im 35...im in the last few minutes of the game and want to give it my last shot!
- Thread starter hamilton8
- Start date
i am feeling a lot more desensatised hyper sexuality lately. i feel i am on the straight and narrow to being able to connect better with people and connection i hope will be a byprodcut of me being able to let go of Porn. I look forward to replace porn with an improved skillbase to connec twith people through positive connections and interactions.
i am proud of my 9 days of no porn, but more importantly, i am not defined by this count. I am in the last 40 days only looked at porn on 3 occassions. this is an achievement in itself even though i slipped up a few time in between........i think we should look at this more often...how many times have i viewed porn in the past 1 year. 2 year. 3 years.....fo me- in the last year probably about 12 times.......im guessing, but this is still an achievement.....once a month...i am proud of my journey and i wont give up and progress is not a straight line.
Chuckles
Active Member
Hell yeah!
I think the AA thing of restarting at day 1 has its merits. But you definitely shouldn't mentally throw away the progress and hard work you put in.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
I agree with both points of view about the importance of streaks vs overall progress
I used to focus more on progress over a certain period of time but something I recently read in Dopamine Nation, which @Chuckles recommended, caused my thinking to shift
I can't find the relevant part in the book so I can't quote it exactly
But basically the author talks about how AA are extremely strict about sobriety dates
She gives an example of how a member reset her sobriety date because she unknowingly ordered a beverage with a very low % of alcohol
(she compares it to a non-alcoholic beer, so I guess it's 0.5% or less)
The author explains the benefits of this strict approach in terms of "club goods"
Basically by taking a strict approach, they force people to maintain a high level of commitment
In turn this increases the benefits of membership for all members because everyone is more committed
Just some food for thought, but overall I certainly agree that you shouldn't disregard your hard work to get to this point!
I used to focus more on progress over a certain period of time but something I recently read in Dopamine Nation, which @Chuckles recommended, caused my thinking to shift
I can't find the relevant part in the book so I can't quote it exactly
But basically the author talks about how AA are extremely strict about sobriety dates
She gives an example of how a member reset her sobriety date because she unknowingly ordered a beverage with a very low % of alcohol
(she compares it to a non-alcoholic beer, so I guess it's 0.5% or less)
The author explains the benefits of this strict approach in terms of "club goods"
Basically by taking a strict approach, they force people to maintain a high level of commitment
In turn this increases the benefits of membership for all members because everyone is more committed
Just some food for thought, but overall I certainly agree that you shouldn't disregard your hard work to get to this point!
good point. today is day 10 no porn
Chuckles
Active Member
Yeah I vaguely remember that part of the book. It's basically the benefits of shaming. Like not wallowing in it, but feeling enough of it to light that fire to change.
Chuckles
Active Member
Definitely. But it does help to open up to people you trust. Therapist, sexual partners, other people going through it. I feel less shame, and more regret I didn't change my habits sooner. But also feel relief that I'm doing something about it, and have some accountability.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Exactly @Chuckles - its about how shame can be both a negative (antisocial) force but also a positive (prosocial) force in the right circumstances
@hamilton8 day 10 - awesome! Great to read about the positive changes too
@hamilton8 day 10 - awesome! Great to read about the positive changes too
yesterday was day 11 no porn......i feel this anxiey in my head lately. This feeling i have had when i was a teenager, and I realise now that i would medicate it by looking at porn...this then became a habbit that to sooth this anxiety feeling in my mind- I would binge on porn, so hours and hours in my early 20's just to sooth these anxiety/stress symptoms......and i can feel them now, but i now realise that it is important for me to feel this to enable myself to heal. my mind will heal and go back to a normal state.
porn creates so much shame....removing shame is such an importatn step in recovery! shame from porn results in you becoming more of an antisocial personality ---and it is key to remove that shame....i am working on this and the more i abstain from porn the more i can release shame and live more positively and proactively with rebuilding my networks