Porn is not an option

Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 288

Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles. I will definitely get there!


Well I tested positive again today so I will have try again tomorrow lol. :cool:

This whole thing has been a mess, but as @Phineas 808 mentioned last week in encouraging me (as did you all!) I will be able to look back on this time and know I got through it, and this makes me feel great inside. A week ago I was so scared to be stuck in my room all by myself and with the thought of possibly fucking up, but I here stand, still going strong and knowing that I've been able to keep calm (mostly) throughout all of this nonsense.

Thanks everyone again for all your encouragement!

"Nothing in the world
is as soft and yielding as water.
Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible,
nothing can surpass it.

The soft overcomes the hard;
the gentle overcomes the rigid.
Everyone knows this is true,
but few can put it into practice." Lao Tzu.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Tonight I sit here looking out my window, hearing all the laughter down below that I can't be apart of at the moment.

I feel sadness, madness and great disappointment. Disappointment in how this trip didn't turn out to be anything that I had wanted it to be.

I feel these emotions coming over me in waves, sometimes they're ever strong, and sometimes they land on my face like the soft breeze coming in from a distant summer shore.

There's nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. All I can do is feel them and observe them.

Nothing will make them go away, so I might as well just feel them and accept them.

Sadness won't kill me, neither will anger or my temporary disappointments.

All of these just come and go like the wind.

I can make this - I know I can.
 
SmokenMirrors

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
Tonight I sit here looking out my window, hearing all the laughter down below that I can't be apart of at the moment.

I feel sadness, madness and great disappointment. Disappointment in how this trip didn't turn out to be anything that I had wanted it to be.

I feel these emotions coming over me in waves, sometimes they're ever strong, and sometimes they land on my face like the soft breeze coming in from a distant summer shore.

There's nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. All I can do is feel them and observe them.

Nothing will make them go away, so I might as well just feel them and accept them.

Sadness won't kill me, neither will anger or my temporary disappointments.

All of these just come and go like the wind.

I can make this - I know I can.
Click to expand...
You've got this bro! Drop me a message if you need some support!
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Blondie said:
Tonight I sit here looking out my window, hearing all the laughter down below that I can't be apart of at the moment.

I feel sadness, madness and great disappointment. Disappointment in how this trip didn't turn out to be anything that I had wanted it to be.

I feel these emotions coming over me in waves, sometimes they're ever strong, and sometimes they land on my face like the soft breeze coming in from a distant summer shore.

There's nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. All I can do is feel them and observe them.

Nothing will make them go away, so I might as well just feel them and accept them.

Sadness won't kill me, neither will anger or my temporary disappointments.

All of these just come and go like the wind.

I can make this - I know I can.
Click to expand...
Yes! My experience is that the way society brings us up is like negative emotions are something to be avoided or denied, swept under the rug. But in feeling them and holding space for them, really feeling them with acceptance and remaining grounded - they go away in a good way. All emotions are valid, all emotions can serve us in a positive way if we know how.

It is hard at first but then it gets easier and easier to hold space and feel strong negative emotions.

You are levelling up. Very happy for you.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Congrats, Blondie, on making it through those 8 days! Inspirational, that's all I can really say..! No doubt your example will come to mind the next time I'm 'home alone' for overnighters, or out traveling, or [God forbid] in quarantine.

Thank you for being you!
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 294

Well I got back home late last night. It definitely feels good to be back and still clean from all this bullshit. I have much to think about over the next few days. I've learned a lot about myself and I want to reflect on it.

I'll probably write more later on today, but this quote seems to do my last few weeks justice.

"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!"

Yes, Fight Club rocks.

Best
 
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