Day 300! Ten months porn free.
I can't believe I'm actually here... As they say, what we've done once before we can do again, and today definitely proves that is true. We are all on different parts of this journey; for some of us getting to 3 days porn free is a gigantic achievement, for others 90 days is a great day. These are all momentous occasions and the only person we can and should compare ourselves to is the guy or gal standing proudly in the mirror. For me, getting to 90 days is something great but it is not hard to get to these day, nor does it feel beyond my reach, but 10 months, well, I've only done this once in my entire life.
It's funny, I write this today with joy in my heart but also a little sadness too. It's crazy to think I'm 39 and I've only gone 20 months completely porn free in the last 26 years of my life! Obviously my porn use back in the day was pretty "innocent" compared to what it was in my late 20s and 30s. I mean hell, back then you would click the download button then run off to watch an episode of Friends, hoping by the end of the show your ONE picture would have downloaded enough to get to the "good stuff"
. It was a completely different world back then, and thank god for that! But you know what, if I've learned anything over this last while, is that I can handle the sadness and grief without running away - life really will be okay.
It's okay that I feel bad. Feeling bad makes me want to change all the more, and change is what us addicts need the most. We don't need "one more picture" or "just one more session then I'll quit" to fix things, because we know that road is a lonely road that leads to nowhere.
Are we not tired of that lonely road?
Thanks
@GBS for your comment, that really meant a lot!
As far as monk mode goes, I don't think I've ever "officially" done that this whole 10 month streak, but I guess that depends on what you define as Monk mode. I haven't masturbated once, but I have been having sex with my girl all this time (with Os), which I don't personally see as a problem for my recovery. I did go a whole month without sex around the third month mark because my dick was softer than a freshly pressed noodle, but that was from a bad flatline. Then 2 months ago, I choose to go 30 days without an orgasm while still having sex, which was a great experience and one I'll probably seek out again real soon. I did see some benefits from that and it was nice to know I could control the hardest thing in the world for me to control, wanting to have an orgasm during sex. Lastly, I was on a trip by myself for over 2 weeks recently and I didn't MO as well.
I realize my situation is different than some on this forum, seeing that I'm still having sex with my girl while I also reboot. My girlfriend never saw porn as cheating as some couples do on RN, although my few sessions with camgirls last year definitely challenged that opinion a bit. Because of this however, our whole dynamic is different than others going through this very same thing. I was always truthful with her from the beginning of our relationship that I sometimes looked at porn, and often, we would even laugh about it. Four years ago, I was the one who asked her to keep me accountable because I wanted to quit (not for any moral reasons), but because I was wasting so much time and thought it was a childish thing for a grownup man to be engaging in. She agreed and has been my partner in crime ever since.
So is that monk mode? I don't really know, but whatever it is, it's working for me!
Best man, congrats on your success, you're really making some great progress. You are an inspiration to us all.
Thank you
@Ezel. And God bless you brother!