For the last week, I've been trying to find a passage in a book that was a favorite of mine when I first started this journey over four years ago - today I finally found it! It's a passage from
Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield - a hell of a book if you've never read it. It's a fictional take on the 300 story and the battle of Thermopylae, which in my opinion is a story that is hard to beat. What's so amazing about the book is not the epic battles (which are great!) but the mindsets and discipline of a warrior and a warrior society; which I find not only inspirational, but very beneficial to every part of my life, and yes, my battle with porn.
But the reason I mention this book today is because of a particular passage that struck me emotionally when I first read it. The passage describes how Spartan men saw their women and how Spartan society in particular viewed the fairer sex.
This shouldn't be triggering for anyone, but a heads up just in case.
The wives and maidens of my native Astakos, and those of every other city of Hellas, routinely employ cosmetics and facial paint to enhance their comeliness. These ladies are keenly aware of the effect the artificial sheen of their curls or the pink of their lips produces upon any male within range of their charms.
None of this entered into the scheme of the lady Paraleia, nor Arete either. Her peplos robe was split up the side in the Spartan style, revealing her bare leg to the thigh. This in any other city would have been lewd to the point of scandalous. Yet here in Lakedaemon it was unremarkable in the extreme. This is a leg. We women posses them just like you men. For Spartan males to leer or ogle a lady in this dress would have been unthinkable. They had beheld their mothers and sisters and daughters naked since they were old enough to open their eyes, both in the girls' and women athletic training and in the festivals and the other women's processions.
Still these ladies, both of them, were not unaware of their personal magnetism and the effect it produced.
Is this description of Sparta factual? I have no idea, I'm no historian, but it resonated with me when I first read it. I think it's a beautiful thing and I long to have that essence of female appreciation in my life. Of course, the passage goes on to say that the man did feel attraction as did any men in the presence of these Spartan ladies, but it wasn't "body parts" per se (not that they didn't notice) , but it was the essence of the whole that was beautiful.
Yes these women were athletic and in shape, but they were more than just their "hot" bodies. They were mothers, sisters and daughters, not to be lusted over but to be honored and cherished. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in a society that doesn't make such a big deal about "nudity" and where both sexes, more or less, live almost completely nude. Would porn even exist in such a society, when almost everyone is naked? Would we even care so much about all of this if we had see it all from childhood? Yes we would be attracted, but wouldn't it be different? Who knows! Maybe I'm fantasizing here, but hell it's better than my old fantasies!
Lesson learned: we can't help that we were born in a shit culture that seems to sexualize everything while ironically most go without sex! (look at the statistics). But we can have control over what we do with ourselves, not just with our eyes, but more importantly, with our thoughts and how we think about women.
Besides, don't we men have more important things to do than ogle Spartan women? And if you don't know the answer to that most important question, then you just found your problem.
Find your battle, find your passion, and be willing to die for it, and when you do, porn will be just a memory.
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bless you man...
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