Porn is not an option

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, thanks for stopping by. I've been chilling quite a bit lately, been doing quite a bit of reading, which has been really great. All is good here, still giving the finger to porn. :)

Happy new year to you!

Bless you.
That's what I like to hear haha. Great stuff on the reading, great way to sharpen up your mind and relax. To another porn free year!!!
 

GBS

Respected Member
You @Blondie boy, you’re just 30 days away from 500. It’s not about the numbers anymore I realise, it’s about the wonderful habit you have formed. If I was interviewing you for a newspaper article, and I asked you “what‘s the key thing that stops you going back?”, what would you say?
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 471

Thanks @GBS, I know, it's hard to believe!

That's a great question. I think there are quite a few things that stop me from going back to my 'old ways'.

- Firstly, having come this far in my recovery, both mentally and physiologically, knowing I would lose so much with one slip up, keeps me away, far away from the darkness. I'm still seeing improvements down there (just had a small flatline), and I'm almost 500 days out, losing some of that at this point, would just kill me inside.
- Secondly, I'm a little over two months away from my longest streak ever, going back now just seems utterly pointless.
- Thirdly, I still wonder how my mental mind and thoughts will be after I stay away from this shit after two years free. My mind is many times cleaner than it has ever been (even better than my last long streak) but I still know there has to be more improvement, and I'm determined to get there.
- Lastly, and perhaps the greatest, I just love the man I see in the mirror. I love the man that is truthful to his girlfriend, and doesn't have to worry about her finding out some of my hidden bullshit etc. Furthermore, no matter how bad a day might be, I now know I have the power to get through it like an adult, and not have to 'forget" about it for a few vacuous hours on the internet. This knowledge builds true confidence and strength. For example, I had quite the bad day yesterday. I hurt my wrist working out a few weeks ago (thus, why I'm not writing much at the moment) and I was feeling really down about it. However, I know going back to porn would solve none of my problems, and the only way out of this is by doing the exercises and stretching etc. In other words, porn has never solved any of my "problems" and it never will.

Thank you sir, you are quite the gift to this community. GBS, does that stand for Great Britain's Savior? :cool:

Keep killing it everyone

Let's all say it together, "Fuck Porn!"
 
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swimmer97

Active Member
Lastly, and perhaps the greatest, I just love the man I see in the mirror. I love the man that is truthful to his girlfriend, and doesn't have to worry about her finding out some of my hidden bullshit etc.
Love this. Self acceptance/love is absolute key. Believing in yourself especially in dark times is the real deal. Taking dark times like a man and going through it -> even enjoying it as being part of life and to making the good times feel even better.

Btw we also love this man 🤠

keep killing it
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 472

@logicprox.
The absolute truth of it all.
I think it is, and I come back here ever day just to remind myself of it, because I seem to forget that "truth" pretty quickly. :cool:

Best to you.

Thanks @swimmer97. Believing in yourself is definitely key in this process, especially when you 'fail' once in a while. Anyone who doesn't believe in themselves, stops trying after a while.

Love you too brother.🏊‍♂️:cool:
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Get outside. Turn off the phone and computer. Get your feet in the earth or snow. Feel your body. Feel the dirt. Feel the friggedness of winter's frost on your feet. Breath.

Talk to her. Talk to anyone. Talk to your wife. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Stop living in your head. Start living in the world. Death will consume you no matter what. So consume life with no fears.

Scream at the imperfections of life. Don't cry out at what you can't change. Only cry for the future you've decided not to change. There is meaning in all the madness. But first you have to become mad.

Stop running from porn. Start running towards life. Consume less. Produce more. Every night before sleep is a rehearsal of death. Thus live each and every day reflecting upon your last and final breath.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 471

Thanks @GBS, I know, it's hard to believe!

That's a great question. I think there are quite a few things that stop me from going back to my 'old ways'.

- Firstly, having come this far in my recovery, both mentally and physiologically, knowing I would lose so much with one slip up, keeps me away, far away from the darkness. I'm still seeing improvements down there (just had a small flatline), and I'm almost 500 days out, losing some of that at this point, would just kill me inside.
- Secondly, I'm a little over two months away from my longest streak ever, going back now just seems utterly pointless.
- Thirdly, I still wonder how my mental mind and thoughts will be after I stay away from this shit after two years free. My mind is many times cleaner than it has ever been (even better than my last long streak) but I still know there has to be more improvement, and I'm determined to get there.
- Lastly, and perhaps the greatest, I just love the man I see in the mirror. I love the man that is truthful to his girlfriend, and doesn't have to worry about her finding out some of my hidden bullshit etc. Furthermore, no matter how bad a day might be, I now know I have the power to get through it like an adult, and not have to 'forget" about it for a few vacuous hours on the internet. This knowledge builds true confidence and strength. For example, I had quite the bad day yesterday. I hurt my wrist working out a few weeks ago (thus, why I'm not writing much at the moment) and I was feeling really down about it. However, I know going back to porn would solve none of my problems, and the only way out of this is by doing the exercises and stretching etc. In other words, porn has never solved any of my "problems" and it never will.

Thank you sir, you are quite the gift to this community. GBS, does that stand for Great Britain's Savior? :cool:

Keep killing it everyone

Let's all say it together, "Fuck Porn!"
This was beautiful Blondie, especially your last point. I'm so goddamn proud of you
 

the_badger

Member
Every night before sleep is a rehearsal of death. Thus live each and every day reflecting upon your last and final breath.
This strikes a chord. I sounds like a revelation to me but its also unsettling. I have been afraid of death all my life. Not permanently, but if I (have to) think about it. I could never understand how other people could say, that they are not afraid of death at all and tended to not really believe them. But I think more and more, that my "spacing out" and "not being in the present" with porn but also in real life plays a big role there. The more you are not "here" the less you live. And the less you live, the more are you afraid of death I think.
Would you say, that your perception/acceptance of death changed in the course of your reboot?
 
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GBS

Respected Member
Just wanted to say one word to you @Blondie boy: thanks.

Oh….a few more words…..when you answered my question above, would you rank your fourth bullet point as the most important. To me it’s all about that. Thanks again, pal. You really are a pal too.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 473

Hey @the_badger, thanks for stopping by. That's a good question, and an insanely deep one at that. Firstly, I'm still afraid of death, and anyone who says otherwise, is probably just full of it, but that's just me. However, just thinking about it now, perhaps there are two different fears of death, or so it seems. For one, there is the fear of not knowing what lies beyond your last breath. that is, is there a heaven or hell, or some regeneration of the soul past that final threshold? This fear is understandable and is both religious and philosophical, and we will probably never know the answer completely. Nevertheless, these things don't scare me as much as the the other fear of death. That is, the fear of lying on your deathbed and knowing you could have lived your life better, however, you let your (fill in the blank) control you: fears, addictions, "bad" circumstances of life etc. This fear is my greatest fear, and I believe the man or woman who tune into this fear of death make the most of life, because they know life is precious, and that every good day and every wasted day, is just one less day on your ultimate inevitable timeline. So yes, quitting porn has definitely made me tune into that second fear, or perhaps you could say, that second fear was the driving catalyst for the change I needed to get me off my ass and get over this nonsense, besides other things in my life I was making excuses for. I hope that answers your question.

Every night before we close our eyes to sleep, is a rehearsal for that final and last greet sleep. Thus, let us close our eyes every night with a smile on our faces, content in our hearts that we lived out our day to the best of our abilities. And if we do this, we will be sure that that last and final sleep, will be filled with much happiness and not regret.

Best to you.

@GBS. You are a pal as well, I hope you know that.

Yes, I was trying to write only one point, but I couldn't just pick one, so I gave you four lol. But yes, at the end of the day, the last one is the most important. Because being real with yourself and others is the greatest benefit in all of this.

Bless you sir.
 
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Daybyday1988

Active Member
Hey Blondie, its been cool reading your journal and seeing you abstain from P for so long. now that it has been nearly 500 days, how are you doing with your PIED? do you feel it has improved? im about 3 months clean now and will be a long rebooter for sure given the length of my addiction, and the material i gravitated toward and would just like to hear where youre at with it. Thanks so much

-DbD

P.S. thank you for mentioning the Lord Jesus Christ in your posts and well as His Word from time to time (your proverbs reference for example). We are all sinners who are deserving of Hell, and He took the Wrath of God so that by faith we can be righteous before Him and spend eternity in heaven. Bless you for that
 
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