Porn is not an option

[Blondie]

The ancients believed in two natures of men, one of being and one of becoming. Being is of the transcendent, beyond this world, beyond both life and death, beyond the bounds of both space and time, that is, the universal truth, and what every culture has called G-d, God, the gods, Jupiter etc. Becoming is what we do as humans, we are born, we acquire things, and then we die, and return once more to the dust. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust as the say.

In our modern world of materialism on steroids, all we care about is acquiring new things to make us "happy". We watch porn in search of the truth, we tell ourselves, "Just one more session then I'll seriously stop this once and for all". We tell ourselves we need porn like we need water, we need more "likes" on social media, another house, another car, another vacation like the assholes down street that we don't even like, etc. We do all these things to become happy before we fade away into the astral dust like the ancestors before us. Us moderns are so afraid of death, that we never even stop to ask why we do all the things we do. Just stay busy and consume and don't think and ask questions. Believe every word they tell you on the tube. Buy more shit that you don't need, and preferably on Amazon.

Can we be happy with what we have?

Can we be happy with never looking at "our" digital harems again?

Can we be happy as non-consumers?

Do we really need one more click? One more you fill in the blank...

Science won't save us. We're still going to die and that modern religion will never solve that problem. Amazon might be able to get you that worthless piece of whatever you think you need in five minutes instead of two days, but by that time, they might have more power over your life than Louis XVI, hell, they might even have an army to deliver it to you. I can hear their slogan now Work hard. Have fun. Make history with a gun.

This isn't exactly a come to Jesus moment, however, it is a realization that if we can't be happy with what we have right now, and focus on being more than becoming, than we're already dead. Maybe we need to die, not in a material sense, but in a detachment from our material things.

 

[chap]

The ancients believed in two natures of men, one of being and one of becoming. Being is of the transcendent, beyond this world, beyond both life and death, beyond the bounds of both space and time, that is, the universal truth, and what every culture has called G-d, God, the gods, Jupiter etc. Becoming is what we do as humans, we are born, we acquire things, and then we die, and return once more to the dust. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust as the say.

In our modern world of materialism on steroids, all we care about is acquiring new things to make us "happy". We watch porn in search of the truth, we tell ourselves, "Just one more session then I'll seriously stop this once and for all". We tell ourselves we need porn like we need water, we need more "likes" on social media, another house, another car, another vacation like the assholes down street that we don't even like, etc. We do all these things to become happy before we fade away into the astral dust like the ancestors before us. Us moderns are so afraid of death, that we never even stop to ask why we do all the things we do. Just stay busy and consume and don't think and ask questions. Believe every word they tell you on the tube. Buy more shit that you don't need, and preferably on Amazon.

Can we be happy with what we have?

Can we be happy with never looking at "our" digital harems again?

Can we be happy as non-consumers?

Do we really need one more click? One more you fill in the blank...

Science won't save us. We're still going to die and that modern religion will never solve that problem. Amazon might be able to get you that worthless piece of whatever you think you need in five minutes instead of two days, but by that time, they might have more power over your life than Louis XVI, hell, they might even have an army to deliver it to you. I can hear their slogan now Work hard. Have fun. Make history with a gun.

This isn't exactly a come to Jesus moment, however, it is a realization that if we can't be happy with what we have right now, and focus on being more than becoming, than we're already dead. Maybe we need to die, not in a material sense, but in a detachment from our material things.

View attachment 1000

that’s some inspirational food for thought, blondie. gonna have to read this one over a couple times to take it in. crazy you mention the difference between one of being and one of becoming. i’m currently taking a communications class for small group communication and in my recent reading there was this quote that essentially summed up, “we are in a natural state of becoming”. and i’ve resonated with that one statement this whole week. still trying to quit pmo—and got a ways to go—but i’ve changed since i was last on here. i want to be in that state of becoming. i think i fear the change, partially because i feel like i don’t have the willpower to. but i’ll keep on course and try to disrupt the pattern i’ve coerced myself into thinking is good enough. i’ll keep fighting the long battle, little by little, day by day.

 

[Blondie]

Day 490

Day 8 of no O

Hi @chap, nice to see you. Yes it's very interesting stuff, I'm still trying to figure it out myself. That's great about that class you're taking, sounds fascinating. I like your quote, and yes, that's very much in line with what I was trying to say. I think it's normal to fear the change, and to fear if you won't have the will power to end this at the end of the day. That's the problem with addictions/bad habits is that you promise yourself you're going to quite over and over again, but when you fall back into your habit repeatedly, you end up constantly lying to yourself, which robs you of your natural power, discipline and self confidence. Go day by day and not just with porn. Promise yourself you will do other things, like studying for your class for an hour every day etc. then do that and see how it feels to be true to yourself. Having integrity is not something that comes natural to us, it's something that is practiced and refined day by day and year by year. Then one day you can look in the mirror and say I did it, look what I've accomplished! Not in a haughty or arrogant sense, but it a true sense of of having pride in your actions and discipline. There IS a difference, never confuse the two.

Best brother!

---------------------------------

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I had a hell of a workout at the gym, maybe the best I've had so far since starting months ago. I was super focused and had the energy of a raging bull in the midst of beautiful females everywhere. On one hand this was a gift to me, especially as an inspiration for my workout, but afterwards it was sort of a mental struggle for the remainder of the day. There was this one girl in particular who was just utterly amazing. She smiled and slightly flirted, and I thought about this off and on the rest of the day. I didn't have a problem looking or staring, but it was just all in my head, especially afterwards. This mood put me in a funk and I don't like being in a mental funk. I did overcome these thoughts as the day went on however by focusing on things I needed to do. I will need to get used to this new me, especially when not getting off. I assume most of this extra energy is from that, plus, I had just had an hour long sex session the night previously, so my mood was nothing but primal and sexual to the extreme. Furthermore, since I didn't get off and release that sexual energy, it was all the more so. To be honest, half the day or more, I was walking around (both at the gym and the house) with a slight boner in my pants (not kidding) so I guess this comes with the territory. This is all good, I will just have to learn how to deal with this new me, it is, in one word - insane!

Thank you lady wherever you are, you gave me two extra reps on that glorious set

You all have a great porn-free Monday.

 

[Simon2]

You're becoming an alpha male!

... good thing you've worked on your inner strength to be able to cope with the energy and responsibility that comes with that!

 

[swimmer97]

Gratz on the rock hard wood bro. I know exactly how good a completely natural boner feels. It shows we are healing. Health is everything. Only Poeple like us know this feeling! keep killing it.

 

[Blondie]

You're becoming an alpha male!

I don't know about that lol.

. good thing you've worked on your inner strength to be able to cope with the energy and responsibility that comes with that!

I will be doing my utmost. Thanks @Simon2



Thanks @swimmer97

Health is everything. Only Poeple like us know this feeling! keep killing it.

This is a good point. I was thinking yesterday about this too and wondered how many men these days, 40 and under, don't even know what it means to feel a real sense of virility between their legs? I don't mean just horniness, I mean a real healthy sense of masculinity like I experienced yesterday. These days it would have to be infinitely less than it used to be in older generations. It's scary fact to think about indeed. We think we're horny, but trust me, we're not. It's not "horniness" I felt yesterday, no this is something entirely different that I never knew (or remembered) till very recently. No wonder our testosterone levels our dropping these last few decades. No, It's NOT in the water, it's in our computer screens!

 

[GBS]

Powerful stuff @Blondie boy. It is not envy that I feel but expectation. Love your analysis of what the definition of “horny” is. True arousal does not come from a screen or a magazine. We need oxytocin. Keep going, mate. Never stop.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

I don't know about that lol.

I will be doing my utmost. Thanks @Simon2

View attachment 1002

Thanks @swimmer97

This is a good point. I was thinking yesterday about this too and wondered how many men these days, 40 and under, don't even know what it means to feel a real sense of virility between their legs? I don't mean just horniness, I mean a real healthy sense of masculinity like I experienced yesterday. These days it would have to be infinitely less than it used to be in older generations. It's scary fact to think about indeed. We think we're horny, but trust me, we're not. It's not "horniness" I felt yesterday, no this is something entirely different that I never knew (or remembered) till very recently. No wonder our testosterone levels our dropping these last few decades. No, It's NOT in the water, it's in our computer screens!

View attachment 1003

Yeah there's actually a ton of research out there showing that men today have waaaay lower sperm counts and higher infertility rates vs. 3-4 decades ago, same with T as you point out. I read a report called 'you are not the man your father was' which talked about this (rough title lol). I think in the pre internet era you could just be a real man by default, in today's era you need to WORK at being a real man. I think it definitely can be done, you just have to be deliberate about it -- which I know you are doing as are many other great guys on this forum. Let's get after it!

 

[Blondie]

Yeah there's actually a ton of research out there showing that men today have waaaay lower sperm counts and higher infertility rates vs. 3-4 decades ago, same with T as you point out. I read a report called 'you are not the man your father was' which talked about this (rough title lol). I think in the pre internet era you could just be a real man by default, in today's era you need to WORK at being a real man. I think it definitely can be done, you just have to be deliberate about it -- which I know you are doing as are many other great guys on this forum. Let's get after it!

Yeah it's insane @First_step_thousand_miles, and no one is really talking about it much, just like the porn issue.

I think in the pre internet era you could just be a real man by default, in today's era you need to WORK at being a real man.

I know what you're saying here, and I mostly agree, however, I would counter, men throughout the ages, have always had to work at "masculinity" and their part in the masculine role. This takes practice and dedication, and some men were better at being a "man" than others, life isn't always fair. However, what is so scary now days is that, one cannot practice his masculinity, when he doesn't even have the burning virility inside him that would be the catalyst to get him there in the first place! You cannot practice starting a fire without a match or flint to light it.

This is really crazy stuff if you stop to think about it, and all the repercussions that is happening in society right now, and will happen if it's not addressed soon.

 

[Blondie]

I thought I'd share the original post I found back in the day that got me going on this whole "Porn is NOT an Option" thing. I found it when I first started about five years ago, and it has obviously been a gigantic part of my philosophy in quitting porn for good. The link can be found here by a poster named TheUnderdog at the Your Brain Rebalanced forum. I'll post it here so everyone can see it. Hopefully it clarifies anything that you didn't quite understand about the philosophy of Porn is not an Option.

Best

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Ok everyone, this is it.

I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

This is the secret that all successful and enlightened rebooters share.

Those that got into the Hall of Fame already know it, either consciously or unconsciously.

Are you ready for it?

I'm very serious about this.

This is what separates those that go a few weeks without porn to those that go 6+ months without porn.

Most of you here are familiar with Laurynas and Journey to Freedom.

If you're not, then I invite you to check out their journals.

Does it look like they're struggling a lot to stay away from porn?

Are they trying too hard?

No, they're not.

To them, not watching porn is fucking easy. They don't even think about it. They don't even consider it.

Look at what Journey to Freedom posted yesterday:

"I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization - it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."

He's currently on day 153, but I believe he got to that point WAY BEFORE he realized it. Probably during the very early days of his reboot.

He was already at that point when he started his journal back on day 70:

"Even as I sit here in front of my computer talking to some friends and catching up on some schoolwork, I have absolutely ZERO desire to ever go back to the downward spiral of PMO ever again."

Here's the thing guys:

You will only be able to go long periods of time without porn when watching porn is no longer an option in your life.

I call it the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset.

The men that have this mindset live as if porn didn't exist.

They completely forget about porn.

They do not spend their day fighting urges.

They are not "trying hard".

Urges are dismissed almost instantly.

I'm currently under this mindset and have been since day 11 or something. Staying away from porn has never been easier.

I've been alone at home several times during the last weeks and watching porn never crossed my mind, not even for a second.

I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option.

And it doesn't bother me one bit.

You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life.

If this idea gives you anxiety or makes you cringe, then you don't have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset yet.

If you're having urges on day 17 and you're slightly considering watching porn, then that means that in your mind you haven't truly made the decision to quit.

If you know that you're going to be home alone this weekend and you're worried about relapsing, then that means you're not ready yet.

You're just prolonging your relapse. Eventually you're going to give in.

Those kind of thoughts do not enter the mind of successful rebooters. They forgot about porn a long time ago.

I'm usually completely unaware of what day I'm on.

I don't count days.

I just check what day I'm at every time I post on my journal.

There's a big difference between counting days and just keeping track of how far you've gone. I made a thread about this.

I still get urges, but I dismiss them instantly. I don't feed them or fight them.

Have you ever been attracted to your best friend's girlfriend? Or maybe to a very beautiful cousin? They might arouse you and you might get urges, but hitting on them is just not an option. It's not something you consider, unless you're into incest or don't give a shit about your friend.

I'm telling you, once you have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset, staying away from porn is FUCKING EASY.

How do you get this mindset though?

I'm afraid that's the difficult part and that's where I can't help you.

Every situation is different and every man has his own reasons for quitting.

I just want to make you aware that this is the mindset you should be striving for. If you're struggling a lot or trying too hard then you're doing it wrong.

If you take a look at successful rebooters you will always notice that they're able to stay away from porn pretty easily, and that's because of this particular mindset.

The "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset is as bulletproof as it can get, but having a journal (accountability) is absolutely crucial too. I don't think I would've ever been able to get this far without having a journal. Don't be afraid to use porn blockers if you want as well. Everything helps.

And if you're one of those guys that want to quit both porn and masturbation forever, the same mindset still applies. It just changes to "Porn and Masturbation are NOT an Option".

Pretty simple, eh?

 

[Simon2]

That's it. That's exactly what my realization was last summer. And it IS easy now. Because porn is just not an option. I never consider whether I should give in. It's just not on the table.

Thanks for sharing that @Blondie .

 

[Blondie]

Day 481

Day 9 of no O

That's it. That's exactly what my realization was last summer. And it IS easy now. Because porn is just not an option. I never consider whether I should give in. It's just not on the table.

Thanks for sharing that @Blondie .

That's great @Simon2. This thought process did the same for me five years ago. Something just clicked inside of me and it made sense. I don't think there's only "one" way to get over porn, it's different for all of us, but this philosophy has definitely been my biggest influence.

Have you ever been attracted to your best friend's girlfriend? Or maybe to a very beautiful cousin? They might arouse you and you might get urges, but hitting on them is just not an option. It's not something you consider, unless you're into incest or don't give a shit about your friend.

This part especially. It made me laugh when I first read it, but it's so true and whenever I've been tempted in the past, I think of it (or something like it) and just move on, free from relapse. It's funny but it's completely a mental game, but one that really works for some of us.

I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option.

This part as well, because it puts porn rightfully into a value system, a value system that many of us may not have even realized we've put porn in! This is where I got my Would you rather exercise as well. This was another game changer for me.

You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life.

This one hit home as well. Originally back in the day, I would on purpose say this, almost like a mantra to myself, to see how strong my resolve actually was. It went something like this, when I felt the urges coming on. "Blondie, you will never again see that harem, or (name of a certain model)!" I would repeat this out loud, almost like a crazy man, just to see how pissed off I would get. And often, especially those first few months, I would get pretty pissed. This might be funny, but psychologically it rings true. Quitting porn is like a breakup, the best breakup you've ever had, but a breakup nonetheless. You have to say goodbye, and move on to a better life!

----------------

We had sex again last night, my man was good, but didn't perform quite as well as two days before, still miles ahead of what it was though. Once again I'm reminded of the fact that I don't know what is actually "normal" for me, because I have nothing to compare my performance to. I've had a porn dick for all of my sex life, excluding those 517 days I did once, which is my only point of reference for a somewhat healthy comparison.

We press on.

 

[Blondie]

Powerful stuff @Blondie boy. It is not envy that I feel but expectation. Love your analysis of what the definition of “horny” is. True arousal does not come from a screen or a magazine. We need oxytocin. Keep going, mate. Never stop.

Thanks @GBS!

True arousal does not come from a screen or a magazine.

So true. May us never forget this!

 

[GBS]

Love your paragraph about being genuinely committed never to watch porn again in your life. I can say it to myself in a glib way, but when you wrote the words and there they are in bold….it’s actually really important to embrace the reality of that. Never again. Not once. I am alone in the house right now, and I literally just stopped writing this, and said the words out loud. “I am never going to watch porn again in my life”. It was really helpful. It didn’t make me sad, it made me think that all the feelings I have from now on will be channeled into a wonderful sex life with my wife. The new me just wants that.

Thanks again, my friend. You have a knack of saying something meaningful just at the right time. You have no idea just how useful that is. Or maybe you do….

 

[Blondie]

it’s actually really important to embrace the reality of that. Never again. Not once. I am alone in the house right now, and I literally just stopped writing this, and said the words out loud. “I am never going to watch porn again in my life”. It was really helpful. It didn’t make me sad, it made me think that all the feelings I have from now on will be channeled into a wonderful sex life with my wife. The new me just wants that.

This is great, and yes, just saying it out loud really does drive the point home in our subconscious. Never again. Never ever again!

Thank you sir @GBS. You're a legend.

Day 492

Day 10 of no O

I read this in a book yesterday, I thought it was great.

"In natural erotic development, every experience of deep passion and strong inclination doubtless follows the path of that which is called “pleasure,” but it does not have pleasure as a principal and preset objective: if it does, we may well speak of lust and debauchery, which are trends corresponding to dissociations, degradations, and “rationalizations” of physical love. The idea of “pleasure” as a ruling motive does not exist in the “normal state of eros,” but the impulse aroused by sexual polarity causes a state of intoxication reaching its apogee in the “pleasure” of physical union and orgasm. Any man who is truly in love, in possessing a woman, entertains the idea of “pleasure” as little as that of children. The teachings of Freud, therefore, were mistaken in his earliest phase when he established the pleasure principle, the Lustprinzip, as the basis not only of eros but of the whole human psychic life. In this the theories of Freud were just the products of his time. In periods of decadence such as the present one, sensuality develops in the dissociated form of simple pleasure. As a result, sex becomes a kind of drug, and the addiction to it is no less profane than actual drug addiction."

Porn addiction is nothing but seeking "pleasure", but at the expense of true sexuality. It is most definitely NOT love, and what's more, it's not even a real proper lust. It's a dissociation, almost a schizophrenia of the mind, where one derives pleasure in a individualized state, and not in the glorious unity of two people coming together to become one, both in body, mind and spirit. Even a proper one night stand done with love and appreciation for the feminine has more dignity and beauty. I love his "rationalization of physical love" as well. As a man who has an over rational disposition, I definitely fall into this category. A real lust is lusting after a real woman with real possibilities in the real world. Either you breakup with your current wife/partner, you cheat, or, if don't have a lady, you ball up and approach her. This is true lust, and in an of itself, it's not bad per se, in fact, it is normal, as long as you learn how to control it throughout your life. But porn is nothing of the sort. Porn is but a mere rationalization of pleasure, and when doing it, we're so far into our minds, we've lost contact with our own body; literally if you have PIED! And even though we have our sexual organ in our hands, we've removed ourselves so from our actual bodies, that when presented with real corporal opportunities, our sexual schizophrenia shows itself to the only person who could heal us, that is the other half, the feminine.

Just some random thoughts for today.

Peace

 

[Readytoreboot]

This is great, and yes, just saying it out loud really does drive the point home in our subconscious. Never again. Never ever again!

Thank you sir @GBS. You're a legend.

Day 492

Day 10 of no O

I read this in a book yesterday, I thought it was great.

"In natural erotic development, every experience of deep passion and strong inclination doubtless follows the path of that which is called “pleasure,” but it does not have pleasure as a principal and preset objective: if it does, we may well speak of lust and debauchery, which are trends corresponding to dissociations, degradations, and “rationalizations” of physical love. The idea of “pleasure” as a ruling motive does not exist in the “normal state of eros,” but the impulse aroused by sexual polarity causes a state of intoxication reaching its apogee in the “pleasure” of physical union and orgasm. Any man who is truly in love, in possessing a woman, entertains the idea of “pleasure” as little as that of children. The teachings of Freud, therefore, were mistaken in his earliest phase when he established the pleasure principle, the Lustprinzip, as the basis not only of eros but of the whole human psychic life. In this the theories of Freud were just the products of his time. In periods of decadence such as the present one, sensuality develops in the dissociated form of simple pleasure. As a result, sex becomes a kind of drug, and the addiction to it is no less profane than actual drug addiction."

Porn addiction is nothing but seeking "pleasure", but at the expense of true sexuality. It is most definitely NOT love, and what's more, it's not even a real proper lust. It's a dissociation, almost a schizophrenia of the mind, where one derives pleasure in a individualized state, and not in the glorious unity of two people coming together to become one, both in body, mind and spirit. Even a proper one night stand done with love and appreciation for the feminine has more dignity and beauty. I love his "rationalization of physical love" as well. As a man who has an over rational disposition, I definitely fall into this category. A real lust is lusting after a real woman with real possibilities in the real world. Either you breakup with your current wife/partner, you cheat, or, if don't have a lady, you ball up and approach her. This is true lust, and in an of itself, it's not bad per se, in fact, it is normal, as long as you learn how to control it throughout your life. But porn is nothing of the sort. Porn is but a mere rationalization of pleasure, and when doing it, we're so far into our minds, we've lost contact with our own body; literally if you have PIED! And even though we have our sexual organ in our hands, we've removed ourselves so from our actual bodies, that when presented with real corporal opportunities, our sexual schizophrenia shows itself to the only person who could heal us, that is the other half, the feminine.

Just some random thoughts for today.

Peace

Thanks for sharing!

 

[Blondie]

Day 493

Day 11 of no O

Thanks @Readytoreboot. Keep killing it brother!

"Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed" - Heraclitus

 

[Blondie]

Day 494

Day 12 of no O

Almost two weeks out from no O and it's still feeling great. To be honest, sometimes I'm having a hard time focusing on school. I've been doing breathing exercises to relax myself which is good but it still does only so much. I can't believe how much different it is this time around than it was at the beginning of last summer. I've played around with this type of thing before over the years, sometimes doing 60 days right after a relapse. I even done it a few times before I officially quit porn five years ago, with no porn or masturbation for 60 days. However, I've never done it this far into a recovery before, and it really feels different this time around. This makes me excited because it proves that I really have come far in my recovery! I feel tingles going up and down my body sometimes throughout the day, I walk around with 1/4 boners, and my workouts have been fantastic over the last week. These are all good things.

I do wonder if I should go longer than my original celebration date 517 days? I've read some journals that suggest going as long as possible, so maybe I should as well. Something to think about.

I read this in a book The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, and really liked it.

Warning, this shouldn't be triggering, but just a heads up.

There are many physical and spiritual reasons why ejaculation should be converted into non-ejaculatory whole body, brain, and heart orgasms. But there are also relational reasons. When a man has no control over his ejaculation, he cannot meet his woman sexually or emotionally. She knows she can deplete him, weaken him, empty him of life force. She has won. When a man ejaculates easily, he creates ongoing distrust in his woman. At a subtle level, she feels he cannot be trusted. She, and the world, can deplete and depolarize him easily. This subtle distrust will pervade the relationship. She will not only doubt him, but actually act to undermine his actions in the world. By undermining him she demonstrates and tests his weakness, but she also hopes that through such tests he can learn to remain full.

I like this, and to some extant with my own partner, it seems true. She loves to pleasure me and make me "relax" from the troubles and stress of this world etc., however, I've also noticed over this week, there is a change in her attraction for me when I have control over my ejaculation. It's subtle but it is there. Does this make her trust me more as the author posits? I'm not sure, but I'll have to ask her and see what she thinks about this. He goes on to say...

Face it. If you are like most men, after an ejaculation or two you don't really want to penetrate or ravish her any more. You are content to relax in the emptiness of released tension. You don't feel much desire to enter your woman, bodily or emotionally, as you did just before you ejaculated. Your woman feels your lack of desire. And she also intuits, perhaps subconsciously, that your lack of desire also applies toward the world. If she can drain you, so can the world.

I love this.

From my point of view, it does ring true. I have to say, there is no more of a manly feeling than having sex for a long time, then walking away with your dick still erect and going about your business.

We must stop making love to ourselves and make love to the world and our goals There's much more to life than an ejaculation!

I also like this line of thinking because then I'm not just thinking about myself, as masturbation as taught us all these years. He mentions this as well.

If you are like most men, your first sexual experiences as a teenager involved masturbation. Masturbating over and over ends up conditioning your body and nervous system to an habitual sequence: genital stimulation, mental fantasy, building up tension, and ejaculating. Teenage masturbation is essentially an exercise in fantasy, done alone, without much love or even human intimacy. By the time most men are having sex with women, they repeat the same sequence they learned while masturbating. Sex has become a road toward ejaculation, a road paved with internal imagery, self-enclosure, and the desire to release tension.

This is definitely true for me as it is for all of us here I would imagine. For years we've trained ourselves to get off, which is all about us, and unfortunately we've brought this into our relationships or our future relationships. I can honestly attest, that this week of sex has been really different between us, because it's already been established that I won't be getting off. Thus, sex has been not about me, or even just about her, and for sure, not about "the ending" but about both of us, the way it should be.

We all can be better men. Not just for ourselves, but for our ladies as well.

Peace

 

[SmokenMirrors]

I love this! Hamza recommends this book massively, it's a game changer apparently! I need to check it out. You've been reading so much as of late, how do you manage to hold your concentration for so long? Big love my brother!

 

[Blondie]

Hamza recommends this book massively, it's a game changer apparently!

Nice, I didn't know Hamza recommended it. Yes, it's definitely been a good book for me. I've read it quite a few years ago in my late twenties, and at that time, I didn't quite understand what he was saying completely. However, after more life experiences and more reading, I understand it better now.

you've been reading so much as of late, how do you manage to hold your concentration for so long?

Reading is like working out your muscles in the gym, it just takes mental practice, time and dedication, even just a little bit everyday can help tremendously. I'm also a nerd. What's neat about this book though is its chapters are pretty short, just a little chunk of information, then you can think about it as you go along with your day. It's pretty practical in that regard.

For example, this is the length of many chapters, it's also one of my favorites.

Turn Your Lust Into Gifts

When a man sees a beautiful woman it is natural for him to feel energy in his body, which he usually interprets as sexual desire. Rather than dispersing this energy in mental fantasy, a man should learn to circulate his heightened energy. He should breathe fully, circulating the energy fully throughout his body. He should treat his heightened energy as a gift which could heal and rejuvenate his body, and, through his service, heal the world. Through these means, his desire is converted into fullness of heart. His lust is converted into service. His desire is not converted by denying sexual attraction, but by enjoying it fully, circulating it through his body (without allowing it to stagnate as mental fantasy), and returning it to the world, from his heart.

If you are like most men, sexual energy tends to go directly to one of two places. Either your head becomes stimulated and you fantasize about being with a woman who turns you on, or your genitals become stimulated in lustful need. Your head and genitals, however, are just the north and south poles of the whole body. A superior man circulates the energy of arousal throughout his body, taking particular care not to let it stagnate in swollen fantasies or appendages.

The purpose of sexual desire is creation. Reproduction is but the biological aspect of creation. As a man, you probably have much more to give the world than your children. Just as beautiful women inspire biological procreation, they also inspire artistic, social, and spiritual creativity. When it comes down to it, most creative men will admit that, one way or another, women are their muse and inspiration. Women bring them into the world. Women move them to create and serve humanity. In fact, some men would go so far as to say that, if it weren't for women, they wouldn't be interested in the world much at all.

If you are a man, you have probably found yourself inspired at some time or another by a woman. Such inspiration is usually temporary, because most men don't know how to cultivate their relationship to the feminine. They tend to be inspired, and then spurt it out, through spasms of thought and ejaculation. Then they seek inspiration again, through more women, or through other feminine sources, such as alcohol, drugs, or nature.

But if you learn to discipline your habits of building up and releasing mental and sexual tension, you can continually cultivate and magnify your inspiration. You can wean yourself from the addictive cycles of sexuality and intoxication. You can make use of the native force of sexual desire, for your woman and for other women, and convert your tendency toward fantasy and lust into the force of inspiration.

Feel lust. Feel what it really is, in its totality. Your lust reveals your real desire to unite with the feminine, to penetrate as deeply as possible, to receive her delicious light as radiant food for your masculine soul, and to give her your entirety, losing yourself in the giving, so that you are both liberated beyond your selves in the explosion of your gifts.

This explosion of gifting could be the basis of your life, not just a moment of sexual yielding. When you feel sexual lust or desire for any woman, breathe deeply and allow the feeling of desire to magnify. And allow it to magnify more. Don't let the energy become lodged in your head or genitals, but circulate it throughout your body. Using your breath as the instrument of circulation, bathe every cell in the stimulated energy. Inhale it into your heart, and then feel outward from your heart, feeling the world as if it were your lover. With an exhale, move into the world and penetrate it, skillfully and spontaneously, opening it into love. Through these means, allow women's sexiness to help you discover and give your gift, rather than beguile you into cycles of stimulation and depletion.

Big love my brother!

No, no, big love to you!

Best