly and become Mr Angry don’t have a disease. To me they’re in the same category.
That said, I have over the three years I have been going to SAA heard some quite horrific tales of spiralling out of control. Way worse than sneaking off for a quick wank to porn, so doubtless there is a big problem for some people. And aren’t we possibly hair splitting about what it’s defined as? I will answer that - yes and no. If we use the “disease” moniker as some form of excuse or “don’t blame me” statement then it’s not hair splitting, it’s highly dangerous. We have to take ownership for what we did. But if we do own it, does it matter what we call it? Perhaps the problem is that some SAA devotees (I know several) just give in and whilst they are sober, they still say they’re fighting their disease. And this psychologically hinders their progress.
So I am with you on the definition of disease, just not sure it makes a difference if we are owning our problem.
Thanks for writing what you wrote, As always very thought provoking. GBS
That said, I have over the three years I have been going to SAA heard some quite horrific tales of spiralling out of control. Way worse than sneaking off for a quick wank to porn, so doubtless there is a big problem for some people. And aren’t we possibly hair splitting about what it’s defined as? I will answer that - yes and no. If we use the “disease” moniker as some form of excuse or “don’t blame me” statement then it’s not hair splitting, it’s highly dangerous. We have to take ownership for what we did. But if we do own it, does it matter what we call it? Perhaps the problem is that some SAA devotees (I know several) just give in and whilst they are sober, they still say they’re fighting their disease. And this psychologically hinders their progress.
So I am with you on the definition of disease, just not sure it makes a difference if we are owning our problem.
Thanks for writing what you wrote, As always very thought provoking. GBS
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 569
Good morning, my friend!
I do not doubt (nor does the author) that AA or SAA has helped many many people. It's obvious that many have succeeded with these programs, and that is a great thing in of itself. However, he sees problems in the statistics (I have no clue if they're correct) that state less than 10% "succeed" in AA, and the rest leave often worse than if they had done nothing at all. This is a massive problem that needs to be addressed in society at large, especially considering that AA and its offshoots is one of the main addiction models out there. Again, this is all news to me, so I don't really have an "opinion" per se, besides my righteous dislike of the disease model, which I know you feel the same way about.
I will be reading the rest of this authors works. He seems to think that "addictions" are really just psychological ways to deal with "helplessness," I couldn't agree more, though I could poke holes in that argument too if I had too. Of course, when talking about porn and "sex addiction", there's the whole other element of men just wanting to have a little variety, which makes the issue all the more complicated. That's the problem with all of this though, just saying, "it's only your brain,: or, "AA's philosophy is the only way" (you didn't say that) makes an issue that is multifaceted (as humans are wont to be) into this very black and white view of "addiction." This, it seems, is the author's main "problem" with AA, or any other one size fits all method to addiction. Us humans are complicated.
Who knows where this journey might lead me. I might even stop counting days! Boy would that be crazy. My journey started in April 2018, and that would mean I've been "free" from this unwanted habit for a long time. Thousands of days in fact.
Love,
Blondie
Good morning, my friend!
I know you are a regular at SAA meetings, and I can see how you would feel the need "to defend it." I understand that. Nevertheless, it was fascinating to see the history of an idea (that is addiction is a disease) that I really don't agree with. However, my personal view is whatever works, works, and I don't care if it doesn't work for me as long as it works for you. To each their own, that's my philosophy. But you're right, SAA is a great place to seek solace and find people who are in the same boat.
I do not doubt (nor does the author) that AA or SAA has helped many many people. It's obvious that many have succeeded with these programs, and that is a great thing in of itself. However, he sees problems in the statistics (I have no clue if they're correct) that state less than 10% "succeed" in AA, and the rest leave often worse than if they had done nothing at all. This is a massive problem that needs to be addressed in society at large, especially considering that AA and its offshoots is one of the main addiction models out there. Again, this is all news to me, so I don't really have an "opinion" per se, besides my righteous dislike of the disease model, which I know you feel the same way about.
I will be reading the rest of this authors works. He seems to think that "addictions" are really just psychological ways to deal with "helplessness," I couldn't agree more, though I could poke holes in that argument too if I had too. Of course, when talking about porn and "sex addiction", there's the whole other element of men just wanting to have a little variety, which makes the issue all the more complicated. That's the problem with all of this though, just saying, "it's only your brain,: or, "AA's philosophy is the only way" (you didn't say that) makes an issue that is multifaceted (as humans are wont to be) into this very black and white view of "addiction." This, it seems, is the author's main "problem" with AA, or any other one size fits all method to addiction. Us humans are complicated.
Who knows where this journey might lead me. I might even stop counting days! Boy would that be crazy. My journey started in April 2018, and that would mean I've been "free" from this unwanted habit for a long time. Thousands of days in fact.
Love,
Blondie
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Blondie
Respected Member
I'm reading the author's next book, titled, Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction. A good read so far. It's been nice to see a different perspective than the one I've believed over the last decade. Twelve years ago, when my dick didn't work in my first sexual encounter, I immediately went online and found Your Brain On Porn site. Not having any other opinions or beliefs, I believed it to be the gospel and never questioned it for a moment. However, doing this for many years now, I've had many times of wondering if this model is perfect or even half our problem. At this point, I'm not sure where I stand on any of this, but it's always nice to challenge your beliefs, especially about something so pertinent as this topic.
The author in this quote makes a distinction between a physical addiction and a psychological addiction. If the Your Brain On Porn is correct, and I believe it is for the most part, then it fits only in the "physical addiction" category. However, if that is true, then what to make of this quote? Much to think on here. Bolding is mine.
"Physical addiction is a way our bodies react to certain drugs, and it is utterly out of our control. For this reason, physical addiction can be a cause of repetitive behavior that looks like the kind of psychological addiction I have been describing. It needs to be carefully distinguished, however, because physical factors are of relatively little significance in understanding the nature and treatment of addiction. It is because of this that I call only psychological addiction “true” addiction. But how do you tell the difference between these two kinds of addictions? The simplest way is to stop the behavior and see what happens. Stopping physical addiction is accomplished by not taking the drug long enough to allow your body to readjust to being without it (completing a withdrawal). Withdrawal is always un-pleasant and for certain drugs can be quite dangerous. Depending on the drug, withdrawal may require medical supervision or hospitalization. (The most dangerous drugs to withdraw from are brain sedatives like alcohol, Xanax or Valium, and barbiturates. Narcotic withdrawal, despite all its discomfort, is not medically dangerous, and neither is withdrawal from “uppers” like cocaine or amphetamines, though these lead to a so-called crash in mood.) But as unpleasant as withdrawal can be, it is relatively easy compared with trying to give up an addiction that is based on the kinds of psychological issues described in Part One. Indeed, if all you have is a physical addiction, then after withdrawal (detoxification) your problem is basically over as long as you don’t have a psychological addiction as well. You may find this surprising, since in our culture the notion that people are controlled by their drugs (or “hooked”) is a common myth. Yet, in the early 1980s millions of people quit smoking after the U.S. surgeon general issued a statement about the severe risks of smoking and required warning labels to be placed on cigarette packs. These millions had a physical dependence on nicotine, yet, like Michelle in the example above, they were able to stop smoking when they realized it was dangerous. Their experience shows that physical addiction (or dependence), by itself, is simply not a significant impediment to regaining control of your behavior. Physical dependence is just not a major factor in the problem of addiction. Probably the most famous illustration of this point is a study done on the experience of soldiers in Vietnam. The Vietnam War placed a huge number of men and women with no history of addiction into an enormously stressful setting where there was an easy supply of heroin. Many soldiers used enough heroin to become physically addicted. At this same time, back in the States, heroin addiction had become a major problem among the civilian population; treatment programs had proved largely unsuccessful, with nearly all heroin addicts going back to the drug after detoxification (after a reboot, 90 days?) So there was much concern about what would happen to the soldiers when they came home. Would they be “hooked” on heroin and unable to get off, like the stateside addicts?
Over 90 percent of these veterans, after returning home and being safely detoxified, never used heroin or another narcotic again. Why not? Having a physical addiction just isn’t enough to make people continue to use a drug once they are withdrawn. These soldiers had used heroin because they were in a war, not because it afforded them a way to deal with important inner emotional issues. As with the cigarette smokers who dropped their habit in light of the surgeon general’s warning, the veterans suffered only from physical addiction, so they were able to stop. But the stateside folks who were using heroin did so because they had a different kind of addiction—a behavior compelled by psychological factors. Detoxifying them, by itself, didn’t help. Treatment for them would have had to address the psychological basis of their problem. For a clearer understanding of the relationship between true addiction and physical addiction, it’s helpful to note that there are many addictions that have no physical dependence or withdrawal at all. Even some drug addictions are this way; for example, addictive use of marijuana and hallucinogens such as mushrooms has no associated physical addiction because these substances are incapable of producing physical dependence. And of course, there is no true physical addiction or withdrawal in addictions not involving drugs, like compulsive gambling, sexual addiction, or compulsive eating. Yet people regularly shift from drug to nondrug addictions and back. About 40 percent of compulsive gamblers also have alcoholism. It would not be possible for people to substitute nondrug addictions for drug addictions unless these activities all served the same function. As everyone who has suffered from one knows, nondrug addictions carry the same desperate urges to repeat them, and are just as capable of prevailing irrationally over concerns for one’s own welfare (or the welfare of others) as drug addictions. In our society we have tended to focus on drug addiction, but that doesn’t mean addiction is about drugs."
Dodes, Lance. Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction (pp. 30-31).
The author in this quote makes a distinction between a physical addiction and a psychological addiction. If the Your Brain On Porn is correct, and I believe it is for the most part, then it fits only in the "physical addiction" category. However, if that is true, then what to make of this quote? Much to think on here. Bolding is mine.
"Physical addiction is a way our bodies react to certain drugs, and it is utterly out of our control. For this reason, physical addiction can be a cause of repetitive behavior that looks like the kind of psychological addiction I have been describing. It needs to be carefully distinguished, however, because physical factors are of relatively little significance in understanding the nature and treatment of addiction. It is because of this that I call only psychological addiction “true” addiction. But how do you tell the difference between these two kinds of addictions? The simplest way is to stop the behavior and see what happens. Stopping physical addiction is accomplished by not taking the drug long enough to allow your body to readjust to being without it (completing a withdrawal). Withdrawal is always un-pleasant and for certain drugs can be quite dangerous. Depending on the drug, withdrawal may require medical supervision or hospitalization. (The most dangerous drugs to withdraw from are brain sedatives like alcohol, Xanax or Valium, and barbiturates. Narcotic withdrawal, despite all its discomfort, is not medically dangerous, and neither is withdrawal from “uppers” like cocaine or amphetamines, though these lead to a so-called crash in mood.) But as unpleasant as withdrawal can be, it is relatively easy compared with trying to give up an addiction that is based on the kinds of psychological issues described in Part One. Indeed, if all you have is a physical addiction, then after withdrawal (detoxification) your problem is basically over as long as you don’t have a psychological addiction as well. You may find this surprising, since in our culture the notion that people are controlled by their drugs (or “hooked”) is a common myth. Yet, in the early 1980s millions of people quit smoking after the U.S. surgeon general issued a statement about the severe risks of smoking and required warning labels to be placed on cigarette packs. These millions had a physical dependence on nicotine, yet, like Michelle in the example above, they were able to stop smoking when they realized it was dangerous. Their experience shows that physical addiction (or dependence), by itself, is simply not a significant impediment to regaining control of your behavior. Physical dependence is just not a major factor in the problem of addiction. Probably the most famous illustration of this point is a study done on the experience of soldiers in Vietnam. The Vietnam War placed a huge number of men and women with no history of addiction into an enormously stressful setting where there was an easy supply of heroin. Many soldiers used enough heroin to become physically addicted. At this same time, back in the States, heroin addiction had become a major problem among the civilian population; treatment programs had proved largely unsuccessful, with nearly all heroin addicts going back to the drug after detoxification (after a reboot, 90 days?) So there was much concern about what would happen to the soldiers when they came home. Would they be “hooked” on heroin and unable to get off, like the stateside addicts?
Over 90 percent of these veterans, after returning home and being safely detoxified, never used heroin or another narcotic again. Why not? Having a physical addiction just isn’t enough to make people continue to use a drug once they are withdrawn. These soldiers had used heroin because they were in a war, not because it afforded them a way to deal with important inner emotional issues. As with the cigarette smokers who dropped their habit in light of the surgeon general’s warning, the veterans suffered only from physical addiction, so they were able to stop. But the stateside folks who were using heroin did so because they had a different kind of addiction—a behavior compelled by psychological factors. Detoxifying them, by itself, didn’t help. Treatment for them would have had to address the psychological basis of their problem. For a clearer understanding of the relationship between true addiction and physical addiction, it’s helpful to note that there are many addictions that have no physical dependence or withdrawal at all. Even some drug addictions are this way; for example, addictive use of marijuana and hallucinogens such as mushrooms has no associated physical addiction because these substances are incapable of producing physical dependence. And of course, there is no true physical addiction or withdrawal in addictions not involving drugs, like compulsive gambling, sexual addiction, or compulsive eating. Yet people regularly shift from drug to nondrug addictions and back. About 40 percent of compulsive gamblers also have alcoholism. It would not be possible for people to substitute nondrug addictions for drug addictions unless these activities all served the same function. As everyone who has suffered from one knows, nondrug addictions carry the same desperate urges to repeat them, and are just as capable of prevailing irrationally over concerns for one’s own welfare (or the welfare of others) as drug addictions. In our society we have tended to focus on drug addiction, but that doesn’t mean addiction is about drugs."
Dodes, Lance. Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction (pp. 30-31).
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Blondie
Respected Member
Day 571
I remembered last night why porn is my go to. I was about to have a panic attack - lost in overthinking about what to do with my parents - and all I could think about was porn. There's nothing else like porn for me. Nothing else in this world turns my brain off when it's stuck like that in indecision, panic, and uncontrollable thoughts. Alcohol just makes it worse if I'm at that point. Eating feels good but it doesn't "fix" my thoughts. However porn, it's like I'm gone to heaven and carried away to another land. All thoughts are gone for the moment.
I wouldn't say I was tempted, it was just a realization of the reasons porn is "my thing." It doesn't "fix" anything, but in that moment, all is gone and I feel peace. Powerful shit.
I did some breathing exercises and went to sleep.
I remembered last night why porn is my go to. I was about to have a panic attack - lost in overthinking about what to do with my parents - and all I could think about was porn. There's nothing else like porn for me. Nothing else in this world turns my brain off when it's stuck like that in indecision, panic, and uncontrollable thoughts. Alcohol just makes it worse if I'm at that point. Eating feels good but it doesn't "fix" my thoughts. However porn, it's like I'm gone to heaven and carried away to another land. All thoughts are gone for the moment.
I wouldn't say I was tempted, it was just a realization of the reasons porn is "my thing." It doesn't "fix" anything, but in that moment, all is gone and I feel peace. Powerful shit.
I did some breathing exercises and went to sleep.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 572
Thanks, @GBS. I couldn't agree more. Awareness is the key to our success.
Keep killing it.
Thanks, @GBS. I couldn't agree more. Awareness is the key to our success.
Thanks, @PrometheusUnbound. For me those thoughts can come on in a flurry, and it's best to have understood them BEFORE the onslaught begins. That way I'm not stuck in the fray.
Keep killing it.
Blondie
Respected Member
"The key moment in the chain of thoughts, feelings, and acts leading to an addictive behavior may be a decision to take an action that brings you closer to the addictive behavior, rather than a conscious thought about the addictive act itself."
Dodes, Lance. Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction (p. 56). Harper Perennial.
Dodes, Lance. Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction (p. 56). Harper Perennial.
Blondie
Respected Member
Dodes mentions in his enlightening book about AA, that Bill Wilson (one of the two founders) did conquer his addiction to alcohol. However, Wilson was a chronic smoker his whole life, even after it was obvious he needed to stop for health reasons. Furthermore, he never stopped his compulsive philandering ways either. Thus, one has to ask, did Bill Wilson really conquer his demons? This isn't a stab at the man, he did much good in this world, but this is a legitimate question to ponder when it comes to addiction. Should we address the behaviors or the underlining issues?
Over the last seven years since April 2018, I've relapsed to porn less than 50 times. Thus, I've been clean 2,600 days or something. That's impressive! My life is utterly different than it used to be. However, over the last seven years I've also increased my drinking and compulsive eating habits when under stress. I never did these habits before. Thus, one might rightly ask me, have I really conquered my demons? Should I be addressing the behaviors or the underlining issues?
I'm not bashing myself here, I don't think I'm addicted to alcohol nor food in the truest sense, however, these are legitimate questions we all should be asking ourselves.
Have we actually fixed the problem, or have we just changed the behavior?
It's a real possibility.
The physical addiction to porn, alcohol, or whatever else is your go-to, doesn't last very long. All you need is a detox and you're done. Bam! Yes, obviously easier said than done. However, your psychological addiction, that can last a life time if not addressed properly.
I've spent three years a RN talking about this issue in one form or another, however, I think this is my key issue now, and after reading some of these books recently, I'll be focusing less on porn and more on the underlying issues.
2600 Days. Over seven years!
I need to let that sink in for a moment.
Over the last seven years since April 2018, I've relapsed to porn less than 50 times. Thus, I've been clean 2,600 days or something. That's impressive! My life is utterly different than it used to be. However, over the last seven years I've also increased my drinking and compulsive eating habits when under stress. I never did these habits before. Thus, one might rightly ask me, have I really conquered my demons? Should I be addressing the behaviors or the underlining issues?
I'm not bashing myself here, I don't think I'm addicted to alcohol nor food in the truest sense, however, these are legitimate questions we all should be asking ourselves.
Have we actually fixed the problem, or have we just changed the behavior?
It's a real possibility.
The physical addiction to porn, alcohol, or whatever else is your go-to, doesn't last very long. All you need is a detox and you're done. Bam! Yes, obviously easier said than done. However, your psychological addiction, that can last a life time if not addressed properly.
I've spent three years a RN talking about this issue in one form or another, however, I think this is my key issue now, and after reading some of these books recently, I'll be focusing less on porn and more on the underlying issues.
2600 Days. Over seven years!
I need to let that sink in for a moment.
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I think one of the hardest parts of exploring underlying issues is that we have to shed our comfy old bedroom slippers that are worn and stretched in the right places and put on new ones that are a little to tight and are not broke in. We tend to get comfortable and try to stay in the comfort zone even if there are indications things could possibly be better with new slippers. It is hard to realize in any situation we can only change ourselves. It may be hard to believe but as the partner I had to count days. Sometimes hours. It revolved around not crying. Not harming myself. Helping him recover. But I had to get out of my comfort zone and change me. My mother was the one that did not love me. That impacted the whole situation. But I did change. My husband did too. Whenever the parent thing comes sneaking in, look at all you have accomplished. 2,600 days! The people here you have helped. The growing you are doing. The self change you are able to accomplish. The people here that care. Celebrate you!
Blondie
Respected Member
Hi, @Gracie.
Best
This is true. No matter what side of the fence you're on with this stuff, you're going to need to look at the underlying issues in some ways. I like the slipper analogy
This is the trick, but it is the key.
I've never thought about counting from a partner's perspective, but that would make sense. The further you feel you're away from "finding out", the better. I'll have to think about this more.
Definitely her loss not YOURS. I'm so glad to hear you two pulled through. Hell yeah.
Thank you, this really means a lot.
Best
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 575
So I've been frantically reading through a new book called The Freedom Model of Addictions. I heard of this book from @new reality, which he posted a review of a few days ago. Thank you, my friend! You call can find this book for free online and I would highly suggest you read it. I'm about half way through at the moment and have had my mind blown. Some of it is heading in the direction I've been heading over this last year or so, however, much of it is things I've never thought of or heard of. I love to be challenged! I wouldn't say it's contentious against AA, but the authors are extremely opinionated and think many ideas in the recovery community are flat out wrong if not completely harmful, not to mention, questionable science. Whether you agree or not with this book, it's important to see all sides of the argument so you can benefit in any way that might help you on your journey.
I've been reading like a mad man this last month on this issue, and I've enjoyed it immensely. It's funny, at one moment I thought I should take down or change my tagline "Do we truly want to quit, or are we only pretending to?" However, reading this book, makes me think I should keep it up.
Who fucking knows!
So I've been frantically reading through a new book called The Freedom Model of Addictions. I heard of this book from @new reality, which he posted a review of a few days ago. Thank you, my friend! You call can find this book for free online and I would highly suggest you read it. I'm about half way through at the moment and have had my mind blown. Some of it is heading in the direction I've been heading over this last year or so, however, much of it is things I've never thought of or heard of. I love to be challenged! I wouldn't say it's contentious against AA, but the authors are extremely opinionated and think many ideas in the recovery community are flat out wrong if not completely harmful, not to mention, questionable science. Whether you agree or not with this book, it's important to see all sides of the argument so you can benefit in any way that might help you on your journey.
I've been reading like a mad man this last month on this issue, and I've enjoyed it immensely. It's funny, at one moment I thought I should take down or change my tagline "Do we truly want to quit, or are we only pretending to?" However, reading this book, makes me think I should keep it up.
Who fucking knows!
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Blondie
Respected Member
In regards to my tagline, this paragraph says it pointedly. I think this is right on the money.
We are not prisoners (Yes, I've said we are sometimes, maybe I'm contradiction? Yes I am). Our minds are our own. We are not "controlled" by some outside demon; be that dopamine, a "diseased mind" or what have you.
"How many counselors, sponsors, and therapists will you see? How many
group counseling sessions, support meetings, and aftercare sessions will
you attend? How long will you keep yourself in a sober-living community
trying to shield yourself from use? How many loved ones and recovery
coaches will you ask to “hold you accountable” or to limit access to your
finances, or to exert other forms of physical control or shaming over you?
How much Suboxone or naltrexone or Antabuse will you take in a fruitless
attempt to force yourself from continuing to prefer heroin or booze? How
much of this will you continue to do while hoping and praying for the
impossible: that these people, circumstances, and substitution drugs will
somehow get into your mind and force you to think differently about
substances? It can’t be done because of mental autonomy. If you still prefer
use, you’ll choose that. If you don’t, you won’t. So that is the mental
decision to be made: Is it going to be heavy use, adjusted use, or
abstinence? Changing your thoughts is your task and yours alone. Your
mind is the one thing that you, and only you, have the most control over in
this world. And through that control of your mind, you also control your
behavior, including your behavior regarding substances."
We are not prisoners (Yes, I've said we are sometimes, maybe I'm contradiction? Yes I am). Our minds are our own. We are not "controlled" by some outside demon; be that dopamine, a "diseased mind" or what have you.
"How many counselors, sponsors, and therapists will you see? How many
group counseling sessions, support meetings, and aftercare sessions will
you attend? How long will you keep yourself in a sober-living community
trying to shield yourself from use? How many loved ones and recovery
coaches will you ask to “hold you accountable” or to limit access to your
finances, or to exert other forms of physical control or shaming over you?
How much Suboxone or naltrexone or Antabuse will you take in a fruitless
attempt to force yourself from continuing to prefer heroin or booze? How
much of this will you continue to do while hoping and praying for the
impossible: that these people, circumstances, and substitution drugs will
somehow get into your mind and force you to think differently about
substances? It can’t be done because of mental autonomy. If you still prefer
use, you’ll choose that. If you don’t, you won’t. So that is the mental
decision to be made: Is it going to be heavy use, adjusted use, or
abstinence? Changing your thoughts is your task and yours alone. Your
mind is the one thing that you, and only you, have the most control over in
this world. And through that control of your mind, you also control your
behavior, including your behavior regarding substances."
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Blondie
Respected Member
This is beautiful, fuck yeah!
"When you’ve operated under the belief that you are not free—that you are
addicted—then your substance use has taken on a different meaning that
makes you feel even more stuck. A night of heavy drinking that you regret
becomes evidence of relapse, addiction, and cause for hopelessness. But
when you view it as freely chosen, it becomes a lesson to slow down next
time, and you then adjust accordingly. Knowing you’re free to change, you
adjust your substance use in the direction that makes you happiest."
"When you’ve operated under the belief that you are not free—that you are
addicted—then your substance use has taken on a different meaning that
makes you feel even more stuck. A night of heavy drinking that you regret
becomes evidence of relapse, addiction, and cause for hopelessness. But
when you view it as freely chosen, it becomes a lesson to slow down next
time, and you then adjust accordingly. Knowing you’re free to change, you
adjust your substance use in the direction that makes you happiest."
Blondie
Respected Member
If we are not "addicts"
If our brains are not "diseased"
Why do we CHOOSE to return to porn?
If we actually HAVE control
Then why do we voluntarily return?
It's on US
It's ALWAYS been on US
If we think there's more happiness on THAT side
We will always choose it again "some day"
No matter if we've abstained
Three days
Ninety days
Or "almost two years"
It's always been on US
It's always been on US
We did not "relapse"
We did not get "dopamined"
We CHOSE to go back
We CHOSE to feel THAT
It's always been on US
It's always been on US
This is not "shameful" to admit
This is POWERFUL to admit
It's puts us BACK in the driver's seat
It's puts us BACK in control
It's always been on US
It's always been on US
If our brains are not "diseased"
Why do we CHOOSE to return to porn?
If we actually HAVE control
Then why do we voluntarily return?
It's on US
It's ALWAYS been on US
If we think there's more happiness on THAT side
We will always choose it again "some day"
No matter if we've abstained
Three days
Ninety days
Or "almost two years"
It's always been on US
It's always been on US
We did not "relapse"
We did not get "dopamined"
We CHOSE to go back
We CHOSE to feel THAT
It's always been on US
It's always been on US
This is not "shameful" to admit
This is POWERFUL to admit
It's puts us BACK in the driver's seat
It's puts us BACK in control
It's always been on US
It's always been on US
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