Porn is not an option

Blondie

Respected Member
Thank you @Sammyjo, you're a sweetheart!

@Phineas 808, thank you so much. Although I only know you from the internet, it seems we're old friends. What you said really means a lot, so thank you! When I'm feeling down, I'll make sure to reread that! Thanks for all your encouragement and philosophizing, it's always a pleasure to see you here. And yes, six more months and I'll be past my furthest streak! I'm hoping in a year, I'll put this nonsense completely behind me for good!

Thanks for inspiring me.

Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles.
Leave porn in the dust and go live your life the way you knew you always could.
Let us both do this together! It's been great to see you on your journey over the last while - you've come a long ways! No doubt, great things are in store for you. Thanks again.

@SmokenMirrors. Thanks King!

It's been an honour to see you beat this poison on a daily basis from the start of my reboot to now!
It's been an honor as well! I've been loving all the changes you're making to your life. It's so inspiring to see your improvements and constant thirst for more. Plus, I love your positive attitude!

Bless you Smoken.
 
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Beautiful1973

Active Member
You're an inspiration on multiple levels, and (at least) twice now, you've helped me just by your example. When you were quarantined in a foreign country facing down C-19 and loneliness, and still said, 'No'- and even now, on the cusp of hitting your 1yr mark, in both cases I was in a place where I could've easily acted out, but because of your successes and steadfastness, I was given that extra little push to do better, and be better
When I read comments like this, I realise why I love this forum, it feels like such a safe space, even for someone like me who is the one on the other side.

Congratulations @Blondie what an achievement, guys like you inspire me to know that I might actually be able to have a relationship and life that is #pornfree.
 

PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
Sobriety is about what you don’t do. Recovery is about what you do. –Therapy lesson

Some people think of sobriety and recovery as the same thing. This is simply not true. Sobriety is about what we do not do. We do not drink, or gamble, or look at porn, or take drugs, or whatever our addictive behaviors may be. We can successfully stay sober and still our lives can be in chaos. Unlike sobriety, recovery is about what we do: acknowledging our mistakes, making amends, balancing family and work life, meditating, connecting with and trusting our higher power. Sobriety rarely resolves chaos. Recovery always does.

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 278). Kindle Edition.
Thanks for posting this. It's been on my mind for a few days and helped me recalibrate a bit.

Best
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 366

Thank you @TryingHarder. You're killing it yourself. I love the honestly you got going on over there on your thread. If we can't keep it real, what's the point of any of this? Best to you.

Thank you @Warhawk88.
You're nothing short of an inspiration.
Same to you sir! Keep the momentum going! I believe this is day 90 for you. What a sight to see!

Thank you @Beautiful1973.
When I read comments like this, I realise why I love this forum
Yes, RN is fantastic place to be. So much encouragement, including from you!
Congratulations @Blondie what an achievement, guys like you inspire me to know that I might actually be able to have a relationship and life that is #pornfree.
That's very sweet of you. You definitely can. More and more people are seeing the effects of this modern plague, and they're wanting something real and beautiful.

Thanks again.
Thanks for posting this. It's been on my mind for a few days and helped me recalibrate a bit.
My pleasure @PrometheusUnbound. It's a great book, with some great content in it.

Best
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 367

Life is busy and I'm feeling pretty stressed, but that's okay. I'm here and I'm living day by day.

I wrote this on @SimonM's thread yesterday, and I thought I'd share it here. It's been important for me over the last ten years to let go of any shame I have of being a man. Shame does us no good. Obviously, we should feel shame for hurting our partners, but shame for being a man, no thanks! These days it's pretty easy to feel shame about being a man because that's all you ever hear about from the media, school and college campuses. One of the big ones these days is shame for men liking younger women, and obviously, most porn is geared to men looking at younger women and "getting" women they would never be able to get in real life. Thus, the ultimate fantasy for most men. However, I've had to learn to differentiate between being a man who is naturally attracted to young and beautiful women (for scientific reasons), while on the other hand, realizing that porn jacked up that natural desire in me in very unhealthy ways.

Here's what I wrote.

I know for me I would have to agree with you, and most men would too if they were being honest. However, I would caution to make sure you don't feel shame about this natural desire, but only that letting it run free could lead you back to porn. For me personally, over the years I've had to learn how to be okay with my natural desires, but more importantly, learn to differentiate between them AND what porn has done TO them, an important distinction! Obviously this is easier said than done, but I think it's necessary to do. Porn is alreadly shameful enough, thus we don't need to carry any more unnecessary shame about our desires and hide them in the dark as well.

Shame for me, was, and to some extant, is a big motivator for my past porn use. Thus, I think it's okay to name the desire, even though we would admit that acting on it would be wrong, especially if we're married or in a relationship. Let's face it, us men, from 20 to 80 years old, love younger women, and it's been this way ever since the beginning of time, and no social programing could ever stop this fact. But why is this so? I don't believe it's because us men are "naturally" misogynistic and women are absolutely perfect, no that can't be it. Black and white answers like that are the worst and get us nowhere in modern discussions. The fact is, it's simply a part of our biology, and not even our advanced civilization can overcome this instinct. Us men like younger women because they're fertile and are able to have babies, it's as simple as that. Yes, their bodies are sexy and young, but if you think about it from a more biological sense, some of the sexiness factor goes away, and it helps to understand why we are the way we are.

This is why porn is literally a Trojan horse for us men, because it takes our natural desires and wreaks havoc on them! And, unlike Leonardo Dicaprio lol, most men don't have the looks, status or game to get young women when they are older (hell even when they're the same age!), thus, porn is their only option to "fulfill" that biological need. Variety plays a gigantic part as well.

This is why porn is the devil, and it really needs to be extricated plank by plank from our lives and burned in the Aegean sea, as the Trojans should of done to that damned horse!

Addendum: I don't mean to say that older women aren't beautiful or don't have any worth to us men, absolutely not! I'm just explaining the biology of us men and why we do the things we do. Women have their own biological imperatives, and by looking at the divorce rates,
Tinder and modern hookup statistics, women love the top 20% of men. I call this the Mr. Darcy phenomenon.

It seems the gods had the last laugh when they made both sexes' biological imperatives different!

End of quote

So men, please get this hammered into your head, porn didn't make you a "sick old man" or "a pervert" for liking younger women. Us men have always liked younger women since the beginning of time, and I imagine even Eve must have been at least 20 years younger than Adam! :cool: This is our biology, or God, you fill in the blank. Of course, this doesn't mean we're not responsible for our actions or cheating or looking at porn, but it does mean we should never feel bad about the fact that we are, and always will be, attracted to young healthy women in their 20s and 30s.

We're not gross, we're not sick, we're not perverts, we're men.

Porn is the problem, not our dicks or manhood.

You all have a kick ass porn free Thursday!
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Life is busy and I'm feeling pretty stressed, but that's okay. I'm here and I'm living day by day.
Spot on. It is OK to feel stressed. I think our society has it backwards in terms of stress - as something to avoid at all cost. Getting stressed over stress. On the other hand I would no go to the extreme of embracing stress. But just this a healthy level of acceptance and detachment. I think the stoics got much right with how to handle stress. To discern what is in my power, do our personal best and have faith in fate that everything is fine and everything will work out just fine. Much easier to live this way. Instead of thinking we are doing something wrong if we feel stressed. Nothing is wrong. Life is just being life.

Awesome work!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 368

Thanks @EarthWalker! I too find much wisdom in the stoic philosophy.
To discern what is in my power, do our personal best and have faith in fate that everything is fine and everything will work out just fine.
This is the tricky part for me. Right now I'm trying to keep my grads up, which is a totally worthy goal, but at the same time, it almost puts me into a "trying not to fail" mindset, as opposed to a "trying to succeed" one. I can only do what I can do, and either way, I'm not a failure if I happen to not get an A in every class.

Things to think about.

Thanks man.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
“Passion is universal humanity. Without it, religion, history, romance, and art would be useless.” –Honoré de Balzac

For addicts, passion can be challenging. Passion can attach to the dark side of our thoughts and urges. As we move into recovery, it may seem that the best choice is to eliminate or avoid passion altogether. However, true recovery is about moderation in all areas—including passion. Zest and enthusiasm, which are gifts we receive from passion, help us to work our program, motivate us to seek answers, and instill a desire for growth.

How have I abused passion in my life? What would moderation with passion look like for me? What gifts await me as I create a healthy relationship with passion?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 279). Kindle Edition.
 

forceisstrong2

Active Member
No apologies are needed @forceisstrong2. You're out and about doing the things you should be doing, which is what this whole thing is all about.

Thanks for that quote, I'll have to figure out how to pronounce it - I love the sound of Irish!

I have a little Irish in me, so it must be in my blood 🇮🇪🇮🇪

Best!
Haha, a little bit of Irish makes you full-blooded Irish, Blondie!!! That's just how we Irish roll.

Hope you're having a great weekend, man!!!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Yes, no one ever recognizes that fact! Vercingetorix was quite the bad ass, unfortunately the Romans were the Romans and cleaned up house in the end. That must be why French is so different from the other romance languages, especially the sound of it, it's a mix match of Latin and Irish lol
 
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