I just wrote this on
@Crackers1 thread, but I thought I'd post it here too. It's about shaming and staring at women.
Hey
@Crackers1, this is all understandable.
A couple of things.
1. I would first acknowledge that it's perfectly okay to feel this type of desire for young women. Now that might sound counterproductive considering what you just wrote, but hear me out. I'm not condoning staring at her butt, nor fantasizing about her, nor that it's okay to act this out with porn or anything else, all I'm saying is that's okay to admit the fact that us men from 20 to 80 years old all love young fertile women. This is not a bad thing, nor should any of us think it's bad to have such thoughts, nor is it sinful, it's just our biology. You can't turn on the TV or media without hearing such shaming comments as "She could be his daughter!" or "Doesn't he want a real women?" and all the other nonsense you'll hear if you listen to the media on a daily basis. They'll use the daughter comparison because that invokes 'incest' and we all know that's bad, even though last time I checked, Leo DiCaprio has never dated his daughter lol. This is all shaming language and does us men no good because it's literally shaming our very natures, something we can't change, which is NOT conducive to our recoveries. Shame has a way to make us act out, even when we know we shouldn't. Thus, since it's not culturally acceptable for us men to like young women, this shame can often make those natural urges even more strong, and since we think it's "bad" and "naughty" to think these thoughts, well, they miraculously become even stronger and more unnatural. Does that make sense? I admit porn has probably pushed this desire to look at younger women in us men to unhealthy levels, however, we must acknowledge that that desire itself is natural, and we should never feel shame about it.
2. Yes, going cold turkey could be good for you for a while, especially TV and social media. None of that stuff will help you, especially in the first few months. When walking about, (I'm on campus on a daily basis) I try to live by the 2 second rule when it comes to seeing beautiful women in front of me. Do I do it perfectly? No, but it is something I do shoot for. What is more, no matter what, a strong rule of mine is I just don't stare at women, period. If she's not your woman, we have no right to look at her for any long period of time. Obviously just seeing her and appreciating her beauty is one thing, but to stare is just rude, and it makes women feel uncomfortable too. Also, if you can't have her in your bed, what's really the point of the exercise, besides just fueling your lust and fantasies that will never come true, thus leaving you feeling sexually frustrated in the end. Appreciating is one thing, lusting is another. I think we all know what the differences is, though it's hard to put into words.
inside you that burns to guide us through these dark roads.
…..Hiding the small stakes gambling was stressful. Really hard. Except as I was hiding my porn as well, the gambling git a sort of free ride. When I admitted my porn problem and became clean I stopped even my small stakes gambling as well. I realised the stress of keeping secrets is ridiculous. The freedom from them though is unbelievably liberating.
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