Porn is not an option

TryingHarder

Active Member
I didn't feel terribly tempted, but I had an insane fear that I would fuck up, and that was causing me my great angst...
If you're on day 257, you're killing it. 5 months is the longest I've stayed clean. I think the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I hate to use this term (in respect for the folks who actually have it) but it's almost like I have a sort of relapse type of PTSD, where I fear a relapse and the things that might bring it on. Well, whatever this is, it's definitely better than the alternative.

I definitely understand this place, and have proven that a lengthy streak in itself isn't enough to prevent a lapse in the other direction. That kind of diligence and vigilance (without being hyper-vigilant) is definitely warranted.

When I use terms (not that you're referring to them) such as "ease into your abstinence", or to not white-knuckle this thing, I mean that we're basically accepting a new lifestyle, a 'new norm', a new us. I like how PR referred to it above, where abstinence becomes natural.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I definitely understand this place, and have proven that a lengthy streak in itself isn't enough to prevent a lapse in the other direction. That kind of diligence and vigilance (without being hyper-vigilant) is definitely warranted.

When I use terms (not that you're referring to them) such as "ease into your abstinence", or to not white-knuckle this thing, I mean that we're basically accepting a new lifestyle, a 'new norm', a new us. I like how PR referred to it above, where abstinence becomes natural.
That's right, without building an inner world that can sustain a life without self-medication (be it porn or whatever), abstinence is not enough.
 
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Blondie

Well-Known Member
Day 258

Day 21 of no O


@particularly_respecting
It's a cliche but it's true - health is so important. Easy to take for granted but difficult to think of anything else when we face issues
Hope you can figure out a suitable plan with your doc

This is true. Thanks man. I just need to remind myself of all the things I can be grateful about, which are many. Plus, I'll keep charging ahead and doing what I need to fix this.

@Ezel
glad to hear that you got past the situation you had yesterday, it's fascinating what going out with your partner to get some fresh air in the mountains can do for you blondie...
Thanks Ezel.

It's funny, I know the mountains have this power to heal the mind and soul, but I often get so busy I forget this fact. I need to get out there more and be on the computer less!

Thanks for your encouragement man.

@cookiemonster
Porn is not an option. Onwards Blondie!
You got that right bud! Fuck that shit!

@TryingHarder
If you're on day 257, you're killing it. 5 months is the longest I've stayed clean. I think the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
Thanks Trying! I like that last part about fear, it's a good quote. And five months is a hell of an achievement. I know you'll get there soon again and get passed this nonsense for good. Press on brother!

@Phineas 808
I definitely understand this place, and have proven that a lengthy streak in itself isn't enough to prevent a lapse in the other direction. That kind of diligence and vigilance (without being hyper-vigilant) is definitely warranted.

Yeah I think that's my mental hang up, because I've been here before (in fact I've had twice as many days once!) so I know I CAN get off course, thus, I'm ever mindful. I don't think of this constant vigilance as a chore or something either, in fact, it's a good thing, because anything is better than porn.

However, staying away, and actually fixing my underlying problems are two entirely different things. That's why I'm working overtime on my issues this time around, so when that day or days come around, I can push through to the other side, or as PR said, as a new man.

Great to see you here again Phineas! Always a pleasure sir.

Best

@Escapeandnevercomeback
That's right, without building an inner world that can sustain a life without self-medication (be it porn or whatever), abstinence is not enough.
Thanks Escape! This is absolutely true my friend. May us all work double time on ourselves to fix whatever is missing and hurting in ourselves so as to quit this shit once and for all.

A true Hero's Journey indeed.

Best

@Recovery Will Come
Stay strong and thanks for your support and everything you do for this website… Keep on trucking… Praying you make it through your health situation…

Thanks brother.

My pleasure, we're here all to help each other out and be the men and women that we know we can be.

I appreciate your prayers.

Keep killing it man!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Yeah I think that's my mental hang up, because I've been here before (in fact I've had twice as many days once!) so I know I CAN get off course, thus, I'm ever mindful. I don't think of this constant vigilance as a chore or something either, in fact, it's a good thing, because anything is better than porn.

However, staying away, and actually fixing my underlying problems are two entirely different things. That's why I'm working overtime on my issues this time around, so when that day or days come around, I can push through to the other side, or as PR said, as a new man.

Great to see you here again Phineas! Always a pleasure sir.

Best

Yeah, I think my vigilance before was more episodic, that I was more or less vigilant when I felt I needed to be. Though otherwise, I didn't think about it. Now, vigilance is being worked into my day-to-day, regardless of how tempted or struggling- or not I am. Now, if I give myself an allowance I know exactly what that means, that it's the beast-brain wanting a cookie. There can be exceptions if they serve a purpose, and that's how I've set it up.

Fixing our underlying reasons for how and why this addiction came about is definitely a must for the longhaul, for the bigger picture.

Thank you, Blondie- always good to see you! Be well. I'm not sure as to your take on this, but 'see' yourself healthy, speaks words over yourself that are words of life. Heck, I talk to my body sometimes and 'tell' it to be healthy. Wishing you the best!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
I like this Phineas. Yes I "believe" that words have power and what we say about ourselves and what we promise to others has consequences. I think what we say about ourselves, even at our worst and lowest moments, should be done with love, even tough love, but with no hatred in our hearts.

I'm of Germanic and English descent (thus Germanic) and I've always liked how serious my ancestors took their oaths to the community and of course to themselves. In the olden days you would never promise something unless you meant it with all your heart and soul that you would actually fulfill and carry out that promise to the best of your abilities, yes even to death.

I often wonder what would happen if we addicts (I guess I'll use that word) would take our words and oaths more seriously and how that would effect our endgame; not to mention the sacred oaths we gave to our girlfriends or wives! However, and most importantly for this discussion, how about the vacuous oaths we've sworn to ourselves over the years, does that not effect us on some spiritual plane of existence? Think about it, If you swear to yourself that you will never do something again but yet find yourself doing it again within a day, how serious was your oath? I would suggest it was not very serious at all, at least speaking for myself.

A promise is action, not reaction. Reaction is looking at porn and going back to all your old shity habits. Action is eliminating all the things that make you react in the first place and filling your life with new and glorious habits.

If you swear that you are once and for all done with porn (and I write this for myself) then you better start doing all the action steps that come along with that promise, If not, you're just wasting your time to be completely honest. Of course, we all fail, but I'm not talking about perfection here, I'm talking about making a real oath to yourself to quit, then doing what is necessary to back it up.

Yes, words have power, and we should always be very cautious of what we promise to do or not do for ourselves. Because if we break promise after promise to ourselves year after year, we will break ourselves in the end, spiritually and even physically. We always focus on the evil of breaking the promises in our relationships and how bad and hurtful that is to the other person. Well I agree, but relationships come and go in this life and sometimes a good partner is hard to find; however, even if it is a good relationship, I promise you'll never keep one unless you stop breaking the promises to yourself first.

Thank you Phineas! I think you were only talking about words of health etc., but that got me thinking and this is what came of it.

I miss you sir, you always made me philosophize! :cool:

Best brother.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I like this Phineas. Yes I "believe" that words have power and what we say about ourselves and what we promise to others has consequences. I think what we say about ourselves, even at our worst and lowest moments, should be done with love, even tough love, but with no hatred in our hearts.

I'm of Germanic and English descent (thus Germanic) and I've always liked how serious my ancestors took their oaths to the community and of course to themselves. In the olden days you would never promise something unless you meant it with all your heart and soul that you would actually fulfill and carry out that promise to the best of your abilities, yes even to death.

I often wonder what would happen if we addicts (I guess I'll use that word) would take our words and oaths more seriously and how that would effect our endgame; not to mention the sacred oaths we gave to our girlfriends or wives! However, and most importantly for this discussion, how about the vacuous oaths we've sworn to ourselves over the years, does that not effect us on some spiritual plane of existence? Think about it, If you swear to yourself that you will never do something again but yet find yourself doing it again within a day, how serious was your oath? I would suggest it was not very serious at all, at least speaking for myself.

A promise is action, not reaction. Reaction is looking at porn and going back to all your old shity habits. Action is eliminating all the things that make you react in the first place and filling your life with new and glorious habits.

If you swear that you are once and for all done with porn (and I write this for myself) then you better start doing all the action steps that come along with that promise, If not, you're just wasting your time to be completely honest. Of course, we all fail, but I'm not talking about perfection here, I'm talking about making a real oath to yourself to quit, then doing what is necessary to back it up.

Yes, words have power, and we should always be very cautious of what we promise to do or not do for ourselves. Because if we break promise after promise to ourselves year after year, we will break ourselves in the end, spiritually and even physically. Everyone here always talks about the evil of breaking the promise in their relationships and how bad and hurtful that is. Well I agree, but relationships come and go in this life and sometimes a good partner is hard to find; however, even if it's a good relationship, I promise you'll never keep one unless you stop breaking the promises to yourself first.

Thank you Phineas! I think you were only talking about words of health etc., but that got me thinking and this is what came of it.

I miss you sir, you always made me philosophize! :cool:

Best brother.
Yes, definitely. First step is admitting you have a problem and I guess we all have done this. Second step is believing that the problem can go away. Swearing to yourself that this is the last time when you watch porn but without actually completely believing that you can actually escape this, won't really work. You say "I swear to God this is the last time!" but deep deep inside of you there is that 10 percent that knows very well you are going to watch again one day. Are we actually willing, after all those years of being porn addicts, to actually completely quit?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Quitting will be hard work for some of us. Some of us need a transformation, a spiritual change, a way to fix the hole in our souls without drugs. It's not easy. All of us who self-medicate want to quit but few are willing to go through the work that this requires. After years of being a porn and alcohol addict, I've realized I haven't been willing to invest the work.
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Fixing our underlying reasons for how and why this addiction came about is definitely a must for the longhaul, for the bigger picture.
Amen, @Phineas 808. Just before I started my reboot, I was in a really shitty place emotionally. I took some time off work to regroup, meditate, work through my problems, and felt a lot better. Combining that with regular exercise and taking care of myself has really lifted the fog. My porn addiction was (is) a byproduct of depression. So by taking steps to combat depression, the addiction has a much weaker hold on me now.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Thank you Phineas! I think you were only talking about words of health etc., but that got me thinking and this is what came of it.

You're welcome, brother! Indeed, the implications of our words having 'world-creating/destroying' power has far and wide implications.

I like where you took this, lol...! What we say 'over' ourselves matters, as per our health (on all planes), but what we say 'to' ourselves matters just as much, as you point out.

When we commit to abstinence and change, we're making a commitment to ourselves, we're giving our word to ourselves. And thus, we had better fulfill it, unless we're just lying to ourselves (as your signature queries).

This is something so important in our recovery, and where your words take me now... Many reasons why some have a difficult time maintaining a streak, or rather, seem to lapse often is that they fail to keep promises to themselves, and so are not 'credible' to themselves. For example, if I tell myself that I'll close the social media app after 10 minutes, but I fail to, this weakens my resolve, undermines my will power, and disempowers myself for the next time I'm confronted with a decision. Now, a pop-up add of an explicit nature comes up, I say, "Don't look at it!"- but I already don't 'believe' myself, so I easily cave. Add to this the power of habit ala repetition, and viola!

But (to any on the 'wrong' side of this) take heart, start with small promises to yourself. When you exercise your will in keeping smaller promises, then we'll be exercised when the bigger decisions confront us- and we'll build confidence in our own decision making powers.

On a side note: we NEVER have to keep a promise made to ourselves to act-out, or follow through with a temptation or urge. We can veto those lower-brain commitments.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Amen, @Phineas 808. Just before I started my reboot, I was in a really shitty place emotionally. I took some time off work to regroup, meditate, work through my problems, and felt a lot better. Combining that with regular exercise and taking care of myself has really lifted the fog. My porn addiction was (is) a byproduct of depression. So by taking steps to combat depression, the addiction has a much weaker hold on me now.

Good to hear, TH. It sounds like you're a man who knows himself, or are at least learning about yourself as we all are. Congrats on getting a hold of the why's behind the addiction, and doing what's necessary to get ahead of it.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Quitting will be hard work for some of us. Some of us need a transformation, a spiritual change, a way to fix the hole in our souls without drugs. It's not easy. All of us who self-medicate want to quit but few are willing to go through the work that this requires. After years of being a porn and alcohol addict, I've realized I haven't been willing to invest the work.

Each of our paths our different, but I like to say that we can work on the habit/addiction itself now, get that under 'control' and then we can work on the deeper emotional/spiritual issues. This can be done simultaneously... but I like to separate habit versus healing because the habit or addiction fogs and beclouds our minds to where we can't really uncover what we need to in order to find healing.

Many waste literally years (decades) conflating healing with habit, and while they're busy trying to untangle their 5 year old self, their addiction rages on.

Either way, you're right about it being work, and not always easy.
 

tghn

Member
If you swear that you are once and for all done with porn (and I write this for myself) then you better start doing all the action steps that come along with that promise, If not, you're just wasting your time to be completely honest. Of course, we all fail, but I'm not talking about perfection here, I'm talking about making a real oath to yourself to quit, then doing what is necessary to back it up.

Very inspiring and true words man. I just started to follow your log and I love the philosophizing you do with the other guys on this forum. Keep going strong and ill be following your journey.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Day 260

Day 23 of no O


Hey Tghn, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found my armchair philosophizing interesting. Good or bad, that's what I do.:cool: I seriously think anyone who successfully gets off porn has to become at least a little bit of a philosophizer. Because once we get past those initial days of being porn-free, then we have to start asking ourselves why we got into this shit in the first place. It's good to know these things and to understand them deeply so as to not get back into it again.

I'll be watching your journey!

Best
 
Day 260

Day 23 of no O


Hey Tghn, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found my armchair philosophizing interesting. Good or bad, that's what I do.:cool: I seriously think anyone who successfully gets off porn has to become at least a little bit of a philosophizer. Because once we get past those initial days of being porn-free, then we have to start asking ourselves why we got into this shit in the first place. It's good to know these things and to understand them deeply so as to not get back into it again.

I'll be watching your journey!

Best
How has it been since you cut out O?
 
I seriously think anyone who successfully gets off porn has to become at least a little bit of a philosophizer. Because once we get past those initial days of being porn-free, then we have to start asking ourselves why we got into this shit in the first place. It's good to know these things and to understand them deeply so as to not get back into it again.
I agree with this
Very interesting reading journals of posters on RN for that reason
The ones who stick around and seem to make progress on beating this (like Blondie!) all seem to have some sort of philosophy about it
Different posters' philosophies are all different, but the extra level of thinking/awareness seems to be a common factor
(I'm still in the beginning steps of developing my thinking around it)

So keep up the "armchair philosophizing" Blondie! Always enlightening to read the thoughts of someone making serious progress in breaking free (y)
 
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