im 35...im in the last few minutes of the game and want to give it my last shot!

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hamilton8

Active Member
hey guys. im 35 and back onto trying to deal with my porn addiciton. For anyone younger than me I pleading with you to abstain from pornography. I have gone through my 20's and early 30's of my life and porn has ruined every oppotunity to win in life! I am a kind of person that people think 'that guy would win life'- good looking, smart etc....you know what! all that does is gets you a start...let me explain!....if you are good looking, you get a date and a chance an intercoarse, but soon after becasue porn is in your brain, it thinks of your hot gf as nothing compared to porn....and the relationship will end! Because lets face it a beautiful woman has options....second, in work and study, porn ruins you concentration ability. it ruins you ability to focus! during the day your brain is deprived of dopamine! and you loose jobs! your cant study so you fail.....with friendships....you want to just stay home and jerk off to porn so you dont build friendships in your cruicial 20's....or the friendships you make, your brain doesnt value the interactions because it knows it can get porn! Then becasue you will loose beautiful gf's! loose good jobs! fail college! you will be left with trauma! and this trauma haunts you!....so please STAY AWAY FROM PORN! and give yourself a chance with life. Im 35 now. im in my last innings to start again and i pray that i will stop being haunted from my past and an able to abstain from porn to build a life that will last! i am at the stage where i give in to porn maybe once a month, and masturbate once a week...so i have come a long way, but i have a long way to go!

I am on day 2 just finished!
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
morning of day 3 and i had some fantasy of the bar tender at the pub i visitged yesterday. I straight away wanted to jerk the monkey as i was laying in bed but then i stopped after 10 seconds....i got up and i am now writing this post! so small wins
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
Day 3 no porn

Today i went for a run in the morning and had a cold shower .I am going to try and do this...exercise and have a cold shower every day. I literally feel a rush of feel good hormones after the cold shower!

i have been feeling a bit of anxiety during the day but i did not PMO.....i got through and onto the next day!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
hamilton8 said:
Day 4 no porn

This morning I woke up and started early on the computer at work. im working from home at the moment. and i had an urge to look up porn on the computer. i abstained and did not do it. i had an urge to but i didnt. a small win!.
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Great, man! The more you say no, the weaker the addicted beast gets.
 
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rebootingyogi

Member
Good job!
It's these small wins that add up to long streaks
I am like you, lost my youth to porn
I am quite successful by social standards, but yeah, I realise I could have been much better, perhaps been entirely different, than what I am today.

One small suggestion: I believe it would help a lot if you stopped visiting that pub, and all pubs completely, till you have rebooted successfully. After all, pubs are designed to draw you into drinking more, and girl bartenders always dress sexily as part of the profession.
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
Day 5 no porn

Today i abstained. I got to 1027pm at night and when i was lying in bed, i had a moment where i started to touch myself for like 5 seconds....i think it was more of a habit and i then i stopped myself. i then came on here and started to write this post. day 5 no porn successful. i am proud. i had to reactivate my facebook the other day because i had to join my community cricket team facebook group for team updates.....so this will be a temptation i have to avoid looking at hot girl profiles. but i will be able to do it as long as i dont start as i havent had facebbok for 3 years. I went for a long walk today. so today was a win! i marked it on my calender...
 
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zackergeet

Active Member
hamilton8 said:
Day 5 no porn

Today i abstained. I got to 1027pm at night and when i was lying in bed, i had a moment where i started to touch myself for like 5 seconds....i think it was more of a habit and i then i stopped myself. i then came on here and started to write this post. day 5 no porn successful. i am proud. i had to reactivate my facebook the other day because i had to join my community cricket team facebook group for team updates.....so this will be a temptation i have to avoid looking at hot girl profiles. but i will be able to do it as long as i dont start as i havent had facebbok for 3 years. I went for a long walk today. so today was a win! i marked it on my calender...
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Great job @hamilton8 keep it up!
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
Day 6 no porn

i was successful today in not using porn. But i went on a third date with a girl and we had sex. At the beginning i was nervous becuase i was thinking how this commitment to PMO would effect me being intimate with her. i was thinking of my streak and it took me about 5 mins to get hard. once i was hard i was fine. I have had problems my whole life with delayed ejaculations and i can count of one finger how many times i have cummed inside a woman...not many times.....this has been becuase of my life long use of porn......but when i was with her tonight i felt like cumming inside her and i could have....i was shocked because usually i cannot come inside a woman.....and i am only 1 week into no fap......i thought i would never be able to cum inside a woman again.....but i now know if i dont use porn and masturbate then when i am with a real woman i can perform to climax.......i still count today as no porn even though i climaxed with a woman....
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
i had not ejaculated for one week and a half before yesterday, and i climaxed during sex yesterday.....today i feel different than i did the last week.....i feel flat...and i wonder if ejaculating actually changes your testosterone levels and general wellbeing and stress levels! the mind is so complex and confusing! but i know i have to commit to not masturbating and porn...i wonder also when you masturbate you are used to your technique with your hand, but also that effects delayed ejaculation because your mind is used to your hand and pixel stimulation- no wonder having real sex is weird......i know that even though i am 6 days down, my mind will play tricks on me and tell myself that i have succeeded and it will get complacent so i know i have to stay strong and abstin.
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
Day 7 no porn

i havent really had an urges for porn in the last 7 days. i have had urgers to masturbate a few times but not porn. i am not sure if it will come in waves next week, or soon, but for me the first 7 days was fine with porn urges. they were no existent. i know everyone is different but i am happy that i got to one week. But i have to stay humbled and strong during this process! good luck to everyone who is tackling this monster. i have tried on and off over the last 5 years without luck. i have blockers on all my devices and i still struggled as my mind always tried to find a way around the blockers. it took 1 year to eliminate all these snnaky ways....i have opened up to my father about my struggles and i have confided in him to be my accountabiluty partner where he has passwords for all porn blockers on my devices......this has helpe over the last year, and my oon and off binges through that period, maybe now my brain is healing from it all? and this is my time? i got to stay disciplined!
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
today i was a bit down and i noticed my brain thinking- if only i could have a PMO session! i caought myself thinking this- and it was aligned to me feeling bad about myself for a moment. Something during my day made me feel bad about myself and then this resulted in my brain thinking- lets PMO.....so intersting the brain! I did not do porn though . number 1 i cannot. i am not able becasue of porn blockers....but 2 i caught my brain...i take this as progress, as i abstained from the craving! keep going everyone!
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
Day 8 no porn

I feel my mind is healing! well i think so anyway! it makes me think back to my 20's and all the missed opporuntities! i remember i had a gentlemans party for my friends wedding and all i remember was wanting to go home and watch porn and jerk off becasue of the strippers and topless waitresses. how pathetic is that! there is beautiful woman in real life right there but my brain wants porn and to mastubate......i also remember when me an my GF broke up when i was like 22. I binged masturbated and porn for like days and weeks after that! and i felt fine becasue i still had my porn! how pathetic is that! imagine if i got rid of porn when i was like 25 years old. i would be a different person. dear younger men- just abstain!.....what im looking forward to is as my brain heals, how i see hot woman and if my mind will see them in a different light!?
 
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rebootingyogi

Member
Good going on day 8!
Yes it's wasted youth, but we still have a lot of life ahead.
Your brain will heal, and one day you will enjoy the sight and smell of a real woman!
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
i had massive urges to go on my computer this afternoon a binge on porn, and i thought what can i look up!? And i thought ah, i know there are porn blockers on my computer, but my thoughts were.... may be able to to get around it by.........google imagines ! maybe that still works.....if it doesn maybe i can still look at hot woman on google images in lingerae...that will still do it! instead i jumped on here and i am writing this post! so small win! however insignifient, but still a win! i abstained...almost finished this day....small wins!
 
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hamilton8

Active Member
day 9 no porn

i was driving tonight and had a little micro cry. for about 1 minute...,.,.it was very weird! i feel myself more emotional today!
 
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