SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
I love this! This'll be a big help to me and other rebooters!
Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
Blondie
Respected Member
GBS
Respected Member
Hi @Blondie - been off here for a few days. Loved your piece on how we all learned solo sex and never found a way to get a real sex life. And sex without ejaculation. It sounds wonderful. A year ago I would have said “what’s the point?”, now I say bring it on. By the way when you do have non ejaculatory sex, do you get blue balls? I don’t care if one does, just curious.
All best GBS.
All best GBS.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 496!
Day 14 of no O.
@Nico, that's interesting that you had the same experience with that book. It's a funny thing in life, sometimes when you first taste something (be it food, a book, a new idea) it doesn't move your palate, or make much sense at the moment; however, a few years down the road, that dish suddenly becomes delectable with new possibilities and delights. I just turned forty and I see much truth in it, whereas when I was in my late twenties, there were many things he talks about that I hadn't experienced in life before, especially with women and relationships. I really do love his whole yin and yang approach to the sexes. I find myself in general agreeing with most of it.
Best to you brother. I would love to hear what you think about it, if you start to read it again.
@GBS:
Obviously, I'm still working on this, and I definitely have a long ways to go. I'm like a sexual Padawan without that weird ponytail.
Bless you sir
Day 14 of no O.
@Nico, that's interesting that you had the same experience with that book. It's a funny thing in life, sometimes when you first taste something (be it food, a book, a new idea) it doesn't move your palate, or make much sense at the moment; however, a few years down the road, that dish suddenly becomes delectable with new possibilities and delights. I just turned forty and I see much truth in it, whereas when I was in my late twenties, there were many things he talks about that I hadn't experienced in life before, especially with women and relationships. I really do love his whole yin and yang approach to the sexes. I find myself in general agreeing with most of it.
Best to you brother. I would love to hear what you think about it, if you start to read it again.
@GBS:
It's funny how we change isn't?
That's a good question. I don't think I've ever experienced the blue ball phenomenon before. If that means my balls hurt or something, definitely no. If that's means I have a rush to get off and release, then yes, but with no pain in my balls. However, once and a while, if I let myself get a little to close to ejaculating, and I have to use my muscles to contract it down there, sometimes it hurts slightly afterwards, but only a little bit, and that's at the tip of my man. As I get better at this, the trick is to breath and relax your whole body and face muscles, yes, everything completely opposite to how we've trained ourselves over the years with masturbation and porn. This book that I talk about also mentions this technique. Thus, I try to get myself where I feel that energy (for a lack of a better descriptive word) in my loins, but not up at the head of my dick, and especially not beyond that. What's even cooler is that if you can learn to do this, you can start to have dry orgasms up and down your back, which is truly awesome and almost spiritual to be honest.
Obviously, I'm still working on this, and I definitely have a long ways to go. I'm like a sexual Padawan without that weird ponytail.
Bless you sir
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Blondie
Respected Member
Day 497
Day 15 of no O
In the ancient days of Rome, Saturnalia was a day set aside for extravagance and freedom to do what was forbidden the rest of the year. Masters served food to their slaves, even took orders from them as a way to show the role reversals of the day. Sexual license was granted to all, and whatever was forbidden to do the rest of the year was allowed on this one special day. In other words, Saturnalia was an upside-down day in a right-sided world. Every fantasy you had, might have been able to be fulfilled that day, but then, the world would return back to order the following day, and would recover from the chaos from the day before.
How different our world is living today, where everyday is the Saturnalia in one way or another. Sexual license is not only allowed, but is daily encouraged from our universities and entertainment culture. "Porn is healthy for you", they say. "It helps you to figure out your true sexuality", they say. "The traditional family structure is patriarchal and oppressive" they say. "Sexual progress and freedom is our future" they say. "Sexual austerity leads to Fascism" they say. And on and on it goes, the ever advancing gospel of freedom from our past "sexual slavery." However, take a solid look around you and tell me who you see who is actually free these days. Free in thought, deed, and free from personal chaos. I hardly know any, I could count them on one hand.
Yes, we live in an upside down world today. A world of perpetual topsy-turvy. However, everyday you choose to refrain from PMO or porn, is a day you choose to move from less chaos to more order in your personal universe. Maybe the ancients had it right. All of us humans have our fetishes and sexual fantasies etc., and any society that does not deal with that glaring human reality will express this dark energy in even darker ways, thus, the ancients set apart days of sexual license. But, letting that energy run lose everyday of the year is like opening a Pandora's box of energy that no 'free' society could ever control. But maybe that's the whole point of this modern enterprise, those who cannot control themselves are easy to be controlled.
Thus, let us embrace order in our lives, and let us run from the chaos that is destroying it.
And let us shout from our rooftops and our last dying breath "Freedom is never found in chaos, but only in order!"
Day 15 of no O
In the ancient days of Rome, Saturnalia was a day set aside for extravagance and freedom to do what was forbidden the rest of the year. Masters served food to their slaves, even took orders from them as a way to show the role reversals of the day. Sexual license was granted to all, and whatever was forbidden to do the rest of the year was allowed on this one special day. In other words, Saturnalia was an upside-down day in a right-sided world. Every fantasy you had, might have been able to be fulfilled that day, but then, the world would return back to order the following day, and would recover from the chaos from the day before.
How different our world is living today, where everyday is the Saturnalia in one way or another. Sexual license is not only allowed, but is daily encouraged from our universities and entertainment culture. "Porn is healthy for you", they say. "It helps you to figure out your true sexuality", they say. "The traditional family structure is patriarchal and oppressive" they say. "Sexual progress and freedom is our future" they say. "Sexual austerity leads to Fascism" they say. And on and on it goes, the ever advancing gospel of freedom from our past "sexual slavery." However, take a solid look around you and tell me who you see who is actually free these days. Free in thought, deed, and free from personal chaos. I hardly know any, I could count them on one hand.
Yes, we live in an upside down world today. A world of perpetual topsy-turvy. However, everyday you choose to refrain from PMO or porn, is a day you choose to move from less chaos to more order in your personal universe. Maybe the ancients had it right. All of us humans have our fetishes and sexual fantasies etc., and any society that does not deal with that glaring human reality will express this dark energy in even darker ways, thus, the ancients set apart days of sexual license. But, letting that energy run lose everyday of the year is like opening a Pandora's box of energy that no 'free' society could ever control. But maybe that's the whole point of this modern enterprise, those who cannot control themselves are easy to be controlled.
Thus, let us embrace order in our lives, and let us run from the chaos that is destroying it.
And let us shout from our rooftops and our last dying breath "Freedom is never found in chaos, but only in order!"
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GBS
Respected Member
Loving your Monday post, friend. “Let us embrace order in our lives”. Embrace, yes. Love. Adore. Order sounds like a word people retract from. It should be taught at school. This isn’t the military. It’s life. Embrace….big time.
Nearly at 500. Shoot for the moon. Good luck. Well done.
Nearly at 500. Shoot for the moon. Good luck. Well done.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 499
Day 17 of no O
Things seem to be leveling out a bit concerning my primal thoughts and sexual energy because of no O, either that or I'm just getting use to this new me. We haven't had sex in two to three days, so I think the brain does reflect on what you give it and think on, even healthy sex seems to do that.
Tomorrow is a good day, and day 517 even better!
Day 17 of no O
Things seem to be leveling out a bit concerning my primal thoughts and sexual energy because of no O, either that or I'm just getting use to this new me. We haven't had sex in two to three days, so I think the brain does reflect on what you give it and think on, even healthy sex seems to do that.
Tomorrow is a good day, and day 517 even better!
Blondie
Respected Member
"Sexual cravings are like dry bones, without flesh and only with a smear of blood, and however much a dog may gnaw them they well never drive away his hunger and fatigue; they are like a flaming torch of straw carried by a man against the wind, and if he does not immediately throw it away, it will burn his hand, his arm, his body; they are like alluring dream visions that vanish when the sleeper awakes; they are like joy over a treasure amassed from things borrowed from other people who, sooner or later, will come and reclaim them; they are like the points of lances or the blades of swords that cut into and wound the inner being" - Majjhima Nikāya
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Nearly 500 days! Legendary!
Blondie
Respected Member
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
500 days! Congratulations brother! Can we get a quick summary of how you're doing on this fine day as a landmark?
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Holy crap, you are crushing it my man! Super proud of you, you're halfway to the 4-digit club. I expected nothing less, you are achieving your God-given potential. I know 517 days is the more meaningful marker for you so will wait to ask but would love to hear a reflection post around when you cross that milestone talking about whatever you want to talk about. Your musings and thoughts are always a pleasure to read, you kind of remind me of Bruce Lee haha -- both of you are about achieving self-actualization and achieving your full potential. Congrats again brother
Blondie
Respected Member
Thanks brothers, @Hunter_ , @SmokenMirrors and @swimmer97 and @First_step_thousand_miles. You guys are the best.
Things have definitely gone to a whole new level recently in my recovery, just in a general sense. I must sound like a broken record in regards to my sex life, but it really is insane these days, and it's all because of staying away from porn, it's as simple as that. Funny enough, I always thought our sex life was pretty good compared to others I know in my life (our friends etc.), especially for my age, so for it be and feel even better now (much better) is a complete mind blow to me.
Improvements in my dick/sex life
- Over the last month, I've had a very large increase of phallic sensations during sex that was nowhere to be found even a few months ago. Sometimes I've had a hard time believing this stuff (I'm the ultimate doubter in life, maybe my avatar should be Thomas?), but here I am saying it's a hundred percent true. For whatever reasons, porn and heavy masturbation really does fuck this shit up to no end, and refraining from it, even well past a year, will do wonders for you. What's more, the crazy thing about my case is that I haven't really been looking at porn now for almost five years, with only 20 to 30 relapses spread out here and there. However, these 'small' relapses were obviously screwing me in ways I had no idea of, because I was still too far in the darkness to know any better. Now that I've gotten far enough away, I can see the truth of the matter more clearly. At that time, I was lying to myself and saying porn every 90 or so days wasn't really "that big of a deal", when obviously the healing that has taken place over the last 500 days would say otherwise.
- I sometimes walk around with 1/4 boners in my pants like when I was in high school. Obviously not all the time, and this has only really started the last couple of weeks since not having any orgasms during sex, but still that's pretty crazy for a forty year old man. And don't get me wrong, I'm not walking about lusting at everything that moves, I just feel very... turned on by life? lol who knows! This is just another aspect of thinking you know what is 'normal' for you, and then realizing that what you thought was normal was nothing of the sort. Yesterday also, I was sitting at the computer, and just the sensation of my sweats rubbing on my crouch gave me a slight hard on as well. Just another thing I thought I had gotten "Too old for".
- I haven't had a shriveled up dick now for probably two months or more. I was still getting those here and there not too long ago, and who knows, it might happen again, but I can rest assured that it won't last very long if it does.
Thoughts
- My sexualized world has dramatically been reduced since quitting porn 500 days ago. I can now talk to the opposite sex without being bombarded by sexualized thoughts. Yes, I still have them, but it's considerably less and more appropriate for the moment, and just feels more natural and manlike and not pornlike. There's a part of me that thinks I still have a ways to go in my recovery when it comes to this factor. Once in a while, I still feel my brain is changing up there and it's hard to explain but I think it's true, like I almost can "feel" it changing. I think this might be one of the slower parts of my recovery and I'm looking forward to seeing where it takes me. Also, I'm still getting used to learning about my new less sexualized self. It's funny, because in some ways I feel more sexual than ever before, however, it's NOT sexualized, if that makes sense?
- Following that thought, I've read in many accounts where people describe one day just waking up and something just clicked inside and everything was totally different mentally for them: depression, social anxiety, mental fog etc. I don't know if this will happen for me, but there is a part of me that feels I am still living in a semi-fog/dream like state sometimes. Obviously this is really hard to explain, but it is how I feel at moments during the week. However, if this is the extant of my recovery mentally, please know that it's still many times better than when looking at porn in the old days. There is simply no reason to go back.
- Social anxiety, while never being terrible like some have mentioned here, it has definitely improved, especially when talking to the opposite sex. There's just a natural chemistry that happens when one hasn't been looking and wanking to porn (and I don't mean attraction necessarily) that most women seem to pick up on in a subconscious way. It's like their brain tells them subconsciously, this fella is not a wanker, it's okay to chill and talk with him. Also, I do find myself talking to people in general more now than before.
Well I hope that helps someone out there!
Love you guys and thanks for all your encouragement over the last year. You have no idea how much it helps me.
Now on to day 517, a truly momentous day for me.
Things have definitely gone to a whole new level recently in my recovery, just in a general sense. I must sound like a broken record in regards to my sex life, but it really is insane these days, and it's all because of staying away from porn, it's as simple as that. Funny enough, I always thought our sex life was pretty good compared to others I know in my life (our friends etc.), especially for my age, so for it be and feel even better now (much better) is a complete mind blow to me.
Improvements in my dick/sex life
- Over the last month, I've had a very large increase of phallic sensations during sex that was nowhere to be found even a few months ago. Sometimes I've had a hard time believing this stuff (I'm the ultimate doubter in life, maybe my avatar should be Thomas?), but here I am saying it's a hundred percent true. For whatever reasons, porn and heavy masturbation really does fuck this shit up to no end, and refraining from it, even well past a year, will do wonders for you. What's more, the crazy thing about my case is that I haven't really been looking at porn now for almost five years, with only 20 to 30 relapses spread out here and there. However, these 'small' relapses were obviously screwing me in ways I had no idea of, because I was still too far in the darkness to know any better. Now that I've gotten far enough away, I can see the truth of the matter more clearly. At that time, I was lying to myself and saying porn every 90 or so days wasn't really "that big of a deal", when obviously the healing that has taken place over the last 500 days would say otherwise.
- I sometimes walk around with 1/4 boners in my pants like when I was in high school. Obviously not all the time, and this has only really started the last couple of weeks since not having any orgasms during sex, but still that's pretty crazy for a forty year old man. And don't get me wrong, I'm not walking about lusting at everything that moves, I just feel very... turned on by life? lol who knows! This is just another aspect of thinking you know what is 'normal' for you, and then realizing that what you thought was normal was nothing of the sort. Yesterday also, I was sitting at the computer, and just the sensation of my sweats rubbing on my crouch gave me a slight hard on as well. Just another thing I thought I had gotten "Too old for".
- I haven't had a shriveled up dick now for probably two months or more. I was still getting those here and there not too long ago, and who knows, it might happen again, but I can rest assured that it won't last very long if it does.
Thoughts
- My sexualized world has dramatically been reduced since quitting porn 500 days ago. I can now talk to the opposite sex without being bombarded by sexualized thoughts. Yes, I still have them, but it's considerably less and more appropriate for the moment, and just feels more natural and manlike and not pornlike. There's a part of me that thinks I still have a ways to go in my recovery when it comes to this factor. Once in a while, I still feel my brain is changing up there and it's hard to explain but I think it's true, like I almost can "feel" it changing. I think this might be one of the slower parts of my recovery and I'm looking forward to seeing where it takes me. Also, I'm still getting used to learning about my new less sexualized self. It's funny, because in some ways I feel more sexual than ever before, however, it's NOT sexualized, if that makes sense?
- Following that thought, I've read in many accounts where people describe one day just waking up and something just clicked inside and everything was totally different mentally for them: depression, social anxiety, mental fog etc. I don't know if this will happen for me, but there is a part of me that feels I am still living in a semi-fog/dream like state sometimes. Obviously this is really hard to explain, but it is how I feel at moments during the week. However, if this is the extant of my recovery mentally, please know that it's still many times better than when looking at porn in the old days. There is simply no reason to go back.
- Social anxiety, while never being terrible like some have mentioned here, it has definitely improved, especially when talking to the opposite sex. There's just a natural chemistry that happens when one hasn't been looking and wanking to porn (and I don't mean attraction necessarily) that most women seem to pick up on in a subconscious way. It's like their brain tells them subconsciously, this fella is not a wanker, it's okay to chill and talk with him. Also, I do find myself talking to people in general more now than before.
Well I hope that helps someone out there!
Love you guys and thanks for all your encouragement over the last year. You have no idea how much it helps me.
Now on to day 517, a truly momentous day for me.
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swimmer97
Well-Known Member
What a sucess story. And the good thing. The sucess is not over, there is way more sucess on the road as you just described.
Thanks for sharing this. It makes me extemely happy for my brother blondie but it also gives hope/insporation/motivation to the poeple like me. It made me wake up easier this morning. keep killing it