Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
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Blondie
Respected Member
Thank you Sir.
I think it was just a habit loop my brain had created for whenever I was feeling down, my brain would tell me I was "horny" so then I looked at porn to "relieve it" Thus, it was not a real sense of horniness, just a vacuous illusion, like everything else that that road leads to.
First_step_thousand_miles
Active Member
Stay vigilant my friend, you're gonna make it!!!!
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 521
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles, you too!
I'm still not sleeping great, especially last night, my mind is heavy with many thoughts. It is what it is.
I was thinking yesterday, after getting off twice in a 24 hour period, how much better I feel these days when I DON'T get off. Sure, those ten glorious seconds are fabulous, and I don't feel low or down like I use to afterwards (no brain fog), but in a general sense, I've come to really like having that extra juice flowing in me, even if the time period is nothing crazy, say a week or so. It's a real subtle difference, but a noticeable one and I'm happy to report it.
I was laughing yesterday thinking to myself that doing this is almost a natural way to "edge", but instead of edging to porn for hours on end, you just edge to life 24/7. And as the King of Edgers, feeling that buildup and the anticipation of the release over the days and weeks, is actually better than the release itself. At this point, I'm not planning on holding it in forever, but just in a general sense, maybe getting off weekly or so.
Just call me Blondie, the Organic Edger
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles, you too!
I'm still not sleeping great, especially last night, my mind is heavy with many thoughts. It is what it is.
I was thinking yesterday, after getting off twice in a 24 hour period, how much better I feel these days when I DON'T get off. Sure, those ten glorious seconds are fabulous, and I don't feel low or down like I use to afterwards (no brain fog), but in a general sense, I've come to really like having that extra juice flowing in me, even if the time period is nothing crazy, say a week or so. It's a real subtle difference, but a noticeable one and I'm happy to report it.
I was laughing yesterday thinking to myself that doing this is almost a natural way to "edge", but instead of edging to porn for hours on end, you just edge to life 24/7. And as the King of Edgers, feeling that buildup and the anticipation of the release over the days and weeks, is actually better than the release itself. At this point, I'm not planning on holding it in forever, but just in a general sense, maybe getting off weekly or so.
Just call me Blondie, the Organic Edger
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Hey Organic Edger (
)
I think what you mean here is tension.
Not wanking, fasting discomfort, and running endurance all gave me tension.
And tension is making my whole body feel more tight, rigid and manly. I feel ready all the time and I like it.
O on the other hand is a relaxant. We become soft and flabby, ready for the slaughter. It's unsafe zone. Too much O and we become juicy desperate bacon.
I think this tension necessity is rooted in our survival instincts. Ready for the hunt. Ready to defend. Ready to attack. This is manly.
Too much tension is obviously not good. It means lack of rest, lack of security and lack of opportunity.
So good release strategies like sleep, food and companionship help to ensure sustainable tension.
Call me TAN, the Tense Anti Nutter !
)I think what you mean here is tension.
Not wanking, fasting discomfort, and running endurance all gave me tension.
And tension is making my whole body feel more tight, rigid and manly. I feel ready all the time and I like it.
O on the other hand is a relaxant. We become soft and flabby, ready for the slaughter. It's unsafe zone. Too much O and we become juicy desperate bacon.
I think this tension necessity is rooted in our survival instincts. Ready for the hunt. Ready to defend. Ready to attack. This is manly.
Too much tension is obviously not good. It means lack of rest, lack of security and lack of opportunity.
So good release strategies like sleep, food and companionship help to ensure sustainable tension.
Call me TAN, the Tense Anti Nutter !
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Blondie
Respected Member
I love this, and it's totally true.
Ready for the slaughter is the perfect description of a porn addict.
Thank you for that gruesome image.I think it's been about five days or so for me, and that masculine tension is really starting to rise up.
Best to you TAN!
Blondie
Respected Member
Damn, I've been reading through @lyon03's thread. Over 8 years porn free! Plus, he's uses the same mantra, porn is not an option.
One thing is for sure, and reading him makes it all the more clear, you can't get out of this mess, unless you treat it like your life depends on it.
Upwards and onwards.
One thing is for sure, and reading him makes it all the more clear, you can't get out of this mess, unless you treat it like your life depends on it.
Upwards and onwards.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
I'm still waiting for that day to happen! At least I know that "horny" really means depressed or anxious about something.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 522
Yes @TryingHarder, it really does change, just keep on pushing on. There are so many things like that in this recovery, that you don't realize has changed until stop to think about it.
Yes @TryingHarder, it really does change, just keep on pushing on. There are so many things like that in this recovery, that you don't realize has changed until stop to think about it.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 523
I've been thinking a lot these last few days about one of the many reasons for my turning to porn in the past (besides just my love of the feminine and female form) is that often I feel very lonely in this world, and often not understood. As an adult I've learned how to adapt to this world and to those who who live in it, but yet, it always seems somewhat of an act, a façade if you will, put on before heading out the door to "socialize". I'm introverted by nature, however, I'm perfectly capable of socializing if need be, and can be the center of attention if I so desire, but in general, I've always done my own thing. It's ironic, on one hand I've become okay with this fact, because you couldn't pay me to act like something that I'm not, but on the other hand, I still feel this emotion of sadness sometimes, and it makes me wonder.
In general, what most people think is fun or fun to talk about, I find incredibly boring and trite, and I only act like I give a fuck just to keep up appearances and to have a "semblance" of friendship and cordiality with the "world at large". However, deep inside I feel like I want to run back to my hobbies and books and do what I do, but yet, that wanting to have companionship with humanity is always ever present.
Boredom is the story of my life, even in the classroom I sit there and look out the window, wondering why everything is so goddamn boring.
I want friendship, but yet, I often don't put in the effort to establish a said friendship. Sure I have my old buddies from high school, but even then, I'm not exacting reaching out for the phone...
I am a walking contradiction. Charming yet all alone in the world. Your best friend yet never your soulmate. Always a lightyear away yet wanting to be ever present in your part of the universe.
This is Blondie, who is definitely NOT in a bad mood, just thinking out loud here.
You all have a great porn-free weekend.
My pleasure @GBS
Definitely check it out. It's a hell of a journal.
I've been thinking a lot these last few days about one of the many reasons for my turning to porn in the past (besides just my love of the feminine and female form) is that often I feel very lonely in this world, and often not understood. As an adult I've learned how to adapt to this world and to those who who live in it, but yet, it always seems somewhat of an act, a façade if you will, put on before heading out the door to "socialize". I'm introverted by nature, however, I'm perfectly capable of socializing if need be, and can be the center of attention if I so desire, but in general, I've always done my own thing. It's ironic, on one hand I've become okay with this fact, because you couldn't pay me to act like something that I'm not, but on the other hand, I still feel this emotion of sadness sometimes, and it makes me wonder.
In general, what most people think is fun or fun to talk about, I find incredibly boring and trite, and I only act like I give a fuck just to keep up appearances and to have a "semblance" of friendship and cordiality with the "world at large". However, deep inside I feel like I want to run back to my hobbies and books and do what I do, but yet, that wanting to have companionship with humanity is always ever present.
Boredom is the story of my life, even in the classroom I sit there and look out the window, wondering why everything is so goddamn boring.
I want friendship, but yet, I often don't put in the effort to establish a said friendship. Sure I have my old buddies from high school, but even then, I'm not exacting reaching out for the phone...
I am a walking contradiction. Charming yet all alone in the world. Your best friend yet never your soulmate. Always a lightyear away yet wanting to be ever present in your part of the universe.
This is Blondie, who is definitely NOT in a bad mood, just thinking out loud here.
You all have a great porn-free weekend.
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First_step_thousand_miles
Active Member
Man the struggle of an introvert! I wonder if that's why we get each other so much Blondie, I'm exactly the same way. Books / movies / TV / games or even just a lovely walk outside while listening to a nice podcast...these are all pretty great activities in moderation.Day 523
My pleasure @GBS
Definitely check it out. It's a hell of a journal.
I've been thinking a lot these last few days about one of the many reasons for my turning to porn in the past (besides just my love of the feminine and female form) is that often I feel very lonely in this world, and often not understood. As an adult I've learned how to adapt to this world and to those who who live in it, but yet, it always seems somewhat of an act, a façade if you will, put on before heading out the door to "socialize". I'm introverted by nature, however, I'm perfectly capable of socializing if need be, and can be the center of attention if I so desire, but in general, I've always done my own thing. It's ironic, on one hand I've become okay with this fact, because you couldn't pay me to act like something that I'm not, but on the other hand, I still feel this emotion of sadness sometimes, and it makes me wonder.
In general, what most people think is fun or fun to talk about, I find incredibly boring and trite, and I only act like I give a fuck just to keep up appearances and to have a "semblance" of friendship and cordiality with the "world at large". However, deep inside I feel like I want to run back to my hobbies and books and do what I do, but yet, that wanting to have companionship with humanity is always ever present.
Boredom is the story of my life, even in the classroom I sit there and look out the window, wondering why everything is so goddamn boring.
I want friendship, but yet, I often don't put in the effort to establish a said friendship. Sure I have my old buddies from high school, but even then, I'm not exacting reaching out for the phone...
I am a walking contradiction. Charming yet all alone in the world. Your best friend yet never your soulmate. Always a lightyear away yet wanting to be ever present in your part of the universe.
This is Blondie, who is definitely NOT in a bad mood, just thinking out loud here.
You all have a great porn-free weekend.
I have learned though, that as much as all this is great we as humans truly do need companionship that we love and trust. Not just a partner but also really close friends. I guess if you're not picking up the phone for these folks, maybe ask yourself why. Do you truly care for these people and they in turn or not? If no, then maybe makes sense to find new friends (not to say you cut off your old ones, just establish new ones while giving less emphasis to some of the old ones).
I find Aristotle's framework to be super valuable. Basically you have 3 types of friends: true friends / friends of pleasure / friends of utility. True friends are unicorns, they are people who really do care for you and wish you the best no matter what. It's a bond unlike any other I've found, I have 2 people like this (used to think that was 4, but hey that's life as you realize some friendships are not quite as strong as you thought). I guess what I'd call it is 'pure.' 2nd category is friends of pleasure, these are people you have a good time with. I like to separate this into 2 spheres, you have 'good friends' and 'casual friends.' The former is great and you can have deeper connections with them. The latter less so, but just people to have a good time with. Ask yourself, if you're moving to a different city would you bother to keep in touch with the people in your old city? The casual friends likely no, the good friends (and true friends) would be yes. Finally there's friendships of utility which are just connections you form with people where 'you scratch my back, I scratch yours.' Mostly work related
Anyway, maybe this framework is helpful to reflect on within the context of your own life. It's brought me a lot of clarity in mine as now I know where to invest my time and where to not beyond a certain point. Never too late to start making new bonds man. It's harder after high school / college (which pretty much all my friends agree with) but certainly not impossible - just takes two people who enjoy each other's company and build on something from there...in 10yrs you'll look back and realize you've got something great. Hope this is helpful haha
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 524
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles, I really appreciate your thoughtful post.
I really love your Aristotle quote, there is much truth in that. Any man who quotes Aristotle is a friend of mine! For myself, I think it's more of a situation where I can bitch about not having many "true" friends, but I often haven't really tried, so that's on me. Thus, my contradictory feelings.
@zander13 had a great post last week about dissociation and what porn does to our psyche, and how recovery is the slow process of picking up the pieces of our past selves. On one hand I do think some of this is coming from porn, and my relationship with it over the years. Let's be honest, telling yourself you're going to stop something over and over again while continuing to do it, fucks you up in ways that is hard to completely understand, and we probably never will. However, my lack of many true friends is probably just as much from my own personality and both the positives and negatives that come from that. It is what it is. It's an unbalance I need to fix, but at the moment, I think I have too many other things on my plate to give it proper attention.
Thus, my observation that I feel more like an observer of the world, but not a participant.
Thanks for stopping by, us introverts must stick together!
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles, I really appreciate your thoughtful post.
I really love your Aristotle quote, there is much truth in that. Any man who quotes Aristotle is a friend of mine! For myself, I think it's more of a situation where I can bitch about not having many "true" friends, but I often haven't really tried, so that's on me. Thus, my contradictory feelings.
@zander13 had a great post last week about dissociation and what porn does to our psyche, and how recovery is the slow process of picking up the pieces of our past selves. On one hand I do think some of this is coming from porn, and my relationship with it over the years. Let's be honest, telling yourself you're going to stop something over and over again while continuing to do it, fucks you up in ways that is hard to completely understand, and we probably never will. However, my lack of many true friends is probably just as much from my own personality and both the positives and negatives that come from that. It is what it is. It's an unbalance I need to fix, but at the moment, I think I have too many other things on my plate to give it proper attention.
Thus, my observation that I feel more like an observer of the world, but not a participant.
Thanks for stopping by, us introverts must stick together!
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TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
We seem to be cut from the same cloth, Blondie! This could very well be a description of me.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 525
I'd rather take the title of fellow introverts than fellow wankers any day!
Best brother
Hey @TryingHarder. Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if many of us here feel the same way.
I'd rather take the title of fellow introverts than fellow wankers any day!
Best brother