Porn is not an option

[Blondie]

Day 349

I might be in a small flatline of sorts. We had sex last night that was amazing, but I would say my man was probably 90% hard. Obviously it worked, but just an observation. Sometimes I wonder this far out, if this is really a flatline or just being a normal dude who is almost 40? Of course, when you have no idea what normal is, you can't really compare it to any real standard can you?

Everyday away from porn, each of us are entering into a new world that is undiscovered for us. This is cool and exciting but also crazy, because you have no idea what is the real you or not.

Patience is the process.

Have a great porn-free Sunday everyone!

 

[downhillfromhere]

Everyday away from porn, each of us are entering into a new world that is undiscovered for us. This is cool and exciting but also crazy, because you have no idea what is the real you or not.

This is exciting to me, it gives me a sense of hope. It’s such a relief after the ceaseless anxiety that has permeated my life.

About the flatline, is it possible you just had an off day? This happens, some days we’re weaker without any apparent reason. Some days we’re more interested in sex and other days less so, and there can be a number of reasons. At least that’s been my understanding, I guess I see it the same way as our general mood - it goes up and down, and that’s totally okay. Pun intended, I guess

By the way, it’s so great to see you approach a full year!

 

[Blondie]

About the flatline, is it possible you just had an off day? This happens, some days we’re weaker without any apparent reason. Some days we’re more interested in sex and other days less so, and there can be a number of reasons.

Yes that's possible. I know before, during my 500 dayish streak, this would happen, but it became less and less, so I assume it's probably just my system still fixing itself. But that's the funny thing, because, besides that long streak, I have no idea what "normal" would be for me.

I guess I see it the same way as our general mood - it goes up and down, and that’s totally okay.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Yes that's possible. I know before, during my 500 dayish streak, this would happen, but it became less and less, so I assume it's probably just my system still fixing itself. But that's the funny thing, because, besides that long streak, I have no idea what "normal" would be for me

That’s a good point! I have no idea what is normal for me either, but I can’t wait to find out. Keep crushing it, Blondie!

 

[Warhawk]

Everyday away from porn, each of us are entering into a new world that is undiscovered for us. This is cool and exciting but also crazy, because you have no idea what is the real you or not.

Man, this is such a profound statement. Getting into the "what if's" of life is such an interesting mental journey for me sometimes. It's always interesting to me to look at ourselves in this particular journey as not being the real us, and that we are working toward returning to some perceived version of what we should have been, even if we may have never once ever actually been, or will ever be again, that version of us. The experience of this ever-changing shaping of our lives is certainly nothing short of fascinating.

Have an awesome Sunday brother.

 

[Blondie]

The experience of this ever-changing shaping of our lives is certainly nothing short of fascinating.

All too true. It will be a great day when get to the other side of all of this and look back and see how far we've come!

Have an awesome Sunday brother.

You too brother!

 

[GBS]

Hey @Blondie - just weighing in on your 90%. I think it’s what you said I.e. no idea what to expect. Indeed wouldn’t 100% all the time put one under pressure when one was ever less than steel. If it is flatline then that’s no bad thing surely, after all we’re all so used to them and even though you’re approaching a year, that’s just a number of days and your brain is just fixing at whatever speed it wants to. I agree it’s all exciting this journey, even the worrying flat bits.

We will never go back. Keep going brother

 

[Blondie]

Day 350

Thanks @GBS for weighing in.

100% all the time put one under pressure when one was ever less than steel.

I wouldn't mind

If it is flatline then that’s no bad thing surely, after all we’re all so used to them and even though you’re approaching a year, that’s just a number of days and your brain is just fixing at whatever speed it wants to.

Yes this is definitely true.

Rereading my journal I can see how much I've grown over the last while (no pun intended!) When I first started writing, I was very concerned with my flatline and all, but now it's more out of curiosity and amazement of how the body and mind heal themselves. It's pretty cool if you really stop to think about it.

Thanks GBS!

My reading for today

“And I wake up and I ask myself what state I'm in. And I say well I'm lucky, ‘cause I am like East Berlin. I had this wall and what I knew of the free world was that I could see their fireworks and I could hear their radio. And I thought that if we met, I would only start confessing. And they'd know that I was scared. They would know that I was guessing. But the wall came down and there they stood before me with their stumbling and their mumbling and their calling out, just like me.” –Dar Williams

Believing we are significantly different from others and that they cannot understand our experience is dangerous in recovery. It justifies isolation and shuts the door on guidance from others. While we are all, to some extent, unique, none of us is so unique that others cannot understand or relate to our experiences and struggles. How have I been hiding myself from others? What am I afraid others will see or find out about me? What gifts await me as I risk vulnerability and allow myself to be known?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 270). Kindle Edition.

 

[GBS]

Hi @Blondie . I was just going to “like” the reading but there’s something I wanted to say. Essentially our addiction is/was a secret and one of the hardest to be honest about. It is shameful but without the ease of public exposure like you get with alcohol, gambling and drugs, there isn’t an obvious outlet for dealing with shame. Maybe I just said what you said…

I think my point is this. My secret has been told to a few people. Very different reactions ranging from complete support and understanding to stand offish mild distain. That’s the long and the short of it. We might hope everyone would rally,, because like they say “it’s never as bad as you think”, right? And then (for some) it is. Boom. Not nice.

But we are strong and we are together and we will NOT give in.

 

[Blondie]

Day 351

@GBS:

I think my point is this. My secret has been told to a few people. Very different reactions ranging from complete support and understanding to stand offish mild distain.

Yeah people can really suck sometimes. I think it's important to definitely open up to certain individuals, though obviously, one must use his or her discretion when doing so. Not everyone is mature enough or understanding enough to even try to comprehend this modern problem and what it could do to the individuals that are dealing with it. What's more, with the puritanical streak that runs through most of the West - no matter religious or secular - it should be no surprise that many people's first reaction would be to shame those who have let their "sexuality" take the drivers seat in their lives.

This is why I say many times on my thread for us men to take hold of our sexuality and to not be ashamed of it. Yes, you need to be in charge of it, and yes porn is the devil, but you should never feel shameful about your desires. True, if you've consumed porn, your desires have been skewed, however, a differentiation must be made between the two. To run and hide from both might lead you right back to where you began!

But we are strong and we are together and we will NOT give in.

Fuck yeah!

Best brother

 

[tydurden]

Keep it up Blondie! Your reflections are solid and inspires so many in here.

You are not alone in this battle

 

[forceisstrong2]

Not long now Blondie before the big day. Never stop being a hero for us all!

Thanks for your support man!

Tuco

 

[Blondie]

You guys just made my day! Thank you gentlemen.

@tydurden. Thanks for stopping by.

You are not alone in this battle

Same for you my man.

@forceisstrong2

"Thanks for your support man!"

Thank's for yours!

 

[Ezel]

Keep it up champion , you are on a whole other level Blondie, God bless you and your efforts to the community.

 

[Blondie]

Thanks @Ezel!

You're killing it yourself man.

God bless you.

 

[Warhawk]

350+ days and nearly a year down. Congratulations brother! So happy to see someone making such great progress for themselves, and inspiring others along the way. Way to go, dude!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

All too true. It will be a great day when get to the other side of all of this and look back and see how far we've come!

You too brother!

The sun is coming out my man, the sun is coming out. Living, laughing, loving in the light is so, so much better than the darkness of sitting in the room with the blinds closed jerking off to pixels on a screen. The best is yet to come

 

[Blondie]

@Warhawk88: Thank you brother! We're all making great progress.

@First_step_thousand_miles: Thanks man, always a pleasure.

Living, laughing, loving in the light is so, so much better than the darkness of sitting in the room with the blinds closed jerking off to pixels on a screen. The best is yet to come

Truly beautiful words.

 

[downhillfromhere]

You’re an inspiration Blondie, it’s great to see you coming up on a year porn free. Keep on doing what you’re doing, and thank you for being such an active and important part of the community!

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Nearly a year! Legendary!