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im 35...im in the last few minutes of the game and want to give it my last shot!
- Thread starter hamilton8
- Start date
i feel angry today...i feel angy for being blinded by porn for so long and it giving me this dissasociative perspective on my life and loosing many years to porn....i feel angry that i was blinded for so long with the trauma and pain that porn has given to me.....and allowing my mind and body to take over my life....and just delay it and allowing my brain to die to porn and die to life...and im ready for my mind to be renewed to see the world in the way i want to see it.
D
Deleted member 26092
Guest
You can't change the past. It's done. Focus on the present, so your future will be glorious.i feel angry today...i feel angy for being blinded by porn for so long and it giving me this dissasociative perspective on my life and loosing many years to porn....i feel angry that i was blinded for so long with the trauma and pain that porn has given to me.....and allowing my mind and body to take over my life....and just delay it and allowing my brain to die to porn and die to life...and im ready for my mind to be renewed to see the world in the way i want to see it.
today i am feeling bored and a bit flat----and i have noticed my mind thinking-----yes---porn time.........when my mind goes into a relaxed state it screams out for porn.............i beleive this is connected to our instint....when us humans are relaxed and not in survival mode and our surroundings are cozy and limited stress and also sarounded by community- our mind goes into reproductive mode....and for me during this time my mind says PORN!----but i am almost 22 days in with no porn so i am incredibly proud
so i have a confession....2 nights ago i slept with a woman i was seeing a few months ago- a different one that the recent one that cooked me dinner. We messaged each other and then i was invited to stay at her house.....it was 10pm at night and that is when she invited me. It was a vulnerable time becasue essentially she offered me sex whilst i am in my bed- and i could not resist....so i drove to her house and slept in her bed. Then we had sex again last night!!! i feel ashamed because even though i have not used porn i said no sex- but the first instance it was offered to me i took it........do i have sex addiction? i had a flashback today of when i was in high school- i remember it was one of the first times i was intimate with a very hot girl-----we fooled around---and i remember at school the next day i told my group of friends and i could not stop sharing how amazing it was and this is my earliest memory of heightened sex drive! this morning i remembered that at that time i remembered thinking to myself- how come the other guys didnt share these type of experiences with the group and i was the only one!? and i remember as the 16 year old kid thinking to myself- geez i was really really excited to tell of the experience.
i feel a little flat today. i was driving to the shop and felt a few moments of calmness as if i was getting dopamine in my brain without any stimulation just 'being' and not doing anything. This was a weird moment where i could feel he feel good chemical by just doing nothing.
today i feel the antidote to our porn addiction is connection and community and i argue that we turned to porn to replace the missing community in our lives......and then our brains thought 'whats the point of community becasue i got this super stimuli called porn'- so the remedy is no porn and authentic connection through allowing our energy flow through positive connections with people...
i will try and re-build community and connections with people through openness!
i will try and re-build community and connections with people through openness!
yesterday was day 27 no porn.......i feel incredibly proud of what i have achieved in 26 days. this is the most time for me that i have gone.......i have not looked at any porn. yes, i have been intimate with women and orgasmed by not to porn which im proud of.......i am learning into gratitude for getting this far....and i hope to go a lot longer.
I'm just going on here because i had a bad day at work and my mind thought- lets go to porn....and i am just going on here to relax myself as i am currently triggered. this trigger feeling is leaving my in a siutation of feeling vulnerable and knowing im not healed even though it has been 27 days of no porn.....so im about to go for a run and then have a shower to recover and reset
this morning i woke up refreshed. i took a blood test to check my health and found that i have high cholesterol. low vitamin D and low testosterone......i was wondering what does porn do to testosterone levels in men? my levels are really low which is distrurbing.....does it change these levels?
D
Deleted member 26092
Guest
Good job. You don't need that shit ever again.