Porn is not an option

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 432

I'm glad that quote helped you guys @Beautiful1973 and @GBS. It's definitely a really good book in general.

Thank you @Supreme0147, I really appreciate your words, I needed that. Congrats on 33 days clean too, you are a new man indeed.
For I made up my mind even if my dick doesn't work forever and not going back to that
This is the right attitude to have. Your dick will recover, so just believe in the process and press forward.
The sickness PMO bring to our manhood is spiritual sickness of which going to doctor won't see any problem wrong there.
Truth, it warps our minds in ways we don't even realize until our eyes are wide shut.

Best brother.

They have eyes to see but do not see and ears to hear but do not hear.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Day 433

Thanks @downhillfromhere. Same to you my man.

Another good one today. I loved the quote.

You all have a good porn-free Sunday.

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." –Will Rogers

How we conduct our lives in public may be very different from how we conduct our lives in private. In recovery, this is problematic as it represents basing choices and actions on consequences. It is important in recovery that we strive to develop an internal compass that guides us regardless of whether others witness or acknowledge our choices and actions. Holding boundaries around triggering situations, making amends to others, cleaning up after ourselves, and making choices or taking actions that match our values are important and necessary regardless of whether others know we have done these things or not. True recovery asks us to live by our values in private as well as in public. What has been the consequence of not living my values because I thought no one would find out? What has been the outcome when I lived my values even when it was tough? What gifts await me as I work to live my values in private as well as in public?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 327). Kindle Edition.
 
That's a good point @Beautiful1973. You're absolutely right, it's a terribly sad story. All of us are here because no one told us the dangers of porn, maybe our religions did, but not science or our culture. Now that doesn't mean if society had done its job we would have listened, but many of us would have. Unfortunately society pushes this shit on us as if it's completely normal, when in fact, it's everything BUT normal, especially these days with high speed internet and all the thrills it provides. As I mentioned, at least back in my day, it was only just a few pictures, one could say it was almost "innocent". But we've come so far in the last twenty years, my god, my old school porn use sounds like it was from the Victorian era!

Mr. Darcy might have glanced at those voluptuous sculptures in the garden a little to frequently, but in the end, he was always faithful to dear Lizzy.

Furthermore, with alcohol you at least get warned since you were a child. Hard drugs it's the same. But concerning this modern tragedy, not a goddamn word of dissension. Obviously there's a few dissenters here and there, this place among a few others, but in general it is utterly normalized. I do like the Fight the New Drug website, it has some good things to say.

Another thing I hate, and something that doesn't get mentioned here much, is how porn affects young men's relationships with women, and how hard they find it to connect to a real live woman. When your only "woman" has been the palm of your hand and a cum-drenched laptop screen, you're in for a real surprise when you finally land that first date with the girl of your dreams. We all talk about how it destroys relationships and marriages (which is absolutely necessary) but my heart really goes out for the young lads who don't even know how to interact with a real live woman. The younger generation thinks it's crazy that I actually "found" my lady on the street (no not that way lol) by just walking up and starting a conversation with her. I realize that this is not only because of porn, there's dating sites these days too, but I don't like it. It all just seems so impersonal to me. There's no romance. No urgency in the air. No humorous awkwardness that you can talk and laugh about later. No random boners. Just boring dating accounts thought through with analytical precision (i.e. lying) to show off your best side as a content creator, I mean dater! In other words, a sexualized Instagram account, ah shit, that's alreadly sexualized.

Awe fuck this world, maybe Jane Austen was on to something. :cool:


You're a sweet woman. You're definitely making a change here that's for sure!

Best to you lady.
This is so true, I think porn really does take the magic out of a romance and how you see women. I remember when I was younger and getting interested in girls there was this deeper layer to appreciating them -- really treating this as something special. Some of it was nervousness and putting girls on a pedestal, but I know the other part had something deeper.

I'm starting to develop some of these feelings again, and getting attracted to a girl's personality vs just her body. I guess porn numbs you to this side of things, lot of young boys growing up who never even experienced that initial feeling which is crazy
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 435

This is so true, I think porn really does take the magic out of a romance and how you see women.
Truth. We watch porn because we love women, but in actuality it takes the magic away from all the real women around us everyday. What was once special and unique, becomes boring and vanilla, and what was once gross and disgusting, becomes normalized and accepted. A soul dying by each and every click...
I remember when I was younger and getting interested in girls there was this deeper layer to appreciating them -- really treating this as something special. Some of it was nervousness and putting girls on a pedestal, but I know the other part had something deeper.
Absolutely, that's what I love, that childhood innocence, and that's what I strive to return to. Not in a virginal sense lol but just in a that eternal magic that always exists between a man and a woman. Why be voyeur when you can be a doer?

That's interesting about putting women on pedestals, I do agree (women are just as human as we are) but I think watching porn tops it all when it comes to putting women on pedestals. It makes us men slaves to sex, and since women hold the keys to that department, porn conditions us men to put women even more up on those pedestals, even to women who don't deserve it, just to get sex from them. I can't think of a less manly thing than that.
I'm starting to develop some of these feelings again, and getting attracted to a girl's personality vs just her body.
I love it. So happy for you.

If it's not real, it's no deal.
 
Day 436

Dick bigger and harder than I've ever remembered it.
Hell yeah brother. Btw low your quote "Why be voyeur when you can be a doer?"

The other thing that resonated with me is "A soul dying by each and every click..." As I get older I think more and more about the Soul and what that really means. It's something beyond just being healthy of mind I think, some things frankly are just not good for the soul. Hating someone when you can love (or even just ignore), being near poisonous people, watching too much news, etc...we're meant to live, laugh, love. As cliched as it is, the more I know the more I realize returning to those roots is where happiness truly lies

Perhaps another way of thinking about it is I saw this quote a year ago saying "children see magic because they look for it." When did we stop looking for it as adults? Having some of that childish excitement / curiosity / love of the world / love of our fellow friends and human beings...this will make us far more content and bring us more joy than living in a Digital hellscape. Gabe Deem once said in a video that porn will never love you back. It's 1000000% true, the hollow feeling you have post-PMO will never really evolve if you keep sticking to porn.

Mankind has thousands of years of templates on how to live a contented life. Use that vs. what we've artificially created in the past 20-30yrs. This joy is out there, I'm glad to see you've made it so far and are well on the way to capturing it Blondie!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
@TryingHarder - the less you touch it, the bigger it grows (up to a point). I am certain that years of death grip wanking cause some minor damage to the veins and arteries In the dick. So it gets better because you’re not doing what you used to do. Pretty fucking logical, and pretty fucking amazing.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 438

Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles.
Hating someone when you can love (or even just ignore), being near poisonous people, watching too much news, etc...we're meant to live, laugh, love. As cliched as it is, the more I know the more I realize returning to those roots is where happiness truly lies
I love this. Especially watching the news, I generally feel better when not doing that.
Gabe Deem once said in a video that porn will never love you back. It's 1000000% true, the hollow feeling you have post-PMO will never really evolve if you keep sticking to porn.
Hell yeah to this. I've never once felt genuine happiness after a porn session, just a fleeting experience of pleasure, followed by regret or just a sense of "Blah"

Perhaps another way of thinking about it is I saw this quote a year ago saying "children see magic because they look for it."
That's a great quote. Yeah, it's something I try to keep in mind everyday. I never want to be old. I don't mean denying the reality of getting physically older, I mean just mentally. I want to always keep growing in my thoughts and ideas, and to ever keep that childish twinkle in my eye for my fellowman and woman.

Keep killing it Firststep!

Thanks @GBS. I always notice a change right after experiencing a flatline. It happens every time, and every time I'm still amazed I keep seeing improvements. I'm also still getting used to not always feeling "horny" but the man is ready to go at a moment's notice. Which makes me think what I thought was 'normal' was most definitely not.

I like this new man, both the one upstairs and downstairs.

Best sir.

Thanks @TryingHarder.

I love the UPdate.

Man... a lot of big dicks around these parts. :cool:

Best brother.

@Ezel. Thank you brother. I'll do my best!

Keep killing it.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." –George MacDonald

Everyone is loved. Parents love their children. Wives love their husbands. Even friends love each other. This does not, however, mean everyone is trusted. We may love someone but keep them at a distance because they do not feel completely safe. We may love a friend but not share our life’s challenges with them because they do not keep confidential what we share. Our partner may love us but continually track our program because they do not trust us to protect them from the impact of our addiction. Some say it is hard to love. I disagree. Loving is easy. Trusting is hard. If we have earned someone’s trust, that says more about us than being loved. When have I been loved but not trusted? What have I done to earn the trust of others? What gifts await me as I learn to be not only lovable but also trustworthy?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 334). Kindle Edition.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I know I've had more dick updates these days more than usual, but it's blowing my mind so I can't help it. We had sex tonight, and I tell you what, the changes down there are really starting to become obvious to both me and the lady. I haven't had a real problem down there for a very long time now, but yet, I still notice changes, especially after the weeks following a flatline. The biggest thing recently has been the increase of sensitivity, so much so that it actually surprised me tonight! Yes he's bigger, but all jokes aside, everything is just functioning better and it keeps blowing my mind.

I know, I'm like a broken record.

But this gets me to my main point of this post, even though I say time and time again that no matter how many times you relapse, you just need to get back up and dust yourself off because that's all you or I can ever do. Well, that is the truth of the matter and it's the only option any of us have when we relapse. Yes, we do need to love ourselves and move on, and yes the only other option is just to give up, no thanks. However, just thinking about all of this tonight, it really just struck me how serious this all is, and just the enormity of the damage this god damned porn has done to me and to all of us here. I mean think about it, I'm almost 15 months clean and I'm still noticing changes down there, and in fact, just now regaining my sensitivity where I would even post about it, I've never mentioned my lack of sensitivity before. But here is what's even crazier, I've been 15 months clean, but my relapse 15 months ago was only two days, with the last day being a full on "session" for four hours (the first one was just porn subs). What in the fuck? Then go back further, I was clean for four months before that, but that relapse was spread out over three or four times over a month or so (probably four hours sessions too). However, before that, I was clean for another four months, and then another four months and then six months before that! I say all of this to say, a relapse must set you back a good bit (at least for me), because, I've been clean for most of the last four and half years, but have never felt what I feel now.

Yes, we must love ourselves and take care of ourselves, both mentally, physically and spiritually, and when we do "fail" we need to love ourselves like we never have before. However, we need to be real careful not to bullshit ourselves about how serious this all really is. Feeling how I felt today after sex was both exhilarating and scary, because, I realized how quickly I could fuck up and ruin much of my progress in just a moment of being off my guard. Would ten minutes really ruin a whole year of progress? I doubt it, but who knows, that's all I'm saying in this post. Seriously, look at my track record, to me it's hard to see how I could still be improving while only looking here and there over the course of four years, but here I am, still noticing changes.

Porn is the modern day Matrix, and as you go further and further away from it, you realize it was all a big lie.

It's not your friend. It's not sexy. It's not peaceful. It's not "just a distraction". It will take everything you love and hold dear from you, until one day, you're not even sensitive enough to realize it, literally!

Best.
 
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Day 112

Feeling good to today. Almost a week away from day 120! I was constantly with my girl yesterday, and was getting hard-ons throughout the day. It's great to know my man's really improving down there. I kept thinking to myself "Why the fuck did I ever look at that shit?" Live and learn (or relearn!).

Let's stay strong everyone!
Looking forward to be like you man keep it up!
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
@Blondie - love your piece. Amazing stuff and well done to you. Also well done for experiencing new sensations, you deserve it. Couple of thoughts/questions: can you comment on the frequenting of your masturbation (with no porn obvs) during your various stretches of time when you were sober; also what was your frequency of having sex with girlfriend? Interesting how much the changes are related to complete abstinence or just abstinence from masturbation.

You give us all hope, but the hope is amazing because the promised land is so plentiful. I feel even better simply having read what you wrote. Hero.
 
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