Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
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Blondie
Respected Member
Good picture by the way Blondie...
Blondie
Respected Member
Just had amazing sex with the Lady...
I don't really do "Dick updates" anymore, lol but I thought I'd say something along those lines.
Damn, ten months out and I'm still getting use to this "organic" sex experience. I hadn't thought about sex all day long (that right there says something!) but it was a lazy summer day and we were bored so we thought we'd jump in bed - why not? Even though I haven't had a problem in months, I was still thinking to myself "Why am I doing this? I'm not even in the mood. It's completely possible my dick's gonna to sit there flaccid and just laugh"
Well needless to say, he rose to the occasion and it was a great bonding experience (they say that's what sex is actually for! Bonding. ). Who knew???
Anyways, no more Richard reports for a while now, I swear.
Moral of the story is, 10 months out and I'm still learning what it means to be porn-free!
Don't touch it folks, it's simply not worth it!
I don't really do "Dick updates" anymore, lol but I thought I'd say something along those lines.
Damn, ten months out and I'm still getting use to this "organic" sex experience. I hadn't thought about sex all day long (that right there says something!) but it was a lazy summer day and we were bored so we thought we'd jump in bed - why not? Even though I haven't had a problem in months, I was still thinking to myself "Why am I doing this? I'm not even in the mood. It's completely possible my dick's gonna to sit there flaccid and just laugh"
Well needless to say, he rose to the occasion and it was a great bonding experience (they say that's what sex is actually for! Bonding.
). Who knew???Anyways, no more Richard reports for a while now, I swear.
Moral of the story is, 10 months out and I'm still learning what it means to be porn-free!
Don't touch it folks, it's simply not worth it!
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First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
That's awesome my dude!!! Man you really are healed, it's awesome hearing your progress. You continue to be an inspiration to me and so many people on this forum. Please, keep the reports coming (no pun intended) when you want to -- personally I take a TON of comfort from it. Do you masturbate these days or nah?
Blondie
Respected Member
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles!
I do not. I don't even touch it.
My rule of thumb is, it belongs only to my girl.
And If I wasn't in a relationship, you probably couldn't pay me to masturbate more than once every sixty days or so (I really have a hard time focusing on anything after that!). If I was in that scenario again, I would rather use that energy to work on my goals or talk to another woman.
Real is the only deal.
Best bother.
Blondie
Respected Member
I wrote this piece my first week at RN. I've been thinking recently about a lot of the things I wrote here and how they still apply to my recovery in general, so I thought I'd post it again. It's easy for us to become complacent in our recoveries. It's easy for us to make excuses and rationalize why we shouldn't try so hard etc.
Hopefully this is a remedy for that.
I've been thinking a great deal about some comments I've read here at the forum about the shame of relapsing, and how it's almost better to not try so hard in your reboot than to feel that bitter taste of defeat. This question is pertinent to me as I once had a 530 something day streak 2 years ago and know exactly how that feels. Of course all of us here are at a different level on our journey. To some at this moment, going a week porn free might be the equivalent and accomplishment of others going a full year, and that's okay. But the question still remains, is it better to decide to do a reboot with all of your heart, body and soul, than to half ass it?
I know from my own personal experience when I relapsed two years ago after that long streak, it was absolutely devastating to me mentally for a few weeks. I can't recall ever feeling worse about myself than those terrible weeks following that infamous event. I couldn't believe I had let myself get complacent enough to go back to the very thing I hated so much. But the truth is, from that relapse I learned a great deal about myself, and what I would need to do next time to not find myself in that situation again. But the fact remains that ever since then, I've been too scared to try that hard again, because of the fear of failure, and that is the absolute truth. Since that major relapse I had two years ago, I've had a period of 2 months clean, then 6 months clean, and ever since then, a really bad habit of every 3 to 4 months. Why do I do this? Why do we do this?
Why do we fear that bitter taste of momentary failure more than focus on the benefits of giving something, anything, are absolute best? My thoughts on this issue these last few days have been multiplying, because I'm starting to hear that nagging voice once again in my head, "Why try so hard? Don't you remember how bad you felt the last time you failed?". I hate these fucking thoughts with a passion, but I think I've had a revelation about them these last two days in thinking about it.
As a porn user, and let's face it, a porn abuser, for much of my life I've tried to run away from negative feelings and emotions. I'm a 39 year old man who still feels like a child sometimes and I often don't know what to do when I feel down, although I've improved much over the last few years. But my revelation over the last few days is this: because of my childish propensity for dodging bad emotions, these last two years I've been focusing on how bad I felt after that terrible relapse (only two weeks) instead of focusing on how good I felt that entire year and half clean! I know this must sound stupid and so simple, but for me it's not. Would an athlete do this? Would he or she be so scared of feeling the emotions of defeat if they got a silver or bronze medal that they for forfeit trying at all for the gold? Of course not, because that would be the thoughts of a loser. Why do we do this when it comes to defeating our porn use? It seems clear to me now that doing this serves no purpose but to secure our inevitable defeat.
Yes, we will make mistakes sometimes, and yes we will fail. But that's life, and not even the best of us can win a gold medal ever day, it's just simply not possible. But we must try (no not try), we must make and live each day, to the best of our abilities. That is the only way to success, success in anything for that matter. If you're not aiming for the gold medal daily, you sure as hell should never expect to even win the bronze. We all lose sometimes in life, but that doesn't mean we should accept the mindset of a loser. Thus, for now on I will give this me best shot, and even if I fail, I will then focus on those blissful porn-free days (however long they were) and aim my sights for the heavens again!
Best to all of you.
Hopefully this is a remedy for that.
I've been thinking a great deal about some comments I've read here at the forum about the shame of relapsing, and how it's almost better to not try so hard in your reboot than to feel that bitter taste of defeat. This question is pertinent to me as I once had a 530 something day streak 2 years ago and know exactly how that feels. Of course all of us here are at a different level on our journey. To some at this moment, going a week porn free might be the equivalent and accomplishment of others going a full year, and that's okay. But the question still remains, is it better to decide to do a reboot with all of your heart, body and soul, than to half ass it?
I know from my own personal experience when I relapsed two years ago after that long streak, it was absolutely devastating to me mentally for a few weeks. I can't recall ever feeling worse about myself than those terrible weeks following that infamous event. I couldn't believe I had let myself get complacent enough to go back to the very thing I hated so much. But the truth is, from that relapse I learned a great deal about myself, and what I would need to do next time to not find myself in that situation again. But the fact remains that ever since then, I've been too scared to try that hard again, because of the fear of failure, and that is the absolute truth. Since that major relapse I had two years ago, I've had a period of 2 months clean, then 6 months clean, and ever since then, a really bad habit of every 3 to 4 months. Why do I do this? Why do we do this?
Why do we fear that bitter taste of momentary failure more than focus on the benefits of giving something, anything, are absolute best? My thoughts on this issue these last few days have been multiplying, because I'm starting to hear that nagging voice once again in my head, "Why try so hard? Don't you remember how bad you felt the last time you failed?". I hate these fucking thoughts with a passion, but I think I've had a revelation about them these last two days in thinking about it.
As a porn user, and let's face it, a porn abuser, for much of my life I've tried to run away from negative feelings and emotions. I'm a 39 year old man who still feels like a child sometimes and I often don't know what to do when I feel down, although I've improved much over the last few years. But my revelation over the last few days is this: because of my childish propensity for dodging bad emotions, these last two years I've been focusing on how bad I felt after that terrible relapse (only two weeks) instead of focusing on how good I felt that entire year and half clean! I know this must sound stupid and so simple, but for me it's not. Would an athlete do this? Would he or she be so scared of feeling the emotions of defeat if they got a silver or bronze medal that they for forfeit trying at all for the gold? Of course not, because that would be the thoughts of a loser. Why do we do this when it comes to defeating our porn use? It seems clear to me now that doing this serves no purpose but to secure our inevitable defeat.
Yes, we will make mistakes sometimes, and yes we will fail. But that's life, and not even the best of us can win a gold medal ever day, it's just simply not possible. But we must try (no not try), we must make and live each day, to the best of our abilities. That is the only way to success, success in anything for that matter. If you're not aiming for the gold medal daily, you sure as hell should never expect to even win the bronze. We all lose sometimes in life, but that doesn't mean we should accept the mindset of a loser. Thus, for now on I will give this me best shot, and even if I fail, I will then focus on those blissful porn-free days (however long they were) and aim my sights for the heavens again!
Best to all of you.
What an awesome piece, Blondie! If that was your mindset then and it remains your mindset now, the longevity is as awesome and inspiring as the content of what you wrote!!
I really appreciate this as one long in recovery, who's certainly had his ups and downs, successes and failures. I can link to some of my old posts here on RN from 2014, and remember posting in success stories that I reached 40 days! Before that 56 days was as long as I could go before RN. The point being, it's all perspective. Now if my streak were that long, I'd celebrate it, but I'd know I can do much, much better.
There's a saying, 100% is easy, 99% is a bitch! If we don't give it our all, we'll be in that horrible place of ambivalence between two brains, the lower animal brain and the higher rational brain. We'll be white-knuckling it, and our reboot will feel miserable.
As with anything in life, we get out of it what we're willing to put in. I like how you said that, if you're going for the gold and fail it will feel better for your successes than if you weren't going for the gold, and never even reached the bronze- (horribly paraphrased, I know...).
You're an inspiration as always, brother!
I really appreciate this as one long in recovery, who's certainly had his ups and downs, successes and failures. I can link to some of my old posts here on RN from 2014, and remember posting in success stories that I reached 40 days! Before that 56 days was as long as I could go before RN. The point being, it's all perspective. Now if my streak were that long, I'd celebrate it, but I'd know I can do much, much better.
There's a saying, 100% is easy, 99% is a bitch! If we don't give it our all, we'll be in that horrible place of ambivalence between two brains, the lower animal brain and the higher rational brain. We'll be white-knuckling it, and our reboot will feel miserable.
As with anything in life, we get out of it what we're willing to put in. I like how you said that, if you're going for the gold and fail it will feel better for your successes than if you weren't going for the gold, and never even reached the bronze- (horribly paraphrased, I know...).
You're an inspiration as always, brother!
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Blondie
Respected Member
Day 312
I personally find this to be absolutely true, if we don't give it our best, it's a "bitch" as you say!
Thank you
Always a pleasure.
I love this @Phineas 808 - that's a great quote!
I personally find this to be absolutely true, if we don't give it our best, it's a "bitch" as you say!
Thank you
Always a pleasure.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
hahaha I love it
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Truth! Great quote!
CloseToToast
Active Member
Agreeing with @EarthWalker this is so true its mind boggling. This was what i misunderstood for a very long time. Great share @Blondie
Blondie
Respected Member
Thanks @WinkTinkTillium and @EarthWalker.
I think that's one of the biggest lessons I learned after my big relapse a few years ago. No matter how great it is to be away from porn, if your life is still shit, and you have no goals beyond "don't look at porn" well, the beast might just come back to haunt you because the underlining problems are still the same - you have way too much time on your hands.
So think big, way bigger than getting over porn.
Do you know why Julius Caesar wasn't a porn addict? Because there's no time to be a wanker when you're conquering France.
Thus, Caesar said "Seize the day" and not "Seize our dicks"
I think that's one of the biggest lessons I learned after my big relapse a few years ago. No matter how great it is to be away from porn, if your life is still shit, and you have no goals beyond "don't look at porn" well, the beast might just come back to haunt you because the underlining problems are still the same - you have way too much time on your hands.
So think big, way bigger than getting over porn.
Do you know why Julius Caesar wasn't a porn addict? Because there's no time to be a wanker when you're conquering France.
Thus, Caesar said "Seize the day" and not "Seize our dicks"
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Lmao on Caesar
I honestly feel that despite the fact that Roman men were on average maybe 5 foot 2 inches tall they were far, far more manly the the average guy today. Not just with regards to porn but just much more primal / grittier / resilient / mentally tougher. Our society where everything is plentiful and pleasures are endless have really softened us up. Not to say there aren't benefits but there sure are a lot of drawbacks
Blondie
Respected Member
I would definitely concur with that First Step.
Although the past shouldn't be completely glorified as some perfect thing to get back to, there are definitely some truths that it holds that modernity could learn from.
Yes, us modern men are domesticated puppies compared to the past generations of men. Hell, even our grandfathers were superior in many ways, I know mine were! What kind of decadence does a civilaization have to fall to for most of its men to prefer whacking off to fantasy instead of chasing down their dreams?
We use to be wolves, now we're... shit, I can't even say it.
Although the past shouldn't be completely glorified as some perfect thing to get back to, there are definitely some truths that it holds that modernity could learn from.
Yes, us modern men are domesticated puppies compared to the past generations of men. Hell, even our grandfathers were superior in many ways, I know mine were! What kind of decadence does a civilaization have to fall to for most of its men to prefer whacking off to fantasy instead of chasing down their dreams?
We use to be wolves, now we're... shit, I can't even say it.