Day 277
No One Escapes Alcatraz With Only Good Intentions
In my twenties, if you would have asked me about my porn addiction, I would have told you I was trying to quit with all my heart and soul. This statement would have seemed to be true to any friend or family member, but it was false, but I didn't know it at the time.
If there's one thing I've learned in this little thing called life, is that sincerity does not equal truth. And although I was sincere in my statements and protestations of quitting porn back in my twenties, if you would have looked behind the surface, you would see that little Blondie was full of it.
Why was I full of it?
I was full of it because I was all words but no actions. I never once changed my life in anyway that would have helped me actually quit porn - it was all just surface level changes and nothing more (aka, vacuous words!). Although I committed myself to God over and over again, and then, recommitted myself, no lasting change ever happened because I was completely unaware of what it would actually take to escape Alcatraz once and for all.
God helps those who help themselves
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In June of 1962, three men escaped Alcatraz into the cold waters of the San Francisco Bay, willing to do whatever it took to escape, even to face a likely death in the frigid hypothermic waters. These men did not "wish" to escape their physical prisons, oh no, they knew that wishing would get them nowhere, they had to make their wishes into realities. They had decided to do whatever was necessary to get what they wanted most of all - freedom.
These men, over the course of six months, dedicated their lives (literally) to escape their hard stone-cold prison. Of course, there was no certainty of escape, as there's no certainty in anything in this life, besides a certain death. But these men were willing to do whatever it took, to achieve what they wanted.
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Yours truly.
What are we willing to do to escape the prison walls of our porn addiction?
What things are we doing, or not doing, that would help us escape?
Here are some thoughts.
No more porn substitutes. Cut out all non porn images that you use for "fun" in your life. We are grown men now, thus, looking at that shit, even if not porn, is below us and not up to our standards. Our lives depend on it.
Talk to a friend or your loved one. This can be one of the hardest things to do, but it can help tremendously. I know not everyone can do this, and I respect your situation, but having that friend, or in my case, girlfriend behind me and rooting for me is truly inspiring.
Stop thinking of your recovery in black in white. I wrote about his yesterday, but it literally can kill your progress dead in its tracks. So stop it!
Join a Sex Addicts group. If you can't seem to break this habit by yourself, then you must do whatever is necessary to stop it, and yes, that might mean get over your ego. There is no shame in admitting you need help. Period. And if you're a man, you might need to hear this more. The "manly" thing to do is not to lie and hide your shit from yourself and those people and loved ones around you. No, men don't do that. We have to stop this macho bullshit and get real with ourselves. It's not weak asking for help, it's weak acting like you don't need to. Escaping from Alcatraz took all of the combined skills of the three different men in the group, not one of them had all of the answers, and neither do you. So get over yourself.
There is no such thing as a "perfect" group. This ties in to what I said above. Many times in life, we refuse to join a certain group or community because we can't find the "perfect" one. And many times in life, these are nothing but bullshit excuses. I got news for you, no group or community is ever going to be perfect or fit your definition of it, so just except this fact and move on with your life. Take what you can get out of it and be grateful for the experience.
Do you find yourself not liking someone here on RN or some other community? Great, don't talk to them! It's a simple as that. This is your recovery, not anyone else's. I spent years not going back to school because I couldn't find the "perfect" one or I said they were all just teaching "political propaganda," thus, I knew better than anyone else etc. Is there some truth to my thoughts, absolutely, but they were still fucking excuses and I now see them for what they really were. Don't waste your life making excuses.
God will not solve your problems. Now I write this with respect to anyone who believes in God - RN is certainly no place to argue over religion. However, I say this as a ex Christian so I'm familiar with that culture. I have found that some believers have a lawyer like propensity to find any loopholes around their porn addiction and recovery, and I would know because I was the best of them! For example, If they're bad with their money they'll pridefully quote to you "Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven" while somehow forgetting that Jesus says not to be proud also! They also blame their losses on Satan instead having a good hard look at themselves, my dad does this sometimes.
Dad: "Son, times are tough, but God works in mysterious ways" Me: "No dad, you just suck with money"
Or take this example, you can quote Philippians 4:13 to me all day long,
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (See I know my Bible!
) but if you're an alcoholic repeating that verse to yourself while you're walking to work at a liquor store, you're a fucking moron! I know they say God has a sense of humor, but please, let God laugh at someone else for a change! We're better than that! If you want to escape Alcatraz, do everything that's within your power and planning, and then pray God has your back.
Again, I mean no disrespect, but these are all things I use to do and have seen others do. These loopholes will not solve your problems, so take a hard look at yourself and ask if you do any of them.
Take extreme measures. You can't escape porn or Alcatraz without being fanatical about it. For example, to escape Alcatraz, the three men had to meticulously widen the ventilation ducts in their cell rooms one scratch at a time with dull saw blades and metal spoons! Then they had to make a cardboard cutout that looked like the real deal so as no guard would be able to notice the hole in the wall. See picture below.
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Pretty badass!
What can we learn from this?
Do whatever it takes, go to extreme measures to conquer this shit.
Here are a few extreme things you could do for a while...
Get rid of your laptop if you're able to. If not, only use it for work and have your special someone guard it if need be.
Trade in your smart phone for a cheap flip phone for a while (You'll be saving money at the same time!)
Stop watching all tv and YouTube
Get ride of all your Instagram and Facebook accounts (A win-win all around).
Have your friend tie your hands behind you back before going to bed (I'm only half joking here, but not really! )
Read an hour a day about porn addiction and how to recover from it. (Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was this addiction) Doing this will reinforce the importance of staying vigilant.
That's enough for now, but you all should get the message. Quitting this habit will take everything you've got and more. But like escaping Alcatraz, what lies beyond this bad habit is freedom - and nothing is worth more than that!
Onwards brothers and sisters!