It can be strange territory when you've met all your goals regarding abstinence from porn, and whatever else. Like, "What do I do now...?"
This ambiguous place is like maybe I 'should' be doing something? But all we're doing is living life free from our unwanted behaviors, and that's good enough.
I try to think of it different for myself, like, "I'm just training to live life free from P, PMO..." if I'm doing any kind of goal.
What get's a lot of guys is, either expecting all these 'super powers' after reaching X-amount of days, or expecting some unrealistic euphoric life after accomplishing their 90 days, etc... Not saying these are your issues...
How I think of it now is, 'Life goes on'. I'm the same me I was but without P, PMO, or MO (if that's included) in my life. In fact, life doesn't necessarily get any easier, but I get stronger and more resilient, and I'm able to handle things better. This is of course once I learn to handle my emotions better. Because, I think you mentioned this recently, we now get to face our emotions without avoiding them through our addictions. But, hey, that's growing, right?
Wishing you well, brother.
Thanks for your insight Phineas. I really appreciate it. Yes, I agree, getting off of porn will not automatically fix your life. Let's face it, if your life sucked before porn, it will still suck after porn, except, you will now actually have a chance to fix it. I too believe the 90 days is sometimes over used, and can be misunderstood. Obviously 90 days porn free is fucking awesome, and in no way am I implying that it's not. However, depending on where you are in life, 90 days is really just the beginning of the journey. I know four years ago when I reached 90 days porn free, I felt like I was on top of the world. Although i hated many parts of my life, mostly my job, and lack of education, it was an amazing event. When I hit 180 days was even better, because not only had I refrained from porn, but I had started to get my shit together in other areas of my life. However (you knew this was coming!) two weeks before my year and half mark, I blew it. Why, because I still hated my life, especially my job, and I hated myself for staying in it so long. Long story short, shit hit the fan at work, and over the course of three weeks all of my defenses went out the window.
I'm not sure how long your longest streak has been but I can tell you from my own experience, that after 500 something porn free days, there is nothing worse than seeing your reflection in the computer screen after a five hour session with your limp dick in your paw wondering what the fuck just happened.
Moral of the story is. Yes 90 days is fantastic if that's your first goal, but don't think it will completely change your life, especially if you're not doing what you should be doing in the first place. A porn free life will only give you the chance for change, it is no Prometheus coming down from the heavens to bestow his gifts to mankind, except of course the wonderous torch of a rock hard cock!
Thankfully, I learned my lessons, and I'm now back in school doing what I should be doing and it feels great. However, I'm well aware that fucking up could always happen, especially if I let my guard down. But that's life, and I'm learning that that's okay, as long as I give it my best every day.
I wish you well brother!