Porn is not an option

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Day 391

I wrote this last summer in regards to relapsing and the lies we tell ourselves when in the moment. Furthermore, since it's hard to get a real measurement on the damage a porn relapse does to our brains, I used a diet analogy to visualize it. Not all relapses are created equal, and sometimes, out of our shame and guilt, we just keep digging a hole for ourselves deeper and deeper instead of just quitting while we're still ahead. I hope this might help some of you, when you're in the heat of the moment.

What Does a Porn Relapse do to our Brains?

View attachment 817

When we relapse, It's like porn bitch-slaps us and we fall to the ground. Then feeling low and depressed about our situation, we voluntarily grab a shovel and start to dig a hole under our own two feet to feel even lower and more depressed about ourselves - ground level is just not low enough for us it seems.

Seeing this pattern over the last year in regards to my food habits has really clarified that this isn't a "porn problem" per se but just a mental pattern I need to be cognizant of. Further, with food it's also easier to quantify what a "relapse" looks like and the damage it can cause you when you can look at the scale the next day and see for yourself, whereas with porn, the damage is a little harder to quantify.

For example, it makes no logical sense to say you were planning on eating two cookies, but then, after you eat four cookies, you get pissed about yourself and say "Fuck it, I've alreadly screwed up, so now I'll eat the whole bag (12 cookies!). If we break it down into calories it looks like this.

My fun snack for my cheat day = 2 cookies = 284 calories.

This isn't too bad, a little fun but nothing that will destroy my weight-loss goals.

My fuck up on my cheat day = 2 extra cookies = 568 calories.

This makes me feel bad about myself but I'm still in control and could stop. However, if I let my emotions get to me and I turn off the rational side of my brain, my rationalization will be "Well, I've alreadly fucked up now so I'm going to go all the way! What difference does it make?"

Well let me tell you, the difference is a hell of a difference!

My fuck up with a whole bag of cookies = 1704 calories!

As you can clearly see now, this is no "What difference does it make" type of mistake. This is your brain clearly and completely lying to you and you need to gently tell it to shut the the fuck up. It will take you weeks to recovery from this mistake, whereas before with four cookies, it would have been only a little blip on your diet radar.

So how does this relate to porn?

Let's think of things this way...

Here is a relapse calorie chart

Porn substitutes (bikinis, yoga pants, Instagram pictures etc.) but with no masturbation = 142 calories

Porn substitutes but with masturbation = 284 calories

Searching for porn and viewing a picture/video for a minute = 568 calories = it's time to turn that shit off son.

Viewing porn for 10 minutes = 1136 calories = Looks like we have a foody here!

Saying fuck it "What difference does it make" = 1704 calories! Send in the army and bring in a crane!



As this chart clearly and rationally points out, not all fuck ups are the same at the end of the day.

So next time ladies and gentlemen, when your mind tries to lie to you and says "What difference does it make", please refer to this porn calorie chart so you know better.

And if you find yourself with shovel in hand digging a pit, it's time to throw down the shovel and get out of your own self-created sorrow.

Not all pits are created equal.
teach this kids in school! 10/10 teaching skills. Couldnt agree more
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
Day 391

I wrote this last summer in regards to relapsing and the lies we tell ourselves when in the moment. Furthermore, since it's hard to get a real measurement on the damage a porn relapse does to our brains, I used a diet analogy to visualize it. Not all relapses are created equal, and sometimes, out of our shame and guilt, we just keep digging a hole for ourselves deeper and deeper instead of just quitting while we're still ahead. I hope this might help some of you, when you're in the heat of the moment.

What Does a Porn Relapse do to our Brains?

View attachment 817

When we relapse, It's like porn bitch-slaps us and we fall to the ground. Then feeling low and depressed about our situation, we voluntarily grab a shovel and start to dig a hole under our own two feet to feel even lower and more depressed about ourselves - ground level is just not low enough for us it seems.

Seeing this pattern over the last year in regards to my food habits has really clarified that this isn't a "porn problem" per se but just a mental pattern I need to be cognizant of. Further, with food it's also easier to quantify what a "relapse" looks like and the damage it can cause you when you can look at the scale the next day and see for yourself, whereas with porn, the damage is a little harder to quantify.

For example, it makes no logical sense to say you were planning on eating two cookies, but then, after you eat four cookies, you get pissed about yourself and say "Fuck it, I've alreadly screwed up, so now I'll eat the whole bag (12 cookies!). If we break it down into calories it looks like this.

My fun snack for my cheat day = 2 cookies = 284 calories.

This isn't too bad, a little fun but nothing that will destroy my weight-loss goals.

My fuck up on my cheat day = 2 extra cookies = 568 calories.

This makes me feel bad about myself but I'm still in control and could stop. However, if I let my emotions get to me and I turn off the rational side of my brain, my rationalization will be "Well, I've alreadly fucked up now so I'm going to go all the way! What difference does it make?"

Well let me tell you, the difference is a hell of a difference!

My fuck up with a whole bag of cookies = 1704 calories!

As you can clearly see now, this is no "What difference does it make" type of mistake. This is your brain clearly and completely lying to you and you need to gently tell it to shut the the fuck up. It will take you weeks to recovery from this mistake, whereas before with four cookies, it would have been only a little blip on your diet radar.

So how does this relate to porn?

Let's think of things this way...

Here is a relapse calorie chart

Porn substitutes (bikinis, yoga pants, Instagram pictures etc.) but with no masturbation = 142 calories

Porn substitutes but with masturbation = 284 calories

Searching for porn and viewing a picture/video for a minute = 568 calories = it's time to turn that shit off son.

Viewing porn for 10 minutes = 1136 calories = Looks like we have a foody here!

Saying fuck it "What difference does it make" = 1704 calories! Send in the army and bring in a crane!



As this chart clearly and rationally points out, not all fuck ups are the same at the end of the day.

So next time ladies and gentlemen, when your mind tries to lie to you and says "What difference does it make", please refer to this porn calorie chart so you know better.

And if you find yourself with shovel in hand digging a pit, it's time to throw down the shovel and get out of your own self-created sorrow.

Not all pits are created equal.
Hey Blondie,

You know I read this today and was thinking, jesus this is genius. Someone should collect Blondie's sayings and like publish his hilarious bits of zen like wisdom in a book. And then I remembered that this was a forum for recovering porn addicts and I kinda thought, "twould be a hard sell". Nevertheless, don't stop being our hero, my friend. I for one would buy that book!!!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
"Take care of the problem now, or else you’ll just suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time." –Elizabeth Gilbert

Life has a tendency to be circular. The problems we face in our lives often show up time and again. Sometimes these problems look exactly the same and sometimes they look different but with the same underlying theme. When we complain about the problems in our lives but fail to learn from them, we set ourselves up to suffer the next time these problems come our way. However, if we acknowledge the problems and learn from them, we are in a better position to be successful the next time we encounter these problems. Take care of the problem now.

What problems are in my life today? Have these problems previously been in my life? What gifts await me as I take care of and learn from my problems?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 310). Kindle Edition.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
A disciple came to his master and asked him: "Lord, what must I do? It's been months now since I've looked at porn, I've read all the literature and watched all the videos, it seems I've now found my eternal recovery."

Master: "It it true you haven't watched porn in months now, and yes, you've read everything there is to read and watch about addiction. However, there remains one thing missing in your recovery: authenticity. Recovery isn't about abstinence, nor is it getting a degree in pornology. A true recovery is to live and breath each day with authenticity; to yourself first and foremost, and then to those all around you. Running away from ground zero will never get you to your final destination.

Disciple: "What must I do then?"

Master: "Stop running. Stop running from all your fears, anxieties and pain. As soon as you stop running from ground zero, ground zero stops to exists. Just be in the moment.

Recovery isn't a destination somewhere out there in the clouds, it's a choice. The race both begins and ends at the starting line.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 395

"What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all tomorrow." –Alexandra Stoddard

We make choices every day of our lives. Some choices seem small, such as what we do when a teller gives us too much change or whether we speed through a yellow light when we are in a hurry. Some choices seem larger, such as how we respond to a partner’s unkind action or what we do when we realize we have behaved disrespectfully but others have not seemed to notice. All of these choices are larger than the immediate situation; our choices build upon each other. Choose wisely, for we are constantly reinforcing the foundation of our life and who we are with even the smallest of choices. When have I made poor choices? Are my choices, even the small ones, moving me toward being the person I want to be? What gifts await me as I consciously and consistently choose wisely?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 317). Kindle Edition.
 
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GBS

Respected Member
Hey @Blondie - when’s your book coming out? I know you get some of your sage wisdom from what you read, but you are good…really good at writing. It was partly a joke, but if you had time you genuinely could write something. I mean it.

Looking forward to the 400 party🎂
 

GBS

Respected Member
Sending you a “man hug”. WTF is a man hug actually? Isn’t it a hug? Are men that worried? Sheesh. Sort yourself out GBS.

My son said the following today…..maybe I am too crusty, but it made me giggle….he was just reading some text or something and he just stopped and shook his head….he looked at me, paused, and said….”Dad, …..fuck my actual life”. What does that mean? I laughed and asked him if it was good or bad. He said “it’s ok, Dad, you wouldn’t understand”. He’s right about that.

I sometimes wonder if I am sort of living in a real life sit com….like I’m a really old version of the Truman Show or something. Script writers can’t write what gets said round our dining room table. It’s all comedy platinum with a huge dose of pathos.

I’ll have a copy of “Blondie’s best bits”, please Mr bookseller. That’ll be £19.99 please Mr GBS. Keep the change my good man.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 397

@GBS:
WTF is a man hug actually? Isn’t it a hug? Are men that worried?
Yes they seem to be lol.

I love the commentary with son and family around the house, sounds like the upbringing with my siblings. Lots of good times. Maybe it's best you don't completely understand??
like I’m a really old version of the Truman Show or something.
Aren't we all these days!
I’ll have a copy of “Blondie’s best bits”, please Mr bookseller. That’ll be £19.99 please Mr GBS. Keep the change my good man.
This is great, thanks :cool:

@EarthWalker:
Hilarious! Welcome to pornology 101. I'll be your instructor today. 😄
My dad always said that degree wouldn't get me anywhere. :cool:
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 398

After reading @TryingHarder and @SimonM's comments these last few days, I think I would have to agree with them that I might also be addicted to the internet in general. Yes, obviously not as bad as the filth we're all here for, but still, it has been pretty bad this semester, with lots of hours wasted that I'll never get back.

Although I have to use my computer for studying, I'm going to need to figure out ways to be more productive and not procrastinate so much. That's what I don't like either, because last semester, if I procrastinated, I at least went for a walk or stretched or something, which is healthy and good for me. However, now I'm just cruising the internet and not doing anything worthwhile for my mind or body in those times. Luckily, I haven't got into any trouble yet, but still, it's not good for me in a holistic sense.

I might need to make some drastic changes to my internet usage, even the amount of time I'm spending here at RN, until I break some of these habits.

Best to you all, and have a great porn-free Sunday.

Also, if you find yourself twiddling your thumbs today wasting you life looking at random articles on Wikipedia, get off your ass and go read a book or something, or god forbid, go for a walk. Life is too precious to be wasting away living without purpose.
 
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Ezel

Respected Member
Day 398

After reading @TryingHarder and @SimonM's comments these last few days, I think I would have to agree with them that I might also be addicted to the internet in general. Yes, obviously not as bad as the filth we're all here for, but still, it has been pretty bad this semester, with lots of hours wasted that I'll never get back.

Although I have to use my computer for studying, I'm going to need to figure out ways to be more productive and not procrastinate so much. That's what I don't like either, is because last semester, if I procrastinated, I at least went for a walk or stretched or something, which is healthy and good for me. However, now I'm just cruising the internet and not doing anything worthwhile for my mind or body in those times. Luckily, I haven't got into any trouble yet, but still, it's not good for me.

I might need to make some drastic changes to my internet usage, even the amount of time I'm spending here at RN, until I break some of these habits.

Best to you all, and have a great porn-free Sunday.

Also, if you find yourself twiddling your thumbs today wasting you life looking at random articles on Wikipedia, get off your ass and go read a book, or god forbid, go for a walk. Life is too precious to be wasting away living without purpose.
Yeah Blondie i get what you are saying man, sometimes I would just want to answer a call or reply to a friend's message and then get sucked into that internet black hole, and waste precious time that could be used doing meaningful stuff.
Like you just said it's a bad habit that should be put down, i wish it could be done asap but it takes times that's how it formed in the first place. But I know for sure you will make a way through that like you always do.
You got this champ, you always have and you always will, it's up to you.
Keep doing your thing partner 🤠.
 
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