Porn is not an option

[Blondie]

Just a quick little update. Today I was waiting for the bus to go to school, and it just suddenly hit me that I'm over a year out from looking at porn! For whatever reason, I felt way more emotions today than I did a week or so ago when it was "officially" a year. To be honest, I was just floored with emotions just standing there enjoying the perfect autumn day, with its fabulous colors and that hint of crispness in the air. Can it get any better than that?

Plus, when I arrived at school, I saw beautiful women everywhere, but yet my mind was at peace and I was not thinking insane sexualized shit as I walked to class. Hell, even if my dear sweet mother would have had a machine that could have read my thoughts today, I wouldn't have been ashamed, because they were mostly PG. I saw beauty, but not objects, beautiful people, but not body parts.

It's the little things like this that add up over the months ladies and gentlemen, and you don't always recognize it on a "big official day", but often on little normal days like today, and when it hits you, you just might want to cry and thank God.

But isn't that what's it's all about, being normal? I tell you what, normal has never felt so sexy!

Trust me, there is beauty on the other side, and it's something no screen-hoe could ever compete with. Now the only question that remains is, what kind of beauty awaits for me after two years free from these digital shackles? There's only one way to find out!

Porn is not an option.

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Just a quick little update. Today I was waiting for the bus to go to school, and it just suddenly hit me that I'm over a year out from looking at porn! For whatever reason, I felt way more emotions today than I did a week or so ago when it was "officially" a year. To be honest, I was just floored with emotions just standing there enjoying the perfect autumn day, with its fabulous colors and that hint of crispness in the air. Can it get any better than that?

Plus, when I arrived at school, I saw beautiful women everywhere, but yet my mind was at peace and I was not thinking insane sexualized shit as I walked to class. Hell, even if my dear sweet mother would have had a machine that could have read my thoughts today, I wouldn't have been ashamed, because they were mostly PG. I saw beauty, but not objects, beautiful people, but not body parts.

It's the little things like this that add up over the months ladies and gentlemen, and you don't always recognize it on a "big official day", but often on little normal days like today, and when it hits you, you just might want to cry and thank God.

But isn't that what's it's all about, being normal? I tell you what, normal has never felt so sexy!

Trust me, there is beauty on the other side, and it's something no screen-hoe could ever compete with. Now the only question that remains is, what kind of beauty awaits for me after two years free from these digital shackles? There's only one way to find out!

Porn is not an option.

I love this! You've earned your authentic presence in the moment. Keep fighting the good fight, king

 

[Blondie]

I love this! You've earned your authentic presence in the moment. Keep fighting the good fight, king

Thanks @SmokenMirrors! Same to you king.

 

[Blondie]

Day 381

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Man nearly 400 days brother! After that next goal is 500 where you'll be halfway there to quadruple digits!!!!

I love your recent update man, you really are coming out the other side. In 2yrs time you'll be even more of your best self, can't wait

 

[Blondie]

Man nearly 400 days brother! After that next goal is 500 where you'll be halfway there to quadruple digits!!!!

I love your recent update man, you really are coming out the other side. In 2yrs time you'll be even more of your best self, can't wait

Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles!

I love your recent update man, you really are coming out the other side. In 2yrs time you'll be even more of your best self, can't wait

I cannot wait. One day at a time.

Best to you.

 

[GBS]

@Blondie I think your new inner peace and your rejoicing at your one year mark is the panacea, so my envy is off the charts. It’s the best envy in the world though. I just want it too. Keep inspiring please. Never forget that whilst you heal yourself you also heal others.

 

[Blondie]

Day 382

Thanks @GBS. Damn, that was quite the compliment... I know the Man with no Name has always been a strong silent type, but I'm definitely speechless after that.

I'm glad I can inspire you though, but don't forget, I'm no different than you, and my journey with this nonsense has been up and down like everyone else. The only reason I'm still standing here today is because I kept getting back up after all the times I fell. Trust me, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I would be a rich man indeed - some might say - I would have a fistful of dollars!

Best brother!

 

[Blondie]

Day 383

 

[GBS]

Do we truly want to quit, or are we pretending to?

We truly want to quit. The man who days 383 days really wants to quit. If he should fall off, say, half a dozen times in the next 30 years, does he get to say he’s kicked the habit? Answer: yes absolutely.

 

[Blondie]

Day 384

Thank you @GBS, I think you're right about that. What we're doing here compounds like interest over the years, and a few slips here and there does not mean you're starting back at the starting line. Which is why I always point this out when someone has just relapsed, because, although streaks are great and one should always aim for their best, what really matters is all the streaks added up over the years and not just those few days when someone "failed". @Phineas 808 had a great post (bottom of page 41) about this a few days ago called The Myth of Day 0 that everyone should check out.

Last night I had a vivid dream where a doctor told me they had just taken a scan of my brain, and it showed that it had healed itself greatly over the last year. This was a great dream and something I really needed at this moment! I guess I've been thinking much about this subject over the last few days and thus, it showed up in my dreams.

I'm still experiencing changes that are small in some ways, but huge altogether. (Possible trigger warning) For example, the lady and I were getting ready go out last night, and when we were getting ready I just happened to see her naked when walking down the hall. Obviously, I see this everyday, but for whatever reason, it just blew my mind more than usual and I just did a double take and stared lol. I write this because I still find myself surprised by my utter surprise at something so quotidian for me, but utterly special and mind blowing. Thinking about this afterwards as I'm wont to do, I figured this really shouldn't surprise me at all, considering she's the only woman I've seen naked in an entire year, of course it would be mind blowing!

As the Greeks said, "Everything in moderation." And last time I checked, porn is everything BUT.

You all have a great porn-free Sunday.

 

[CB]

Big inspiration! Thanks for sharing your journey, it makes a big difference for us. I can’t wait until I get there.

 

[Blondie]

I can’t wait until I get there.

I'm glad I could inspire you. Keep on going, it really does get better!

Best

 

[Blondie]

I think I'm procrastinating and need to study... But I just posted something on @Phineas 808's post about something he posted which was great, that made me think of this passage from this book, which I'm now posting here. Welcome to me mind!

It's about dealing with abandonment as a child, and how we start to form coping mechanisms and views of the world that harm us as adults. Anyways, this is a little section from No More Mr. Nice Guy. Go get the book if you haven't!

Also, if you see me writing on here today (besides liking people's post!) please tell me to go study!

Best

Coping With Abandonment

The most impressionable time in an individual's life is from birth to about five years. In these first few years a child's personality is most significantly influenced by his surroundings. It is during this time that his paradigms begin to be established. Since the strongest influences during this time are usually a child's parents and extended family, this is where we must begin our examination of the origins of the Nice Guy Syndrome.

There are two important facts we must understand about children. First, when children come into the world they are totally helpless. They are dependent on others to recognize and respond to their needs in a timely, judicious manner. As a result of this dependency, every child's greatest fear is abandonment. To children, abandonment means death.

Second, children are ego-centered. This means that they inherently believe they are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them. Therefore, they believe that they are the cause of everything that happens to them.

These two factors — their fear of abandonment and their ego-centeredness — create a very powerful dynamic for all children. Whenever a child experiences any kind of abandonment he will always believe that he is the cause of what has happened to him. These abandonment experiences might include any of the following experiences:

He is hungry and no one feeds him.
He cries and no one holds him.
He is lonely and no one pays attention to him.
A parent gets angry at him.
A parent neglects him.
A parent puts unrealistic expectations on him.
A parent uses him to gratify his or her own needs.
A parent shames him.
A parent hits him.
A parent doesn't want him.
A parent leaves him and doesn't come back in a timely manner.

Because every child is born into an imperfect world and into an imperfect family, every child has abandonment experiences. Even though their belief that they are the cause of these painful events is, in fact, an inaccurate interpretation of their life, children have no other way to understand the world.

End of quote.

Best ladies and gents

 

[Beautiful1973]

The lady and I were getting ready go out last night, and when we were getting ready I just happened to see her naked when walking down the hall. Obviously, I see this everyday, but for whatever reason, it just blew my mind more than usual and I just did a double take and stared lol. I write this because I still find myself surprised by my utter surprise at something so quotidian for me, but utterly special and mind blowing.

This is so beautiful @Blondie and these are the little moments that are so special in the journey or in life in general.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 384

Thank you @GBS, I think you're right about that. What we're doing here compounds like interest over the years, and a few slips here and there does not mean you're starting back at the starting line. Which is why I always point this out when someone has just relapsed, because, although streaks are great and one should always aim for their best, what really matters is all the streaks added up over the years and not just those few days when someone "failed". @Phineas 808 had a great post (bottom of page 41) about this a few days ago called The Myth of Day 0 that everyone should check out.

Last night I had a vivid dream where a doctor told me they had just taken a scan of my brain, and it showed that it had healed itself greatly over the last year. This was a great dream and something I really needed at this moment! I guess I've been thinking much about this subject over the last few days and thus, it showed up in my dreams.

I'm still experiencing changes that are small in some ways, but huge altogether. (Possible trigger warning) For example, the lady and I were getting ready go out last night, and when we were getting ready I just happened to see her naked when walking down the hall. Obviously, I see this everyday, but for whatever reason, it just blew my mind more than usual and I just did a double take and stared lol. I write this because I still find myself surprised by my utter surprise at something so quotidian for me, but utterly special and mind blowing. Thinking about this afterwards as I'm wont to do, I figured this really shouldn't surprise me at all, considering she's the only woman I've seen naked in an entire year, of course it would be mind blowing!

As the Greeks said, "Everything in moderation." And last time I checked, porn is everything BUT.

You all have a great porn-free Sunday.

For a second when I read about your dream I was like, where is the porn brain scan machine??? I must try it haha

Dude you've made it in terms of healing from porn. Happy to see it & good inspiration for many others as well. Great stuff!

 

[Blondie]

Day 385

@Beautiful1973: Thank you! Yes, this is what life should be like. Enjoying those little moments.

@First_step_thousand_miles:

For a second when I read about your dream I was like, where is the porn brain scan machine??? I must try it haha

I wish man lol.

Dude you've made it in terms of healing from porn.

We're getting there. Thanks!

----------------------------------------------

Yesterday I finally got that paper written that I was procrastinating on. Having that finished makes this crazy week I have ahead of me look a little better. I really need to work on not procrastinating, it can really stress me out sometimes. It's weird, in some ways, it's almost my personality, where I kind of mull over something (while doing something else) then I have a creative burst of energy and get it all done with one clean swipe. However, this method isn't ideal in certain situations, like a living a peaceful life for example lol. Who knows.

Five days from 13 months!

Best everyone

 

[Blondie]

I wrote this on @SimonM's thread, talking about the differences between saying Porn is not an option, yet however, letting your mind run free and fantasizing about real life encounters with women. I suck at this, and in my past, I really sucked at this, but I have found some ways to mitigate it over the last while and hopefully it might help someone else out there. It also contains a success story that I've been meaning to write about, but since my time is limited, I just figured I'd just post it here instead of writing another whole post.

I'm procrastinating as I write this, so it's back to the books for me.

Best everyone.

This resonates with me @SimonM. To be honest, I've had this same problem myself, random opportunities to hook up with someone, women making it obvious at work etc., and I've always let me mind go there, even though porn was not an option. In fact, many of my relapses have been me just coming back from work, or some other opportunity on a trip that I just passed up, and thus, out of my "frustration" I told myself, "let's at least look at porn because that's not cheating". This is probably why I have a hard time thinking porn is cheating by the way, because to me, often it was what I ran to so as to NOT cheat. Maybe it's a 1 or 2 on the scale of cheating, but no matter what, I've always let this fantasy run free in my mind, and boy is it exhausting! Only till recently, mostly since I've been here on RN, have I really started to say no to myself for the first time and proclaim "Cheating is not option", and I tell you what, I still have my problems, but the difference is night and day.

What we allow to ferment in our minds grows at a rapid pace, and can eat at us until we can't take it anymore.

Am I saying I'm perfect at this now? Fuck no, and that's okay, but my thoughts are way better since cheating also is now not an option. Here's an example, when I was on my foreign trip last summer, one of my biggest fears (only fear to be honest) was that I would get myself into "some" situation like I always do, and I would have to run away back to my hotel all alone and look at porn like I had always done in my past because of my "sexual frustrations". Although I definitely had an opportunity, I smiled, enjoyed that it was possible, but didn't let my mind go there, cheating wasn't an option for me any more, and thus, I went back to my room, and didn't whack one out for literally the first time in my life - I kept my streak going. This isn't a pat myself on the back story (although I am really proud of myself for this), it's just to show you that my life has really changed when I finally decided that cheating also is not option.

Women are awesome, as I always talk about and I hope that that's not misunderstood by some here, but I'm only addressing feeling shame about our natural attractions for women as men, however, I'm not talking about letting those natural fantasies and thoughts consume us. At least to me, these two things are completely different. One is natural, but anything more than just the initial moment of noticing beauty, especially if one is married or in a committed relationship, makes a man feel just as sexually frustrated as looking at porn and not actually being able to have any of these women in your bed. There's simply no reason to even go there mentally, besides the possible moral and life consequences that will follow.

It all literally starts in the mind, but we ARE the captains of our own ships.

Porn is not an option

Cheating is not an option

 

[Ingibjörg]

Congrats on reaching over a year! Very inspiring.
In your first post you said you would often relapse after 4 months. (I expected that it would get easier after 3 months)
what was the reason it used to get difficult after these 4 months? Congrats that you made it over.

(Im sorry if you already explained, did not read whole tread)

 

[Blondie]

Hey @Ingibjörg! I like the name! Google says it means, the help of Ing. I know what Ing means, but I don't know if Google did a good job with the translation or not

That's a good question. I started to relapse every 3 or 4 months because I just become complacent and lazy really. Before I got into that rut of every 3 or 4 months, I had had a great streak of 530 something days or so, but, then my life went to shit, I was stuck in a job I hated, and I wasn't doing what I knew I should have been doing with my life, thus, I got depressed and mad at myself and blew it and went back to the filth I hated so much. However, because I had obviously went that long without it, I had proven to myself I really didn't need it anymore (in any sense at all), thus, going 3 to 4 months afterwards was not really something hard to do. Nevertheless, I was still lazy and just didn't give it my all like I had done before, almost like I was too scared to "fail" or something. Pretty lame right?

But a year ago, I got my ass in gear (also found this great community!) and I've been clean since and now I'm pushing for a year and a half clean, which is my longest record yet, then hopefully, on to two years and beyond!

Lessons learned for myself

• Always give your best in everything you do in life, or, just don't even try
• Relapsing does not make one a "failure". You're only a failure if you think you are.
• Although it's great to count streaks, what really matters is not the few days you slip up, but all the days in between. I believe over the last four and half years, I've been clean except 30 days (more or less). This is what matters in the end, not the few days of "failures". I'm a different man indeed!
• Staying away from porn is great, but after a while, you need to start asking yourself, why do I go to it in the first place? Find your answers and reasons, and then start working on some goals in life that will keep you busy and becoming the best version of yourself. Quite frankly, we all have way too much time on our hands these days. As they say, idle hands make sweaty palms!

Best to you, this is a great place!

Blondie