I don't know if any of you guys have ever taken a personality test before, like MBTI for example, but I've always found these interesting for many a reason. I don't know if I'd put much "faith" in them, however, they have shown me some things about myself that I always knew, but was never able to articulate with precision. I always get the Thinker type, or INTP, which explains much of the positives and negatives of my personality. Being a thinker, my rational and logical abilities are very high, which I think I've demonstrated around here sometimes, with my skill of breaking down concepts and ideas to get to the heart of the matter, even if sometimes controversial. Now it's important to note, I don't do this to be controversial, it's just literally who I am, and I did this as a young child as well, always asking my parents why this,
or, why that?
For me, nothing is taken at face value, and all things are susceptible to rigorous analysis and critique, sacred cows be damned! However, this post is not about what I'm good at, but more about what am NOT good at.
The lowest cognitive function on my functional stack is extroverted feeling,
thus, it's something that is more in my unconscious, and not as easy for me to use as my thinking function. Carl Jung proposed that we all have feelings (naturally!) but he proposed that both thinking and feeling functions are judging functions, that is, that's how one will make their decisions, with each person preferring one over the other. Thus, for myself, although I have many feelings (considerably more than the world often sees), my nature prefers to use truth and logic to approach the world in sharing my value system and when making decisions. This is a good thing and the world desperately needs it (especially these days!), however, it has its many problems and shortcomings as well.
What do I do with my feelings? How do I deal with these pestering phantoms that never go away?
I run... that's how.
I run to porn
I run to food or alcohol
I run to analyzing them instead of FEELING them
I run to intellectual masturbation in another book or intellectual subject, instead of facing the greatest mystery in my life, my own feelings
I run, then run some more, anything but actually listening to myself
If I've learned anything over these almost 600 days of being porn-free, it's this, I like to run, like a prisoner escaping from a Federal Penitentiary of Emotions. I always seek the truth externally, but ever run from it internally
. I'm an intellectual child in a man's body. What difference does it make if I could figure out the mysteries of the universe while my heart is as unknown as the deepest regions of the ocean?
I've come a long ways on this journey, but I have much further to go.
To be continued...
P.S. If my statement above sounded conceited, don't worry, I'm not smart enough to figure out the mysteries of the universe either, but luckily for me I don't "feel" that disappointment.