Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
You're like a bird about to sprout it's third wing. LegoooThanks @nickd247!
I cannot wait for that day. I've never been this free since I started the terrible habit. Next small goal is 19 months, about 20 days away.
Keep killing it.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 559
Day 700 minus 4 relapses.
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles!
Today is a cool in that it marks 700 days porn-free minus 4 relapses. I saw that last night on Fortify and it put a smile on my face. It just goes to show the importance of both numbers in the grand scheme of things, and how your current streak is only a reflection of a much larger reality. Without question it would be nice to say today is day 700 with no problems at all, but that's not my reality and I'm okay with that. Each of those relapses I learned something about myself, and what is more, I got back up and kept on moving, and if I hadn't, I wouldn't be here today. Furthermore, that thought really scares me (and it should you), because after any relapse it's so easy to say to yourself. Why bother? I'm just going to fuck it up again? However, these thoughts will kill you in the end if you don't take conscious note of them.
Needless to say, if you've just "fucked up" recently and need a kick in the pants, well I'm living proof that that last fuck up you had could be the last one of all time, if only you keep on moving and learning about why you did what you did.
When you're down, you don't have time to smell the shity roses.
So yes, in some ways I'm celebrating day 696 today! Furthermore, on April 24th will mark five full years of quitting porn, minus a little less than a month's worth of relapses. Thus, I'll be "on" day 1825 minus 30 days, so, day 1795. Yes, your current streak is very important, but never forget where you started, because it will show your true trajectory. I'm truly not the man I was five years ago, both in my thoughts and goals etc. Furthermore, this last year and half has pushed me into completely new territory, where I hardly even recognize the man I see in the mirror.
Never never give up.
You all have a great porn-free Sunday.
Day 700 minus 4 relapses.
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles!
Sometimes I feel as if I'm falling from the nest and I'm not sure my wings will flutter before I hit the ground, but it's a great journey nonetheless.
Today is a cool in that it marks 700 days porn-free minus 4 relapses. I saw that last night on Fortify and it put a smile on my face. It just goes to show the importance of both numbers in the grand scheme of things, and how your current streak is only a reflection of a much larger reality. Without question it would be nice to say today is day 700 with no problems at all, but that's not my reality and I'm okay with that. Each of those relapses I learned something about myself, and what is more, I got back up and kept on moving, and if I hadn't, I wouldn't be here today. Furthermore, that thought really scares me (and it should you), because after any relapse it's so easy to say to yourself. Why bother? I'm just going to fuck it up again? However, these thoughts will kill you in the end if you don't take conscious note of them.
Needless to say, if you've just "fucked up" recently and need a kick in the pants, well I'm living proof that that last fuck up you had could be the last one of all time, if only you keep on moving and learning about why you did what you did.
When you're down, you don't have time to smell the shity roses.
So yes, in some ways I'm celebrating day 696 today! Furthermore, on April 24th will mark five full years of quitting porn, minus a little less than a month's worth of relapses. Thus, I'll be "on" day 1825 minus 30 days, so, day 1795. Yes, your current streak is very important, but never forget where you started, because it will show your true trajectory. I'm truly not the man I was five years ago, both in my thoughts and goals etc. Furthermore, this last year and half has pushed me into completely new territory, where I hardly even recognize the man I see in the mirror.
Never never give up.
You all have a great porn-free Sunday.
Last edited:
Blondie
Respected Member
You should all check out @logicprox's newest post, it's truly a great one!
GBS
Respected Member
You guys have been saying profound stuff. It’s why RN works. Thank the Lord for you two and the others.
@Blondie - in my humble opinion your central point is that you can sort of look at your success as being a 5 year success with 20+ relapses. But you can only say that because you picked yourself up off the floor each time, and that right there was the success. You didn’t slide back into constant extensive porn binges. The picking oneself up process is the skill.
I think we’ve said this before but if we go the rest of our lives without porn but we, say, relapse for one day every couple of years. We will be able to say we’ve kicked the habit whilst never having a streak longer than 700 days (or so). It’s not what we’re aiming for but it just might be the goal weirdly enough.
@Blondie - in my humble opinion your central point is that you can sort of look at your success as being a 5 year success with 20+ relapses. But you can only say that because you picked yourself up off the floor each time, and that right there was the success. You didn’t slide back into constant extensive porn binges. The picking oneself up process is the skill.
I think we’ve said this before but if we go the rest of our lives without porn but we, say, relapse for one day every couple of years. We will be able to say we’ve kicked the habit whilst never having a streak longer than 700 days (or so). It’s not what we’re aiming for but it just might be the goal weirdly enough.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 561
Thanks @logicprox! I'm not sure about that, but it still made my day.
Keep killing it.
Hi @GBS.
Best brother!
Thanks @logicprox! I'm not sure about that, but it still made my day.
Keep killing it.
Hi @GBS.
Yes, this is what I meant in general. I'm sure one could argue, "Okay Blondie, well what number would be too many then? Well I'm not here to argue that because that would be pretty hard to define and is quite subjective to each of us. I'm sure one could say any relapse is one too many, or another could argue the other way and say we should all try to be more forgiving of ourselves. All of these could make sense in certain circumstances, but I without doubt would fall more in the former category, because to me, If you don't see REAL change on a long enough timescale, then you really need to start questioning your methods. Personally, I wouldn't use that number if I didn't see real progress since then. What is more, when I use that number, I'm also referring to all the changes that have happened in my life since that day. For example, with the amount of free time I've had since quitting porn, I've used that extra time to get me to where I am today, thus, fixing my life instead of running away from it. If I hadn't done that, I think I would be considerably more cautious of claiming five years of mostly freedom for myself. Thus, with this new life and new me, when I have gone back and slipped, it literally felt like I was a different person than the guy I am now, and I would think to myself, "Why am I even doing this? I simply don't have time for this anymore". When you've been away for long enough, going back does not feel like a weekend retreat, rather, it feels like going to hell, because all of its "pleasure" has been removed.
Yes, I think so. I feel very cautions of saying that though, probably because I wouldn't want anyone's addicted mind to use that for another round of PMO. The truth is, I'm here to get the tools and encouragement to never look at porn again, not to look at it every 700 days (not that you're saying that GBS). Although 700 days is better than once every 90 days, I still wouldn't be happy with that reality. Thus, if I did fuck up, I would go back to the basics and start asking myself, why did I do this and what can I do to never do this again?
Best brother!
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Great stuff man. There's ALWAYS hope as you say. Willpower + hope can really get you through anything. Proud that you've made it this far and I KNOW you will make it to 4 digits
Blondie
Respected Member
GBS
Respected Member
Re what I said and you responded - I think writing it down sort of clarifies how this is so dangerous. My hypothetical concept that one could have very short one day relapses and still say we’ve kicked the habit is a crazy hypothetical. It would be a form of mindless torture. I read several months ago about a guy who did 200+ days sober and wanted to test himself to see if he could do one PMO and just hop back on the wagon. He said it was incredibly hard, way harder than he thought it would be. So when we think we’ve mended our brains, we possibly haven’t, or put another way, it takes a lot of years to flatten out thise neural pathways.
I suppose my/your point us about the psychology of how success is measured. I think that saying on my deathbed that I never looked at porn from age 60 onwards and I never once had a fleeting sexual thought about anyone apart from my wife….is too tough a standard. I am now labouring the point a bit. I think the take away is chill out, don’t be too hard on yourself if you see a shapely ass and a thought comes to your head…..just don’t go any steps further and treat porn like it is banging nails in your own coffin.
I suppose my/your point us about the psychology of how success is measured. I think that saying on my deathbed that I never looked at porn from age 60 onwards and I never once had a fleeting sexual thought about anyone apart from my wife….is too tough a standard. I am now labouring the point a bit. I think the take away is chill out, don’t be too hard on yourself if you see a shapely ass and a thought comes to your head…..just don’t go any steps further and treat porn like it is banging nails in your own coffin.
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 562
Where is the fine line of being positive but not deceiving yourself? I'm not quite sure, but if I had to bet, I would place it closer to the deceiving category. We humans, both addicts and non-addicts, have a great propensity of bullshiting ourselves and rationalizing our actions. My girlfriend and I have been watching a show called My 600-Ib Life, which is a show about people being addicted to food (obviously!). Funny enough, if I would have watched this years ago, I would have made fun of these people in some terrible way, and would have not be able to empathize with them, but I tell you what, I really can empathize now and I can see how they got into that situation. Yes, it's different than mine, however, it's all very familiar too and their reasons for it often very similar. Nevertheless, when watching this show for a week, I've noticed something that happens repeatedly. The person will go to the doctor and he'll tell them the proper diet of 1200 calories per day that they should be on, and if they just stick to the plan, they will lose 100 pounds in two months or something. However, almost every contestant doesn't do what he says, and they'll come back in two months with hardly any weight loss. Then he gets hard on them, and that's when the rationalizations begin: they were too hungry, they were sad and depressed, they thought one hamburger was better than ten, or one box of pizza was better than four, and why can't he see that that is an improvement and stop being so hard on them? And on and on it goes, one excuse after another. Doesn't this all sound kind of familiar? We can just substitute a box of pizza for porn subs.
Either way my point is, we love to fucking bullshit ourselves and tell ourselves we're getting better when often we're not. Yes, one box of pizza is better than four, and yes porn subs are better than porn, but if you're eight hundred pounds and about to die, don't you think it be best just to cut it all out just to be sure?
Thus, to wrap up.
Fuck porn and fuck porn substitutes. Stop rationalizing your bullshit, but be loving to yourself and positive on your journey. Enjoy beauty but only with respect to her and to yourself, and learn when you've gone too far and then reel it back. They call it a journey for a reason, you're going to make mistakes. And for the love of God, please eat only one box of pizza!
Best!
It's hot here today, should be a nice day at the university.
Hey @GBS, you're all good. This whole subject is interesting and can be probably controversial in some sense, depending on who you're talking to. I think for myself, seeing that I went 500 days clean then screwed up, plus, fell back into it with many relapses that first month, I've seen first hand what can happen when you go back to porn, thus, my hardline stance against that idea. Freedom to me, is never going back, there can be no other option. However, where I might seem like a walking contradiction, is that I do talk about the importance of loving yourself and being positive and seeing your streaks in a holistic sense, and thus my post above that you kindly responded to.
Where is the fine line of being positive but not deceiving yourself? I'm not quite sure, but if I had to bet, I would place it closer to the deceiving category. We humans, both addicts and non-addicts, have a great propensity of bullshiting ourselves and rationalizing our actions. My girlfriend and I have been watching a show called My 600-Ib Life, which is a show about people being addicted to food (obviously!). Funny enough, if I would have watched this years ago, I would have made fun of these people in some terrible way, and would have not be able to empathize with them, but I tell you what, I really can empathize now and I can see how they got into that situation. Yes, it's different than mine, however, it's all very familiar too and their reasons for it often very similar. Nevertheless, when watching this show for a week, I've noticed something that happens repeatedly. The person will go to the doctor and he'll tell them the proper diet of 1200 calories per day that they should be on, and if they just stick to the plan, they will lose 100 pounds in two months or something. However, almost every contestant doesn't do what he says, and they'll come back in two months with hardly any weight loss. Then he gets hard on them, and that's when the rationalizations begin: they were too hungry, they were sad and depressed, they thought one hamburger was better than ten, or one box of pizza was better than four, and why can't he see that that is an improvement and stop being so hard on them? And on and on it goes, one excuse after another. Doesn't this all sound kind of familiar? We can just substitute a box of pizza for porn subs.
Either way my point is, we love to fucking bullshit ourselves and tell ourselves we're getting better when often we're not. Yes, one box of pizza is better than four, and yes porn subs are better than porn, but if you're eight hundred pounds and about to die, don't you think it be best just to cut it all out just to be sure?
I agree with you here. I see no problem in enjoying beauty out in the real world, as long as it's done with respect to her (not staring) and it's not going to get you fantasying in unhealthy ways, thus leading back to porn. I stopped porn to live in the real world, not to be cloistered off away from it. No thanks! I've already been to hell (562 days ago!) and it was no fun I can tell you that.
Thus, to wrap up.
Fuck porn and fuck porn substitutes. Stop rationalizing your bullshit, but be loving to yourself and positive on your journey. Enjoy beauty but only with respect to her and to yourself, and learn when you've gone too far and then reel it back. They call it a journey for a reason, you're going to make mistakes. And for the love of God, please eat only one box of pizza!
Best!
It's hot here today, should be a nice day at the university.
Last edited:
This whole post is excellent but for some reason this statement really struck me. Need to ponder on it a bit to figure out what exactly I should DO with it, but it hit home.
Blondie
Respected Member
Thanks! @logicprox. I wouldn't ponder it too deeply, it was kind of a throw away statement. Though I do know what I meant by it if you want clarification.
Best